I really try to encourage my husband to go out, especially with married friends. A lot of his friends are single and that I have a harder time with because they tend to be less understanding when he can’t go out, plus they are less supportive of him in his role as husband and father. My married girlfriends are a huge part of my success as a wife and mother and I think that’s true for men, too. We have three kids and our life since we got married has been pretty intense. I really think it’s important for us to stay connected with the parts of us that are individual. For me, that helps me be more satisfied with my life as a stay-at-home mom. And we’re both always happy to get back home to each other and talk about what we did, since we truly are best friends.

I regularly get together with friends for a girls night out and my oldest friends and I go away for a husband/child free weekend every year. We are already making plans for what we;ll do to celebrate our 40th birthdays in the next couple of years, and all of this adds immense joy and a strong sense of belonging that my husband alone could never provide.

Don’t get me wrong, my husband is my best friend, but I think if you don’t take time apart you have no space to miss and appreciate each other. What’s that saying, it’s “the space between the notes that makes the music”. To make beautiful music together you need space and time apart. Time to be individuals.

I know I usually just lurk and don’t comment, but I do love your blog.

Cheers
Kelly

Right now, I have a more active social “support network” of girlfriends, than my husband does of guy friends. I’d love for him to build some stronger friendships with guys who at least aren’t actively hostile to our marriage, and I understand that everything, even good things, come at a cost.

The cost of developing outside friendships is time. But in exchange for him spending that time away from me, if I get a more balanced and less emotionally dependent spouse, then SIGN. ME. UP.

Being your spouse’s sole “support system” in life is a strain I don’t think most people were meant to carry for extended periods. Can we say “severe tire damage”?

I wouldn’t really enjoy a vacation apart, however. I’ve found that when I’m traveling for work I’ll frequently see something that she’d appreciate and then I wish she we there to see it as well.

I still will do my thing with my friends several times a year but sometimes I wish he would do something with guys. I get to feeling overwhelmed that I am his only, and I mean only friend. How do I reframe that? I start to think “why can’t he think enough of himself to go make a friend?” I don’t want to think that way but I sometimes do.

As for spouses who don’t do the same, the only advice I have is for you to continue. If they choose not to hang out with their species, so be it. You still can.

Guys and girls just don’t speak the same language. Sometimes it’s healthy to just be around those who do.

My wife used to have regular sleepovers every other month with her girlfriends, up until our 5th year of marriage, when we moved out of the state. It’s always worked out well for both of us.