Comments on: 8 Principles for a Zen Marriage http://www.simplemarriage.net/8-principles-for-a-zen-marriage.html A better marriage by keeping it simple. Thu, 11 Mar 2010 02:06:53 -0600 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: The Art of Manliness Weekly Roundup: Book Deadline Edition | HisCast http://www.simplemarriage.net/8-principles-for-a-zen-marriage.html#comment-1920 The Art of Manliness Weekly Roundup: Book Deadline Edition | HisCast Sat, 29 Nov 2008 16:30:24 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=84#comment-1920 [...] 8 Principles for a Zen Marriage (@ the simple marriage project) Great ideas on making marriage simpler. [...] [...] 8 Principles for a Zen Marriage (@ the simple marriage project) Great ideas on making marriage simpler. [...]

]]> By: The Art of Manliness Weekly Roundup: Book Deadline Edition | The Art of Manliness http://www.simplemarriage.net/8-principles-for-a-zen-marriage.html#comment-1919 The Art of Manliness Weekly Roundup: Book Deadline Edition | The Art of Manliness Sat, 29 Nov 2008 16:26:17 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=84#comment-1919 [...] 8 Principles for a Zen Marriage (@ the simple marriage project) Great ideas on making marriage simpler. [...] [...] 8 Principles for a Zen Marriage (@ the simple marriage project) Great ideas on making marriage simpler. [...]

]]> By: How to Rock Your Marriage « Persistent Illusion http://www.simplemarriage.net/8-principles-for-a-zen-marriage.html#comment-1481 How to Rock Your Marriage « Persistent Illusion Tue, 09 Sep 2008 03:38:40 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=84#comment-1481 [...] 8 Principles for a Zen Marriage [...] [...] 8 Principles for a Zen Marriage [...]

]]> By: Suman Bohra http://www.simplemarriage.net/8-principles-for-a-zen-marriage.html#comment-1269 Suman Bohra Fri, 08 Aug 2008 09:28:59 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=84#comment-1269 Nice article Nice article

]]> By: FetishSelf http://www.simplemarriage.net/8-principles-for-a-zen-marriage.html#comment-1224 FetishSelf Sat, 02 Aug 2008 18:18:16 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=84#comment-1224 Where is passion? Fun? Practice, Practice, Practice.. What for? To be happy? Have you lived your life this way and got results you want to share? Are these your own thoughts? I doubt! All those qualities you describe don't manifest just by practicing (not within one lifetime), one has to realize it through living the passionate, turbulent, fearless life. You know what is funny? I see people talking about all these stuff: positive attitude, simplicity, etc. and go back to living the way the always have :-) Perhaps, in a long run, like few generations, yes. Practicing, practicing, and practicing. It will somehow make a way in a regular living. That is called translation (Ken Wilber). I don't have against this practices anything (I support it with two hands), just let people know that it might take a lifetime and still not be acquired. Where is passion? Fun? Practice, Practice, Practice..
What for? To be happy? Have you lived your life this way and got results you want to share? Are these your own thoughts? I doubt!
All those qualities you describe don’t manifest just by practicing (not within one lifetime), one has to realize it through living the passionate, turbulent, fearless life.

You know what is funny? I see people talking about all these stuff: positive attitude, simplicity, etc. and go back to living the way the always have :-)

Perhaps, in a long run, like few generations, yes. Practicing, practicing, and practicing. It will somehow make a way in a regular living. That is called translation (Ken Wilber).

I don’t have against this practices anything (I support it with two hands), just let people know that it might take a lifetime and still not be acquired.

]]> By: Corey http://www.simplemarriage.net/8-principles-for-a-zen-marriage.html#comment-242 Corey Sat, 26 Apr 2008 15:14:17 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=84#comment-242 @ Subdivisionman- Great question. There are those out there that prefer the faster paced, chaotic type of life. When you are married to one, the key would be for each of you to understand where the other is coming from. It is likely that in time, you each would become comfortable with the other's preferred pace, although you wouldn't necessarily totally adapt to their way. Just because you are different, doesn't mean you can't stay close and even learn a bit from each other. Expecting her to come around to your way is illogical, much like her expecting you to come to her way. Talk it through with her and seek your own pace as she seeks hers. What a great opportunity to grow as people and as a couple. When the covert dominates, often both people get defensive. Make this issue overt and you both can take charge of the issue. @ Subdivisionman- Great question. There are those out there that prefer the faster paced, chaotic type of life. When you are married to one, the key would be for each of you to understand where the other is coming from. It is likely that in time, you each would become comfortable with the other’s preferred pace, although you wouldn’t necessarily totally adapt to their way.

Just because you are different, doesn’t mean you can’t stay close and even learn a bit from each other. Expecting her to come around to your way is illogical, much like her expecting you to come to her way. Talk it through with her and seek your own pace as she seeks hers. What a great opportunity to grow as people and as a couple.

When the covert dominates, often both people get defensive. Make this issue overt and you both can take charge of the issue.

]]> By: subdivisionman http://www.simplemarriage.net/8-principles-for-a-zen-marriage.html#comment-241 subdivisionman Sat, 26 Apr 2008 12:00:31 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=84#comment-241 Corey, I enjoyed your post. I have personally taken action for some of the items on the list. Most helpful for me, and my children are about focusing on how we want things to end for a given day, activity, experience, etc.. In other words, defining our goal and planning reasonable actions to accomplish them with family based understanding and support. Sorry to include it here, but the wife does not agree with the approach and prefers much to fly by the seat and put out fires as they arise... This is another matter, but I pose the question to you and other readers: How do those who prefer the simple and purposeful negotiate the hair-on-fire chaos loving types in a marriage? Seriously, this is still beyond my skillset. Corey, I enjoyed your post. I have personally taken action for some of the items on the list. Most helpful for me, and my children are about focusing on how we want things to end for a given day, activity, experience, etc.. In other words, defining our goal and planning reasonable actions to accomplish them with family based understanding and support. Sorry to include it here, but the wife does not agree with the approach and prefers much to fly by the seat and put out fires as they arise… This is another matter, but I pose the question to you and other readers: How do those who prefer the simple and purposeful negotiate the hair-on-fire chaos loving types in a marriage? Seriously, this is still beyond my skillset.

]]> By: Corey http://www.simplemarriage.net/8-principles-for-a-zen-marriage.html#comment-215 Corey Thu, 17 Apr 2008 13:33:00 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=84#comment-215 @ Laurie- What works for me is when I recognize that I am distracted in the moment, take a few deep breaths and relax. Let the distraction fade away. Don't force it as that seems to make it harder. If it simply won't fade to the background, talk it through with someone you trust or write about it later to uncover any deeper things involved within the distraction. It takes practice, but it gets easier in time. Hope this helps. @ Laurie- What works for me is when I recognize that I am distracted in the moment, take a few deep breaths and relax. Let the distraction fade away. Don’t force it as that seems to make it harder. If it simply won’t fade to the background, talk it through with someone you trust or write about it later to uncover any deeper things involved within the distraction. It takes practice, but it gets easier in time. Hope this helps.

]]> By: Emma http://www.simplemarriage.net/8-principles-for-a-zen-marriage.html#comment-211 Emma Thu, 17 Apr 2008 09:51:41 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=84#comment-211 Number 3 really speaks to me. At the moment our evenings are play with our son until he goes to bed at 8. Then it's on with the tv and both our laptops until bedtime... we may talk but we don't focus on each other. Tonight I'm going to suggest spending some time doing something together... not sure what though! Number 3 really speaks to me. At the moment our evenings are play with our son until he goes to bed at 8. Then it’s on with the tv and both our laptops until bedtime… we may talk but we don’t focus on each other. Tonight I’m going to suggest spending some time doing something together… not sure what though!

]]> By: Laurie http://www.simplemarriage.net/8-principles-for-a-zen-marriage.html#comment-210 Laurie Thu, 17 Apr 2008 03:18:52 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=84#comment-210 Corey, I went to see John Eldredge tonight. He was fantastic. One of the things I intentioned was to be present and not let my mind drift or let things distract me from the experience. I'm doing that more in my marriage too. Enjoying the times together with my spouse and really being there. Sometimes it's easier than other times. Any suggestions on how to be present? I'm doing better but my mind has a millon things in it to pull me away. I find this is true especially in conversations with others and with God. I have a difficult time focusing on what others are saying (sometimes the distraction is thinking I need to stay focused believe it or not) I also want to be focused with God so I can hear him better too. Any sugguestions on how to "be present" ? Corey,
I went to see John Eldredge tonight. He was fantastic. One of the things I intentioned was to be present and not let my mind drift or let things distract me from the experience.

I’m doing that more in my marriage too. Enjoying the times together with my spouse and really being there. Sometimes it’s easier than other times.

Any suggestions on how to be present? I’m doing better but my mind has a millon things in it to pull me away. I find this is true especially in conversations with others and with God. I have a difficult time focusing on what others are saying (sometimes the distraction is thinking I need to stay focused believe it or not) I also want to be focused with God so I can hear him better too.

Any sugguestions on how to “be present” ?

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