Editor’s Note: This is a guest post from Teri Lynne Underwood of www.thoughtsandponderings.blogspot.com
Just last week my sweet man and I celebrated our anniversary. He is truly the happily in my ever after (even wrote a whole long blog about how amazing he is.) But, after thirteen years of marriage I can honestly say there are a lot of things I am still uncertain about.
I still can’t tell when my sweet husband is being exceptionally quiet because he’s mad about something or worried or just plain tired. I am consistently unsure of what to get him for his birthday, Christmas and Father’s Day. I often feel like I’m in his way when I am trying to help him. And for the life of me, I have no clue why he finds certain shows and movies funny!
Lest anyone think I pay no attention to my husband, I have learned a few lessons. He does not want to talk to me about what happened at work – at least not right when he walks in the door. He is not motivated to do work around the house simply because I am up doing it. He would rather I sit in the same room with him doing something different than for us to be in separate rooms. And it doesn’t bother him when I go to bed two hours earlier than he does – he rather likes the quiet!
Marriage is hard … and it takes a lot of work. But, I’m learning that much of the work to be done is based on very simple things. For me, I’m working to keep four things at the priority …
- Keep it SIMPLE! Focus on what really matters. Sure I’d like the trash taken out the night before because I’m a planner. But, as long as it’s out before the trash truck comes – does it really matter how long the can has been sitting at the curb? Nope, not a bit! So, instead of focusing on WHEN the trash goes out, I’m learning to focus on being thankful that my husband takes care of that chore.
- Keep it SILLY! Laugh together every day . Learning to see the humor in life has been the best lesson my husband has taught me. Often we laugh at me – I’m pretty quirky and there’s lots to find amusing. But it seems that when we laugh we are more connected and at peace.
- Keep it SEXY! Kiss, hug, touch, often. We never leave the house and rarely leave the room without kissing each other. We hold hands during prayers at church. We curl up together to watch TV. And we hug each other often … especially in front of our daughter. Touch is so important and leads to more touch. I enjoy being touched by my husband and I love to touch him.
- Keep it SWEET! Say nice things to and about each other – daily. Being purposeful about seeing and saying the wonderful attributes of our spouses brings great strength to marriage. We all enjoy being complimented. Making time to be intentional about encouraging and uplifting our spouses is an important component to a strong marriage.
Both my husband and I are blessed to be in families where our grandparents have celebrated their 50th anniversaries and beyond. We have a legacy of long and healthy marriages. But we know those marriages don’t happen by chance. Solid marriages are not simple … they require much effort and sacrifice. But, oh, the rewards!
MAKE the time to keep your marriage simple – focus on what really matters!
TAKE time to keep you marriage silly – laugh together!
ENJOY time to keep your marriage sexy – touch and do it often!
CHERISH time to keep your marriage sweet – share kind words with your spouse.
This post was written by a guest author on Simple Marriage. If you enjoyed their work, please leave a comment and check out their site. Also be sure to subscribe so you don't miss any future posts.- Essential Rules for Traveling Light in Marriage
- 8 Principles for a Zen Marriage
- How Twitter May Tweak Your Relationships
- 17 More Tips To Improve Marriage And Slow Down Life At The Same Time
Follow me on twitter
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
nice post, but it looks like her title is different than her blog address …ooops!
http://one-cute-mom.blogspot.com
This post says it all, it is so true what you say. The importance of keeping it simple, silly, sexy, and sweet. Follow this and you will be happy!
Quote: I still can’t tell when my sweet husband is being exceptionally quiet because he’s mad about something or worried or just plain tired.
One of the best realizations I had in my current long term relationship is that sometimes in situations like this, my partner may not be sure either if they are worried, tired or mad about something. Tiredness can easily lead to worry or irritability and the other way around and people often are not fully aware of their own internal emotional states. Sometimes ‘keeping it simple’ means, for me at least, realize and accept that mystery. It is funny how sometimes simplicity and profundity go hand in hand.
I don’t know if you’ll post this because of the warm and fuzzy feeling you’re trying to go for, here. But my husband of almost 15 years has also always been the strong, silent type. He doesn’t talk much about his feelings and has always been a stable, even-keel kind of guy. No dramatics.
A few months ago he informed me he wasn’t sure he wanted to be married anymore, and has been thinking about that idea for a long time. Many other incredible secrets were blurted out in the next few days. We have now been separated for several weeks and it doesn’t look good. I was completely blindsided — I also always felt very loved and secure with my “sweet husband.”
Bottom line: If your husband never talks about his feelings, would rather sit quietly or have you go to bed two hours earlier every night…. maybe you should take some time to explore that a little bit more deeply. Don’t wait until it’s too late, like my husband did. People need to talk and to share in order to maintain an intimate relationship.
@ KK: I’m really sorry about what you are going through… and that you were totally blind-sided by it. The fact is, marriages end. Even marriages where there is a lot of sexiness and communication end.
My very dear friend just left her husband of 15 years (father of her two teens) for another guy! And she and her husband talked all the time… they were simple, silly, sexy and sweet all the way up until she turned 40. I guess that mid-life thing hit her like a ton of bricks, just in time for this 25-year-old hottie (think Ashton Kutcher) to come along.
I’m not anti-marriage at all… I’ve been happily married for 10 years. I just don’t know if there’s anything we can do to prevent these “blind-siding” fiascos. So I would add another to the list: Keep it REAL. Just be yourself and do the best you can do. If your partner leaves, you’ll know there was nothing more you could’ve done… you did your BEST.
Your description of your husband sounds so familiar! It’s nice to know my husband is not an anomaly (nor am I in my relationship to him). Thanks for your tips–all things I try to work on, but definitely need to remember; especially to Keep it Simple!
There are plenty of ways to keep a marriage healthy and I try to keep up to date on them because they are beneficial but in the end I think it all comes down the free will and choice. You can do everything right in a marriage but still it ends because one or the other made the choice to quit working at it. So rather than say this or that didn’t work or won’t work really your saying I choose not to make it work.
What a great formula: simple, silly, sexy, sweet. I agree with some of the other posts here about needing a 5th piece of the puzzle – something about communication. Someone said, “Keep it Real”…I think it’s “Keep Talking.” Like some of the posts mentioned, when the talking stops, it’s often masking a deeper issue. Some guys need to be approached in a certain way to get them to open up – but it’s worth the effort, and is vital for a successful long-term marriage.
Thank you for the great post.
-Jeffrey