How to Have an Affair… With Your Spouse.

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Picture courtesy of Epbizah.

If you have been married for any length of time, it is likely that there have been times when passion and adventure waned. Routine and survival becomes the focus. It is also very likely that throughout the course of a marriage, the passion, adventure, and even the sex becomes routine and mechanical.

It is during these times that one or both spouses may begin to wonder what else they are missing. The eyes begin to wander. Conversation with a coworker or friend of the opposite sex may get too personal or slightly cross the line into the inappropriate. If this lingering around the line continues, an affair is likely to occur. While this affair may not be sexual or even physical, emotional affairs can still be devastating to a marriage.

Since an affair is often not really about the “other person” or even the sex but more about the adventure and the risk, what if you had an affair with your spouse? Add some risk and adventure to your relationship. Spice things up. Role play a bit. If there are two willing participants, go for it. Read more »

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How to unplug from cyber space and plug into marriage.

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There are many things of which a wise man might wish to be ignorant.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Reading, after a certain age, diverts the mind too much from its creative pursuits. Any man who reads too much and uses his own brain too little falls into lazy habits of thinking. ~Albert Einstein

If you are like me, you spent a good deal of your day with your computer on, Outlook (or whatever email server you use) running in the background, several browser screens going throughout the day, as well as a Word document or two and maybe even some Excel spreadsheets thrown in for good measure. Yet, even with all this “work” open, I can waste a day with the best of them. Oh, I almost forgot to mention that I will also have music playing and/or the TV on as well. I am thoroughly immersed in noise and distraction. And most of this noise is negative and overblown. Don’t believe me, watch your local news and tell me what you see.

In 2008, I am committing to an information fast. I am going to unplug from most of the information sources I have sought and seek to spend more time with family, friends, or outside. This actually started on a smaller scale about two months ago, which was the last time I watched a local news broadcast. Read more »

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How to keep a simple home with kids (Plus: Here’s to Bavarian sugar cookies)

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The following is contributed from Leo Babauta. Leo and his wife have six children and his other work can be found at zenhabits.net.

Any parent knows that kids create clutter like nobody’s business.

It’s enough to drive a simplifier such as myself crazy. Still, with a little diligence, and a little bit of Zen detachment, it’s possible to have a simple, (relatively) uncluttered home as well as peace of mind.

Let me first state the obvious: any life that includes children is going to be complicated, at least to some degree. You’ll never get an absolute minimalist lifestyle with kids, and I’ve learned to accept that. While my minimalist inner self would like to live without a car, a cell phone, or a large house, my kids preclude those things from happening.

However, I have found ways to simplify my house, including the kids’ rooms. Sure, the house still gets messy – especially their rooms. But it’s not as bad as it once was, and it’s at a manageable level.

Here are my tips for simplifying your home with kids: Read more »

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How to impress people and tick them off at the same time.

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It’s time to face the facts, we all have some concern about what others think of us. If we didn’t, then the time we spent picking out our clothes, preparing ourselves for going out, worrying about what we drive, or where we live would not take near as long as it does. We also would not watch the TV news shows, visit the gossip sections of the Internet, or look at the magazines in order to know what other people are wearing or doing or who said what to who about what. We would not have the desire to know what other people are doing in order to emulate their life. Hollywood stars would just be other people. No paparazzi or journalists following their every move. It seems that many people are more interested in watching other people live than they are in living their own life. Spectatoring runs rampant.

At some level, we want to be noticed and liked. But when this desire goes beyond living from our core values and dreams, we live life according to others. Namely, our family and friends and coworkers determine our life for us. We spend more time doing what other people want rather than what we want. Read more »

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Travel the world with (or without) kids.

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The following is a reprint of one of the chapters in Dan Clements and Tara Gignac’s book Escape 101. I hope you can use this info to actually do whatever it is you may be wishing you could do.

Don’t limit a child to your own learning, for he was born in another time.
-Rabbinical saying

I WAS A LITTLE freaked out. After nearly 36 hours of travel, we were finally nearing our sabbatical destination. Five years of planning had culminated in a jarring drive down a precarious dirt road bordered by sugarcane fields and coco trees.

We had arrived in South America.

As we looked out the windows of the van, eager to catch a glimpse of what would become our home for the next five months, I glanced nervously over at our daughter.

Late the night before we had pushed Eve, our five year-old, through Paraguayan customs on a luggage cart. After a long flight, she was exhausted, and had curled up and fallen asleep on our suitcases.

The trip was tiring, but she was amazing. She exceeded our expectations every step of the way, and just her presence alone made things easier, as customs officials first in Brazil, then Paraguay, pulled us to the front of long lineups, smiling brightly at the precocious little girl in her pajamas clutching a stuffed yellow duck.

Still, despite Eve’s super-traveler status and my calm demeanor, I was seriously nervous on the inside. What were we thinking? I thought. This is crazy, bringing a kid here. We have no idea what we’re getting into. Read more »

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How to have passion and adventure in marriage with kids still living at home.

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During the month of January there are going to be a series of “how to” articles dealing with life and relationship design. To kick off this series, let’s tackle the fact that while there are children in the home the marriage relationship often seems to be thrown to the background. The schedule revolves around feedings, changing, bedtime, bath time, homework, and on it goes. It is inevitable that just when you think the kids are asleep, and you make a move with your spouse, the baby starts crying or your other child ends up standing at the foot of the bed. Passion wanes. Time for adventure disappears. It is, however, possible to capture time with your spouse before passion fades. Here are a few ideas: Read more »

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A bonsai marriage or marriage fully alive?

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Have you noticed how marriage continues to be a big part of American culture? Even though the divorce rate still is hovering around the 50% level, people continue to get married. Marriage holds a special place in most people’s life. We all want to be involved in something special, to be able to share important times and experiences with someone else. Did you also know that of those couples that end up divorced, 40% state that they regret ending the relationship?

It is natural that in marriage there will be difficult times. Times where you and your spouse don’t seem to be on the same page or where life seems to be routine and monotonous. Yet it is during these times that each member of the marriage often will blame the other for their lot in life. Yes we may admit our own contributions to our floundering relationship, but not fully. Or we may take more than our share of the blame and become the marriage martyr in hopes that everyone will be happy and just get along.

It is during these times that most people sell their relationships short. Limits are placed on what the marriage could become. Statements are tossed around like “he’ll never change,” “that’s the way she’s always been,” “they never initiate or make the first move.” I’ve got news for you, the future is not yet written. I assume you do not consult a crystal ball regularly. Even if you do, the future can be what you make it. Read more »

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The greatest human weakness.

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Image courtesy of newnames.info“It’s no use, we’ve failed.” “If some things don’t change, I want a divorce.” “I regret to inform you but that mass we removed is cancerous.” What strikes me about news like this is the wide variety of ways it is received by people. Why is it that one person will hear something like this and simply give up, while to another person this news is viewed as a challenge and all resources are mobilized to conquer whatever lies in front of them?To answer my own question, it boils down to how you think about yourself. In David Schwartz’s 1959 book The Magic of Thinking Big, he stated that the greatest human weakness is that of self-deprecation – selling oneself short. Look around; people everywhere are walking around filled with self-doubt, guilt, shame, weakness, fear. They seem afraid of being who they really are, or more likely, they aren’t even sure who they really are. It’s understandable really, if you do come across confidently and sure of yourself, you may be viewed by others as arrogant, cocky, or if you’re female you may be viewed with even more colorful terms which I will not write here.

For years philosophers have stated this advice: know thyself. For as long as this advice has been around, it seems to have been interpreted as know only thy negative self. Most mental lists of self-evaluation consist of faults, shortcomings, failures, and inadequacies. While it is valuable to realize our inabilities, since this reveals to us the areas where we may improve, focusing on only the negative side of ourselves is only half the story. Thinking this way produces small value within people. Read more »

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