A Good Marriage is the Enemy of a Great Marriage
The beginning of a new year usually includes time to dream and plan. This time can even be used to begin creating a great marriage.
When asked, most everyone will state that they want a great life – a great marriage – a great job. This is natural. It’s almost universal.
It’s an entirely different thing however to actually attain it.
The reason is simple.
Good is the enemy of great.
This also applies to marriage. A good marriage is the enemy of a great marriage.
This is why so many people wait to work on their relationship until something’s gone wrong. It’s why couples delay an average of six years after a problem occurs before they seek out professional help.
When things are good, it’s hard to find the motivation to make things great. After all, you risk screwing up the good in the process. But the problem with settling for good, at least in my opinion, is good only satisfies for so long.
So how do you move from good to great?
It doesn’t happen by chance. It takes effort. But the nice thing is, your spouse doesn’t necessarily have to be on the same page for you to be able to create a great marriage. Granted, they will have to come around eventually, but you can start without them.
Here’s a few ideas to get you started.
- Read books. There are some tremendous resources that will help improve your relationship and life. While many of the books shouldn’t be taken hook, line, and sinker (except of course A Simple Marriage, wink), there are usually some great nuggets and ideas that can be applied to your situation.
- Read blogs. You obviously already have a jump on many people because you’re reading Simple Marriage. But there are many other great sites that will help as well (here’s a list of 20, plus you can check out the ones on this top 10 list). The greatest thing about blogs is you can do more than just read, you can join in discussions with other readers in the comments or you can join a community and talk over life and marriage more.
- Disconnect and connect. There are many people who believe in the power of the “date nights.” I like the idea as well, although I will add that you don’t have to find babysitters, get out of the house and go somewhere together. Steal time together after the kids go to bed. Play a game. Watch a movie. Head to the bedroom and lock the door. Whatever you do, do it together. No phone. No work. No kids. You can find time to connect at home if you look for it.
- Find a marriage retreat or seminar. There are many churches and organizations that offer marriage retreats or seminars. I’ve been to several. Some are good, some are not. But like the marriage and relationship books out there, all of them have some nuggets to offer. If nothing else, you get time together while you’re there. In fact, if there’s enough interest, I say let’s all head to the Caribbean some time soon for a 3 – 4 day Simple Marriage Getaway. Any one else?
- Share marriage with others. Live life with other people. Find other couples to hang out with. Go to dinner. Laugh. Tell stories. In other words, share your life with them. Everything is so much better when shared with others.
What if you spent one weekend every other month doing something to improve your marriage?
How can Simple Marriage help?
Photo courtesy Sir Mervs
Corey is the editor of Simple Marriage as well as a licensed marriage & family therapist. While he has a Ph.D. in Family Therapy, he only occasionally likes to be called doctor. If you enjoyed this post, please subscribe so you don't miss any future posts.17 Responses to “A Good Marriage is the Enemy of a Great Marriage”
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Let me know when we are going to the Caribbean…I’m in!
I can almost feel the sun! Which is especially nice considering it’s in the 20s currently here in Texas.
Love the idea of a getaway. Can you get us all a great rate?
Mr. Right and I had a marriage retreat where we met another marriage-centered couple that I know would join us.
If there’s enough interest, I bet we could find some sort of discount. It never hurts to ask!
I like the idea of “disconnect and connect”. I just returned from a few weeks abroad and that gave me some great perspective on my marriage.
Traveling together is also good, as it allows both partners to disconnect from their routine and daily pressures and connect in a fun environment, while doing memorable things.
Finally, every now and again, it is a good idea to look at your partner as you would a new person and fall in love with them all over again. Many people keep an old memory of their partner alive for way too long and expect them to go back to being that person somehow. Instead, look at marriage as a growth process, in which both partners change and have many opportunities to grow closer together.
To build on your idea – I tell some couples I counsel that they can either hold on to the mate they have in their head or the one sitting in the room with them. This at least helps get a more realistic view of where you are and then you can begin to grow into what you want to become.
Thanks for the comment.
I’m interested in the Caribbean that’s for sure – but its the dollars that are the problem!!
Good thinking on the Disconnect and Connect point – we make a big deal of “Date nights” – but what if we just took advantage of all the time we have with one another after our son goes to bed? Brilliant!
Oh but Stu – what if we pick a place that deals with Pesos? Would that help
?
I think your last point is important: it’s good to share marriage with others. You need other healthy marriages around you to make you feel connected.
My husband and I share our lives with a group of other young married couples and it helps us to feel normal and encouraged. Plus, we have so much fun together. I wish every couple could have that!
Everything truly is better when shared with others.
#3 Disconnect and connect is so critical in today’s gadget-crazed society (and I’m just as bad as the next person). I’ve written several posts recently on true connections, turning off technology and learning to really listen to your spouse. Even though we know these things intellectually it’s tough to always follow through. If you find you are texting in the bedroom that may be a red flag.
Fun ideas! I can’t wait to see how the retreat idea develops. I would love to do that if I can afford it.
You are really blossoming Corey! You deserve all the success! Rock on my friend.