Across the country and around the globe, there are bad marriages, good marriages, and even great marriages. The difference between bad and good is likely easy to spot, but what’s the difference between good and great?
That’s the focus of this week’s ask the reader:
What’s the difference between a good marriage and a great one?
Have a great 4th of July weekend!
I think the big difference is being able to be authentically you. In a great marriage, you feel free to be yourself, develop you interests, pursue you dreams and passions, and take care of yourself. While you are all about what is going on with the other person, their life isn’t you responsibility. You have choices. You can chose to give up something for the good of the relationship or the other person but it is a choice, not a reflex to guilt. I think it is a safe place to figure out who you are and to develop as a person. Doing that with the one you love is a great thing. Hopefully they are doing the same.
I think a good marriage is one where things are going well, and running smoothly. A great marriage is one with added closeness, open communication and a mutual feeling of appreciation and love.
Effective communication and patience and (sorry I keep thinking of more things) Christ-centered goals, both personally and as a team.
I think a great marriage is all about Unity. Being united in purpose can help ease tensions during difficult times, as well as keep you from focusing on petty problems. It still allows each person to be an individual while working toward common goals. While I personally believe that a truly great marriage must be Christ-centered, there are a lot of non-Christian marriages that are good examples of unity.
A good marriage:
Good: Reliable and Sure
Can be seen as two people who are well suited and maybe rarely disagree. It is a relationship that comes easy and hasn’t suffered very much hardship or struggle. I’m not saying they do not have the opportunity to have a great marriage but their time together has been a relatively smooth road to travel which hasn’t tested their ability to work together under an enormous amount of pressure.
A great marriage:
Great: Powerful and Influential
Is two people who have faced struggle, heartbreak and hardship together. Marriages that survive lots of adversity become great because you develop an inherent ability to support each other through whatever struggles come your way. Partners in a great marriage have learned how to communicate effectively when the stakes are high; they’ve learned to fight fair and they’ve learned to compromise for the greater good without feeling anger and resentment for not getting their way. These spouses recognize when the stake is higher for their partner and may concede because it is less important for them to “win” than for their partner to be happy. People in a great marriage also know that it takes work to keep their marriage strong and healthy and invest time and energy into it.
Communication. The better the ability to communicate well (respectfully, lovingly, honestly, openly, etc.) the better the marriage. All other things are either secondary, or depend on it.