A Great Marriage By Subtraction?
photo credit: asalexander
Post written by Corey Allan. Follow me on Twitter.
This past weekend marked our 16th anniversary. My wife and I reminisced about the things that happened in our marriage and what we would have done differently both during our ceremony and our marriage. It was a great weekend together!
It struck me how much our lives have changed since we first married. We’ve had some good highs as well as some miserable lows. And in between these peaks and valleys, it was pretty easy to slip into marriage routine.
Perhaps the routine of marriage so easily dominates because of the thought – a great marriage will simply happen, all you need to do is love each other, right?
Despite what the Beatles’ song states, you need more than just love. While love is often the foundation for great things, a great marriage requires more.
Many times marriage is measured by the bare minimum. Think of it as a good marriage by subtraction. You don’t cheat on your spouse, you don’t gossip about your spouse, you don’t deceive them about money or time. While this will likely help the marriage survive, it probably won’t thrive.
A thriving marriage requires action.
Amped relationships require more of you.
You have to grow up and choose what you want, all the while recognizing you have no control over your spouse’s choice.
It may be scary, it may take work – but it’s worth it.
To assist in this process, pick up a copy of A Simple Marriage today. Consider it a blueprint you can follow.
Corey is the editor of Simple Marriage as well as a licensed marriage & family therapist. While he has a Ph.D. in Family Therapy, he only occasionally likes to be called doctor. If you enjoyed this post, please subscribe so you don't miss any future posts.5 Responses to “A Great Marriage By Subtraction?”
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For once, I am in full agreement. OK. Almost full agreement (I’m completely on board with the “thriving marriage =action” equation).
A year ago, I would have agreed with the “no control over your spouse’s choice.” But today? I might have a rebuttal or two.
Nevertheless, congratulations on 16 years! That’s proof in the pudding, no debate required.
Okay Nelia- some time I’ll write something that you completely agree with
Thanks for the comment. I’d love to hear your rebuttal.
It’s a risk….being honest with the kind of life you want and sharing that with your spouse. But I’m a risk taker and will to put in the work to live more fully alive hoping he chooses to make changes in himself that will allow him to join me. Either way, I’m being true to myself and after all that is who I really have to live with right?
Congratulations. We’re just hitting our 4th anniversary this year. With two kids already, it’s clear to us that we’re going to have to continually prioritize this relationship and work hard at it. It’s just like staying healthy physically-no pain, no gain.
We celebrate our 15 year anniversary next week. A year ago I would have said we had a thriving marriage. I desperately love my husband, but feel disconnected from him. I understand life is busy, and finances, though not terrible, are an issue. When I try to broach the subject of romance and spending time together, my husband gets defensive and angry with me and we end up barely speaking for days until I “let it go”. I’m finding the more I “let it go”, the more distant I feel. At this point, I don’t really care if we celebrate our anniversary next week because I feel it’s simply a fulfillment of an obligation from his perspective. I never knew you could love someone so much and at the same time feel so far apart.