What would happen if things blew up?

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I’ve written many times on communication and conflict – two of the more prevalent things that occur in marriage.

Take a moment and look at your own relationships.

It doesn’t matter what the current state of the relationship is, these two topics are present.

Communication and conflict are everywhere.

In fact, almost every couple I’ve worked with has come in to therapy with the belief that the source of their problems are because they cannot communicate.

Lets get a couple of things out in the open as we begin.

First, you cannot not communicate in marriage (or any relationship for that matter).

And second, conflict is inevitable in life.

To handle and actually use these issues in your relationships, it boils down to how you view them – and then what you do with them.

What you focus on – grows.

This philosophy is true in life and marriage. If you focus solely on what’s wrong, everything will appear wrong.

Don’t believe me, watch only the national and local news and tell me how this affects your worldview. Better yet, watch CNN or FOXNews for 24 hours straight. You’ll likely think this whole world and everyone in it is evil incarnate.

Many times we navigate life by seeking out and marking the dangers and pitfalls to avoid.

While this seems like a logical way to plan out life, how about this?

I’ve always loved to snow ski. I started when I was 6 and having being skiing ever since. One thing I like to do while skiing is ski through the trees. The powder’s better, it’s quiet, plus the added risk increases the adventure.

Want to know the key to skiing successfully through the trees?

Don’t look at the trees!

Instead, focus on where you want to go between them. If you spend your time focusing on the trees, you’ll end up hitting one.

This principle applies to life and marriage as well. If you focus on where you want to go and your role in the process, by default you’ll avoid most of the pitfalls and issues along the way.

This idea is expanded upon and is one of the foundational concepts in the upcoming Blow Up My Marriage Class.

Monday, August 22nd begins the next offering of the Blow Up My Marriage Class.

A 16 week class which will walk you through a radically different way to view what happens in marriage, and then what to do with this new paradigm.

In this class you’ll learn:

  • How to create the best marriage from your strengths, not by looking at what’s wrong.
  • How to see that it’s the system that’s the issue, not you or your spouse.
  • Why you never want to lean on your spouse.
  • How to create a great life and have your marriage be the icing on the cake.
  • And, how to transform your sex life.

Thanks to the format of this class, I’ll come to you with all the material and information.

The doors will open for the class in a couple of days (you can sign up to be notified early and get first dibs on your spot at the bottom of the info page).

Still have questions or want more information? Click here.

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Blow Up My Marriage, One On One

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Blow Up My Marriage began just over a year ago.

It’s a 16 week class that presents a radically different way to look at relationships and due to the format of this class, it’s only offered 2 or 3 times per year.

One thing I realize is that crisis and trouble in marriage does not follow a certain time of the year schedule. So it’s quite possible that you could have something go wrong in your marriage and you would greatly benefit from this class, but you’d have to wait a couple of months before you could participate … not good.

That’s where the Blow Up My Marriage 1 on 1 comes in.

I’m opening up just a few slots each month for couples (or individuals) who’d like to go through the Blow Up My Marriage material AND get personal, one-on-one coaching to help you apply the material to your life (two-on-one if your spouse joins us).

Here’s what you’ll get:

All eight modules of Blow Up My Marriage delivered at your own pace right to your inbox. As you work through the material, you’ll also receive 5 one-hour coaching sessions via phone or webcam to help you apply the material directly to your situation.

With this material you’ll learn:

  • How to create the best marriage from your strengths, not by looking at what’s wrong.
  • How to see that it’s the relationship that’s the issue, not you or your spouse.
  • Why you never want to lean on your spouse.
  • How to create a great life and have your marriage be the icing on the cake.
  • And, how to transform your sex life.

And with the coaching you’ll get the help in applying the material directly to your situation and marriage.

Interested in more info? Click here to read more.

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Sexy Summit Teleseminar Series

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What if you could use all the best of sports psychology, energy therapy, and throw in some experts in sexology and marriage, then put it all together for a performance that you really care about – your sex life?

Next week you can!

From June 13 – 17 my friend and colleague Gina Parris has put together a Sexy Summit Teleseminar Series.

Ten experts; five days; better sex – all from the comfort of your own home.

I’m one of the experts involved in this series, and I’ve heard and know all the others – they’re awesome and know their stuff (click the link below to read more about the experts). But the best thing about this series, next week the entire thing is free!

If you can’t catch all the interviews next week, not to worry. The transcripts and the audios will be available to buy and listen to whenever you wish.

This one week could change everything as you Tap into Sexy!

I think you should do whatever it takes to get in on this tele-summit AND get a hold of the replays and transcripts.

If ever there was a time a performance coach wanted you to take action, it is now!

http://bit.ly/jPNBzj

Go sign up – and raise your game!

 

Now Enrolling … He Said, She Said

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The most prevalent complaint couples bring up when there’s a problem in their marriage is that they have trouble communicating.

This is a common belief in a lot of (if not all) marriages today.

If you are in the camp that experiences or believes this, listen up. If this is not you, feel free to disregard the rest of this page and go on about your day.

He Said, She Said: Stop Talking Past Each Other and Connect on a Deeper Level is an 8 week class that will teach you a completely different way to look at and handle marital communication.

The first Module begins Monday, June 6th.

I’ll give you the main idea of this class right now. Are you ready?

In marriage (or any relationship for that matter) you cannot not communicate. Everything you do and don’t do, say and don’t say, communicates.

If you believe this as I do, then the issue really becomes – how do you handle the message? Especially when you disagree or flat out dislike it?

That’s what this class will teach.

How to:

  • Hear what your spouse is saying without over-reacting or jumping to conclusions
  • Be more clear in the messages you send
  • Speak more from the best in you
  • Live more authentically and better connected with others

As with the other online class, new material will be presented every other week, meaning you can work through this class at your own pace and from anywhere in the world (even if you’re apart from your spouse due to work or travel).

There’s no live conference calls to plan around.

You’ll simply log into the secure tribe area, get the material which will be in PDF and audio format (plus some additional video trainings along the way), interact with other class members via a discussion board, get feedback and questions answered by Dr. Allan, and receive help and encouragement all along the way as you apply the material to your life and marriage. In addition, the tribe area will also contain some bonus material and training from some other communication experts.

To be clear, you are not signing up for marriage therapy, this is more like marriage consulting or marriage class. If you are currently in therapy or contemplating therapy, no worries, this class will be a great addition to the process.

He Said, She Said is also be great for couples who:

  • are constantly fighting
  • fell like they’re roommates more than lovers
  • have tried traditional counseling but it didn’t seem to help
  • consider themselves a Nice Guy or Nice Girl
  • are gridlocked on several issues
  • or are stuck in routine and monotony in life and marriage

The cost for this 8 week class is $198.00 and there will be a payment plan option available. Plus, you can take this class alone or with your spouse, for the same price.

Communication is a major part of life.

What if you were better equipped to handle this aspect of relationships and knew more about how to use it to create a marriage that was out of this world?

Enrolling now! <— Click here

There’s limited space available and this enrollment window closes next week, or when we’re full, whichever comes first.

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Sneak Peek of He Said, She Said

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For the past year our online marriage class, Blow Up My Marriage, has helped well over 100 people create a radically improved life and marriage.

This summer we’re launching our second online class, He Said, She Said: Stop Talking Past Each Other and Connect on a Deeper Level. An 8 week class that will teach you a completely different way to look at and handle marital communication.

One of the questions I often get is, “How does the online class format actually work.”

Everything for our classes takes place in the Simple Marriage Tribe Area, a member’s only area … usually.

For the next week, I’m unprotecting the area for the upcoming He Said, She Said class.

What does this mean to you?

For the next week you can freely poke around and get a feel for the class area. And you can see a bit about each module that will be available during this class.

In short, you get a behind the scenes look at what’s to come in June.

After a week or so I’ll be protecting everything again as we prepare to launch, but until then, head on over and look around.

—> Check out the class area by clicking here. <— Update, the class area is now protected, to see it you’ll have to enroll.

If you want more information about this class or want to be one of the first to hear when the doors are open for enrollment, click here and sign up at the bottom of the page.

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The Ultimate Family Bootcamp

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Leo Babauta (Zen Habits) and Sherri Kruger (Zen Family Habits) have opened registration for their The Ultimate Family Bootcamp, which starts April 14, 2011.

This bootcamp is for families of all shapes and sizes who feel they need to push the pause button, regroup, reconnect and create the family and lifestyle they want and deserve.

It’s for people who want to stop paying lip service to the phrase “My family is my #1 priority” and start living it.

It’s for families who need a place to start, who need a little encouragement and inspiration to get back on track to being a more connected, more organized, less stressed, happier and more cohesive unit.

The Ultimate Family Bootcamp takes a realistic and practical approach to creating your ultimate family.

We know there is no magic bullet and what works well for one family won’t necessarily work well for another. You’ll get a variety of strategies and activities that you can apply to your own situation to develop a solution that works for you.

Here’s what’s covered:

  • productivity and time management techniques from one of the best in the business, Leo Babauta.
  • a fresh look at your budget and finances and learn to use what you’ve got to make progress on long and short term goals.
  • the most important ingredient of a happy household (hint: taking care of yourself first).
  • the importance of communication and how to do it effectively (I’ll be jumping in on this one).
  • information on meal planning, planning activities, vacations and staycations for your family.
  • how to get a jump start on your weekend, and
  • staying on top of you’re your responsibilities without burning out.

Most importantly you’ll get to the bottom of what it is you really want as a family and create action plans and set the wheels in motion to actually get it.

As real people with real responsibilities and busy lives, we understand that you need real and practical tools that you can fit into your lifestyle quickly and with relative ease. This course delivers practical information, strategies and techniques each week that you can implement and apply to start improving your life right away.

The Ultimate Family Bootcamp is a multimedia bootcamp that runs for 10 weeks. Each week there will be a combination of instructional videos, expert interviews, workbooks, printable worksheets and articles to help families get on the right path for excellence. While it’s great for one person to take the initiative to make a happier more cohesive family a priority, you’ll see even greater results when everyone participates.

You can learn more and register for The Ultimate Family Bootcamp here.

Registration is open until April 13, 2011 at midnight.

 

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Huge Simplify Your Family Life Sale

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Family life can be chaotic, hectic, busy and even down-right crazy at times.

It can also be routine, ho-hum, boring and monotonous.

No matter which extreme, or wherever in between, describes your experience – what if there was a collection of books gathered together aimed at simplifying things in family life? Things like cooking, parenting, relationships, money and the like?

Know what?

For four days … there is!

From March 21st at 2 p.m. EST to March 25th at 2 p.m. EST you have the chance to purchase 30 of the best family life eBooks the Blogosphere has to offer!

And during this time, the entire collection is only $47 – almost 90% off if purchased separately.

Ready to buy?

The sale is now closed.

Read these books on your Kindle! All of the books are downloaded as PDFs, and the latest software update in Kindle allows you to upload them directly into Kindle via your computer’s USB. The books look very clean and readable as they retain their formatting.

Trouble loading the books into your iPad/iPhone/iTouch? I’ve found a brief tutorial that will help. Click here.

Want to see what all is included?

Here’s a full list of all the books:

Family Minimalism

Food & Cooking

Green Living

Intimacy & Marriage

Money

Organizing

Parenting

Personal Development

Travel

Work at Home

Bonus: Holidays

Total retail value: $453.17

 

For the next 4 days – only $47!

The sale is now closed.

Important note: This collection will only be available from March 21st at 2 p.m. EST to March 25th at 2 p.m. EST. There will be no late sales offered.

As a bonus, we’re donating a portion of the proceeds to The Mentoring Project, an organization founded by author Donald Miller that seeks to rewrite the story of the fatherless generation.

3-21-11

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Mandi of Life … Your Way and I are hard at work putting together an awesome package of family life eBooks at an amazing price. The sale launches March 21st and will last for only four days.

Stay tuned for more details.

As a side note: If you’re thinking about purchasing either A Simple Marriage or Buck Naked Marriage in the next week or so … I’d wait. They’ll both be included in the sale. Just saying.

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