A sure fire way to improve marriage … play

Play has become a lost art in the adult world. Perhaps even in the kid world … play may not be what it used to be.

Gone are the days of tag, chase, tackle the man with the ball, dodgeball, and the like. Also gone are the “dangerous toys” like the metal Tonka trucks that are indestructible, the monkey bars that tower into the air, the tree house built way up in the tree with a homemade zip line going into the garage, and the metal slide that’s 4 stories tall with no side-rails and several bumps on the way down. Okay so the last one may be a bit of an exaggeration but it’s not far off.

Play serves a great purpose.

Remember when you used to call up your friends or head over to their house and greet them with “wanna play?” It didn’t matter what you played, you’d make it up.

Today it seems that play is all but dead. Especially in the adult world. Even parenting has been impacted.

Parenting often becomes more about the child’s achievement and directing towards goals – be it the child’s – or far more likely the parent’s goals.

Schools are doing away with recess in the belief that giving up play time will allow more time for study. Even preschoolers are not immune to this shift.

Through the 80’s and 90’s a 4 billion dollar industry sprang up … tutoring. With 26% of it being devoted for 2 to 6 year olds. Babies … who should be spending more time in imaginative play than structured learning.

Play develops a child’s cognitive skills.

By play, I mean true child directed play: free, unstructured play where the kids invent the activities that reflect their own curiosities and interests.

Too many children are parentified, or expected to become adults too fast. And too many adults have added too many stipulations and parameters to play – in short, they’ve lost the art of play.

Play is critical in a child’s life. According to David Elkind, play is vital in teaching a child how to control himself and interact with others.

But play is also important in the adult world.

It opens to door to new solutions and creative sparks. It adds passion and energy to life and marriage.

Researcher Jaak Panksepp believes play turns on hundreds of genes in the brain. Specifically, play stimulates neurogenesis to hasten the development of the frontal cortex in the brain.

Play is vital to the development of our children and the health of our families, but it is also vital to us as adults.

So what can you do today?

1. Encourage your kids to play with other kids. This may seem like a no-brainer, but it doesn’t seem to happen that often. Many parentified children would rather play with adults than other kids. While this may seem mature and grown-up, anytime a kid plays with an adult, imagination and leadership skills are stifled. Adults often take charge or limit the imagination because we can’t compete with a child’s imagination level. When you do play with a child, let go of your imagination restrictions and let them take the lead. When they want you to be a princess or a prince who helps tame the nice dragon so you can fight the mean one, do it!
2. Play with your kids everyday for at least 30 minutes. Spend time as a family playing. One of my favorite times each day is the wrestling time I get with my daughter and son. My son, before he could even talk, would walk over to the floor and point meaning “it’s time to wrestle dad!” Before long, my daughter and my wife would be in the mix. Now that he’s almost 4 he just runs and jumps on me anytime I’m within range. It’s a great bonding time as well as a testing of my children’s strength and abilities.
3. Take your kids out of school for a day. You don’t have to do this too often, but take your kids someplace instead of school. You could even incorporate some learning opportunities into this. Visit the zoo, the aquarium, local museums, or galleries. You could even go to the park. Give them an unexpected break from their normal structure and spend the time together.
4. Play with your spouse. Pull out the games after the kids are in bed, or go outside and build a snowman together. Point is, you don’t have to be structured in every aspect of your life … just play.

Now … off you go. Have fun storming the castle!

(photo source)