Pardon while we take a short break from our Valentine’s Week of Giveaways. Although, this break could actually be part of the giveaways, but this time we are giving away a free ebook to any and all who want one!
Love Everyday is a collection of ideas, thoughts, tips, and the like complied from over 25 of my fellow love and relationship bloggers. There are essays from Dan Miller, Kathleen Quiring, Alissa Bowman, Mandi Ehman, SM Columnist Dustin Riechmann, Stu Gray, and many others.
This Ebook is definitely worth the read. And the best part – it’s free.
Here’s where you come in. Download your copy now, tweet about it, post about it on your site or Facebook, or print out a bunch of copies and place them on windshields in your city. However you choose, spread the word.
Enjoy.
The giveaways will resume this afternoon so be sure to check back later.
Seductive cooking … hot romance! What every marriage can benefit from.
Here’s a bit more from Eric:
I hope to share my passion for fusing food with romance, and to help you master the art of creating food that is in itself art. Fare that not only nourishes us physically, but makes us appreciate the heart that created it. The heart connected to love itself—the spirit of creation that helps our souls soar and our hearts sing the praises of those who we hold dearest, our lovers!
This book has been a labor of love for me for years now. It is a perfect storm blending my fascination with creating great dining experiences and the ecstasy that can only be found in love. When you start experimenting with blending these two concepts yourself, infusing them with your own unique taste and abilities, and creating them with the love, passion and enthusiasm (and let’s be honest, sometimes it’s just sheer lust) that we feel for someone close to us, the effects of your efforts become multiplied a thousand-fold.
Leave a comment on this post answering this question: What’s your favorite dish to prepare for a date?
For a second entry, Tweet about this giveaway on Twitter. Be sure to use the url of this post and @simplemarriage so I can see it. Or to make it even easier – use the Retweet button at the bottom of this post.
This giveaway will end February 13th at Midnight CST.
In this episode we dive further into the idea’s discussed in our first episode about sexual desire differences, but come at it from a different angle.
Today we discuss the idea of wanting and being wanted.
Yep, there’s still a lot of talk about sex and intimacy.
Yep, I try to answer some of the comments left from our first podcast.
Yep, I am looking forward to the discussion this may generate.
And yep, I am interested in any questions that may arise from this episode.
So go grab a good cup of coffee, hop on the treadmill, drive to the next place you need to be, or whatever (just don’t do all these at the same time please) and enjoy the show.
You were so prepared. You talked about how you want to parent your kids before they even showed up on the scene. You agreed on the lessons you want to teach your kids. You have the same vision for the type of people you hope to raise. Then you realize that there were some important conversations you never had:
What if my approach is different than yours?
What happens when we start to criticize each other’s approaches?
A Recurring Story
My husband and I agree that our teen-aged sons should both remember and carry out their responsibilities on their own. Gone are the days of, “Did you wash your hands?” “Did you do your homework?” However, one son has to take a daily dose of medication that really can’t be skipped. One is developing some serious gum trouble and the dentist gave him strict orders about daily flossing. They both have garbage and recycling duties. So you know what happens right? In my book, these are exceptions. Health trumps everything. I personally can’t live with garbage piling up. My husband is not bothered by a little extra garbage and doesn’t think the health consequences are exactly life or death.
The Downward Spiral Conversation
Husband: “Why do you keep reminding them? How are they ever going to learn to do this without you?”
[I hate it when he criticizes my parenting. Now I am the enemy and we are no longer a united front.]
Wife: “I don’t remind them ALL the time. But it is important. Maybe you should be reminding them to?”
[Why is she always so defensive? I thought we agreed that it is important for them to learn responsibility. I can never bring this up without her jumping down my throat.]
Husband: “Nag, Nag, Nag. You just keep nagging. That is not who I want to be.”
[How dare he throw that label at me? I am not a nag, am I? ]
Silence. Sulk. End of conversation.
A healthier way forward:
We could be transparent about the conversations we are having in our heads. In order to avoid going down the road of blame and defensiveness, we could use John Gottman’s approach with the following formula: “I feel…I want…” cycling back and forth until we both feel heard and can begin to align around some solutions. Like this:
“I feel criticized when you bring this up and I want us to be on the same side figuring this out together.”
“I feel confused about how to bring up this topic. I want us to be on the same page.”
We could be transparent with the kids. Like this:
So guys, we were talking and you know that we really want you to become more responsible for your own stuff right? We are both really proud of the way you do what you need to for school and the way you get yourselves up and out the door in the morning. But we also noticed that some things are falling through the cracks. We have been handling that with you differently (they know of course but it’s worth saying explicitly if they don’t beat you to it!). Mom has been reminding you and I have let it go. But we want the same thing-for you to be more responsible. So we thought maybe we should all talk about it and come to some agreements about how to do this better.
This is likely to be one of those perpetual issues. It is in our home. That means there is an ongoing need to keep the communication open, honest and respectful between you as parents and between you and your kids.
There was a defining moment I realized my relationship with Mr. Right’s ex mattered.
I was on the phone with him, complaining about a recent “disaster” with scheduling visitation. With Little Girl in earshot, I loudly proclaimed: “She is such an idiot.” When that corner of the room went silent in attention, I added: “She’s the most irresponsible person I’ve ever met.”
Yes, I broke the biggie: speak no evil. In my moment of anger and frustration, I decided not to care about damaging my relationship with Little Girl by badmouthing her birth mom. Not to mention being a bad example of how to treat people in general. Because the truth is, no matter if the ex is gruesome or great, she’s still in the front seat of the Mom-mobile. And I had some serious patching up to do after hanging up the phone.
In that moment, I found three choices: 1) continue to involve myself in the petty battles between the grownups, 2) make myself nuts by trying to prove I was better, or 3) find peace.
The reality I faced was this: While I’m working toward happily ever after, the rest of my family has been there longer than me, even the ex. That thought can lead to some very negative, jealous feelings. And my idiot story proves it can even lead to throwing “what’s right” out the window in a moment of rage.
So what’s a girl (or guy) to do with all this negative static? Unless you find a way to tune it out, it will consume you … I would know. So if you’ve been letting negative emotions about exes affect your life, attitude and sanity, now it the time for an ex-orcism. Here are some strategies to help:
Set boundaries. Do it early and often. I’ve detached my life from the ex by letting Mr. Right handle the details between her and the kids. I avoid using my free time and energy to be “involved” in her life. Each family is unique. Set boundaries you are comfortable with and ask your partner to respect them, even if it makes his life less easy. If you can’t stand her phone calls, don’t answer the phone. If it drives you nuts to drop off the kids, find an alternative.
Focus on your relationship … with your husband and the kids. Part of this will be not bashing the ex, like I did. If you don’t agree with something she says, don’t make her the enemy. Instead, tell your point of view: “I would do it this way because…” Let the kids get to know your values and vice versa.
Support. I don’t want to be friends with the ex, but I do want my children to cherish their relationship with her. Let them know its ok to keep her close in their thoughts. When they are missing her, suggest they give her a call. Give them their space to work on this relationship. The dynamic has changed. Let them figure it out with your support if they need it.
Never ask your partner to compare. It’s not fair and doesn’t change the past anyways.
Don’t worry how you compare. Divorce leaves a painful scar – remember the scar isn’t your new marriage. Be yourself, be beautiful, be everything good you can be. Be present with the family you have today and focus on love.
The reality is, you might never make peace with the ex. But let this be music to your ears: you can find it.
Pardon while we take a short break from our Valentine’s Week of Giveaways. Although, this break could actually be part of the giveaways, but this time we are giving away a free ebook to any and all who want one!
Follow me on twitter
