Last week I proposed an experiment of honesty. The premise is that when asked “How’s it going?” to answer more honestly; anything but “fine,” “good” and the like. After trying this experiment for a bit, I’ve discovered something that was summed up best by fellow reader B. Wilde.
He says:
Okay, I’m in, but I would like to propose a little twist. When I’ve answered honestly to people in the past when they’ve inquired, most times they truly don’t want to know. It is just intended in our culture to be greeting or exchange of pleasantries. How about this to connect with others more genuinely: ask others how they are doing and really ask like you want to know. And then to listen genuinely.
So here’s version 2.0. As to how you answer the general pleasantry greeting is up to you. Instead, avoid asking the pleasantry questions and ask something directly. Something you are genuinely interested in knowing. Then listen. Thanks for the twist B. Wilde.
I have to say, I agree with this totally! At a men’s retreat back in 2002, after a horrible 2001, I was angry and in no mood to be messed with – I was at the end of my rope. A good friend of mine, whom I’d drifted away from, asked me in passing, ‘Hey, how’s it going?’ My rather smug answer at the time was ‘Are you asking because you really care, or because you want to just say hi and move on?’ (Yeah, I know, not a very nice retort, but like I said, I was just angry in general.) To this guy’s credit, he then spent the next 3 hours while I unloaded to him. Not only do I consider this conversation a breakthrough in the anger I had been feeling for the previous year, but our friendship grew stronger as a result. So my advice is this – if you’re going to ask the question, ‘Hey, how ya doing?’, always be prepared to respond to the answer – it just might change someone’s life.