Throughout the two and a half years of writing posts on Simple Marriage, I’ve written several times on communication and conflict – two of the more prevalent things that occur in marriage.
Take a moment and look at your own relationships. It doesn’t matter what the current state of the relationship is, these two topics are present.
Communication and conflict are everywhere.
In fact, almost every couple I’ve worked with has come in to therapy with the belief that the source of their problems are because they cannot communicate.
Lets get a couple of things out in the open as we begin. First, you cannot not communicate in marriage (or any relationship for that matter). And second, conflict is inevitable in life.
To handle and actually use these issues in your relationships, it boils down to how you view them – and then what you do with them.
What you focus on – grows.
This philosophy is true in life and marriage. If you focus solely on what’s wrong, everything will appear wrong. Don’t believe me, watch only the national and local news and tell me how this affects your worldview. Better yet, watch CNN or FOXNews for 24 hours straight. You’ll likely think this whole world and everyone in it is evil incarnate.
Many times we navigate life by seeking out and marking the dangers and pitfalls to avoid. While this seems like a logical way to plan out life, how about this?
I’ve always loved to snow ski. I started when I was 6 and having being skiing ever since. One thing I like to do while skiing is ski through the trees. The powder’s better, it’s quiet, plus the added risk increases the adventure.
Want to know the key to skiing successfully through the trees?
Don’t look at the trees!
Instead, focus on where you want to go between them. If you spend your time focusing on the trees, you’ll end up hitting one.
This principle applies to life and marriage as well. If you focus on where you want to go and your role in the process, by default you’ll avoid most of the pitfalls and issues along the way.
This idea is expanded upon and is one of the foundational concepts in the upcoming Blow Up My Marriage Class.
Monday, August 30th begins the next offering of the Blow Up My Marriage Class. A 16 week class which will walk you through a radically different way to view what happens in marriage, and what to do with this new paradigm.
In this class you’ll learn:
- How to create the best marriage from your strengths, not by looking at what’s wrong.
- How to see that it’s the system that’s the issue, not you or your spouse.
- Why you never want to lean on your spouse.
- How to create a great life and have your marriage be the icing on the cake.
- And, how to transform your sex life.
Thanks to the format of this class, I’ll come to you with all the material and information.
The doors will open for the class next week (or you can sign up to be notified early and get first dibs on your spot at the bottom of the page here).
Still have questions or want more information? Click here.
I love what you said about skiing through the trees. It put a smile on my face because I was thinking about when I skied with my husband on the super easy slope (not really being a skier). My husband was so nice and went on this slope with me happily skiing through the trees along the sides. I think he really enjoyed it!
Conflict is not necessarily negative. Especially when both parties are of the mind frame that these types of instances are incubating opportunities. In fact, some of the greatest times in my life and marriage are times of conflict. It’s where true characters are revealed and growth is fertilized.
I like what you had to say. I learned a lot about having fun man/woman relationships by taking courses from Lafayette Morehouse. The courses really help you see one another and profit from the union. We now have greater intimacy and fun on every level. We took their course on Communication too and now can really address everything going on between us. we love each other more than ever. We’ve been together for 40 years.