Summer is the perfect time for family reunions, class reunions, and various other gatherings. Do you look forward to them or dread them with a passion? Whether you enjoy them or merely tolerate going to them, here are some timely ideas to help you survive the experience. A little bit of planning can make any reunion a more pleasant experience.

1. Do the prep work. Consider the people who will be attending the reunion.

For a family reunion, refresh your memory about relevant family genealogy. No need to go back through many generations, but it helps to get it straight in your mind about the current players in the family. It can be a big help to draw a simple chart with the elders, their spouses and their children, if any. If there are certain branches of the family who usually come, add them to your chart. As you get to know the members, each reunion will get successively easier.

For a class reunion, dig out those old school yearbooks to scan the names and faces. Didn’t keep any of them? Ask a classmate to borrow theirs, or check out the school library. Of course, names often change with marriage and divorce, but even preferred names can change. For example, my given name, Elizabeth, offers many nicknames. Throw in three different surnames and the variations are seemingly endless. It has changed from Elizabeth C. to Liz C. to Liz D. (marriage) to Beth C. (divorce) to Beth LaMie (marriage) to Elizabeth LaMie at work, and, finally, Beth LaMie as an author and Personal Historian. Whew!

Keep in mind that faces can change considerably as we age and as we gain/lose social standing, gain/lose weight, and gain/lose facial & scalp hair, along with extreme changes in hair color and style. With luck, the reunion organizers will have name tags for everyone, perhaps even with a photo from the senior yearbook. Try to associate the “new” face with the old/new name as early as possible. After all, it may take some time before you can relate to who the person really is.

2. Keep an open mind. You never know when you might have fun.

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I started a little project recently that required getting out my sewing machine. I hadn’t used it for several months and for some reason the thread kept breaking. Finally, I broke down and dug out the owner’s manual for some help.

Hmmm, when was the last time I had cleaned and oiled the machinery? Apparently, if I couldn’t remember, then it had been way too long. As I started to disassemble each component, I made mental notes to be able to put it all back together – hopefully without any parts left over.

I have never seen so many fuzzy dust bunnies in such a small confined space. I grabbed my trusty old toothbrush (one that had been replaced recently) and brushed out all the lint I could find. Next, I dug out the good old 3-in-1 oil can to lubricate all the neglected moving parts.?

Amazingly, it was immediately easier to manually run the sewing machine thru its paces. Using my photographic memory (okay, so I added a few grumbling words to help), I reassembled the machine and closed the covers for each compartment. Uh oh, where did that spring come from? I retraced my steps and consulted the manual for the umpteenth time to find the location missing one itty bitty spring.

As I worked thru the process using the manual as well as trial and error, I thought of how Mom regularly serviced her machines. I recalled how she always kept a very small can of machine oil strictly for that purpose, whereas I had to borrow my husband’s.

I also thought with pride about how she never had to take her sewing machine in for service. She knew that machine inside and out and could tell by the sound and feel when something needed attention. Sort of like she did with our family. She seemed to hone in on someone who needed a bit of TLC before we were even aware of it.

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The approach of Memorial Day this year made me think about some of my friends and family members who have passed away. The pain of their loss may never go away completely, but it has lessened over time.

One of the ways I dealt with the sudden loss of my mother several years ago was by writing a letter to tell her all the heartfelt things I didn’t have a chance to tell her in person. In fact, I wrote for hours that first night, often crying so hard that tears smeared the pages.

I told her how deeply saddened I was that I didn’t have a chance to tell her goodbye and how much I missed her. After a few sessions of cathartic writing, I was able to finally turn to a more joyous topic: how grateful I was to have her for my mother.

Mom taught me many of the important things in life, such as faith, love, family, honesty, respect and responsibility. I started writing vignettes about memories from my childhood and I found a sense of peace as I experienced what I can only describe as a starburst effect.

As I recalled the details of a single, simple family event (such as my 8th-grade graduation) it pointed me to stories about favorite family recipes (such as sour cream chocolate cake) that in turn made me recall summer activities (such as our huge vegetable garden and preparing projects for the county fair). If you envision the sky on the 4th of July, when the fireworks display amazes us with a burst of color and lights followed by another and then another, you’ll see a starburst effect.

Each little story made me think about another one and I began to jot down story ideas in a pretty little spiral-bound writing journal that I carried with me at all times. Every time the cobwebs in my mind cleared enough to reveal a potential topic for future development, I wrote it down in my journal. My hope was to use the snippets of memories to expand into a full story as time allowed.

So what’s the point of this rambling for you?

1. If you’ve lost someone dear to you, try writing to them or about them. Enjoy all the old memories you can recall to save for yourself, as well as for your friends and family. As a Personal Historian, I am always excited and pleased to help people save their family stories, whether I write for them or teach them how to write their own.
2. Think about the people around you and let them know how much you appreciate them while you still can. Tell them you love them and what you admire about them. Write them a little note to thank them for something, even if it is small. Consider this: if they were suddenly gone from your life, what would you have wanted them to know? Make an effort to show them how much they matter to you.
3. Start keeping your own writing journal. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy, just a simple notebook, tablet or sheaf of paper where you can jot down images that you recall and stories that you can pursue later.
4. Years ago, I sent a letter to my great aunt and told her how much I appreciated her seeing me as a young lady when I was a terrible tomboy. My intention was to drive up to see her so we could talk about all the little things she had done for me. Unfortunately, she died before I could make the trip. I was so glad I didn’t put off sending that letter.
5. Moral of the story: Don’t wait until it is too late to tell someone how much they mean to you. You never know when you will lose someone dear and you don’t want to regret the omission.

Go ahead, make their day – tell someone you love them.
Better yet, write it down so they can refer to it time and again.

Do you know the best way to take care of your spouse and family?

Take care of yourself FIRST.

Such a simple thing, but how many of us actually do it?

Consider the old adage, “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” That’s not far from the truth.

Here are some ideas on how to take care of yourself.

1. SLEEP. Schedule enough time each day to get adequate sleep. If you are still groggy most days when the alarm interrupts your slumber, consider going to bed 15 or 20 minutes earlier. If you tend to have problems sleeping, talk to your doctor or a sleep specialist.
2. STRETCH. When you wake up in the morning, take a few minutes to stretch your muscles to help prepare for the new day. Try some simple bends and stretch like a cat to relieve the kinks in your bones.
3. SOOTHE. Set aside at least 15 minutes every day to do something personal for yourself. Maybe it’s to read a romantic novel, take a relaxing bath or meditate to relieve the stress of the day. You deserve this little luxury, whatever feels right for you.
4. SMILE. It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown, so take the easy way out. The great thing about giving someone a big smile is that they most likely will give it right back. Then you both feel better, which is a nice win-win situation. Here’s another idea: If you happen to spend a lot of time on the telephone, put a small mirror where you can see it. The person on the other end of the phone will hear the smile in your voice.
5. SAVOR. Take the time to smell the roses. Look for things to be grateful for every day. We are fortunate to have a roof over our heads, food to eat, a safe environment and a sun that rises every day. Even on bad days, we can find something to appreciate.
6. SIMPLIFY. Reconsider all the things you think “have to” be done. For example, Easter is coming soon. How many of your planned activities can be pared down to save time, money and aggravation? Ask your children and family for feedback. Do they really care if the hot-cross buns are homemade or bought? Can the Easter Bunny bring simply colored eggs instead of individual masterpieces?
7. SAY NO. Choose which activities & commitments in your life are worthwhile. Just because someone asks you to do something doesn’t mean you have to. Even better, you don’t have to give a reason why you can’t do it this time. Just say, “Sorry, I won’t be able to [whatever].” I used to have a small plaque on my desk that made a good reminder. It said, “Failure to plan on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.”
8. SAY YES. Say yes to putting yourself first. You deserve it and so does your family.

(photo source)

Values.

What do they mean to you?

When was the last time you considered the values that make up your character?

Are you trustworthy, loyal, fair, honorable or patient?

Are your friends and family proud of who you are? Why or why not?

What can you do to improve?

What are values?

Values are the ideals or principles of a given society and the personal qualities considered worthwhile or desirable. They are different for each of us and can vary from person to person and even for each person from one time to another.

We learn our values from our families, friends, religion and community. In turn, the people we associate with learn values from us as well. Are your loved ones learning the values that you want them to adopt? The world is moving so quickly that we need to ensure that our families and children understand what values are important to us.

Consider these quotes:

Education without values, as useful as it is, seems rather to make man a more clever devil. ~ C. S. Lewis

As a man, I’ve been representative of the values I hold dear. And the values I hold dear are carryovers from the lives of my parents. ~ Sidney Poitier

What values are important to you?

Think of the traits you admire most in someone close to you, such as a parent or a best friend.
Do you share those same values? Most often, we tend to share similar values with the people with whom we associate. Obviously, that can be good or bad. With young people, it is especially important that they choose their companions wisely.

When I conduct writing workshops for high school students, one of the most frequently requested topics is Personal Values. It is always an illuminating exercise to have the students check off the values that are important to them. One person may select almost all of the values in the list, while others cannot seem to relate to more than one or two. What does that tell us about their character?

How are you passing your values on to your family?

Your actions speak louder than words. If you want your kids to be honest, what are you teaching them by your actions? Do you tell little white lies from time to time, fudge the numbers a bit on your taxes or fail to point out when a cashier gives you too much change?

If your faith is important to you, do you practice it with your family? Do you attend services regularly, or only when it is convenient or a major event, such as Easter or Christmas? If you ran into your minister, priest, imam or rabbi on the street, would he/she recognize you? Better yet, would you recognize them in their “street clothes?”

Children look up to their parents and tend to emulate their actions, whether we realize it or not. As an example, consider your reaction when a 4-year-old drops something and lets out a short curse. Will it be a mild expletive or something stronger that they’ve heard you say? With luck, it takes only a time or two for the parent to realize how much “little ears” pick up from us.

When my grandson expressed his frustration about something by using Daddy’s favorite swear word, Daddy and Mommy both started using a new preference of “Oh, snap!” At first, it struck me as pretty funny, but I was proud to see that exercising their values helped them to teach their children what was acceptable behavior.

It isn’t easy to be a role model for our children, but it is crucial if we want to pass on our values to them. So the next time you are tempted to cut an ethical corner or use words that you don’t want them to repeat, keep in mind that your kids are watching and listening.

Exercises on Values

Try these simple exercises on values. Look at this list of sample values and select the ones that are most important to you, or at least a few to start with. There is no right answer. In fact, your personal values may not even be on this list.

SAMPLE VALUES
[column width="30%" padding="5%"] activism
authenticity
boldness
can do attitude
charity
chivalry
cleanliness
communication
confidence
courage
creativity
curiosity
dignity
diversity
empathy
endurance
enthusiasm
excitement
fairness
faith
friendship[/column] [column width="30%" padding="5%"] genuineness
God
gratitude
hard work
helpfulness
honor
hope
humility
independence
innovation
integrity
interest in others
inventiveness
joie de vivre
joyfulness
kindness
lifelong learning
listening
love
loyalty
motivation [/column] [column width="30%" padding="0"] nonviolence
open mindedness
organization
participation
patience
persistence
positive
attitude
pride (not ego)
promptness
quality
resilience
resourcefulness
respect
responsibility
self-esteem
sense of honor
sense of humor
social skills
supportiveness
tradition
work ethics [/column]

Your Personal Values

1. Which values are most important to you? Why?
2. From whom did you learn these values? How?
3. Which values do you admire in people around you? Why?
4. In what ways do you act on your values?
5. How do your values help you make difficult decisions?

Once you have identified some of your own values and contemplated their importance to you, take the opportunity to open up a dialog with your family members. Discuss the importance of values with them and share your own experiences.

If you could instill three values into the people around you, what would they be? I’d love to get your feedback on which values YOU consider important.

Photo courtesy thinkpublic