A Frugal Marriage Equals More Passion
Editor’s Note: Originally published March 31, 2008.
For the past several months, my wife and I were making preparations to place our house on the market. We weren’t looking to move to an enormous house, but since we have two kids now, we were looking to gain another bedroom and a bit more storage space. After several weeks of preparation and organization, a couple of things became clear.
1. We have a lot of junk in our house. No wonder we are tight on storage space, we have too much stuff. As part of the organizing, we got rid of 2 pickup truck loads of stuff, and we still have too much of it left. Half the garage is now housing most of this until we do more purging.
2. The houses that would be a “move up” in space and amenities were more than we wanted to spend. For the past several years my wife and I have been working to live below our means. To move would stretch us a little beyond where we want to be, not that we can’t afford it, but why try to afford it? Part of living within a simple marriage is to live simply.
After deciding not to go through with the process, a tremendous weight was lifted off both our shoulders. We have now begun making plans on getting out of debt and traveling more with the kids. In other words, living life more alive and less tied to things and stuff.
This process has made us realize how easily you can be trapped into living according to a perceived expectation of society. How did society evolve to the point that when you have x number of kids living in an x number of bedroom house, you must get a bigger house in order for everyone to have their own room and an office and a playroom and on and on it goes. Didn’t our parents grow up with 2 or more kids in the same room? Plus, I heard that they walked to school through snow uphill both ways.
It seems we have begun to feel entitled to a certain lifestyle. A certain amount of luxuries. But at what cost?
Since my wife and I have decided not to move there has been a new level of passion and love in the house. We are less worried about the finances. Spending more time with the kids. Planning future trips and excursions. Getting away on the weekend for fun.
This past Saturday we went bike riding with the kids in tow, literally (they were in a bike trailer behind my bike). We had mud up to our knees, ruined our shoes, and had a blast the whole time.
I think there is a correlation between living within or below your means and passion in marriage. There is less stress. Less worry. Room for more adventure.
Try it. Spend some time organizing the house. De-clutter. Then spend the time planning an adventure together. Spend time with friends. Serve others. In other words, live and enjoy life. And if you still have time to spare, you can come to my house and help me clear out my garage of all my stuff.
Photo courtesy Bento Business
Corey is the editor of Simple Marriage as well as a licensed marriage & family therapist. While he has a Ph.D. in Family Therapy, he only occasionally likes to be called doctor. If you enjoyed this post, please subscribe so you don't miss any future posts.11 Responses to “A Frugal Marriage Equals More Passion”
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[...] This Simple Marriage post is spot on – without a plan, how can you get where you want to be? A Frugal Marriage Equals More Passion: A great post on Simple Marriage about the joy of living below your [...]
My wife and I recently decided to upgrade from a 1-bedroom to a 2-bedroom apartment. We’ve deliberated for a few months now, back and forth whether we should move or not. We could afford it, but didn’t want to possibly stretch ourselves too much. However, in the last year, we’ve started looking for a bigger place twice now, so apparently we’re not happy with the space that we have.
We’re only moving because it answers most of the dis-satisfactions with our current apartment, it’s well within our comfort range price-wise, and it is in a nicer location than our current apartment (one of the dis-satisfactions). Having more room to expand our stuff (instead of buying new things to fill the space) will allow my wife to relax and live in a less-cluttered space. Which will provide her, and so me, with much peace of mind.
I certainly agree! Only upgrade when you need to. And make sure you know the differences between need and want.
wow! Perfect article at the perfect time. In years past my husband & debated about building a larger house in x amount of years. Now that we’re trying to start our family; we realize our house (and all of its remodels) is really perfect for us. We have room to add more bedrooms if need be and our *future* children will share their bedrooms if we have as many in our brood as I’d like. Ha!Ha!
) It has lifted that “this isn’t enough attitude” and we’re even discussing becoming a one car family once the kiddos arrive!
Well done Corey!
We bought our starter house the year we got married and never planned on staying more than 4-5 years. 7 years and two kids later it was time to move up to the “family size” home. We listed earlier this year, hoping to sell by April and get the house credit. Lucky for us, it didn’t sell. We have done a ton of decluttering – both the house and our life goals. We’ve decided the area we’d like to settle in is outside of our price range while we’re still paying for daycare. But instead of feeling like we’re settling for our little house we’re enjoying finding new ways to organize our home to work for our life.
And added bonus, instead of using our tax rebate toward a bigger down payment, we used it to become debt free outside of our small mortgage.
Loved this post! We can really relate. Our garage is full at the moment de-cluttering our home as well. My 4 yr old boy and 1.5 yr old girl are sharing a room and love each other’s company. It was an adjustment at first, but I think they love being together. Have fun loving your home!
Wonderful post. My wife and I just made a similar decision. We had the opportunity to get a larger home, one that we technically couldn’t afford right now but were made an “offer we couldn’t refuse”. We didn’t realize the stress it placed on us until we backed off from the deal a couple of weeks ago.
Now if we can just get the rest of the simple stuff down… and back away from all the busyness of our day-to-day lives.
Corey, you are right on track about the benefits of simplifying and decluttering. All the extra “stuff” is comparable to excessive noise – once it is removed or at least reduced, the difference in the quality of life is dramatic. Kudos to you and your wife for encouraging others to realize that bigger is not necessarily better.
I love this post! Enjoying life is always the way to go. We’ve decided against keeping up with the Joneses and live nicely off of one income. We do plan on buying another house before we have kids…we currently own a one bedroom condo! And have a storage unit for papers, books, luggage (things we need, but can’t fit inside). So we’re crammed for space now. I so agree with Beth’s statement above!
I’m so on board with this concept — we actually went against the trend and moved to a SMALLER place after we had a child (from suburban house to urban condo). Just did not have time or energy to maintain all that. We are still struggling to figure out finances, even after the big downsize. I’m about to leave my corporate job to focus on home and family. My instinct is this will bring some serenity to all of us, but my partner in crime is definitely nervous about the loss of half our income….Advice when partners are not quite on the same page about what it means to live within one’s means? Anyone?
Nice to hear others feel the same way my husband and I do. But, sometimes it is challenging not to fall into the ‘stuff’ trap!!! But if I remember what is important I feel that my life is more fufilling when I forget about all the material things and focus on my husband and my happiness.
Corey, I’m so with you on this, especially because my husband and I are currently trying to figure out how to save enough money for our first home, at the expense of starting a family sooner rather than later. It feels wrong to both of us, but we’re struggling with trying to provide for our future children in the way we want to.
How can I help my husband see that simple living is not a bad thing?