Emergency! Is Your Money (and Your Marriage) Ready?

Written by · 13 Comments

Post written by money and career columnist Dustin Riechmann of Engaged Marriage.

What stands between your family and major financial trouble?

Hopefully, it’s not just a credit card or a home equity line.

In many cases, married couples have only a small cushion (if there’s a cushion at all) to carry their family in the event of a loss of income or a major expense.

Once you’ve taken care of any nasty consumer debt, it’s time to prepare for those inevitable rocky times that lay ahead. After you get an emergency fund in place, you’ll be ready to face those costly home repairs, unexpected medical bills and periods of unemployment.

You won’t like it when an emergency strikes, but you’ll be prepared and ready to cover the financial impacts without resorting to debt. Let’s build a full emergency fund!

How Much Should We Save?

As a general rule, most families should have approximately 3-6 months worth of expenses in an emergency fund. It’s important to understand that this not 3-6 months of income, and it’s not inclusive of all the money you spend in a typical, non-emergency month.

To calculate an appropriate amount, go through your budget and decide on a line-by-line basis whether each expense is something that you’d need to cover if you were faced with unemployment. Once you have that monthly “bare-bones budget” amount, multiply it by a factor of 3-6 and you have your goal.

The 3-6 month time-frame will allow most people to regain meaningful employment if they are faced with a job loss. While unemployment isn’t the only potential emergency out there, it’s certainly a relevant threat for most people and this amount of savings will also cover most reasonable “expense” emergencies that you may face.

So, should you save 3 months, 6 months or something in between? Well, your personal amount should be based on your exposure to risk as well as your risk tolerance.

If you have two stable jobs and a fairly “calm” life with little volatility in your expenses, then 3 months is probably sufficient as long as that amount makes you comfortable. On the other hand, if you are a one-income family with lots of little kids around and you feel like trouble is always lurking, you should shoot for 6 months of expenses. At the end of the day, it’s a judgment call.

Where Should We Save It?

While I recommend that a small portion of your emergency fund (around $1,000) should be kept close to home at a local bank for super-fast access, most of your fund should be allowed to work a little harder for you. In most cases, we’re talking about many thousands of dollars (often tens of thousands), and there is decent money to be made through interest earnings.

Just to be clear, you should not be investing this money and putting it in any real risk. Your emergency fund is effectively an insurance policy you’re keeping between yourself and financial ruin. There is certainly a place for investing, but we will not be using our emergency fund for those efforts.

That said, there are options out there that pay better rates than your local bank, offer reasonably fast access to your money and keep it safe. My personal favorite is an ING Direct Savings Account. ING is a great company who pays strong, market interest rates on your money while keeping it FDIC insured and very accessible.  Do a little research and find the best solution for your family.

When Should We Use It & What Happens If We Do?

Once you have a nice emergency fund stashed away, you may wonder just when you are supposed to take money out of it. Well, you don’t want to tap into your emergency money unless you have an actual emergency that you couldn’t foresee.

For example, regular home maintenance should be part of your budget and not something you need to take from your emergency fund to pay for. And you know your car insurance is due each year, so that’s not a good use of these funds. On the other hand, you can’t plan for a broken leg or a job loss, so when you have a true emergency, tap into your account and feel good that you are prepared.

Once you get your full emergency fund in place, you’ll probably want to move onto investing, paying off your mortgage and meeting some other financial goals. If (or when) you do encounter trouble and you have to take money from your account, you’ll need to pause these other goals temporarily and redirect your “extra” money each month back into building your emergency fund until it’s back to your comfortable level.

Without question, this full emergency fund requires a lot of money to complete, but if you keep the same intensity that took you through paying off your debts and redirect that “debt snowball” money each month to your savings, you can absolutely do this.

Once we completed this step, my wife and I felt a true sense of financial peace in our family. We’ve needed it several times and, although spending lots of unexpected money is never fun, it’s great to know that you are financially ready to face most of the nasty stuff that life will throw your way!

Bring peace to your marriage by building your own full emergency fund.

(photo source)

13 comments, add yours

Let’s Talk About (Money), Baby!

Written by · 12 Comments

Can you think of anything more exciting to do with your spouse than talk about your family finances?

Um, I sure hope so!

But that doesn’t mean that it’s not a vitally important and incredibly rewarding practice.  I know you’re busy, and probably particularly so during this back-to-school season, but that’s no excuse for poor communication about money.

In fact, that’s precisely the reason why you need to have regular meetings with your spouse to talk shop about your finances.

How regularly?

If you’re actively working to pay off your debt or aggressively meet some other financial goal, you should aim for a weekly sit-down together.  This is also appropriate if you’re new to the practice or if you’ve only recently created your first budget and are working out the kinks.

If you’re a bit more seasoned and your money situation doesn’t tend to change very often, then a monthly chat should be sufficient.  In all cases, you really shouldn’t go more than a month without a concerted discussion about your money goals and plans.

Still not convinced?

3 Reasons You Need a Regular Money Meeting in Your Marriage

1. Take the Time to See Where You Are

If your household is anything like ours, it’s really easy to go weeks at a time simply keeping up with the kids’ activities and squeezing in a date night or two with my wife.  We’re all busy, and that’s exactly why you need this special time to talk about money.

If you don’t set the time aside, you’ll wake up one day and realize you’re not sure what happened to your money over the last year (or five).  Simply spending 30 minutes with your spouse focused on these issues can make all the difference.

2. Set and Reset Your Goals

It’s incredibly difficult to hit a target when you don’t know what you’re aiming for, and that’s exactly what too many couples do with their finances.  When you establish regular communication around this topic, it allows you to set SMART goals and develop a plan to meet them.

This is also a perfect time to readjust your goals and make plans for upcoming financial events.  That next car purchase or next year’s trip to Disney will be much less disruptive to your finances if you start talking about them months in advance.

And this provides an excellent opportunity to open up about any money-related issues that have been on your mind.  If you feel like the restaurant bills are getting out of control or there needs to be more money budgeted for date nights, your money meeting is a safe and convenient time to discuss changes to your budget.

3. Pinky Swear (Accountability)

If there’s one thing that regularly talking to your husband or wife about money will do for you personally, it’s build in a sense of real accountability for your spending choices.  When day runs into day, week into week, it’s really easy to let your budget slide by the wayside and ease into bad habits.

In more serious circumstances, spouses can hold financial secrets and even lead a double life when it comes to money (think separate bank accounts and undisclosed credit cards).  This “financial infidelity” can tear apart a marriage, and this often occurs after a long period of non-communication around money.  An ounce of prevention in the form of regular, open talks can certainly be worth a pound of financial peace and transparency in this case.

I hope you can see the value in a regular money meeting with your spouse.  Sure, it’s not the most exciting topic, but it’s one of the most important to your marriage and family life.

Is this something you do in your marriage?  Why or why not?

(photo source)

12 comments, add yours

Plan Your Meals and Feed Your Family in a Whole New Way

Written by · 12 Comments

Post written by money and career columnist Dustin Riechmann of Engaged Marriage.

There is incredible power in the simple act of planning our family’s meals.

On the surface, it may seem like meal planning is restrictive or even boring.  However, like budgeting, it can actually be quite freeing when it’s done correctly and with a spirit of improving our marriage and family life.

Simply knowing what you’re going to eat at least a day in advance can have a major impact in your day-to-day life and your long-term success.

Let’s take a look at three key areas that will improve when you adopt meal planning as part of your busy life.

3 Reasons You Need to Plan Your Meals

1. Money

If you’re anything like most families (including ours until last year), you have a LOT of room for improvement financially in the food department.  In our case, we used to eat carryout restaurant food much too often, plus we wasted groceries on a regular basis.

We shopped for what we thought we needed during each grocery store trip, but without a plan we inevitably found ourselves opting for the “convenience” of takeout/delivery and (at the same time) letting groceries expire before we actually used them all up.

Plus, our grocery shopping trips weren’t organized to take advantage of sales and store discounts since there’s no way to know this information without some foresight, planning and guidance from a service that tracks it.

When we started planning our meals a week in advance, we saved an average of $317 per month on our food bill!  This may seem extreme, but I challenge you to take a hard look at your budget (you do have a budget, don’t you?) and see if there isn’t some major fat to be trimmed.

2. Health

Speaking of trimming fat,many of us could certainly use some help in eating healthier and in more reasonable proportions.  Again, meal planning can be a real help in this area.

When we sit down with our spouse and plan out a week of meals, we inevitably make better food choices than when we’re faced with last-minute decisions with a hungry stomach and cranky kids to deal with.  Once the food is purchased and the meal is set, it’s much easier to actually follow-through and eat well consistently.

Meal planning also allows us to avoid most last minute dinner “emergencies,” which means there’s no reason to run through McDonald’s or order pizza because “we don’t have anything to cook.”  Simply planning ahead for 5 nutritious, properly portioned dinners each week will make most families much more healthy.

3. Quality Time

A generation ago, there used to be a standing, unbreakable rule in most families that dinner time was spent together.  Unfortunately, with the busyness of our lives today, this regular quality time has been lost.

While meal planning alone won’t reschedule our priorities, it can certainly be a big step in right direction.  Rather than each family member doing their own thing, dinner planning encourages a family to eat the same meal, at the same time.  When Mom has dinner scheduled for 6:00 p.m., Dad knows he can’t just hit the drive-through on the way home.

Like budgeting, meal planning won’t force a family to change their behaviors and commit to better priorities, but it provides a wonderful framework to make it happen.

Meal Planning Services

There are many great meal planning options online that can cater to your particular needs.  In our house, we actually use a combination of two different services.

We love E-Mealz for planning our dinners and maximizing the savings on our grocery bill.  We also use the full custom nutrition calendar through our membership with Team Beachbody, which makes it easy to plan every meal of the day and balance our food choices with our exercise plans for a complete picture.

Regardless of whether you choose an inexpensive service like these or an old-fashioned pen and paper, you should give meal planning a try.  Do it for a week and see if you feel the value it adds to your marriage and family life are worth the “trouble” of planning ahead to save money, shrink your waistline and spend more quality time together as a family.

I think you’ll wonder how you ever managed your household without it.

12 comments, add yours

Why Is Sex So Important to You?

Written by · 15 Comments

Post written by money and career columnist Dustin Riechmann of Engaged Marriage.

When is the last time you asked your spouse what sex really means to them?

While there are exceptions to every rule, there’s a good chance a husband and wife will have different feelings about sex and what makes it important to them.

In fact, it seems that our feelings toward sex are largely related to…well, our sexuality.

Generally speaking, men need to have sex to feel close to their mate, while women need to feel close to their mate to have sex.

Very funny, God.

Again, there are obviously marriages where these motivations aren’t the case, but for most of us, this sexual paradox is a very real part of our nature.  And if you ignore it, or misunderstand it, you could be setting up your marriage for some real strife.

It is vitally important that you understand your spouse’s thoughts and feelings around sexual intimacy.

If your wife views sex as a confirmation of your closeness, don’t you see why she needs intimacy and romance throughout the day before she’s really interested in getting together physically?

And if you really understand that your husband needs sex as a means to feel connected and close to you, doesn’t it help you understand why he can feel outright rejected when you roll over and tell him “no” after a long day?

Take 15 Minutes to Chat About It

There is unbelieveable power in spending just 1% of your day (15 minutes) sharing some intimate Couple Time with your spouse.

I challenge you to set aside 15 minutes each day for the next week to spend with your husband or wife free of distractions, and you’ll see the remarkable difference it will make in your marriage.

Would you like a better sex life? Yes, that’s a rhetorical question.

One way to make it happen is to spend one of your 15-minute periods together talking about it.  Tell your spouse what sex means to you and what makes it important to you.  Talk about your ideal frequency for sex in your marriage.  Then listen attentively as they share their thoughts with you.

Do not judge your spouse’s feelings on this subject.  It may drive you crazy that she says she just doesn’t feel “sexy” some nights even though you can’t look at her without being turned on.  And you may not understand how he can come home after “ignoring” you all day and feel like it’s high time for some passionate sex.

Men are different than women, particularly with regards to our motivations for sexual intimacy.  You cannot change that, but you need to be willing to work with this “insider” knowledge for the benefit of your marriage.

Control & Irresponsibility Rear Their Ugly Heads

One issue that is sure to arise during this conversation is the idea of control.  For years, my wife would dictate the time, place and frequency of our sexual relationship, and this tendency to control the sexual aspect of a marriage is pretty typical for women.

Likewise, you may find that your husband tends to be irresponsible when it comes to sex.  He may put all of the family planning responsibilities on your shoulders and not do his part to ensure that the environment (physically and emotionally) is prepared for your intimate time together.  Again, I have been guilty of this in our marriage.

There are some great, practical things that we can do to help address the whole control vs. irresonsibility issue, but for this 15-minute discussion you should simply be aware that these are major constraints in many marriages.

You’re not alone if you find you struggle at times with the issues of control and irresponsibility in your relationship, and particularly in your sex life.

Tips for Today’s Couple Time

  • Again, this is a sensitive topic and you need to be careful not to fall into the trap of using your Couple Time today to point blame at each other.  This is your time to learn more about your spouse and improve the intimacy in your marriage.
  • While your spouse isn’t likely to change based on a single 15-minute conversation, you can certainly take this opportunity to shift your own perspective.
  • Next time he initiates sex, think about what it means to him before you immediately throw up your Stop sign.  Consider how close she feels to you at the end of the day, and work at closing any perceived gaps in your daily intimacy.

If you’re ready for a better marriage, invest 15 minutes and go make it happen!

This exercise is adapted from one of the 28 easy 15-minute exercises in my new book:

15 Minute Marriage Makeover: Refresh Your Relationship, Add Sizzle to Your Sex Life & Be Happier in Just Minutes a Day.

It’s guaranteed to help you with your communication, romance, sex life and even your finances.  You can download two sample chapters for free at the link above if you’re not sure it’s for you.

As a thank you to the Simple Marriage community for welcoming me as a monthly columnist, I am giving you 25% off the e-book when you pick it up between now and Friday 5/20 at Noon CST. => Just enter the coupon code “simple” at checkout!

15 comments, add yours

5 Ways to Know It’s Time to Quit Your Job

Written by · 13 Comments

Quit Your Job

Post written by money and career columnist Dustin Riechmann of Engaged Marriage.

There are few things that affect our home life and our marriage as directly as our work.

In today’s economy, it may seem like we should just be content to have a job and not worry about “luxuries” such as fulfillment and happiness.  But you owe it to yourself and to your spouse to do everything you can to find enjoyment at work.

After all, you’re likely to spend the majority of your waking hours there, and it’s impossible to separate your career from your family life.  A happy work life feeds a happy home life.

Hopefully, you have a steady job or are sustainably self-employed.  If you’re out of work or struggling to make ends meet, then obviously you really are in a position where you’ll be happy to just have a job.

But for the rest of us who aren’t facing an income crisis, I strongly encourage you to give this topic some thought.

5 Signs It Might Be Time to Move On

If you’re experiencing the following, it’s probably time to dust off your resume:

1. Your energy is drained

When things aren’t going so well, even a desk job can make you feel exhausted at the end of the day.  If you arrive home and have no energy to play with your kids or pursue other interests, it could be that your job is draining your mojo.  When work gets particularly stressful, your libido and sex life can even suffer.

Typically, I’d prescribe some metabolism-boosting exercise for renewed energy, but when your career is not going well, you may find your job is sucking more life out of you than you can replace with healthy habits.

2. You feel disrespected

If you’ve been at a job for a while, you can certainly get complacent in your work ethic.  But complacency works both ways, and you may find that your employer takes you for granted and makes you feel under-appreciated.

Whether it’s complacency or simply a poor work environment, if you feel disrespected, it’s definitely time to start looking elsewhere.  Life is too short to spend 8+ hours every day doing something that doesn’t earn you respect.

3. You feel called elsewhere

You may simply feel called by God to take a new direction in your career.  Whether you give it religious connotations or not, if you find a persistent, nagging voice telling you to look elsewhere or a real enthusiasm for something new, don’t ignore it.

Take the time to explore the other options and, even if you stay where you are, at least you’ll calm your mind and answer the call.

4. Your spouse notices you’re not happy

This is a biggie.  Your husband or wife knows you better than anyone, and if they start to notice that your career has you feeling down, stressed or unfulfilled, there’s a good chance that something is awry.

If you have healthy communication with your spouse, they’ll pick up quickly when something has you down or simply “off” your game.  Listen to their insights and avoid being defensive when they suggest that you need to (collectively) start taking a hard look at your career status.

5. Your job performance is dropping

In a twist of irony, your clue that it’s time to look at other career options may actually come from your employer.

When you feel uninspired and unfulfilled in your work, it’s only natural that your job performance can suffer.  If you’ve been a stellar worker but have recently started to get less done or have seen declining reviews, it might be a sign that you need a fresh start elsewhere.

Been There, Done That

I actually found myself in this situation recently after 10 years at an employer that I had loved.  As both the job and our priorities at home started to change, I encountered all five of these indicators to varying degrees.

It was difficult and scary to even talk about leaving the security of a long-held professional position.  However, in hindsight, I can see that it was absolutely the right choice, as it not only changed my own career but opened the door for major changes for my wife and our entire family’s lifestyle.

I would never suggest making any rash decisions or jumping from the boat until you’ve pretty clearly defined where you will be landing.  However, if you’re starting to feel the pull to explore other options, I say it’s time to start looking.

You owe it to your marriage to be happy in your work.

Have you experienced voluntary career changes?  What signs pointed you in a new direction?  Please share in the comments.

(photo source)

13 comments, add yours

Is a Gym Membership a Good Investment in Your Marriage?

Written by · 17 Comments

Fitness and Marriage

Post written by money and career columnist Dustin Riechmann of Engaged Marriage.

It’s that time of the year again.

Back when I used to frequent a gym, the first six weeks or so after the New Year always meant the addition of a lot “resolutionists” as we liked to call them.  The place would be packed, but by Valentine’s Day most of these folks would quit and the regulars would have the gym to ourselves again.

Of course, there have also been years where I was a resolutionist myself.

However, since my college days, I have always had an active gym membership (until last year as I’ll explain later).

This includes the years that we were struggling financially and getting into debt.  And it includes the three and a half years we spent intensely working to pay off $54,500 in debt.

I always believed that keeping a gym membership was a wise investment in my own well-being and something that was important for our marriage.  Never mind the fact that I didn’t always use it.

Fitness and Marriage

Does leading a healthy, fit lifestyle improve your marriage and family life?

I think the answer to this question is a resounding YES, and I know Corey agrees since he told me so in the very first episode of The Fit Marriage Show podcast.  I can say from first-hand experience that I am a better husband and father when I exercise regularly and eat well.  And I have heard the same from many, many busy married couples since starting Fit Marriage.

There are many reasons for this link between being active and being a better spouse.  There are the physical benefits of exercise, which include reduced stress, less injuries and improved energy levels.  These changes simply make us happier and more pleasant to be around.

While most of us associate fitness with physical benefits and looking good, the biggest impact on your marriage likely comes from between your ears.  It’s the improvement in self-confidence and self-esteem that can really fuel renewed passion in your relationship with your spouse.

Simply put: when you feel good, you’re a better husband or wife.

And this carries over into every aspect of your married life.  When you are fit and feeling fantastic, you can expect a better sex life, more patience with your spouse and children, a clearer head to deal with financial issues, improved productivity to get your work done more efficiently and free up more time for recreation, and the list literally goes on and on.

If you haven’t experienced what it feels like to be fit, healthy and active in a while, you may think there’s some exaggeration represented by these claims.  While I don’t believe this is the case, I think everyone can agree that being fit is a good thing, and it can only enhance your marriage.

But at what cost?

Gyms Are Expensive

In the United States, the average gym membership costs almost $43 per month, plus sign-up fees.

No matter how you look at it, over $500 per year is a lot of money.  And if both spouses are members, you might be looking at a cool grand in fees just for access to the facility.  If you need some help with a training plan, you can expect to pay significantly more for the services of a personal trainer.

So, is this a wise investment?

As evidenced by my own story, I think it’s clear that I believe it is if you don’t have other options (and you are actually using the place).

It’s a cliche for a reason: you are nothing without your good health.  And I believe that enhancing your level of fitness directly improves your quality of life and the quality of your marriage.

So if you were faced with a choice between paying $1,000 per year to exercise or keeping the money and remaining sedentary, I would advocate paying the money every time.

You Don’t Need a Gym to Get Fit

Here’s the great news, though…you can save your money and achieve your fitness goals!

There are many exercise options available to you that don’t require an expensive monthly fee.  If you live in a temperate environment, this could be as simple as walking, jogging or cycling outside regularly.

For those of us that live in cold places, choose to work out when it’s dark, or need to be at home with our kids, it might be best to consider an at-home fitness program.  This is exactly the situation I found myself in last year, and it was the start of quite a journey for me.

I would encourage you to go read my own fitness story since I bet many of you can relate.  I’m really proud of the progress I’ve made since I quit going to the gym.

While you are there, you will learn all the details of the Thrive90 Fitness program.  This at-home, video-based fitness system was literally designed by and for busy married couples with the goal of providing a program that gets awesome results while saving you both money and time.

Whether you choose a gym, Thrive90 Fitness or another approach, I hope that you’ll take action to improve your fitness level today.  I promise you that you won’t regret it, and I’m confident that your investment will pay many wonderful dividends in your marriage for years to come.

How will you invest in your marriage through fitness?

(photo source)

17 comments, add yours

5 Powerful Ways to Share an Experience This Holiday Season

Written by · 13 Comments

‘Tis the season to buy a bunch of stuff, eat a lot and exchange gifts that you likely won’t remember next year.

No, I’m not Scrooge.  In fact, the Christmas season is my favorite time of year, and I think gifts and family meals are fantastic.

However, I’d like to challenge you to think a little differently as we approach this holiday season.  Instead of going through the motions and cruising into the New Year with nothing but a few new things in your possession, why not focus on sharing awesome experiences with your spouse?

Shared experiences bring us closer to our loved ones and positively impact our own lives.  And if we choose the right activities, we might even leave a lasting mark on our neighbors, our community and our world.

And that’s what the Christmas season is really all about, right? Read more »

13 comments, add yours

Saying No to Build the Lifestyle You Desire

Written by · 10 Comments

Success depends on getting good at saying no without feeling guilty. You cannot get ahead with your own goals if you are always saying yes to someone else’s projects. You can only get ahead with your desired lifestyle if you are focused on the things that will produce that lifestyle. – Jack Canfield

Get involved.  Multi-task.  Maximize your exposure.  Work extra hard.  Embrace new opportunities. Be everywhere.

Don’t these mantras sound like common advice for those looking to achieve success in their career and build the life that they desire?  If we only work harder and take on as many responsibilities as we can bear, we’re sure to find success at the end of the long, hard road.

Right?

Well, that depends on how you define success in your life… Read more »

10 comments, add yours