Comments on: Am I Too Busy For Marriage? http://www.simplemarriage.net/am-i-too-busy-for-marriage-2.html Keep it simple. Make it better. Tue, 07 Feb 2012 21:01:29 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Busy is Easy. Slowing Down is Hard. http://www.simplemarriage.net/am-i-too-busy-for-marriage-2.html#comment-11343 Busy is Easy. Slowing Down is Hard. Wed, 26 Jan 2011 00:35:34 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=6413#comment-11343 [...] Nurturing your Marriage [...] [...] Nurturing your Marriage [...]

]]> By: Grow old with me, the best is yet to be | Work and Wok http://www.simplemarriage.net/am-i-too-busy-for-marriage-2.html#comment-7995 Grow old with me, the best is yet to be | Work and Wok Fri, 02 Jul 2010 03:17:47 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=6413#comment-7995 [...] read this post recently on Simple Marriage,  ”Am I too busy for marriage?“.  That question loomed large in my mind as I read it.  Am I too busy for marriage?  Do we [...] [...] read this post recently on Simple Marriage,  ”Am I too busy for marriage?“.  That question loomed large in my mind as I read it.  Am I too busy for marriage?  Do we [...]

]]> By: Concerns List http://www.simplemarriage.net/am-i-too-busy-for-marriage-2.html#comment-7972 Concerns List Sun, 27 Jun 2010 05:17:15 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=6413#comment-7972 [...] Am I Too Busy For Marriage? : “….have you ever stopped and wondered if you’re too busy for your marriage? If your answer is yes, why do you suppose we allow ourselves to stay so busy? I’ve seen many couples in my counseling practice who claim that their marriage is a priority but their actions display anything but.” A MUST READ post on Simple Marriage. Transitions, Simplified : Guest post from Melissa of Peace & Projects on parenting a kid as a divorced parent. [...] [...] Am I Too Busy For Marriage? : “….have you ever stopped and wondered if you’re too busy for your marriage? If your answer is yes, why do you suppose we allow ourselves to stay so busy? I’ve seen many couples in my counseling practice who claim that their marriage is a priority but their actions display anything but.” A MUST READ post on Simple Marriage. Transitions, Simplified : Guest post from Melissa of Peace & Projects on parenting a kid as a divorced parent. [...]

]]> By: jaylee http://www.simplemarriage.net/am-i-too-busy-for-marriage-2.html#comment-7965 jaylee Sat, 26 Jun 2010 00:19:49 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=6413#comment-7965 This advice all sounds nice, but it's not realistic. What if you are in a stressful situation? Say your husband is doing collage work from home, and has an unstable job that keeps him away, always scheming and attempting to keep things moving and the company up an running? He is so stressed trying so hard to a. find another job-( but he see's he really needs a computer science degree) and b. So stressed trying to keep up with the demands of work, and the-unfairness and insanity of it. He is to distracted and tired for me. I am only important when his "needs" become a thing to be met like you said, after that I hit the bottom of the totem pole so to speak....again. He's not a mean man, he is sincere and trying his best....noble He has NO hobbies,....all his time is devoted to work and School. The thought that this could be 2 years......2 years of HELL....2 years of missing out on time off, him working working working....we are just stuck. The job market changed suddenly....he is also trying to network and find another job sooner...once a week after work he goes to seminars and meet-ups. I feel like a total jerk for even trying to spend any time with him... for my SELF....because i miss him and want his attention.... unless it's as a family for our home schooled daughters sake. And please don't tel me to just talk to him about ti..that does not work. He will pay attention to me for a day or 2...then excuses excuses.... and i am on the back burner again. I don't have the heart to keep calling him out. it crushes my spirit and ruins everything..... One more thing for him to fail at?... .pointing out his shortcomings... I just want to hide away... i don't want to be demanding or a nag...ever... We tried 1 hour a night together, but he always talks about work. and i am not in the mood anymore. I get emotionally drained and want to go to sleep. and he is happy to do that...most of the time..... I often cry in the bathroom while he sleeps, because I wake up with nightmares. I dunno how much longer i can go on..... I feel so neglected.....i wonder if I am going off the deep end...... sorry for the rant,...but it's not always so "SIMPLE" This advice all sounds nice, but it’s not realistic.
What if you are in a stressful situation? Say your husband is doing collage work from home, and has an unstable job that keeps him away,
always scheming and attempting to keep things moving and the company up an running? He is so stressed trying so hard to a. find another job-( but he see’s he really needs a computer science degree) and b. So stressed trying to keep up with the demands of work, and the-unfairness and insanity of it. He is to distracted and tired for me. I am only important when his “needs” become a thing to be met like you said, after that I hit the bottom of the totem pole so to speak….again.
He’s not a mean man, he is sincere and trying his best….noble
He has NO hobbies,….all his time is devoted to work and School.
The thought that this could be 2 years……2 years of HELL….2 years of missing out on time off, him working working working….we are just stuck.

The job market changed suddenly….he is also trying to network and find another job sooner…once a week after work he goes to seminars and meet-ups.

I feel like a total jerk for even trying to spend any time with him…
for my SELF….because i miss him and want his attention….
unless it’s as a family for our home schooled daughters sake.

And please don’t tel me to just talk to him about ti..that does not work.
He will pay attention to me for a day or 2…then excuses excuses….
and i am on the back burner again.

I don’t have the heart to keep calling him out.
it crushes my spirit and ruins everything…..
One more thing for him to fail at?…
.pointing out his shortcomings…
I just want to hide away…
i don’t want to be demanding or a nag…ever…

We tried 1 hour a night together,
but he always talks about work. and i am not in the mood anymore.
I get emotionally drained and want to go to sleep.
and he is happy to do that…most of the time…..

I often cry in the bathroom while he sleeps,
because I wake up with nightmares.

I dunno how much longer i can go on…..
I feel so neglected…..i wonder if I am going off the deep end……

sorry for the rant,…but it’s not always so “SIMPLE”

]]> By: David http://www.simplemarriage.net/am-i-too-busy-for-marriage-2.html#comment-7930 David Tue, 22 Jun 2010 19:13:31 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=6413#comment-7930 Thanks for the reminder and prompting introspection: do my actions reflect my stated values? Thanks for the reminder and prompting introspection: do my actions reflect my stated values?

]]> By: Scott http://www.simplemarriage.net/am-i-too-busy-for-marriage-2.html#comment-7916 Scott Mon, 21 Jun 2010 22:52:57 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=6413#comment-7916 One thing we do is to sit down with calendars in hand on a weekly basis,usually Saturday morning over coffee (me) and tea (her), and if time permits a walk to our local Starbucks. It serves several purposes: to calibrate our schedules, to make sure we aren't over extending, to see that our agenda books match up with our stated values, and to schedule time just for us. We aren't 100% but we are determined. One thing we do is to sit down with calendars in hand on a weekly basis,usually Saturday morning over coffee (me) and tea (her), and if time permits a walk to our local Starbucks. It serves several purposes: to calibrate our schedules, to make sure we aren’t over extending, to see that our agenda books match up with our stated values, and to schedule time just for us. We aren’t 100% but we are determined.

]]> By: Suzanne http://www.simplemarriage.net/am-i-too-busy-for-marriage-2.html#comment-7915 Suzanne Mon, 21 Jun 2010 18:55:15 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=6413#comment-7915 Great post, and oh, so true. I don't believe it works well to just "schedule less." Rather, schedule your spouse in first. Then, fit everything around that time. Call it date night, call it a family business meeting, call it whatever you want. But, by setting aside time to just be together -- and regularly -- is key, as so many have commented before. Very brave of your to write: "If you’re like I was, my wife went up and down my life importance list. When I was interested in sex, she would climb the ladder of importance. After that need was met, she would fall down the list again." So, when "scheduling in" your spouse, I recommend making it something you both want to do (which might be sex. Or, not. ;-) Great post, and oh, so true. I don’t believe it works well to just “schedule less.” Rather, schedule your spouse in first. Then, fit everything around that time. Call it date night, call it a family business meeting, call it whatever you want. But, by setting aside time to just be together — and regularly — is key, as so many have commented before. Very brave of your to write: “If you’re like I was, my wife went up and down my life importance list. When I was interested in sex, she would climb the ladder of importance. After that need was met, she would fall down the list again.” So, when “scheduling in” your spouse, I recommend making it something you both want to do (which might be sex. Or, not. ;-)

]]> By: Fabiola http://www.simplemarriage.net/am-i-too-busy-for-marriage-2.html#comment-7914 Fabiola Mon, 21 Jun 2010 18:26:30 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=6413#comment-7914 As a former marine wife I believe that Corey's advice still holds true. It is not even the time you are together that matters but the time you spend towards your marriage. I remember many of my friends would be too busy when their deployed spouses called and often their conversations were short and to the point, let's take care business first and our marriage last. We made it a point that we would talk us first and everything else would be handled via e-mail unless it was urgent and important. Make time to make something special to each other care packages (they can go both ways) with letters of support, poems, favorite music, favorite food, and laugh. Write to your loved one why you laughed today. As a former marine wife I believe that Corey’s advice still holds true. It is not even the time you are together that matters but the time you spend towards your marriage. I remember many of my friends would be too busy when their deployed spouses called and often their conversations were short and to the point, let’s take care business first and our marriage last. We made it a point that we would talk us first and everything else would be handled via e-mail unless it was urgent and important.
Make time to make something special to each other care packages (they can go both ways) with letters of support, poems, favorite music, favorite food, and laugh. Write to your loved one why you laughed today.

]]> By: Favor http://www.simplemarriage.net/am-i-too-busy-for-marriage-2.html#comment-7913 Favor Mon, 21 Jun 2010 18:23:24 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=6413#comment-7913 "Whatever it is, if it’s important enough to us, we find a way to make it happen." So true! It reminds me of one of my favorite quotes: “If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way. If you don’t, you’ll find an excuse.” – Jim Rohn “Whatever it is, if it’s important enough to us, we find a way to make it happen.” So true! It reminds me of one of my favorite quotes:

“If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way. If you don’t, you’ll find an excuse.” – Jim Rohn

]]> By: Joseph Nally http://www.simplemarriage.net/am-i-too-busy-for-marriage-2.html#comment-7912 Joseph Nally Mon, 21 Jun 2010 17:39:15 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=6413#comment-7912 Interesting that we live in a world where we need to be 'motivated' to do less. How ironic and true. Our marriages are this important: “A date night that nothing short of the Lord’s return will alter.” Will we be men enough to stand for our marriages when the world is downplaying commitment and living for others? Interesting that we live in a world where we need to be ‘motivated’ to do less. How ironic and true.

Our marriages are this important: “A date night that nothing short of the Lord’s return will alter.” Will we be men enough to stand for our marriages when the world is downplaying commitment and living for others?

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