As moms, we have a tremendous opportunity to impact our family in significant ways if we are intentional in our actions. I am incredibly passionate about how significant our role truly is in the home and love it when I can encourage and inspire a mom I am working with to take their role up a notch.

In today’s busy, fast paced world it is easy to lose sight of what truly is important. I believe it takes a conscious effort to create a feeling of connectedness in our family and if we don’t do this everyone suffers.

You hear about all kinds of unfortunate circumstances that families find themselves and I often wonder if they could have been avoided. I feel pretty strongly that they could and I would love to share with you a few intentional steps that you could incorporate in order to create or keep connected as a family.

Slow Down - We are so use to running from one activity to the next usually going through the drive-thru to get some food and getting on to the next activity. I really wonder if this is what is wrong today? Everyone has different situations and I am not here to tell anyone how to manage their own family, but I can tell you, the families that I see make it work and I see enjoying each other are the ones who’s daily schedule is not dictating their lives. They have made a conscious choice to limited time away from home, set boundaries on their time and make family time at home together a priority.

When you take a few minutes to write out your priorities and then look at what is actually happening in your life you may have some adjusting to do. If you are living by your priorities things just seem to flow a little easier, if you are not, things tend to be more difficult and more stressful. I know for me, I need and enjoy spending evenings at home with all the kids around sitting in the kitchen and family room doing homework. This is true peace to me. Yep, I am a pretty simple gal and do enjoy the little things!

Eat together – When was the last time you ate together as a family? I mean not driving in the car or up at the breakfast bar in the kitchen, but at a real table with real conversation?

The research is there and still we wonder the value of eating meals together as a family. For example:

Read more »

Transitioning from school to summer can be hard on our kids, but I think it is even harder on us moms, if you know what I mean!   If we have been lucky enough to have all our kids in school during the day, we are use to having some time “alone”.  This abrupt change when that last bell rings for the school year can put some moms into frenzy and feel incapable, unprepared and overwhelmed.  I know, I use to be one of those moms, who had trouble transitioning to the days when my kids were around me 24 hours a day!  As a single mom this was incredibly difficult, you just never got a break!  I am thankful those days are over.

So as we venture into this summer season, I would love to share with you a few ideas that have come up in coaching calls I’ve had with other busy moms lately as we tackle the issue of “summer” and the added stress it can have for moms.  Hopefully a few will be right on target and make your summer more of a dream than a struggle.

1.  Take time for yourself – somewhere!

“But I don’t have time!”  Sound familiar?  I realize that having kids around all day means there is little time to be “alone”.  So, in order to make that happen, you have to get creative and pro-active.  I can tell you, someone is not going to set this up for you; you are going to have to make it happen yourself.  If your kids are older, 5 and up, you can set a time every morning or afternoon where they know you have time alone.  Set up the expectation and follow through.  Sit outside, read on the sofa, take a walk, whatever soothes your soul.  Now, if you have younger kids it may be easier to get your time alone in the morning BEFORE everyone gets up.  I know for me, even with older kids this set-up works best.  I can have “me” time and then my mind is set for the day.

2.  Keep some kind of routine

This is non-negotiable!  Even though it is summer and everyone wants to be lazy and “hang out” you still need some kind of structure to create a flow in your home.  We have a much more laid back summer routine for the morning, but never the less the kids know what needs to be accomplished by a certain time and what they’re responsible for.  It allows for everyone to actually do something rather than waste the day away.  Some days it is fine to lay around til noon in your jammies, we even schedule “Pajama Day” at our house, but if it becomes a habit you are just asking for trouble.  Set up some expectations and stick to them.

3.  Trading Kids

So this is a great way for you to still have some time “off” even when you are suppose to be “on duty” 24/7 now!  Do you have a friend or neighbor with similar age and number of children?  Why not coordinate a day per week where you take all the kids and she gets a break and then she takes the kids and you get a break!  You could work this as an all day event, but I much prefer the before or after lunch schedule.  Say you pick up her kids at 1 PM, they’ve already had lunch and off you go to do some exploring with your kids along for the ride.  I know other moms have realized this secret….shhhhh…… “The more kids that you have in your arena does not mean it is more work!”  Come one, you know what I mean!  Choose a fun activity (beach, park, zoo, etc) and supervise everyone having a good time.  You may even be surprised that you can get a few chapters of your favorite book in while they are splashing about.  The reward is your afternoon FREE of kids – just imagine how wonderful that break will be and what you can do during that time.

4.  Easy Meals

Come up with some easy lunch ideas that your kids can either help you prepare or do it all themselves.  I especially love when I have leftovers and the kids just re-heat those.  It makes it great for everyone.  We do like to experiment at our house though,  so usually we plan one day in the week to do a special lunch recipe, making it part of an activity.  This can be making pizza, homemade macaroni and cheese or another favorite you have.  Make sure you plan ahead to avoid fast-food, especially if you are going to be out and about.  The worst habit you can fall into during the summer is quickly running through the drive-thru because it is the “easiest”.  At times it is necessity, but a little planning can prevent the trip!

5.  Family Meeting

Have a family meeting to get some input from your kids about some activities they would like to do this summer.  I have found this to be a great resource for planning our summer.  The suggestions sometimes surprise me, but we really have done some interesting things due to suggestions.  We also have asked the kids to pick 3 things they would like to do during the summer, put them in order of preference and then we tell them we will do our best to complete at least one.  It may be as simple as camping or back packing or more difficult, like getting a trampoline (which we in fact did one summer!)

6.  Time Outside

Get your family outside everyday!  This may seem like a no-brainer, but as kids get older it is easier for them to find the TV or video games very intriguing.  Make an expectation for everyone, including you that you will all get outside during the day for some time of activity.  Maybe it is just walking the dogs, or perhaps having a water balloon fight.  Even if it rains, get creative about how to have fun outside.

7.  Read a book together

You can start this even when you have really young kids.  By intentionally choosing to read together as a family you are encouraging this as a habit for your kids to continue to develop as they grow older.  Choose a few different books to read, start with one and see where it goes.  You can choose a time to read, and switch readers if you have older children.  Sometimes we read around the breakfast table, it is where everyone is and it keeps them entertained too.  Now that my kids are older, we are picking a book and everyone is reading at their own pace and we set times to discuss what we have read.  This summer we are reading, “The Hole in the Gospel, What Does God Expect of Us,” by Richard Stearns.  I have enjoyed creating this type of environment for continued learning and expression throughout the summer months.

8.  Have a Pajama Day

This is a favorite of my kids!  It works throughout the year, but I find that in the summer it is even more fun to pick a day and purposefully stay in your pajamas, hanging out enjoying just your family.  We started this “tradition” when I was a single mom and had little money for big adventures, so we created our own little adventures!  We would watch movies, play games, make recipes, rest and just plain hang out!  It is like taking a mini vacation in the middle of summer right at home!

9.  Plan Ahead

This is often an area that moms struggle with.  Planning fun activities and adventures in advance so you have what you need.  I know I struggle with this even today!  It just seems that time gets away from me and then I am caught off guard.  So this summer I decided to create a Summer Survival Calendar with Kids.  It is a 3 month summer calendar with over 100 activities, recipes and projects with click-able links to all the instructions.  So all the planning is done for you, you just need to take a look at the weeks line up and make sure you have supplies handy and you are all set.  I have done all the work for you.  You can take a look at The Confident Mom’s Summer Survival Calendar with Kids and see if it sounds like a must have for you!

10.  Ask for Patience!

Keep doing what you need to do in order to keep fresh and connected.  For me, I know I am praying for patience several times a day – and well, He gives me lots of opportunities to display what I ask for!   Taking a deep breath is sometimes all you can do when things start getting a little crazy, but just remember, you are the adult and you just need to keep acting like the adult!

I hope your summer is one full of memory making adventures and you survive with lots of smiles.  Make sure you take lots of pictures – maybe even making a photo journal of all your adventures together.

(photo source)

I recently did a survey among the moms that get my newsletters and updates and they told me their number one struggle right now is “improving my time management and running my home more smoothly.”  This was chosen over finding time for self-care, the need to create routines and ending the morning madness and getting my kids to listen the first time.  I was a little shocked. I would have thought the trouble with kids listening would have come out on top, but it didn’t.

Lately I have been struggling with my own discovery of how my priorities are shaping my family’s day to day life.  This is an area I have been sharing with my readers and also groups I speak with – how even small choices we make as Homemakers can impact so many areas.  If you aren’t clear on your priorities as a wife, mother and individual it is likely that you will become frustrated, overwhelmed and feel like your daily schedule/life is controlling you rather than vice versa.  Unless you set and resolve to live by your own priorities and not someone else’s expectations, you’ll end up wearing yourself out.

Time management is a term we here most often, but actually I came across an article talking about time management really being about self-management.  I thought this was brilliant!  We are ultimately in control of we allow into our lives and how we will prioritize

Prioritize means “to put in order of importance”.  And as a busy mom you must continually do this over and over again, making choices based on the priorities you have built.  I had this experience the past few months, being overwhelmed and feeling like there was just not enough of me to go around.

I evaluated where I was, where I wanted to be, how I wanted to be spending my time and took some time to choose differently with my time.  I would like to share with you what helped me in this process:

Do you know what your priorities are?

Are you living your daily life with those in mind?

If you aren’t clear on your priorities I believe you will continually run into trouble trying to balance everything.

1.  First, decide what those priorities are and make a list

My list was easy:  God, my husband, my home, my children, my private life, public life.

I make decisions based on how the opportunity/task may affect each of these areas.

God comes first for me; ultimately I need to know my choices are reflecting that priority for me.

My husband, he is my second priority.  I am committed to loving my husband in practical ways, spending time with him, encouraging him, and being his support person.  Notice he is far above my children, time together for us without kids is a necessity not a luxury.

My Home is next.  This one throws some people and it took me awhile to understand this and feel comfortable with this, but what were you given first to care for?  A home or children?  Don’t make the common mistake of always putting activities with your children above caring for your home.  Work for proper balance. You are responsible for creating an environment for your family to thrive in.  If your home is chaotic, a mess and unmanageable your family will suffer.

My Children are fourth.  Understanding where my children are in the priority order makes it easier for me to make decisions.  I can look at the big picture and see what else may be impacted negatively and where that falls into my list.

My private life is fifth.  Making sure I am taking time for myself, caring for my own needs for rest, exercise and spiritual renewal.

My Public life.  All of my activities outside the home, from volunteering, work to friendships, these all are included here.  This is where most women have trouble learning to say “no”.  But it is extremely important that you can learn to say no, or the other more important areas will suffer.  Don’t let yourself become fooled by what society is telling you that you need to be, know what your priorities are and where your strength comes from.

After you have made your own list of priorities then you can take some time to look at how you are spending your time now.

2.  Record – Record all your activities during a normal day. Be sure to write down everything, idle time, talking on the phone, watching TV, computer time, sleeping.  Then categorize each activity according to where they fit into your priorities.  You will soon see where you are spending your time and if it matches what it should.

3.  List – What on your list needs to be eliminated?   Subtract from your list before adding to it.  Learn to say NO.

4.  Ask Yourself –

• What needs to be added to or subtracted from my activities for me to know I am living my life by my priorities?
• What’s really most important to you?  (Is it more important to take a walk with a neighbor 3 times a week, or sign your child up for a second sports activity)
• What unhealthy habits need to be corrected in the way I think, act, and respond and even use my time?
• How am I choosing to spend the time that I have.  How is that reflecting my priorities?
• Consider your boundaries around your time.
• Have I included daily time for myself to re-energize myself, however that looks for you?
• Think about how your choices will affect other members of your family.

Self-management instead of time management; an interesting way of looking at the same thing.  I much prefer to see it as self-management, because ultimately I am in control most of the time as to how I choose to spend my time and how well I choose to do that.  When I am overwhelmed because I have decided to take on one too many tasks then my whole family suffers.  I am in a never ending learning process – evaluating where to take things off and what I truly need to add to my days and how it all fits with my priorities.  I have seen the positive change even in the short time that I have been focusing more on how daily decisions I make affect my family. I am feeling better and more balanced. After all, when mom is doing well, the whole family thrives!

(photo source)

One of the biggest areas that moms struggle with is managing our homes.  Overwhelmed with responsibilities it can seem like you never get caught up, no one ever will help out and you can get to the end of the day feeling like you managed to accomplish nothing!  It is hard to try anything different to get yourself out of the rut, but if you don’t NOTHING will ever change.

When busy moms come to me, they generally are at their wits end!  They have tried many different approaches to managing their homes and families and are desperate.  We work from the ground up; putting routines and systems in place that lessen the load and start freeing up time during their frantic and overloaded schedules.  It is amazing that as soon as minor changes are made in the home a mom begins to feel relief.  Instead of the stress and chaos they were feeling everyday, they begin to experience order, freedom and control.

I would like to share with you 10 key principles I discuss with moms who come to me for coaching.  If you are struggling with managing your home I am sure these points will be helpful in coming up with some new ideas to tweak what is going on to make things run smoother for you too!

Know Your Job Description

Your role in the home is extremely important and it is even more important that you know what your job entails.  One of the tools I use is a system developed by Kathy Peel, called the Family Manager.  She has put together a description for what moms do each and every day, there’s a lot there!

The Family Manager Creed

I oversee the most important organization in the world

Where hundreds of decisions are made daily

Where property and resources are managed

Where health and nutritional needs are determined

Where finances and futures are discussed and debated

Where projects are planned and events are arranged

Where transportation and scheduling are critical

Where team building is a priority

Where careers begin and end

I am a Family Manager

Manage by Department

By breaking your home into departments, just like a manager at a business would, you can then use similar systems to increase your productivity and success.

• Time & Scheduling-  Managing your family calendar – making sure everyone is suppose to be where they need to be
• Home & Property – organizing your home and taking care of your belongings
• Food- meal planning, grocery shopping – meeting the nutritional needs of your family.
• Family & Friends – fulfilling relational responsibilities as a parent, spouse, extended family, friends and neighbors
• Finances –managing the budget, bill paying systems, saving, giving
• Special Events – planning and coordinating events that fall outside of your routine; such as holidays, birthday parties, vacations, garage sales, etc.
• Self management-  taking care of yourself, fulfilling your dreams , nourishing your spirit and soul

Know Your Mission and Values in each Department

What is most important to you and your family?  What are your priorities?  If you aren’t clear on your most important objectives in each of the above departments, it is likely that you are frustrated, overwhelmed and feeling like your daily schedule/life is controlling you rather than vice versa.  Unless you set and resolve to live by your own priorities and not someone else’s expectations, you’ll end up wearing yourself out!

Manage Your Time and Resources

Time is valuable!  There is only so much in a day, are you using is wisely?  Evaluate how you are spending your time and on what.  Can you break larger jobs into smaller ones in order to make more effective use of your time?  Do you have routines in place that help your children know what is coming next so you do not have to follow them around like a drill sergeant?  Are you wasting time on things that are not productive?  Jot down what you do in a day and then evaluate it; is there room for improvement, can you make changes?  You might surprise yourself.

Build a Family Team

Getting your family onboard is key.  It is proven that families that share household responsibilities are usually healthier and happier than in families where one person (MOM) does most of the work.  You actually are doing your kids a big favor by involving them in household chores; they are learning valuable life skills.  If you would like more help on this particular subject, check out my eBook, “Getting Your Kids to Cooperate and Become Team Players,” you can download it for free.

Create a Base of Operations

As a Family Manager you need a control central, somewhere you can manage papers, calendars, grocery lists, school papers, and messages, all of the stuff that someone is always looking for when you don’t have a control central!  By being efficient and having all these items in one place you ultimately will save time!

Use a Daily & Weekly Hit List

I use a daily and weekly HIT list, a place where I can organize my day and week.  By listing the tasks that you need to do on a daily basis you can then look at the list and make some decisions about what is on that list.  List everything that you will DO (meal prep, grocery shopping, laundry, dry cleaners, etc) and then look at the list and decide what you can DELEGATE.  Who can help with some of these tasks?  And then see if there is anything that can be taken off all together, DELETE it!  Sometimes I have things on my list that I can really get by without doing; I love when I discover that I can DELETE it!

Be True to Your Management Style

Know what you are good at and what you find joy in doing.  If there are things that are particularly enjoy, find ways to keep those up.  But if there are things that you truly dislike, find a way to delegate those to someone else, either in your family of hire outside your home.  Now when I say hire, that could be for money or barter/trade.  You can get creative!  If you enjoy scrapbooking and hate gardening, maybe you have a friend that enjoys gardening and you can swap services with each other.  Look at your strengths and play into those as much as you can.  You will find you get more done and are in a much better mood!

Be Prepared!

It is the Girl Scout Motto, and I was a Girl Scout for 14 years, so you would think I have got this one down!  I actually do fairly well, but ore often it has been because I was not prepared in a certain situation and had to learn the hard way.  As a Family Manager, part of your job is to be able to go with the flow sometimes and look ahead at what “might” happen and be prepared for it.  After several times of being out in the car longer than we expected, we now carry snacks and water bottles in the car at all times.  It is now a job of a family member to make sure there are supplies in a bin in our car so that I don’t end up with crabby kids because they are hungry.  By thinking ahead you will have a more enjoyable time and so will everyone else.

Create SOP’s (Standard Operating Procedures)

By establishing Standard Operating Procedures, AKA systems and routines in your home you will end up wasting a lot less time reminding and trying to invent the wheel everyday!  You also stop wasting time wondering when things are going to get done because you already know – it is part of your routine.  My kids know that at 5:00 PM their chores need to be done.  There is no explaining this everyday and having some battle because they didn’t “know”.  Certain days of the week are laundry days, everyone knows this.  I don’t need to be running around gathering clothes, or reminding everyone – they know it and get their clothes to me if they want me to do them.  There are so many areas you can set up systems and routines in order to make things run smoother, take a look at your weekly schedule and see where there is room to make some changes.

I hope you have been able to take away a few ideas on how you can make some improvements to your job as a Family Manager – ultimately making things a lot easier for you, but hopefully more enjoyable for everyone in your family.  I have found by taking on some new ideas I have created more time in my day to have fun and be available to my kids rather than trying to multi-task.  I would love to hear how you make things work in your home too!

If you want more information and a chance to dive in deeper learning new ideas to manage your home, I am offering a coaching series on just this subject.  We will look at all the areas of home management; you will get forms, checklists and support to make positive changes. I would love to have you join us.  If you just can’t wait for that series, I also offer a Do It Yourself personalized plan that will jumpstart your role as a Family Manager; check out my Family Manager Makeover.

(photo source)

Scene: You are sitting in the plane getting ready for takeoff and watching with amusement as the flight attendant shares with you the safety features of the Boeing 747 you are flying on.  You get past the seat-belt demo, the tray table being upright, the emergency lights leading to the exits and then the big revelation comes as they share with you that if the plane should lose cabin pressure that you should “put your own oxygen mask on first” before helping others.”  WOW!  Incredible information, that after thinking about it makes perfect sense, how on earth can you help someone else if you are out of breath?

Scene: It is a normal weekday, you have been up since 6:30 AM (which unfortunately was only 5 minutes before the rest of your gang got up) made everyone breakfast, snuck in a cup of coffee, made lunches, drove car pool, fed the baby, picked up groceries, dropped off dry cleaning, grabbed a coke for lunch (you needed the caffeine pick me up) mopped the floor and cleaned the bathrooms while the baby napped, ran car pool again,  fed the kids snack, broke up an argument, worked on homework, tried to get dinner started and you find you are losing your patience.  Sound familiar?  Do you feel like you are out of breath?  Running on empty?

Women are often so busy caring for everyone else’s needs; they don’t have time to care for themselves.  They’re drained, sucked dry of emotional, physical and spiritual energy. ~ Kathy Peel

For years women have been fed a bunch of lies making us feel like we need to be sacrificing ourselves for the sake of our families. In fact, if we are not sacrificing ourselves, then we are selfish!   I can tell you – if you are sacrificing yourself for your family, both you and your family will end up losing. You can’t help anyone if you are out of breath!  Seems common sense, huh?  But why do we moms have such a terrible time putting this concept into action?

I have a few ideas, one of the biggest being this idea that the term ‘self-care’ needs to be some grandiose, time consuming venture.  But I think we have it all wrong.  In order to be taking care of yourself in a way that is manageable, we moms need to find things that refresh us in small amounts of time too.  It is not all about spending a day at the spa, (although very nice on occasion) the practicality of that is pretty slim that it can happen as often as we would like.

I would like you to take a look at ‘self-care’ from different perspective.  Try figuring out what refreshes and refuels you in small time frames.  Identify what re-energizes you and carve out time to make it happen, however that looks for you and your day.

Several years ago I started lists on note cards that I kept handy so that I wouldn’t have to think so hard on how to fit this into my day.  I broke them down into 5, 15, 30 and even 60 minute time frames.  This made it much easier to schedule these “breathers” throughout my day or if I had a spare 5 minutes that I could easily take advantage of that time for myself, rather than letting it slip by.

I encourage you to try it out. You may be surprised at how easy it can be to fit in things that lift you up and help you be better for yourself AND your family.

To get you started creating self-care habits, I have offered up some of my favorite ideas.

• 5 minutes

Make a cup tea

Light a candle in the area you are working

Sit quietly with your eyes closed

Lay down on the sofa

Play a favorite song on your IPOD

Read an encouraging verse

• 15 minutes

Walk around the block

Call a friend

Savor a nice long shower

Journal

Take a book break

• 30 minutes

Do an exercise DVD

Cut some fresh flowers and arrange them

Take a bath

Sit and read a book with your child

Do some stretching and deep breathing

Get out and walk the dog

If you need to schedule time in your day to make sure you fit some of these in, then do it.  It will not happen by chance, you will need to be intentional and proactive to carve out the time needed to take a little time for you.    I know if I put something on my ‘to-do’ list I have a much better chance of it happening.  So, starting today…..put “YOU” on your ‘to-do’ list and make it happen.  Your family will thank you for it!

(photo courtesy)