7 Marriage Hacks to More Passion and Adventure
A year ago on Simple Marriage: originally posted March 3, 2008.
If you have been married for any length of time you know full well the amount of work that has already taken place. Yet, there is still more work looming.
Wouldn’t it be nice if there were some short cuts to experiencing more blessings in a marriage?
While there are no easy tricks or short cuts that will lead to success in marriage (there is simply no way around the fact that marriage takes work) there are some different hacks you can try that may bring about another level of passion and adventure.
Some of these my wife and I have tried with success, a few others we are attempting along with you.
- Block out time for each other. While this may seem like a no-brainer, many times it goes undone. It is too easy to get caught up in the routine of the week and only see each other in passing. No relationship worth having can survive for long without time dedicated to its development. Go to dinner together, shop for groceries, go for a walk. Whatever, just do it together.
- Plan the week together ahead of time. Each Sunday my wife and I have a quick discussion regarding the coming week and each other’s schedule. That way, if there is anything to be reminded of or worked around, there is time to adjust.
- Have sex on Monday’s. Not to discourage sex on other days of the week as well, but if you regularly begin the week with an encounter with your spouse, it sets a positive tone for the rest of the week. Many couples seem to work up to sex later in the week, this allowing for schedules, workloads, weekend plans with the kids, you name it to get in the way. Start off the week together and see if the rest of the week is different between you.
- Email your spouse throughout the week. Anytime we can make contact with the people important in our lives, the relationships are better. Due to the busy nature of people and their unavailability at times during the day, send a quick email. Seeing a note from my wife in the inbox brightens the moment.
- Keep a clean and organized bedroom. When your surroundings are chaotic and cluttered, your life is as well. It is inevitable that we will be impacted by our surroundings. If you want to experience a romantic and passionate marriage, create the environment for it. Nothing can spoil the beginnings of a spark like clutter and messiness. Put everything in its place in the bedroom, clear off the dressers and nightstands. Clean the floor. Make the bed each morning. It will be much more inviting to go in to later in the day.
- Go for a walk. Not only will you and your spouse benefit from the time spent together during the walk, you will also notice the difference in your own metal and emotional well-being. When you go walking regularly with your spouse, you will also notice better physical health. It’s a win, win, win.
- Unclutter your to do list. There are many things that compete for our time, and sadly, the most important things usually get pushed aside for the little to do’s. Focus on the most important things each day. Get those things done then reward yourself with quiet time at home with your spouse. Leo at Zen Habits wrote more on this idea.
Corey is the editor of Simple Marriage as well as a licensed marriage & family therapist. While he has a Ph.D. in Family Therapy, he only occasionally likes to be called doctor. If you enjoyed this post, please subscribe so you don't miss any future posts.8 Responses to “7 Marriage Hacks to More Passion and Adventure”
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I read this post recently as I’ve been going through the archives. So far I’ve been successful with #3 two weeks in a row! It’s not foolproof for a perfect week, but it sure is nice to start the week together.
I love this post. Sensible, tangible ideas that could clearly make a difference.
thanks for sharing.
Sex on Mondays? Which week of the year?
Great post. My husband and I fear the default of just becoming business partners during this time of hard work and kiddos. This post reminds me to be intentional and not let the default pattern have its way.
Speaking of #3, I’m talking about how God created us to need sleep today at: http://burningbushes.org/
Well, you are bound to get some interesting responses to point #3. I have to admit, I never really considered Sex Timing Optimization strategies… but perhaps I should! I noticed Heather (above) is putting this to the test. Maybe you could do a future post about her results. =-)
Thanks for a thought provoking post (I’m sure my hubbie will thank you too!)
Re “go for a walk,” I met a friend yesterday – they recently got a dog and she was worried about having to take her outside daily. But yesterday she reported, “this is the best thing that happened to our marriage in a LONG time! Each night after dinner we go outside together for a 30-minute walk. And we actually TALK!”
I think most realities are based on the perception. Sounds backwards doesn’t it? One issue with setting a periodicity for make love is that some couples will see that as a guideline for their relationship and even use it as leverage to increase or reduce their participation in making love. I think the example for most couples would be better served if it asked for each to be intimate every Monday…and the physical nature of that activity could be defined by the individual couples.
YES YES YES to #5! Gross, clutter, etc. is not sexy or romantic.