Simple Marriage

The Value Of Values

Editor’s Note: This post is by Tim Brownson of The Discomfort Zone.

I don’t do joint life coaching anymore. Actually that’s not entirely true, I do very occasionally do so after I’ve done the kind of client vetting that would have hardened CIA operatives purring with pride and admiration.

It wasn’t always like that. Until about 3 years ago I was happy to take on singles, couple or even triples if necessary, although the latter never actually happened. Then one day I made the tragic error of doing a joint value elicitation with a husband and wife.

A value elicitation is the process of working out what the core values of a person are. It is the single most important thing I do with clients because it not only allows me to understand what makes them tick, but for them to understand themselves a lot better too.

I’ve only once had a client come to me in almost 5 years knowing exactly what her core values were. Most people flap around in the dark and often feel stuck by knowing something is wrong in their life, but not knowing what it is. Read more »

18 comments, add yours

Connecting In Order To Have The Best Marriage

Written by guest · 9 Comments

photo credit: seanmcgrath

Editor’s Note: This post is by Sean Platt of Writer Dad.

My wife and I have been together for a dozen years. We have two children, the youngest starting kindergarten in the fall. We work side by side, seven days a week, building our future and celebrating our past. I am fortunate to have an unbelievably healthy marriage and I’d be a fool if I didn’t recognize what renders it so and do all I can to keep adding fuel to the fire.

A strong commitment to consistent communication is key to a thriving marriage. Your spouse is with you forever; richer, poorer, sickness, and health. Trusting them in every measure is the best thing you can do to strengthen what you already have.

Not too long ago, I was with a group of friends, telling a story. In the middle of the narrative one of my friends shot me the sort of look that leaves little room for interpretation. He wanted me to stop telling the story – immediately. I acquiesced, awkwardly shifted gears, and drove the direction of dialogue in the opposite direction. Later, when my friend and I were alone, he explained that he knew where I was going with the story, but there was a particular part he didn’t want me to say out loud. Read more »

9 comments, add yours

The Unwavering Faith Of Marriage

Written by guest · 11 Comments

Photo courtesy WTL photos

Editor’s Note: This is a guest post from Sean Platt of Writer Dad.

Two years ago, I didn’t know I was a writer. The knowledge was still sleeping inside me; treasure buried and abandoned sometime in early childhood. I was not aware of its entombment, as it was a thought I’d given no consideration for maybe twenty-five years.

I loved to read, but thought nothing of the possibility that pen and paper could possibly be the tools of my trade. The books I read mattered even less than the letters I wrote to my wife and children.

I could never string my syllables together well enough to make my living.

Today, I am a writer.

Two years back, my wife whispered in my ear, “When are you going to start writing?” Perhaps to impress her, perhaps only to see if I could, I penned something special for our first born. The results made her weep. Then, like any other fire that needs feeding, my wife continued to fan the flames of my newfound fascination, adding fuel until a few glowing embers were roaring from within a raging inferno.

“Your words are beautiful,” she would constantly say, her compliments most often chased by the truth of a kiss; her belief in me too easy to taste. Read more »

11 comments, add yours

How to Make More Free Time for Your Spouse or Family

Written by guest · 2 Comments

Photo courtesy thanker212

Editor’s Note: This is a guest post from Leo Babauta of Zen Habits, author of The Power of Less.

I’m a happily married man and a father of 6 kids, and many readers ask me my secret to maintaining a happy marriage and a good relationship with my kids.

Well, there’s no one secret, but a huge key for me has been: finding time to spend with them on a regular basis.

That might sound obvious, but it’s a problem for many couples and families. I know, because it was a problem for me not long ago — I was in a highly demanding and stressful job, and it often meant working late hours when my family wanted me to be home. My wife would be as understanding as possible, but it was definitely a strain on our marriage when I never had time for her and the kids. It was hard on the kids, as I would often miss their soccer games, school functions, and the like.

It was hard on me too. I hated missing out on my family, and missed my wife and kids. So I made some changes in my life, simplifying, so that I could find the time I wanted to spend with my family.

And I have to say, it’s one of the smartest moves I’ve ever made. My wife and I have a stronger relationship than ever. My bond with my kids is stronger than ever too, and I personally am happier than I’ve ever been. Read more »

2 comments, add yours