http://babyitsgravy.blogspot.com/2009/05/my-first-blog-award.html

Everything and then some!! Love, happiness, and all that other mushy stuff! LOL

Completion. Balance. Love.

A safe place with my best friend. Commitment , loyalty & respect. Unconditional love flows by loving Christ first.

An umbrella…with one handle.

Work. And fun.

Commitment. I once helped a great man in a program called Divorce Care, he made a statement I’ll never forget. A couple came to him with what they thought was a decision made, divorce. This man while counseling them asked a simple question, ” at what point in your marriage did you decide it was OK to break your vow that you made before our all loving God ?” Sometimes it is hard but I think we need to remember it is not always about me. I like the mushy stuff too. Oh, and I was married and divorced before I met my beautiful wife and I pray to God that I can be a good husband and father each day, not always am I successful, HE is, i am not.

Forever with a best friend.

The replies are interesting. Some hint of a fused state as being the goal ie one handled umbrella and completion. Others are very general, work and fun.

This has really got me thinking. How many folks get married because it has been defined as the next logical step in their life plan? I believe most people haven’t thought about what marriage is BEFORE they get married. I’ll bet most people learn more about a car they want to buy than what makes for a healthy marriage.

Before I got married, I had no idea of what made a healthy marriage. After I got married, I knew I didn’t have one but had no idea how to turn away from unhealthy habits and get to a place where not only did I love the hub but I liked him too. I felt like I was in a vortex getting sucked deeper over the years.

I was a very secure person on the outside and crumbling on the inside. I was being consumed in the relationship. While now, I am not as secure as I want to be, I am continuing to work on me and am much better. I have found (thanks to Corey) that the more I work on myself to be the best person I can be, feeling comfortable in my skin and not feeling responsible for the hub’s happiness or lack of it, the better we are as a couple. Seems counter intuitive to what our culture dictates. It seems that totally sacrificing who you are is suppose to be a sign of undying love when it really is a sign of being unhealthy.

I guess that I learned that from my martyr mom and and because of that mindset I was being manipulated in my marriage. I felt that if I was taking care of myself, pursuing my dreams or desires, I was being selfish. The hub and I made a great couple. He learned from his mom to manipulate from guilt, and I learned from mine that the wife is supposed to be a martyr. Wow pretty well suited weren’t we?

Now, we have learned (and still learning) that our life is our own responsibility. If I am not happy, it’s my job to work on it. If he isn’t, I am not there to prop him up. This mindset, once I understood it, really took a load off of my shoulders. It allowed me to figure out who I am and then be me. It allowed me to let my hub be him and not feel like I was responsible for him or needed to change him. It was really freeing. Now I can choose to be with him instead of feeling obligated and trapped. This mindset has opened up our relationship so much. We are more intimate emotionally, spiritually, and sexually. I like who I am and can express who that is in anyway I choose. I also know that if something happened to the hub, I would be very mournful but I would be ok. I would still enjoy life because while I love him, I don’t need him to complete me.

Any others have anything like this in their past? Did you change it? How?

So I guess my definition would be – Marriage is an adventure!

What else it is depends on both people. It takes their relationship with God to make it all it can be, and should be; a place of unconditional love, safety and joy, even when the world is spinning out of control.

The gift of marriage, if taken for granted, it a fertile ground for bondage, disaster, abuse, and wasted years or lives.

Marriage is often a union that creates the lives of precious children. Then it becomes responsible for displaying and molding a world view that will impact their lives whether we are aware of it or not. At this point it no longer just about two people. The survival and condition of the marriage is the foundation of a family.