Ask The Readers: Is Sex an Acceptable Gift for Christmas?
The Holiday season, we’re told, is all about gift giving.
It’s a time to celebrate togetherness, family, and love. You likely spend some time planning what you’re going to give as gifts to the various members of your family.
Finding the right gift for your spouse can be simple at times, at other times it can be difficult.
So what about giving the gift of sex?
Would you like to receive sex as a Christmas gift? Or would this be the start of World War 3?
What do you think?
Photo courtesy ginnerobot
Corey is the editor of Simple Marriage as well as a licensed marriage & family therapist. While he has a Ph.D. in Family Therapy, he only occasionally likes to be called doctor. If you enjoyed this post, please subscribe so you don't miss any future posts.23 Responses to “Ask The Readers: Is Sex an Acceptable Gift for Christmas?”
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Who wouldn't want that?
Well, I tend to see sex as something (one of many things) spouses do to keep close to one another. It shouldn't be something that is saved up for gift-giving. That said, perhaps a special night out (culminating in sex), could be a good gift. In this case, though, the gift would be the entire night, not just a romp under the covers.
Oh, and any husband who tries to give his wife the gift of “himself” (with no other gifts) will quickly find himself sleeping on the couch with no “gift-giving” for quite some time. (No, I do not know this from personal experience. It's just common sense!)
Since we don't give each other purchased gifts, I think this would be a perfectly lovely gift. Especially during this busy season when intimacy can be easily be missed.
However, my greedy self would prefer the gift include more than one “session” of lovemaking. Hmm…
Signed,
Anonymous (and greedy) Female Reader
If giving sex as a gift I think it should be more than just your normal Wednesday night romp. I'd hope for some candles, wrap myself in something extra sexy or try something to fullful a fantasy. “Extra Special” sex is an awesome gift!
Gift Gift, noun
1. Anything given; anything voluntarily transferred by one person to another without compensation; a present; an offering.
So my answer: No. Freekin'. Way.
To say sex is a Christmas gift is to say that normally sex is given with the expectation of compensation. If you are there in your relationship, then you probably have issues that need to be addressed…
I disagree. I think sex is always a gift. Every time you make love, you are giving yourself to your spouse. It should never be about compensation because that leads to selfishness and potentially using your spouse for your own pleasure.
I asked for sex for my birthday two weeks ago! We don't do wrapped, official presents–and I'm typically the more eager one; but I think it's perfectly acceptable in my book.
I would definitely like sex for Christmas. As most everyone else has mentioned, it is not something to be withheld until gift-giving times. However, as icing on the cake (so to speak) I'd love it!
I feel that it would be a good present for guys ::)Definitely more special then a store bought gift
Sex as a gift? Hells no.
Bear with my awkward metaphor, but would I offer to do the dishes for Christmas? No. Sex is in no way a chore, but it's certainly something that happens with regularity in my relationship – just like dishes and brushing my hair and watching Lie to Me. These are recurring, necessary and satisfying parts of my weekly schedule. Not once a year observances of a special occasion.
My husband covers the petrol bill, so offering to fill my gas tank (woo.. much better metaphor) for Christmas when it's something he does on a regular basis -anyway- would be a big “well.. duh” moment. “Yes, I'd like you to fill my tank. That's.. what you're supposed to do..”
When you begin to give sex as a gift, then it ceases to be a bond of intimacy between two people and begins to be an object to be bartered with – or withheld. This objectification of sex is too often used by women more than men, and it denotes a degradation in the relationship of the two (sex can also be withheld and objectified between two people of the same sex that are in a deep relationship).
What?
Posting a question without actually posting anything of value from your end…I get that you might be avoiding guiding the “conversation”, but i's a bit of a cop-out. I subscribe to your blog for your writing, not the comments.
That said, my guess is that this is different in every relationship. As the parents of young children, anytime we get to have uninterrupted, alert, engaged sex…well that's Christmas for us!
If he told us what he thought first, we would not be as free to explore out own thoughts on the subject. That said, whether or not sex as a gift is a good idea totally depends on your relationship to both sex and your partner. Sex is a gift of self. The idea of wrapping myself up and tying on a bow could be kind of fun.
Only if it's incredibly dirty.
This would not fly with my wife… though I would love it. I think in general you need to be careful – maybe if you make it a super special event, something more than 'normal'.
The whole idea of the Ask The Reader posts is simply to generate discussion.
As for my thoughts – sure sex can be a great gift for Christmas, but sex is something to be experienced all throughout the year as well – just like the end of your comment.
Sex is a language, of oneself and one's relationship. Sexual encounters with your lover are great opportunities to express love and connection with each other. And I would hope that this happens more frequently than special occasions, i.e. Christmas, birthdays, Valentines, etc.
On special occasions, have fun with the idea of sex. Something to unwrap, new to wear, or try. Special occasions could be used to try something new. Who knows what that could do for your relationship.
I do not think that sex is an appropriate Christmas gift. I do not think that lace teddies or other sexy outfits that aren't meant to worn for long are a gift for her. I think they are a gift for him. Like some of the others, I think that a romantic night on the town or candles and a bubble bath or some other romantic gesture that could lead to sex is valid. Fulfilling a fantasy could qualify, but then the sex is not the gift the fantasy is. Once you start giving “sex” then it becomes a treat or a reward and is no longer something that is freely exchanged between loving partners.
p.s. Of course I would like sex for Christmas. I would also like sex for breakfast and sex for taking the trash out and sex for cooking dinner and sex as a good night kiss
throughout our 33 years of marriage, offering my bride the gift of a “free-wish” has opened doors to advancing in intimacy in all sorts of ways…this has played out in our body-oneness (sexual intimacy…) and in our soul-oneness (freindship+intiamcy+becoming best-freinds…)
The bottom line is to make gift-giving (as welll as my marriage) “not about me!”
While some ladies would die at the thought of receiving a new vacuum for Christmas, some might think the same with sex….but that is just some. Other ladies might really love the idea of receiving a vacuum or a fun roll in the hay stack. I think it is up to the giver and the receiver. All gifts, no matter what is given, are more valuable depending on the heart of the giver. If I called my hub into our bedroom lite with candles, soft music, and me asking him to unwrap his gift, he would love it. He loves it when I pursue him. But if I didn't want to give that gift or thought he wasn't too thrilled with receiving it, giving sex for a gift wouldn't be the best thing to do.
I believe that if a person is going to give the gift of sex, then you need to make it special in some way. A special place, decorate in a special way, include some wine or sweets of some kind, have the kiddos out of the house, include a full body message, or perhaps play a game. You are only limited by your imagination. It could be a really beautiful thing.
AH! My Hub and I were just laughing bc he got his gift early and had nothing to unwrap. We have been flirting all week saying he can unwrap me. I found a {10$} xmas cutie to wear for him complete with fur, tacky red velvet, sheer material, and garter straps.
The holidays always put him into a funk bc of his family, so we have made it our goal to be “present”, and enjoy our OWN family love. Thus, the flirting to circumvent the disorienting holiday dread! Cheers to that!
p.s. luv the blog! Keep up the good work!
Interesting proposal… can't say I would turn down a gift like that… but it would be nice to have a gift that can be enjoyed with the family watching…. *cough*
I think sex as a mutual celebration at Christmas time is a great idea. Kids in bed, tree lit up, stockings hung with care
Unless there is something going on in the household like one spouse denying the other on a regular basis then I don't think it should be a 'gift'. In the case of the denied household, then if the denying spouse were to offer this, they'd better overcome every hangup they have and really *give*.
I like the doing the dishes and the filling the gas tank analogies. In a decent marriage, sex should be happening a fair bit anyway.
Why not? But unlike the usual gifts, you can’t return it to the store if it sucks. I was given this “gift” when I born. But now, 37 years later, I’m stuck with it and the person I’m supposed to share it with doesn’t care about it. So I’m left with this “gift” that keeps “giving” and won’t stop demanding my attention till the day I die. Great gift huh?