Comments on: 6 Ways For Men To Simplify Their Marriage

By: Dea

Dea — Thu, 02 Dec 2010 05:53:22 +0000

leave do it now do it quick and dont look back unless its over the courtroom

By: Kris

Kris — Tue, 30 Nov 2010 10:34:07 +0000

Not just his mom but other family members too. Say like a sister and neice, sometimes he (the husband) can’t fix other family members problems and need to stay out of it. Focus more on his family, he is married now and not that he need to cut any ties but just keep a distance.

By: Lindsey

Lindsey — Wed, 19 May 2010 06:59:40 +0000

Some of you have shocking points of views. I am a simple thinking person: I was looking to be happy and being in a loving relationship, in order to build something with someone. I was happy before. It’s been 3 years of marriage in hell because the man I married, has gone off with the worst and most negative beliefs about life, people and myself. Deeply cynical, sarcastic, self-righteous & critical. All the while loving and being kind to him, I’ve brought out the worst features in this man. I am confused! I still don’t know how he could become so shallow and superficial. While the world before me gave him the boot and paid no attention to him; at least it kept him more modest and humble. My love has transformed him into a monster. I never thought I would be sentenced to living in death. He is dead inside . He is number one only to himself. For the umpf time, I wonder if I have to get out just to save my own life. He is critical of me and blames me for everything. Basically, he competitive and controlling. I am now forced into living a fantasy because my own survival is at stake. Knowing I have to fantasize, that this isn’t even close to being a loving relationship depresses me. So early, to start out as such a lie. I become immobile. Basically non-functional. I struggle with myself – this isn’t me! I fantasize of being a better person only so that I can keep moving forward with someone I don’t find nice to me, that just uses head tactics to keep me down by ignoring me and not responding. I was generally very kind before he came into my life (with always something to work on of course but enthusiastic about life and growing). I am becoming bitter and I am deeply hurt. I feel like a fool: he sold me with the idea that he wanted to have children (so I took it as a sign of maturity on his part) but the sex is rare and his affection even rarer. he has said “no” to adoption, no sex either because it’s on his terms, …no children – were at a lockdown! I think this is really a personal declaration of war! he’s got me trapped. This relationship has all the feeling of a dry piece of toast. I am in a state of shock. I can’t stop thinking about exiting stage right. I am terrified by these things, these attitudes. Do I save this marriage or do I save my life? He’s not doing anything to change it or improve it. He feels I should be paying “punishment” for something he can’t communicate. (Just because I’m a woman? huh?) I have to tell myself it’s bad genes, bad blood… bad DNA. Unresolved issues that some people are vindicative for no reason at all. Fighting makes them feel like they are alive. They suck out your life energy and give you the dirty eye. My self-esteem is non existent and I am fighting now for my life. I would like to leave just to feel hopeful again that people are good and kind to each other, and that the world we live in is generally very good. He is codependent. I know therapy could help him, but I am the one with the problem, not him. His parents are retired now, but I am sure there was mental and emotional abuse involved. He is very cold with his mother. He acts like he hates her, so i think he hates women. In short, can I help this man get out of the pit of hell he’s living in, without me dying trying to save him. For all the good things he has, he is blind. He is lost. He refuses any form of communication. how do you know if someone is sick? how do you know what kinds of marriage problems are normal? it’s freeing to be able to release this, so thanks everyone for letting me post.

By: den

den — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 01:36:45 +0000

That’s it good boy roll over you earned a treat today .
so what your are saying is
1)suppress your needs
2)instead of trying to useful be a sounding board
3)so not only suppress your desires but sublimate them to your own .wow awesome
4) OK i have to agree with that loyalty i wouldn’t still be married after 30 yrs if it didn’t go both ways
5)so read her mind um nice trick
6)yes and no make her laugh don’t be her fool
Just a though though wouldn’t it be easier to have just one one rule COMMUNICATE you know actually talk and listen argue fight battle it out but from a place of love and respect for both her and yourself what you profess is what leads to Prozac and other anti depressants being popped like M&Ms

By: Gerard

Gerard — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 00:42:19 +0000

“More than anything else, God wants you to be happy.”

I guess that’s why the Christian bible is so full of “love”. It’s one of violence and “believe in me – or else!” Yeah, the God of the bible wants me happy like the Allah of the 9-11 perps wants you happy. It’s all about “our way or the highway.”

By: bex

bex — Wed, 27 May 2009 02:50:06 +0000

wow!!
how misogynistic and bitter.
sad.

By: Shocked

Shocked — Tue, 26 May 2009 20:32:42 +0000

Wow: a lot of anger and resentment out there. I just hope those guys aren’t out trying to date women.

By: impressed

impressed — Sat, 23 May 2009 03:39:43 +0000

Kevin, you are awesome. The best stories are the ones where people are brave enough to face a problem and fix it. We’ve all got imperfections, and it’s hard to swallow it and improve. But your commitment and willingness are already making a difference, I’m sure.

By: Marie

Marie — Sun, 26 Apr 2009 02:03:58 +0000

This is all great stuff. I’ve been married for 6 months now. My mother and father divorced and are both remarried now. My mother told me the best advice ever that I wish to share…”Think with your head and not with your heart when it comes to love.”

I can say this, If I followed my heart, I would have married my ex. I am very happy with my husband and we love one another. My ex ultimately was not a good person and I learned I could not “fix” him.

By: Meg

Meg — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 06:32:20 +0000

My husband and I have been married for 40 years. Love is not always a feeling, but it can still be a choice. The remarks about pretending or betraying oneself are too simplistic. Extending myself for the well-being of my lover is a choice that keeps me growing. Through really tough times and wonderful times, I have learned that love is not a contract or a business agreement, but a gift. The list above shows some means that may be useful at times for giving that gift.