Photo courtesy amnesiak1978â„¢
I know you’ve been there. You look at the caller ID, see it’s your spouse and for a brief moment you wrestle with the idea of not answering. You don’t have anything else pressing going on, you’re not on another call, or in a meeting. You simply don’t want to talk to your spouse at the moment.
You’re not in the midst of a fight. Your marriage is going along alright. But you don’t want to have the same conversation you always have.
Now before you react with “Oh, that’s never happened to me, I would never avoid talking to my spouse,” hear me out. And let’s be honest, just between you and me, yea you have.
It’s natural that there will come times when you wish for something to change. You wish there was a spark. A spark that ignited a huge flame in your marriage relationship.
The problem is that we are such routine oriented beings that it’s hard to avoid falling victim to the monotonous trap. You do the same thing when you get up each morning. Drive to work the same way. Greet your kids and your spouse the same. Watch the same shows on TV each night, I mean come on, is there really a difference between what goes on during Grey’s Anatomy and Desperate Housewives? It’s all the same stuff.
So aside from changing up a few little things in your ho hum routine, which will cause a bit of a spark, what else can you do?
It’s very simple.
Play!
Seriously. Just play.
This idea was never more clear than while watching my kids play in the mountains. Each day we found ourselves searching for a river where we could stop and throw rocks.
It was great because there was no real point. That’s the essence of playing. There’s no real point. And that may be why it’s not done enough in our society.
Want to add a spark to life and marriage?
The next time you drive past a river or lake, or any body of water for that matter, stop and take some time to throw rocks in the water. Take in the sounds. Just be. Who cares what others see as they drive by. Most likely, many of them will wish they could be doing the same thing, only they’re too “busy” for playing right now.
To up the impact of this idea a bit more, do it with your spouse. No conversation really needed. No enlightening moment sought for. Just throw rocks together.
Have fun! And let us know how it goes.
At first, I was all “Who doesn’t pick up the phone when their love muffin calls?!” Then I remembered…I don’t pick up the phone when my love muffin calls and I happen to be reading…or if it’s upstairs and I would have to get up to go get the phone…or if I am mid-nap. (Especially if I am mid-nap!)
Besides, how can he leave me an adorable message if I am always grabbing at the phone?
Exactly.
When my husband and I were dating (in a slightly boring town), we would go get a loaf of cheap bread and go to the lake and feed the ducks. We stood on picnic tables and discussed the duck and geese personalities that literally attacked us from all sides. When we ran out of bread, we had to wait forever for the ducks to disperse. It was one of the most memorable and cheap things we did together. Your post just reminded me of those days, and how now, when we are bored, there just seems to be nothing we can do together, so we split to pass our time with the computer, books, and house work. I am sure there are still hungry ducks somewhere to spice up our marriage.
Frankly, I take a little offense at the “let’s be honest, just between you and me, yea you have.” bit.
Just between you and me (and whoever happens upon this), being honest, I’ve never done such a thing. I can’t conceive of intentionally avoiding a call from my wife. Even during the rough times, I’d not avoid a call. One never knows how important or trivial it can be.
I could conceive of myself hanging up on them, but that’d be a rare case in and of itself. I’ve never not taken a call (in over eight years of marriage so far) and I don’t forsee myself ever avoiding one.
To be fair, it’s incredibly rare that I won’t answer a call, period, especially if I know who it’s from. I don’t think it’s just a spousal thing so much as a personality quirk. If I don’t answer the phone when I know a call is inbound, I feel bad.
@Brian- Thanks for the honest comment. I used to be in the same camp as you, answering the phone every time it rang. Thank the Lord for caller ID, although I just added this feature a year ago, long after I started a more selective answering method.
And also to be fair, I rarely don’t answer the phone when it’s my wife, although it has happened a few times in 15 years.
I’m happy to be honest. I also try not to be a jerk in the process, so I’m glad the core of the message came through.
My wife and I frequently take time to play together. There have been a few kite-flying sessions (that involved three generations of family at my in-laws) this summer. We also play games together, from board games like Carcassonne to video games like Rock Band and even World of Warcraft.
It’s so much more entertaining than sitting down for a movie or TV show together. Not that we don’t do that (LOST, Heroes, and The Office are scheduled on the DVR), but actively playing, be it cooperatively or competitively really does help keep things fresh.
Delighted Husband and I are very playful in the bedroom. Someone commented on my blog asking ‘how do my wife and I become more playful in the bedroom?’. I asked Delighted Husband what he recommended was, “Be more playful outside the bedroom.” DH and I josh and tease and carry on in our normal everyday life. Sure, we have our tense moments, but playful banter is our normal. If you’ve been grinning and teasing all evening, a well-placed tickle can escalate into something hot quite easily.
This is great! Everybody forgets to PLAY! Marriage can seem so serious – there’s so much to think about, worry about, try to “fix.” Thanks for this…
Thanks very much for this, I am getting married in a year and a half, and we have been looking for all kinds of resources to make our marriage the best possible. Found this article very helpful, and it’s something we can start working on right now! Thank you for all you are doing.
I think this is a great article and so truthful.But i do that already and enjoy it what i really need is for my man to be serious in the bedroom he seems to just crack a joke when were trying to have sex i want passionate sex like we used to have and i try to tell him that but he doesnt seem to get it what can i do to help things i want to be taken seriously when im trying to have a conversation about sex or anyhting intimate i want him to be romantic and do little things for like i do for him like write me a note,or pick some flowers or just anything simple but thoughtful how do i tell him i want these things and ahve him take me seriously?
There times when it’s great to play, and times when it’s great to be “taken.” I’m writing on the later today. Per your comment, the best way to be taken seriously by others is to speak honesty and truthfully, then take yourself seriously. Don’t react to his reaction, just say what you need to say, whether it’s talking about sex or during it. Speak up for yourself and be direct.
It’s the best way to cut through the games.
You know something, you are absolutely right about just having fun and not think about rules and what not. Just going by whatever comes by. I always love to get lost and take the wrong way whenever I drove from city to city, because now I had to figure out how to get to where I need to get to. That’s what I loved about driving. That was before I got married, but now I still do it with my wife. We would go somewhere to have fun and all of a sudden we “become” lost. LOL. Then, driving isn’t about driving but being lost and find ourselves
That’s what I like about playing.