Save Your Family Stories NOW

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Post written by Home and Family columnist Beth LaMie.

Four years ago, I became a Personal Historian, after taking some creative writing and memoir writing classes and joining the Association of Personal Historians (APH).

As I started to get more clients, I noticed a disturbing trend: my subjects had a tendency to die.

Most of the life stories I’ve written have been about elderly people. I learned very quickly to determine the most important topics to be covered before staring any interviews, and then address them first. Obviously, none of us know just how long we’ll live, but older people most likely have less time remaining. However, we can lose anyone at any age.

By the end of my first year in business, I was becoming discouraged—not because I didn’t have enough clients, but because the majority of them had passed away. To be honest, I almost felt like the Grim Reaper.

For a while, I contemplated whether this was the right field. During the interviewing and writing processes, it was easy for me to get involved with my subjects, through the good and the bad in their lives. When they died, it was heartbreakingly sad.

One of my clients died very suddenly, but peacefully, while watching her favorite television program. I had just completed the interviews and written her story; all that remained was to finish pulling in the scanned photographs. After talking to the daughter who had commissioned me, we decided to complete her mother’s story in a booklet and give it to the family members, which I did two days later.

At the wake the next day, the family made me feel that my efforts were not only worthwhile, they were greatly appreciated. Without the stories I had preserved, the children and grandchildren would never have known some of the details from the woman’s life.

I continue to write life stories for people and encourage them to write their own. The important thing is to preserve those precious family stories before they are lost forever. None of us know exactly how much time we have. Here are some suggestions to help you start saving your own family stories now, while you still can.

Record Them
When you start working on your own family stories, I do strongly recommend getting a digital recorder, which is small, unobtrusive & fairly inexpensive. Mine is a Sony ICD-P520, which is less than $50 on Amazon.com. Another nice feature is that you can use the USB to load it to your computer and create CDs. Once you have a recording, you can also transcribe it into a Word document.

Prioritize Subjects
If you want to capture stories and folklore from the elderly, I urge you to start right away. You never know when they (or perhaps just their minds) may be suddenly taken away. Whenever you get a group of people together, encourage them to talk about their experiences. If possible, record them talking, but if not, then take notes to expand later.

Writing Journal
Keep a writing journal to remind yourself of stories you want them to talk about, or events you recall yourself. Use photos & memorabilia to help them reminisce. That often has a starburst effect – one memory leads to three others and each of them to several more. It is a wonderful way to keep expanding their legacy.

Helpful Websites
Here are some of my favorite websites to help you get started. And of course, my book has some excellent ideas on how to capture your family stories.

About.com: Genealogy website has a list of 50 questions to help on interviews.

Ancestry.com: This website says, “Feel free to print and distribute” a Script for Video or Audio Interviews with Family Members.

Bethlamie.com: My website, where you can sign up for a free monthly newsletter (via email) with tips on writing family history.

One Story at a Time: My blog with writing suggestions and examples of family stories.

Association of Personal Historians (APH), which offers an anthology of personal stories.

Cyndi’s List.com: More than 200,000 website links to help with genealogy and family history.

Grandparents TLC.com: This site offers “Technology to Help Loving Grandparents Connect with Grandchildren!”

Smithsonian Institute: This booklet in PDF format explains how to get started with interviews, sample questions and additional resources.

Story of My Life.com: Free private website to easily gather all your family stories from friends and family and invite participation from around the world.

However you decide to start your own family stories, please start sooner rather than later. When something happens to one of your loved ones, you’ll be glad to have a keepsake of them.

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Simple Ways To Build Strong Parent/Child Relationships

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Post written by mom and parenting columnist Susan Heid of The Confident Mom.

One of the most profound and influential relationships you will ever have is with your child.

That statement can be somewhat overwhelming, but when you take time to truly be intentional in building a strong relationship – your child will reap the benefits.

Finding ways to celebrate your child, especially if you have more than one takes time and some detective skills.  Determining what makes your child ‘tick’ and their unique characteristics helps to ensure parents and children stay connected through all ages of their upbringing.

Here are a few tips on enhancing the bond with your child that you can start today.

Learn Your Child’s Love Language

You have probably heard of Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages which helps couples learn to speak the other persons love language.  We all “feel” love differently and when you can determine how best to “give” that love to your partner so they will truly feel it, your effort is receive positively.  Well, the same concept can be adapted with your children.  He has a book specifically for parents to determine how their child gives and receives love.

There are 5 main categories, Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Quality Time and Gifts.

Maybe you are a parent who hugs and cuddles with your child thinking that you enjoy it and they must enjoy it and know how much you love them.  But if you child’s main love language is Acts of Service, they are not getting the same result out of that action that you may be intending, thus you are missing that big connection of relating your love to that child.

Take a look at the book, The Five Love Language of Children and see if you can determine your child’s primary and secondary love languages.  If you have trouble, there is even a great quiz that you can give your child in the back of the book that will help determining it for you.

Date Your Kids

We hear a lot about making time for date nights for couples, but dates with your children are just as important.  Spending time together as a family is wonderful, but you will also learn so much about your children if you are able to spend time alone with each of them on an occasional basis.

This works well for both parents, not just moms.  Find out what your child likes to do and then set up a time once a month to enjoy that activity with your child.  Make sure to write it on your calendar just like you would any other important appointment and let your child know so they can look forward to that time too.

Spending regular one on one time will increase communication with your child and help them feel incredible value.  I can remember one particular time where my son and I chose a book to read together for our date time.  We each would read a portion and then we would go to a local coffee shop, grab a snack and discuss what we read.  This may not appeal to all children, but this was a huge time for me to understand and hear my son’s perspective on a really interesting social topic.  I would never have learned these things had I not taken the time to spend it with him.

Establish a Special Name

Create a special name for your child that is positive and special  that you can use between each other. Use the name as a simple reinforcement of your love. You can even come up with a special code word or sign that only you two understand.

When my son was young and began swimming with the older kids on a swim team, he was very nervous.  So I decided to have a special “signal” that I gave him every time he went up to start a race.  He would find me in the crowd and look for me to give him “our sign”.  Even 8 years later, we enjoy sharing the sign and it triggers for him some special memories.  I also have given all of my children little names of endearment, which are theirs alone.

Be Spontaneous

Plan your daily routine so that there are some opportunities for you to have relaxed, unhurried, unstructured time together every day.  It seems families today are rushed from one activity to the next and have very little downtime or space in their day to be spontaneous, so be intentional in making that happen.

Create space in your calendar.

Have some fun activities in mind that you can surprise your family with.  Being spontaneous was something I did on a regular basis a few years back, then I began to really cherish my routines and really fell off the wagon when it came to switching gears.  I realized that I was losing a lot of precious time where significant memories could be made, so now I try really hard to do the unexpected.

Just today, as we are off on a little break on the Pacific Coast,  I asked who wanted to go for a walk in the pouring rain!  They looked at me like I was crazy, but when they knew I was serious we all went out, got entirely soaked on our walk and came back to get warmed up with dry clothes and hot chocolate.

Celebrate Birthdays

Birthdays are the perfect time to show kids how much they mean to you.  This does not mean you have to rent out the skating rink, invite the entire class of 30 kids and provide pizza.  What it does mean is finding ways that are meaningful to your family.

I find that simple is usually best.  Some of my fondest memories of birthdays from my younger days are when I had a couple friends over, my mom made a homemade cake and we played a few games.

I am a firm believer that family celebrations which are simple and full of tradition are best.  I recently read a great book by Mary Ostyn, A Sane Woman’s Guide to Raising a Large Family where she shared how each of her children get breakfast in bed on their birthday, delivered by the entire family.  The person whose birthday it is is made to feel like a king or a queen and is even given a bell in order to call for assistance at any point during the meal.  How cool is that?  This can be a fun tradition to begin in your house – especially if you might get in on the birthday routine too!

(photo source)

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33 Ways for Fun with Grandchildren

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Post written by Home and Family columnist Beth LaMie.

Spending time with grandchildren is among the best things in life. In fact, it is priceless.

Although it’s always a pleasure to visit my son and his family, I thoroughly enjoy having the two grandkids all to myself. It seems the dynamics of how we relate to each other is totally different when their parents are elsewhere. That’s why I encourage them to go out on a date, or run some errands, or just go off by themselves for several hours.

That gives me a chance to spoil the six- and seven-year-old grandchildren just a bit while we have some fun. Of course, I keep them safe and secure the entire time, but a few of the minor rules may happen to fall by the wayside. Nothing serious, though.

By the way, one rule I try to enforce is that we play nothing that requires batteries. It seems to me that children have much more energy that grownups do, so it makes sense to let them use up some of that vigor while they play.

Regardless of a child’s age, there are endless ways to have fun with them. Every age offers its own challenge as well as opportunity. Keep an open mind and look for various resources for suggested activities to accommodate your young ones.

The trick is to figure out several options to offer them and to have any necessary items prepared in advance. For example, on my last visit with them, I brought along pages to color, a craft project, new books to read, a few snacks, some word games and puzzles, and the expectation that we’d have a wonderful time together.

In addition, my fallback plan was to investigate their roomful of toys, games, books, balls, etcetera, that they love to share. At least usually.

Here are some ideas on things to do with your grandchildren. Use it as a thought-generator to come up with your own activities. Some of these will appeal more than others, so don’t be afraid to experiment, either.

COOK SOMETHING YUMMY
1. Pancakes with mouse ears or rolled up with cinnamon and butter
2. Cookies from scratch or prepared mixes
3. Cupcakes frosted in fun ways
4. Make-your-own pizza
5. Dip pretzel sticks in chocolate or icing, then sprinkles
6. Build a gingerbread house (Hint: Use graham crackers for easy structures) XXX

GET CREATIVE
1. Dress-up or make-believe
2. Modeling clay, crayons, pipe cleaners
3. Scrapbook album or a single page
4. Art projects
5. Make hand or sock puppets

PLAY GAMES
1. Card games, word games, dominoes
2. Tic-tac-toe, connect-the-dots
3. Board games – checkers, Candyland, Sorry, Bingo
4. Hide-and-seek, blind man’s bluff, follow-the-leader
5. Simon says, Mother may I?

GET OUTDOORS
1. Walk, bike, go to a playground
2. Pick apples, pears, or other seasonal fruit
3. Draw with chalk on the driveway or sidewalk
4. Play tag, hop-scotch, or statue
5. Toss a ball, balloon (water?), or frisbee
6. Explore your yard – flowers, trees, birds, animals
7. Build a snowman

GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER
1. Play 20 questions
2. Talk about what you remember from your childhood
3. Ask about the child’s friends, toys, dreams, and share your own
4. Interview – Getting to Know You: A How-To Story for Kids on How to Interview Family Members (pdf) The Mini Page, Dec. 25-31, 2010) (c) 2010 Universal Uclick (2.0MB)

MORE IDEAS ON Grandparents.com
1. Instructions on how to play simple games
2. Great newsletter
3. Activities by age group, including seasonal pages to color
4. Easy recipes that kids enjoy
5. Suggestions on books, games, toys
6. Groups to join, such as “Grandparenting From Afar”

What are your favorite pastimes with your grandchildren? What activities can you plan for the upcoming holidays?

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7 Steps to Stop Nagging

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Post written by mom and parenting columnist Susan Heid of The Confident Mom.

When you’re asking your children to do things for you, do you ever feel like you’re talking to a wall?

One of the most challenging tasks that moms often face is teaching their children to listen and follow directions. It becomes frustrating for the whole family when you repeatedly give the same directions multiple times. As moms’ we can easily become the nagging machine, which is not only frustrating but exhausting.

The trouble is, we tend to think it is all our children’s doing – “making” us repeat ourselves multiple times in order to get them to comply.  Here is the catch, if we have fallen into that pattern; we have conditioned our children to expect that mom will repeat herself multiple times before she really means what she is saying.

Yep, we have created the monster!

So instead of continuing the pattern, change your actions – take some of these tips into consideration and put them into practice in your home and see how you can escape the nagging habit.

Get Their Attention

You should always get your child’s attention before giving a direction and especially avoid yelling directions from another room. Few people respond favorably to being hollered at from across the room and I would rather create an environment in my home which would train my kids to respond to a calmer, quieter tone.  Instead get close to them and use a pleasant, calm voice and use the word “please”. Since we want our children to use the magic word, doesn’t it make sense that we ought to model it?  It is amazing how adding that word into the request can influence follow through.

Don’t Ask – Rather Give Choices

You should avoid phrasing directions as questions.  Don’t say, “Would you like to pick up your toys now?”  You are asking for non-compliance with a question, your child feels that they are being given an option rather than a direction.

Instead, try giving choices instead of just commands whenever possible.  Allow your child to decide how or when to follow your directions.

With a younger child is can be as simple as asking them if they would like to brush their teeth before or after their bath.  It does not mean you are allowing them to take complete control. Be careful, however, not to use words implying that not doing the task is one of the options.

Asking, ”Would you mind brushing your teeth?”  opens up the door to an argument because your child sees this as a choice of doing it or not doing it. When offering a choice, make it clear that what your child gets to decide is when to do the job, not whether to do it.” Giving your child some say in compliance can often prevent power struggles.

Be Prepared to Enforce

Parents should avoid giving their children a direction unless they are prepared to enforce it. If parents do not enforce their directions, then children learn that their parents don’t mean what they say, a phrase I often use with moms I work with called, “Giving Empty Threats.”  You have to follow through if your child decides to not do what is being asked of them. Ahead of time, have a plan for how you’ll respond to noncompliance or defiance.
If they refuse to comply, or they dawdle about or begin arguing, make sure you have your next action step prepared in advance.

Be Clear and Specific

Avoid giving vague directions such as “Be good,” or “Be careful.” There may be significant differences between how you and your child interpret vague directions such as “being good” which leaves them open to misinterpretation. Parents should make their directions clear, specific and easy to understand. Instead of just telling your child to clean out his closet, break the task down into several steps of how that is accomplished.  Perhaps create a checklist to use on this task which includes what needs to be done in order to meet your expectation.

Ask Your Child to Repeat Your Request

This is critical with younger children. Having your youngster to recite rules and instructions out loud can prevent tearful protests of “I didn’t know” or “I didn’t understand” later on. Ask young, easily distracted children to repeat directions back to you. Older kids can repeat them or even better, have them write down the information themselves.

Resist Multiple Requests

As I stated early, if you threaten, lecture, or give repeated warnings after you have given an instruction – this is a tough one to break.  Just remember, when you use threats, lectures, and repeated warnings you are training your child to need threats, lectures, and repeated warnings in order to accomplish tasks.

Show appreciation

When the task is complete let your child know that you appreciate their compliance.  A quick, “Thank you” is something everyone loves to hear.

(Photo Credit)

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Melt Your Honey’s Heart with Character Appreciation

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Post written by premarital columnist Susanne Alexander of Marriage Transformation.

When we are talking seriously about marriage, the phrase “I love you” constantly pops out of our mouths.

Once we are married, we often end cellphone calls with “love you”, but the frequency of loving expressions tends to slow down.

Whatever the timing and quantity of these expressions of affection, you can especially melt your loved one’s heart by including what specifically you appreciate about them and what they do.

To start, carefully observe what’s happening and look for specific positive actions that you appreciate or admire.

Perhaps she remembered to put a tool back after using it. Maybe he washed her car without being asked or reminded. He helped her father with a building project. She took his mother shopping. He helped a child with homework. She got a great promotion at work after completing a project. Whatever you observe, make sure that you sincerely applaud the action. Sincerity will cause your appreciation to touch the heart and soul of your loved one.

Next, link the action to a quality of character.

This takes more skill.

Some excellent qualities to consider connecting to actions are:

• Caring
• Compassion
• Confidence
• Cooperation
• Courage
• Creativity
• Enthusiasm
• Flexibility
• Helpfulness
• Honesty
• Patience
• Responsibility
• Thoughtfulness

When you use qualities like these in an acknowledgement, it spreads light into the recipient’s heart, encourages them to be aware of and keep practicing the quality, and creates a positive bond of appreciation or love between you.

Here are some examples using the above list:

• “You were very caring with your friend Justin today when he shared he was diagnosed with cancer. I appreciate what a compassionate friend you are to people.”
• “Your courage in asking your manager for a raise today was totally awesome. I love that you are so confident in your abilities that you could approach her with your request.”
• “Thank you so much for helping me out with cleaning up this mess. I was feeling overwhelmed, and your patience with organizing everything made all the difference.”
• “I appreciate how thoughtful you are in our relationship. Making sure we have coffee every morning, carrying the laundry baskets to the basement, and getting the oil changed in my car make our lives together smoother and easier.”

This practice is called using Character Quality Language.

Remember to observe, be sincere, include at least one character quality, and be specific about the actions involved.

Now step back and think about the effect you can have on your children when being consistent with a practice like this. As parents, we have a primary responsibility to rear our children to have good characters.

We can influence the development of their qualities by modeling good character to them, by encouraging them to practice character qualities, and by using Character Quality Language with them when we observe their successful behavior.

I recently noticed a woman in a store repeatedly and impatiently scolding her children for acting out and asking them to “Just wait a minute!”. She then commented to the clerk that “Children these days have no patience.”  Then she took them for ice cream to compensate for making them wait while she did the transaction. Unfortunately, this dynamic is quite common.

From the time children are very small, parents can say to them, “Please be patient” or “I need you to practice patience for a few minutes”.  This reminds the parent and the child both to use their best behavior.

When the child is successful, the parent can say, “Thank you for being patient while I put dinner on to cook.” Affirmation can be one of the biggest encouragers of good behavior, especially in children.

Character Quality Language makes all our interactions more gentle, more thoughtful, more connecting, more kind.

We can close an email with “Thank you for your flexibility” or “I appreciate how helpful you are”. We can send a text message that says “Great cooperation!”. We are more attentive to what the people around us are doing. This helps us strengthen and unify our relationships through expressing sincere appreciation that melts their hearts and touches their souls.

It’s one of the many paths to having an excellent and happy relationship and marriage.

(photo source)

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Never Too Old to Learn

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School is for everyone!

Kids are starting to gear up for a new school year. Stores have special sales on school supplies, book bags, clothing, shoes, and everything else students need.

This is also the time of year to start planning your own education. Regardless of your age, learning something new keeps your mind active, which goes a long way to keep you from growing old. Never subscribe to that old adage – you CAN teach an old dog new tricks.

Easier to Learn
In fact, getting older makes it easier in some ways to discover new activities. For example, retirees have several advantages over younger students. They have more time available, more interest in learning for the sake of learning, and have less pressure to get good grades. They can actually learn just for the fun of it. Have you always had an interest in geology or astronomy? Then this may be your chance to finally study it.

Financial Breaks
Another benefit older students may find is financial. Senior citizens can often audit classes for free, or qualify for reduced fees and tuition, at some four-year universities and community colleges. More than twenty states offer senior discounts, so check out the opportunities in your state at www.fastweb.com.

Government Assistance
Students of any age may be able to claim one of these three benefits: 1) the Lifetime Learning tax credit for up to $2,000 a year, 2) the American Opportunity credit for up to $2,500 a year, or 3) deductions for up to $4,000 a year. Make sure you check out the requirements first. You can learn more at www.TaxBenefitsForEducation.info, which is the IRS’s Tax Benefits for Education Information Center.

Scholarships
For anyone needing more assistance with tuition, there are scholarships aimed at returning adults and non-traditional students. In addition to the Fastweb site above, check your local institutions, as well as www.scholarships.com.

Are you interested in whale watching, archeology, or the Galapagos Islands? Two organizations support some 500 Lifelong Learning Institutes (LLI) nationwide for short-term intensive study. Check out Elderhostel (renamed as www.roadscholar.org) and Osher (www.osher.net). They offer something for almost everyone.

Those Who Can, Teach
Another possibility to study economically is to trade your expertise for what you want to learn. For example, if you excelled in the trades, such as electrical wiring, investigate teaching a class on it in exchange for a class in photography. Many schools have limited budgets to hire instructors, but may be more than willing to work out an arrangement. Be creative in your suggestions and you just might find the ideal arrangement.

Conferences
Many organizations open their conferences to the public, in addition to their members. For example, the Association of Personal Historians (APH) is holding their annual conference in Las Vegas in October, details at www.personalhistorians.org. It is a wonderful way for anyone to learn more about preserving their family stories. Check out other offerings on the internet, at your local library, or in trade magazines.

Ask Others
When you notice someone doing something out of the ordinary, either in person or in the newspaper, ask them how they learned it or discovered it. People enjoy talking about their hobbies and you may find both a new activity and a new friend with whom to share it. You can also find information at your library, bookstore, craft or hobby stores, and on the internet. There is a wealth of knowledge available when you start researching an area.

Other Opportunities to Learn
Many Senior Centers schedule group events for people to play cards, games, chess, crafts, book clubs, etc. Find one or two you like and participate. If you don’t find a group that shares your passion for cribbage, start your own. You can post a notice on a bulletin board, local newspaper, or community calendar.

Watch for the new catalogs arriving from your community college, continuing education provider, park district, and neighborhood associations. If you don’t find anything of interest, call them to ask for future classes on topics of your choice. You’ll never know how they’ll respond if you don’t ask.

What have you always wanted to learn, but never tackled? Discover a whole new world of exciting things to learn, both in school and out. But the important thing is to start today!

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7 Tips for Making Time for You

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Post written by mom and parenting columnist Susan Heid of The Confident Mom.

Mom, do you make time for yourself?

Making sure you get some breaks to do something nice for yourself is of utmost importance in order to be a happy, positive and well-balanced mom.

Carving out some “you time” to refresh and relax away from childcare duties is the fuel that keeps us upbeat rather than beat up!

It almost seems backwards to say that taking time away from your family can in fact benefit them, but it is true!

When you do things for yourself to nurture your mind, body and spirit, your whole family will benefit.

The biggest struggle is finding the time – that is the number one issue that needs to be tackled when you are trying to carve out time to care for your own needs. It’s challenging to find time to do non-child-related activities. We find ourselves so busy with the tasks of motherhood and managing household chores that we are often overlooked completely.  But as I share with other moms, no one is going to serve you a nice “chunk of time on a silver platter”.

You need to make it happen for yourself.

Here are some of my favorite tips to find time for you:

Use naptime effectively

Even if your children do not take naps, they can have a quiet time set aside each day.  Naptime is the perfect time to spend time your way.  If you like reading, writing, listening to music, exercising or have a craft hobby, this is a good time to pick up a book or headphones without having your children badgering you!

Try to avoid using this time to clean up the house or do other chores, if you must – take only 10 minutes to tidy up. You can also enjoy a bubble bath, a long shower,  drink a hot cup of coffee or  even take a short nap yourself (*gasp*).

Have a different sleeping schedule than your children

If your children sleep until late morning, then make it a habit to wake up early. I have found that getting up earlier than my family is my sure fire way to get more accomplished, even if it means I take a 20 minute nap in the afternoon to refresh. You get more time for yourself and I find that I can be better organized to meet the demands of my day. If your children go to bed early in the evening, you can stay awake until later to enjoy some “you time”.

Plan your meals

Take time to plan your meals for the week and grocery shop well. Make a list of needed items for at least one week and purchase them all in one visit to the grocery store. This is a tremendous time saver. You will not have to worry about having things for your recipes and you will save time which you can have for yourself.

Find child-friendly shops

Many stores now offer supervised playrooms for children while you go about your shopping, ticking off items on your shopping list. When my kids were younger they LOVED going to IKEA to play in the ball pit!  Now there are many stores that offer a place to drop your children while you shop. You will love this concept so much that you just might look for opportunities to visit such stores (especially if they have a coffee bar located inside!)

Team up with other moms

You are not the only one who has to face these challenges of motherhood – who else can relate – other moms.  Team up with a few moms with similar aged children, plan outings together, or just have kids over for a  play date in your home.  By sharing the responsibility of caring for the children you will find mommy time for all of you! You can pick dates for each of you to look after the children, while the others get time off to spend doing whatever they like.

Try multitasking

You can mix “being mom” and “you time” at the same time.  Take your children out for a walk in the stroller while listening to an audio book on your iPod.  Or pop them in a wagon for a walk around the neighborhood, stopping at the local coffee shop for a treat. Do you have a bike trailer for your little one(s)?  Look online at places like Craigslist or Trading Cradles to find a used one and get moving.  Kids will love getting cozy inside with a snack, drink and a few books or even their own story on an MP3 player. You get some exercise and fresh air and your kids get an adventure too!

Have a “Me Menu”

Often times when I ask moms what they enjoy doing, they are left speechless.  It seems they have forgotten the things that brought them joy or activities they once enjoyed doing.  Take some time to jot down ideas of what you would like to do if you had 5 minutes, 15 minutes, 30 minutes, an hour and several hours.  Keep this list handy so that if you happen to get 15 minutes of time, you can look at your list and make that time useful for you!

Spending time with your children is certainly one of the greatest pleasures of motherhood, but it is also important to spend some time relaxing and de-stressing yourself so that you can be the best mom you can.

Any ideas listed here that you can start to incorporate to find time for you?  Do you have other ideas?

(photo source)

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6 Benefits of Eating Dinner Together at the Table

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buttery zucchini & ground beef

Post written by Jules Clancy of Stonesoup.

The couple that eats together stays together.

The original statement may have actually been related to prayer, but to my mind at least, it holds equally true when it comes to the evening meal.

When life gets busy, it can be easy to slip into the rut of eating on the run and neglecting to take time to sit down together. Yet this is something we should be striving to avoid. There are a whole host of benefits that comes with taking the time to eat dinner together, at the table.

It need not be anything fancy. Or require one of you to spend hours slaving away in the kitchen. The benefits of eating together are there to be had regardless of the quality of your food. Takeaway pizza shared at the table can be just as beneficial as a home cooked meal.

As long as you clear away distractions and make the time to focus on each other, and of course the food.

1. Eating together helps you connect.

It can be difficult to reach out and nurture you relationship if you aren’t spending enough time together. We need to eat every day. So if you make a point of eating together, you will automatically be creating the shared time so critical for ensuring you don’t drift apart.

2. Eating together provides an opportunity to practice gratitude.

In my house we have recently started a habit of sharing at least one thing we’re thankful for before we start eating. Just one thing, no matter how small. It’s amazing how scanning through your day looking for the positive makes you realise how lucky you are. It’s not often that we only have one thing to share.

Another positive outcome is when something good happens during my day, I now make a special mental note to remember to share it at dinner. It’s a great positive conversation starter as well.

3. Eating together helps you relax.

After a long day at the office, we can all benefit from the simple pleasure of preparing and enjoying our evening meal. No only does it give you a chance to unwind from the day, it prepares you for a well earned, rejuvenating sleep.

4. Eating together encourages mindful eating.

By sharing a meal, and actually taking the time to talk about what you’re experiencing in terms of flavours and textures, you are both more likely to be mindful of your food, rather than wolfing it down. This leads to further benefits such as reduced over eating, improved digestion and increased enjoyment of food.

5. Eating together improves nutrition

I know when I’m cooking and eating by myself, I put far less effort into my meals. When I’m cooking for two, I’m far more likely to plan something nutritious and go to the effort of making a side salad or some extra vegetables.

6. Eating together is fun!

One of life’s greatest pleasures is sharing good food and wine with the one you love. Life is too short to miss out on this simple joy and all the good things it can bring to our relationships.

If that inspires you to get a bit creative in the kitchen, I’ve included a recipe for one of my favourite simple mid-week suppers. Enjoy!

Buttery Zucchini with Ground Beef
serves 2

I love the texture of ground beef when it’s been well cooked and crispy on the edges. Melting, buttery zucchini makes a wonderful contrast for a modern take on meat & veg. Pork, lamb or chicken would be equally lovely.

450g (1lb) ground beef
4 medium zucchini, sliced into thin rounds
1-2 teaspoons dried chilli, optional
fresh lemon, to serve

1. Heat a few tablespoons olive oil in a large frying pan.

2. Cook beef over medium high heat, stirring for a minute or so.

3. Add zucchini and continue to cook stirring every now and then.

4. When the meat is well browned and the zucchini is soft and buttery remove from the heat.

5. Squeeze over 2-3 tablespoons lemon juice. Taste and season generously with salt & pepper.

Jules Clancy is a qualified Food Scientist and the creator of The Stonesoup Virtual Cookery School. She blogs about simple 5 ingredients recipes that can mostly be prepared in 10 minutes over at Stonesoup.

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