6 Ways For Men To Simplify Their Marriage
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Editors Note: This is a guest post from Cory Huff. Cory is an actor, director, sales manager and the author of AGoodHusband.net, a marriage advice blog for men.
Marriage is a wonderful thing. I’m happier now, after almost six years of marriage, than I have ever been in my life. I’m so grateful to my sweet wife for all of her kindness and patience. We made things way too hard when we first started our marriage. Here’s what I would recommend to simplify your marriage.
Lower Your Expectations
What’s that you say? What kind of advice is that? It’s sound doctrine, my brothers and sisters. When you’re first in love it’s easy to put your spouse on a pedestal and fail to see their faults. After being together for a while the veneer can rub thin. This isn’t a bad thing, it just means that you see the human in your wife and you love her even more.
Stop Fixing, Start Listening
This was probably the toughest thing that I had to learn as a newly married man. Most women are strong, smart, capable human beings and they appreciate being seen that way. Usually when my wife approaches me with an issue of some sort it’s because she wants me to listen to her, show that I care, and give her a little bit of encouragement. When I start telling her how to fix it she gets annoyed. We have a catchphrase for this situation – “I’m sorry honey, that sucks!”
Put her first - always
Your wife is with you more than anyone else. She is or will be the mother of your children. Plan on being married for a long time. In order to make this easier on yourself, whenever you have a choice between doing X, Y, Z or making your wife happy, choose your wife. If you feel like that is taking time away from your family or your social life, talk with your wife and set up boundaries you are both okay with.
Be Fiercely Loyal
Similar to the previous idea, but different in that if someone disparages her, defend her! Never, ever speak ill of your wife, and always back her up when it comes to raising children, interacting with family, or buying groceries.
Be Affectionate
You love her, right? Show her. Duh. Find out what she likes and do the things that she likes, not the things that you think she might like. Since people change over the years, pay attention to her changing tastes.
Make Her Laugh
You probably made her laugh when you were dating, right? You’d do anything for her then, right? Why not now? It’s been too long and you’ve forgotten how? Even better! She’ll be delighted once she figures out what you’re doing. Stand on your head, learn to juggle, find her ticklish spot, do something that helps her relieve stress and she’ll look upon you with a new found respect that you never knew was possible.
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My name is Corey Allan. It's nice to meet you. I began blogging during the summer of 2007 with the belief that it's possible to get more out of marriage and life. Blogging seemed like a great way to share ideas and find others who want more as well. With your help, our little project can change the world. 
17 Comments
This goes along with defend her. The hub needs to tell his mom to BACK OFF! There is nothing worse than feeling like a hub has chosen his mommy over his bride. You guys talk about being a manly man. That is not a manly man. I hear this grip from women all the time.
Women want to be desired and pursued. They want to know you would choose them over life itself. They want to be wanted. This takes your actions and your words.
AMEN LAURIE.
This is fantastic advice. My wife and I just has a HUGE argument over this. I failed her several times in every category on this list and she called me out today. I know better. I am better.
This post has put laser focus on some areas that need work. Thanks for keeping it brief and to the point. A lesson I can learn and take to heart on my own blog - where I tend to be a little long. Thanks for the posting.
I absolutely disagree with the whole concept of this post. If you think about it, all six tips could be reduced to one: resist your inclinations. If you (either if your partner is male of female) do not feel, in this moment of your marriage, the inclination of listening or making her/him laugh just because you’re in a bad mood or for any other reason, these six advices say: betray yourself, betray your natural inclination and behave fake. PRETEND. This is the most immature advice I could imagine. Instead of behaving naturally and trying to find out what’s the problem, instead of OPENLY TALKING ABOUT IT WITH HER/HIM, instead of wondering why you’re in this “low-marriage-enthusiasm-stage”, you just decide to PRETEND. That’s pathetic.
PD: Marriage, like everything in life, has a beggining and an END. I think you have this naive childish vision of love, this very american-religious-big-bullshit fairy tale. I hope one day you can free yourselves from that enslavement and enjoy the good things of love, not the painfull ones.
Good bye and sorry for my awful english.
jose
Definitely agree with this post, but it goes both ways. BOTH husband and wife should follow these steps.
Too many times do people get hurt due to people putting their desires over the love of their spouse. Becoming part of a relationship means you give up certain luxuries of being single for hopefully something much more special and deep.
I do agree with JOSE though that this can come across as fake. However, for many years people develop habits for behaving as individuals and once you become part of a committed relationship you need to adapt to the changes required for effective communication. It can come across as pretending but really if you love someone would it really be pretending to do any of things mentioned above? You’ll want to make them laugh, put them first, be loyal and love them for who they are. If it still comes across that way then your with the wrong person because you will want to do those things for them.
Just a thought!
i love the first line - lower your expectations. hilarious
Someone who has been married only SIX years giving marriage advice!!! Get out of here. I’m with Jose and Kristy.
I have been married 17 wonderful years.
Good article.
I feel sorry for people like Jose that can’t find happiness in love.
With quite a few years of marriage behind me, I have to say these tips are valid for both sexes. OK, maybe not the “Listen - Don’t fix” one. I’m sure my husband would love me to fix more stuff rather than emotionally support him
I can’t help but think that Jose must have gone through a very nasty relationship or breakup. Hope you can find a loving, supportive partner.
Fine in theory and may work in a minute fraction of marital relationships BUT…
I fear most spoiled self-centered vacious materialistic devious irrational emotion-laden self-proclaimed American “Princesses,” the vast majority of American females, are unworthy of a decent guy.
I base my OPINION upon observing numerous other cultures and ascertaining that the USA’s female population is, on the whole, worthless to any decent male.
Let them have their shiny trinkets and baubles and all that the materialistic trollops desire. Let them have their cats for company.
The intelligent male is likely best served by distancing himself from all American females since the odds of finding the rare decent one is akin to winning $350-million bucks in the Lottery.
I have 6 others
#1 save the money you were going to blow on a ring/wedding and buy something of real value.
#2 People change, with current divorce laws No-Fault is nothing more then a cash out and run method of separating a fool from their money.
#3 You will not know who is the right person for you until it is too late 20-30 years to late. Marry when you are old and keep the young earning years to stock pile your retirement.
#4 Marriage will not fix past problems. People use this excuse often and find that the problems just get worse because you just slammed the door on the opportunity to leave without major damage.
#5 One hand helps the other, you will never SAVE someone from themselves. This is not a partnership but a sick form of co-dependence. Save your effort for your self work. I am not talking about that “new age” crap, I mean real world skills not what colors my charkas are.
#6 Or the best way to avoid divorce. Cohabit and just don’t marry.
This article sounds like it was written by a female. Men should never marry until the divorce laws are equitable.
I never realized just how bitter many of you are!
I’m happily married, and while we’re not perfect, we respect each other and support each other. My wife is the one I always put first, and she does the same for me. It gives us strength to handle a bitter (as evidenced above…) world quite successfully.
Wrong you gave your balls willingly.
Protecting my ass in a world that will stomp on me for the fun of it is in no way ‘bitter’ sir. The ability to walk away or tell a violent person ‘theres the door’ is priceless. Just because you inprisoned yourself are you impling that we all should? To that I say No sir, the law is more equal to the fairer sex and brutal to any who would dare own a pair. Just because you gave up your rights doesn’t make it Right.
Ok, I think you misunderstood me. I would like to say to Jane and Brandon that I really like long relationships. I feel happy for Brandon, and I would love to have a long relationship, just like his. But that`s not the point. I think that a lot of people experiences love in a very radical way: either I end up with a person for my whole life, or otherwise I am a bitter and sad person until I die. There is nothing in the middle. And this conception is, for the majoritiy of the people, very frustrating. It gives you a wrong idea of yourself, a looser/winner stupid idea. It is not real. Reality is far more sophisticated, far more complex. And complexity it is a good thing. We are no stupids. We are suposed to think FOR OURSELVES.
I’m sure that if Brandon or Jane break up with their partner (I hope they don’t), they will see themselves as loosers. Instead of thinking about the great and fabulous 17 years of love (which is a beatiful thought), Brandon will only stare at the grey future ahead. I will never have this experience. I have been 10 years living with someone, and it has been perfect. And now, I’m sure new experiences will come. I’m happy for this, I’m happy for both the past and the future. Just like Brandon.
If you keep believing in this “trascendental” kind of love, most of you are probably going to be very unhappy. Of course is only my opinion. It is far more better to accept the nice unpredictability of all things. I had this professor in my college, a very very christian man, who told us this: “don’t think your life is predectible, because you will be betraying God, who is a non-predectible being.
jose
That’s the first time i post to this blog. I found it verrrrrry interesting because of the articles, they are spicy, fresh and involve real relationships. I am divorced so, I know a lit bit more now. i made mistakes but marriage takes two to tango and every relationship, right?
Anyway i follow the posts so I’be back again soon. Keep up the good work.
unfortunately my site is not yet translated in English, will be soon. I work as a wedding - event planner and have my own office in Thessaloniki, Greece.