Most parenting books and resources just offer different forms of manipulation in order to get your child to do what you want them to do, when you want them to do it. You use charts, threats, and fear. I often ask parents if they would prefer their child learn to make the “right” choices or just make choices based on getting a reward or because ultimately they are fearful of you? Most often parents see the parallel here and chose the option of allowing their child to make choices and the lesson that teaches them about real life.

One area that most parents struggle with is allowing their child to suffer. Now don’t get the wrong idea – hear me out! Suffering can look many different ways, and I wanted to share with you what I have experienced and what I like to the moms I work with so consider.

I want to highlight two of the biggest fears/struggles that parents work through when trying to incorporate a new style of parenting in their home which allows their child to make more choices and the repercussions of those choices.

Allowing problem solving:

This one is the easiest for parents to grasp and actually put into action. Simply put, when your child has a problem and they come to you asking you to “fix it” for them – do you? This can be as simple as asking you a question. If your child is doing their homework and ask you how to spell a word, do you stop what you are doing and give them the information or do you help them by showing how they can solve that problem on their own? Instead of just spelling the word for them, why not offer the dictionary or internet as a resource? When your family is getting ready to go out for the day and your child needs to bring along some items (a change of clothes, book, or other similar items) instead of just giving them that information when they come to you asking, why not ask them what they think they may need. They often will surprise you by knowing or at least getting close to what you had in mind – all on their own!

It seems the earlier and more times I started doing this type of questioning back to my children, the less they came asking me to help them solve something or think for them. They soon started figuring things our on their own without my help! Ultimately isn’t that what we want our kids to do, figure out solutions to their own problems? I don’t know about you but when my child leaves home I don’t really want them calling me 42 times a day asking me questions. Yes, that is a humorous way to look at the concept, but ask yourself, when do you start this type of learning experience for your children? Seems to me it makes sense to start is as soon as they are of an age to start solving some things on their own. Your child is an individual and you know them best – you will know the right time!

Allowing the wrong choice:

This experience is more difficult for parents to grasp and follow through on. It is hard to see our children make mistakes or make choices that would not be the best for them. We love our children, we want the best for them and watching them struggle is very difficult. But it is really the most loving thing we can do. When your child is given the opportunity to make a wrong choice and then work through the results of that choice with you as the parent alongside them, there is more learning going on there than just a speech would cover. Unfortunately we learn best when we actually have to walk through a bad choice and deal with the consequences.

An example I recall is what happened with one of our sons. In our home once you have shown that you are responsible to do your homework without our supervision or looking over your shoulder, you are then allowed to do your homework whenever you want. The catch is, if you miss an assignment or have a late paper, you lose that privilege for a period of time. Then we are dictating when homework must be accomplished.

Imagine how much more effective and impactful this becomes when my son realizes he didn’t look through his backpack good enough to realize he has an assignment due in the morning and then has to stay up till 11 PM to complete it OR deal with the consequence of losing his privilege of choosing when he can do his work. As a parent it was difficult to go to bed knowing he was still up, working on that paper. But I can tell you, as painful as it was to allow him to make that choice and then have to watch him solve it on his own, it impacted him in a way that lecturing never would have. There are so many opportunities to let your child have these little life lessons, don’t let them slip by because of your anxiety and fear.

Ultimately we all want to raise responsible and resourceful adults. That is our goal. I challenge you to look at situations that present themselves daily in your home where you can develop these two characteristics in your child. There may be more than you really had noticed when you start truly paying attention!

(photo source)

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Hmmm, when was the last time I had cleaned and oiled the machinery? Apparently, if I couldn’t remember, then it had been way too long. As I started to disassemble each component, I made mental notes to be able to put it all back together – hopefully without any parts left over.

I have never seen so many fuzzy dust bunnies in such a small confined space. I grabbed my trusty old toothbrush (one that had been replaced recently) and brushed out all the lint I could find. Next, I dug out the good old 3-in-1 oil can to lubricate all the neglected moving parts.?

Amazingly, it was immediately easier to manually run the sewing machine thru its paces. Using my photographic memory (okay, so I added a few grumbling words to help), I reassembled the machine and closed the covers for each compartment. Uh oh, where did that spring come from? I retraced my steps and consulted the manual for the umpteenth time to find the location missing one itty bitty spring.

As I worked thru the process using the manual as well as trial and error, I thought of how Mom regularly serviced her machines. I recalled how she always kept a very small can of machine oil strictly for that purpose, whereas I had to borrow my husband’s.

I also thought with pride about how she never had to take her sewing machine in for service. She knew that machine inside and out and could tell by the sound and feel when something needed attention. Sort of like she did with our family. She seemed to hone in on someone who needed a bit of TLC before we were even aware of it.

As I considered her legacy, I resolved to be more attentive to my equipment and to the people in my life who matter. I felt contentment as I finally started my sewing project and enjoyed my newly smooth-running sewing machine.

Which areas of your life could use a little TLC to run more smoothly? Consider some of these:

1. Relationships with children
   Sometimes we get caught up in trying to do too many things. Spend time working on your relationship with little ones. Now that school has been out for a while, think of something fun and creative to do with your children or grandchildren. Plan an activity that everyone will enjoy that also allows some quiet time to talk. This is a perfect time of the year for a walk along the beach, in the woods or through a park. Tell them some of the activities you used to enjoy when you were their age. Ask their thoughts about what they would like to do on your next outing. You may be surprised at the pleasure they get out of little things. This small investment can pay big dividends in your relationships.
2. Relationship with spouse
   We all get caught up in a whirlwind of commitments, whether it is work, housecleaning (seriously, some people do, or at least so I hear), caring for an elderly relative or getting distracted by financial burdens. Try a little “preventive maintenance” with your spouse – plan a special demonstration of your love. If he raves about your homemade lasagna and you don’t usually take the time to make it, surprise him. If she has gotten overwhelmed with housework while chauffeuring the kids to summer activities, surprise her by washing the kitchen floor. The important thing is to do something nice for them that is out of the ordinary. The great thing is that it doesn’t have to be expensive or time-consuming. The important thing is for it to be some TLC from your heart.
3. Relationship with God
   It is very easy to relegate God to just an hour or two on Sunday morning. Sometimes he is trying to speak to us at other times, but we are so busy running around that we can’t hear him. Try spending some quiet time each day with no computer, no television, no music blaring. Choose a nice quiet spot where you can get comfortable, open your heart and be receptive to hearing an inner voice. Even if you hear nothing, the tranquility will refresh you in preparation for more hectic times. Years ago, I learned Transcendental Meditation and it helped me through a rough patch in my life. Now it helps me to stay focused on where I am heading and what I want to do with my life. That’s how I apply a little TLC to myself.

What areas of your life need a little TLC? I’d love to hear about them!

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[Warning: Some of the following material may hit a nerve and be too close for comfort.]

Cut to mother of a 16 year old.  One of my inner demons is a maternal dragnet sniffing out clues of possible deviant behavior. Recently, she started to obsess about the possibility that my son was cutting some of his classes. As a result, I had worked myself into quite a state about something which had no basis in reality. And here is how it played out….

The impact on me was that I got angry and felt a need to assert control. I wanted to come down hard with consequences and punishments. I stopped being curious about what was really happening and I stopped trusting him. I also felt like a failure as a parent. I found it hard to focus on my work. The impact on our relationship was that my suspicions hardened my son against me. He became more secretive and more closed.

It was time to turn things around. Luckily I have learned a lot about the power of talking to our inner monsters from Havi Brooks. So I sat down with pen and paper and commenced a conversation with ‘the dragnet monster’. Here is a sampling of what happened:

Me All this bad cop stuff is really hard on me. I know you have my best interests at heart but really it is not working. What do you want?

TDM (the dragnet monster): We want you to have perfect children.

Me But my son is only 16. How can he (or anyone) possibly be perfect?! It is too big a burden for him to carry.

TDM If he loved you he would make you happy. And he is not making you happy. Maybe he doesn’t love you.

Me You scare me when you raise the possibility that he doesn’t love me. Did you know that? Besides, he is too young to even know what that means. And it is totally normal for him to rebel. Not to mention the fact that I think I have been a little too omnipresent in his life and he probably needs some space.

TDM You know he is only home for another year. This can’t go on or you will lose him and lose the opportunity to help him become a mature adult.

Me Listen guys, I think I am going to lose him if you keep taking over my interactions with him. You are pushing him away. I need you to manage your fear so that I can work at having a more peaceful relationship with my son.

TDM It is going to be hard because the fear of losing him feels an awful lot like the fear we had when your parents were angry at you and it seemed like they’d never love you again.

Me You know, guys, maybe this isn’t so much about my son after all. Maybe it is just about the fear of not being loved. We can handle that elsewhere you know? But I want to love my son for the incredible kid he is. He is funny and joyful and there is so much to appreciate. I want some space to do that too.

TDM It is going to take us awhile to calm down.

Me Well by all means take care of yourselves and calm down. We can talk again if you get scared…

Update: Since this conversation with the Dragnet monster, my son and I have been doing really well. But just in case, I am going to invest in a monster manual to keep the lines of communication open.

(photo source)

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So as we venture into this summer season, I would love to share with you a few ideas that have come up in coaching calls I’ve had with other busy moms lately as we tackle the issue of “summer” and the added stress it can have for moms.  Hopefully a few will be right on target and make your summer more of a dream than a struggle.

1.  Take time for yourself – somewhere!

“But I don’t have time!”  Sound familiar?  I realize that having kids around all day means there is little time to be “alone”.  So, in order to make that happen, you have to get creative and pro-active.  I can tell you, someone is not going to set this up for you; you are going to have to make it happen yourself.  If your kids are older, 5 and up, you can set a time every morning or afternoon where they know you have time alone.  Set up the expectation and follow through.  Sit outside, read on the sofa, take a walk, whatever soothes your soul.  Now, if you have younger kids it may be easier to get your time alone in the morning BEFORE everyone gets up.  I know for me, even with older kids this set-up works best.  I can have “me” time and then my mind is set for the day.

2.  Keep some kind of routine

This is non-negotiable!  Even though it is summer and everyone wants to be lazy and “hang out” you still need some kind of structure to create a flow in your home.  We have a much more laid back summer routine for the morning, but never the less the kids know what needs to be accomplished by a certain time and what they’re responsible for.  It allows for everyone to actually do something rather than waste the day away.  Some days it is fine to lay around til noon in your jammies, we even schedule “Pajama Day” at our house, but if it becomes a habit you are just asking for trouble.  Set up some expectations and stick to them.

3.  Trading Kids

So this is a great way for you to still have some time “off” even when you are suppose to be “on duty” 24/7 now!  Do you have a friend or neighbor with similar age and number of children?  Why not coordinate a day per week where you take all the kids and she gets a break and then she takes the kids and you get a break!  You could work this as an all day event, but I much prefer the before or after lunch schedule.  Say you pick up her kids at 1 PM, they’ve already had lunch and off you go to do some exploring with your kids along for the ride.  I know other moms have realized this secret….shhhhh…… “The more kids that you have in your arena does not mean it is more work!”  Come one, you know what I mean!  Choose a fun activity (beach, park, zoo, etc) and supervise everyone having a good time.  You may even be surprised that you can get a few chapters of your favorite book in while they are splashing about.  The reward is your afternoon FREE of kids – just imagine how wonderful that break will be and what you can do during that time.

4.  Easy Meals

Come up with some easy lunch ideas that your kids can either help you prepare or do it all themselves.  I especially love when I have leftovers and the kids just re-heat those.  It makes it great for everyone.  We do like to experiment at our house though,  so usually we plan one day in the week to do a special lunch recipe, making it part of an activity.  This can be making pizza, homemade macaroni and cheese or another favorite you have.  Make sure you plan ahead to avoid fast-food, especially if you are going to be out and about.  The worst habit you can fall into during the summer is quickly running through the drive-thru because it is the “easiest”.  At times it is necessity, but a little planning can prevent the trip!

5.  Family Meeting

Have a family meeting to get some input from your kids about some activities they would like to do this summer.  I have found this to be a great resource for planning our summer.  The suggestions sometimes surprise me, but we really have done some interesting things due to suggestions.  We also have asked the kids to pick 3 things they would like to do during the summer, put them in order of preference and then we tell them we will do our best to complete at least one.  It may be as simple as camping or back packing or more difficult, like getting a trampoline (which we in fact did one summer!)

6.  Time Outside

Get your family outside everyday!  This may seem like a no-brainer, but as kids get older it is easier for them to find the TV or video games very intriguing.  Make an expectation for everyone, including you that you will all get outside during the day for some time of activity.  Maybe it is just walking the dogs, or perhaps having a water balloon fight.  Even if it rains, get creative about how to have fun outside.

7.  Read a book together

You can start this even when you have really young kids.  By intentionally choosing to read together as a family you are encouraging this as a habit for your kids to continue to develop as they grow older.  Choose a few different books to read, start with one and see where it goes.  You can choose a time to read, and switch readers if you have older children.  Sometimes we read around the breakfast table, it is where everyone is and it keeps them entertained too.  Now that my kids are older, we are picking a book and everyone is reading at their own pace and we set times to discuss what we have read.  This summer we are reading, “The Hole in the Gospel, What Does God Expect of Us,” by Richard Stearns.  I have enjoyed creating this type of environment for continued learning and expression throughout the summer months.

8.  Have a Pajama Day

This is a favorite of my kids!  It works throughout the year, but I find that in the summer it is even more fun to pick a day and purposefully stay in your pajamas, hanging out enjoying just your family.  We started this “tradition” when I was a single mom and had little money for big adventures, so we created our own little adventures!  We would watch movies, play games, make recipes, rest and just plain hang out!  It is like taking a mini vacation in the middle of summer right at home!

9.  Plan Ahead

This is often an area that moms struggle with.  Planning fun activities and adventures in advance so you have what you need.  I know I struggle with this even today!  It just seems that time gets away from me and then I am caught off guard.  So this summer I decided to create a Summer Survival Calendar with Kids.  It is a 3 month summer calendar with over 100 activities, recipes and projects with click-able links to all the instructions.  So all the planning is done for you, you just need to take a look at the weeks line up and make sure you have supplies handy and you are all set.  I have done all the work for you.  You can take a look at The Confident Mom’s Summer Survival Calendar with Kids and see if it sounds like a must have for you!

10.  Ask for Patience!

Keep doing what you need to do in order to keep fresh and connected.  For me, I know I am praying for patience several times a day – and well, He gives me lots of opportunities to display what I ask for!   Taking a deep breath is sometimes all you can do when things start getting a little crazy, but just remember, you are the adult and you just need to keep acting like the adult!

I hope your summer is one full of memory making adventures and you survive with lots of smiles.  Make sure you take lots of pictures – maybe even making a photo journal of all your adventures together.

(photo source)

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How to talk to your children about sex

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One of the ways I dealt with the sudden loss of my mother several years ago was by writing a letter to tell her all the heartfelt things I didn’t have a chance to tell her in person. In fact, I wrote for hours that first night, often crying so hard that tears smeared the pages.

I told her how deeply saddened I was that I didn’t have a chance to tell her goodbye and how much I missed her. After a few sessions of cathartic writing, I was able to finally turn to a more joyous topic: how grateful I was to have her for my mother.

Mom taught me many of the important things in life, such as faith, love, family, honesty, respect and responsibility. I started writing vignettes about memories from my childhood and I found a sense of peace as I experienced what I can only describe as a starburst effect.

As I recalled the details of a single, simple family event (such as my 8th-grade graduation) it pointed me to stories about favorite family recipes (such as sour cream chocolate cake) that in turn made me recall summer activities (such as our huge vegetable garden and preparing projects for the county fair). If you envision the sky on the 4th of July, when the fireworks display amazes us with a burst of color and lights followed by another and then another, you’ll see a starburst effect.

Each little story made me think about another one and I began to jot down story ideas in a pretty little spiral-bound writing journal that I carried with me at all times. Every time the cobwebs in my mind cleared enough to reveal a potential topic for future development, I wrote it down in my journal. My hope was to use the snippets of memories to expand into a full story as time allowed.

So what’s the point of this rambling for you?

1. If you’ve lost someone dear to you, try writing to them or about them. Enjoy all the old memories you can recall to save for yourself, as well as for your friends and family. As a Personal Historian, I am always excited and pleased to help people save their family stories, whether I write for them or teach them how to write their own.
2. Think about the people around you and let them know how much you appreciate them while you still can. Tell them you love them and what you admire about them. Write them a little note to thank them for something, even if it is small. Consider this: if they were suddenly gone from your life, what would you have wanted them to know? Make an effort to show them how much they matter to you.
3. Start keeping your own writing journal. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy, just a simple notebook, tablet or sheaf of paper where you can jot down images that you recall and stories that you can pursue later.
4. Years ago, I sent a letter to my great aunt and told her how much I appreciated her seeing me as a young lady when I was a terrible tomboy. My intention was to drive up to see her so we could talk about all the little things she had done for me. Unfortunately, she died before I could make the trip. I was so glad I didn’t put off sending that letter.
5. Moral of the story: Don’t wait until it is too late to tell someone how much they mean to you. You never know when you will lose someone dear and you don’t want to regret the omission.

Go ahead, make their day – tell someone you love them.
Better yet, write it down so they can refer to it time and again.

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Almost two decades after nursing (literally and figuratively) my boys through the first year of their lives, I realize the enormity of the gift they gave me. My children were my Zen masters.

Every piercing cry said, “Here. Now”

Every time I held my baby my fingers tingled with the sensation of his soft body.

I was aware of the slant of the sun as it came through the window and could feel the subtly shifting temperatures in the room.

In my sleep deprived haze my mind was barely capable of being “busy”.

It is hard to estimate the hours I spent simply watching my babies’ angelic faces as they slept.

Middle-of-the-night feedings were occasions for hearing every small sound and seeing shades of darkness.

The passage of time felt different.

My baby was never “wrong”.

My task was to meet him where he was and to puzzle out what he was aware of that I needed to learn to become aware of too.

There was only ever one thing in front of me to do.

The days of our children’s’ infancy fly by. And while for me they are in the distant past, I find it takes but a few minutes of quiet to re-experience the quality of that time. It is an everlasting gift. They taught me that I am capable of this kind of focus and attention on what is before me. Their presence in my life today continues to remind me of the gift I can give back to them if I can be here now with them.

(photo source)

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Lately I have been struggling with my own discovery of how my priorities are shaping my family’s day to day life.  This is an area I have been sharing with my readers and also groups I speak with – how even small choices we make as Homemakers can impact so many areas.  If you aren’t clear on your priorities as a wife, mother and individual it is likely that you will become frustrated, overwhelmed and feel like your daily schedule/life is controlling you rather than vice versa.  Unless you set and resolve to live by your own priorities and not someone else’s expectations, you’ll end up wearing yourself out.

Time management is a term we here most often, but actually I came across an article talking about time management really being about self-management.  I thought this was brilliant!  We are ultimately in control of we allow into our lives and how we will prioritize

Prioritize means “to put in order of importance”.  And as a busy mom you must continually do this over and over again, making choices based on the priorities you have built.  I had this experience the past few months, being overwhelmed and feeling like there was just not enough of me to go around.

I evaluated where I was, where I wanted to be, how I wanted to be spending my time and took some time to choose differently with my time.  I would like to share with you what helped me in this process:

Do you know what your priorities are?

Are you living your daily life with those in mind?

If you aren’t clear on your priorities I believe you will continually run into trouble trying to balance everything.

1.  First, decide what those priorities are and make a list

My list was easy:  God, my husband, my home, my children, my private life, public life.

I make decisions based on how the opportunity/task may affect each of these areas.

God comes first for me; ultimately I need to know my choices are reflecting that priority for me.

My husband, he is my second priority.  I am committed to loving my husband in practical ways, spending time with him, encouraging him, and being his support person.  Notice he is far above my children, time together for us without kids is a necessity not a luxury.

My Home is next.  This one throws some people and it took me awhile to understand this and feel comfortable with this, but what were you given first to care for?  A home or children?  Don’t make the common mistake of always putting activities with your children above caring for your home.  Work for proper balance. You are responsible for creating an environment for your family to thrive in.  If your home is chaotic, a mess and unmanageable your family will suffer.

My Children are fourth.  Understanding where my children are in the priority order makes it easier for me to make decisions.  I can look at the big picture and see what else may be impacted negatively and where that falls into my list.

My private life is fifth.  Making sure I am taking time for myself, caring for my own needs for rest, exercise and spiritual renewal.

My Public life.  All of my activities outside the home, from volunteering, work to friendships, these all are included here.  This is where most women have trouble learning to say “no”.  But it is extremely important that you can learn to say no, or the other more important areas will suffer.  Don’t let yourself become fooled by what society is telling you that you need to be, know what your priorities are and where your strength comes from.

After you have made your own list of priorities then you can take some time to look at how you are spending your time now.

2.  Record – Record all your activities during a normal day. Be sure to write down everything, idle time, talking on the phone, watching TV, computer time, sleeping.  Then categorize each activity according to where they fit into your priorities.  You will soon see where you are spending your time and if it matches what it should.

3.  List – What on your list needs to be eliminated?   Subtract from your list before adding to it.  Learn to say NO.

4.  Ask Yourself –

• What needs to be added to or subtracted from my activities for me to know I am living my life by my priorities?
• What’s really most important to you?  (Is it more important to take a walk with a neighbor 3 times a week, or sign your child up for a second sports activity)
• What unhealthy habits need to be corrected in the way I think, act, and respond and even use my time?
• How am I choosing to spend the time that I have.  How is that reflecting my priorities?
• Consider your boundaries around your time.
• Have I included daily time for myself to re-energize myself, however that looks for you?
• Think about how your choices will affect other members of your family.

Self-management instead of time management; an interesting way of looking at the same thing.  I much prefer to see it as self-management, because ultimately I am in control most of the time as to how I choose to spend my time and how well I choose to do that.  When I am overwhelmed because I have decided to take on one too many tasks then my whole family suffers.  I am in a never ending learning process – evaluating where to take things off and what I truly need to add to my days and how it all fits with my priorities.  I have seen the positive change even in the short time that I have been focusing more on how daily decisions I make affect my family. I am feeling better and more balanced. After all, when mom is doing well, the whole family thrives!

(photo source)

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Spring is sprung
The grass is riz
I wonder where
The flowers is! ~ Anon.

When I was a kid, Spring was my least favorite season. I loved Fall, followed in order of preference by Summer, Winter and finally Spring. In the Midwest, Spring was usually wet, rainy and muddy, which meant outdoor adventures were too often thwarted.

But a strange thing has happened. Now that I’ve gotten older, Spring has become my season of choice. Unfortunately, it seems to last for such a very short time in Illinois, followed suddenly by hot, humid weather. In fact, there is a saying that goes “Spring is the loveliest day of the year here.” Ha! I could almost be happy with spring-like weather most of the year, except for the fact that I do enjoy the change of seasons.

Photo by Amber Domke

Our winter seemed especially harsh and drawn out this year, so when it finally started to warm up, we reveled in the changes. Here are just three of the Spring Things we’ve been enjoying.

• FLOWERS – A Rose by Any Other Name . . .

I love to see the Spring flowers, such as daffodils, crocuses and tulips, but I never seem to get around to planting them in the Fall like I should. Maybe the problem is deciding which ones to buy and when/where to plant them.

One year when we lived in Wisconsin, Mom gave me a large package of tulip bulbs for my birthday in November. Now you’d think that would be the perfect time to plant, right? Well, it turned bitterly cold early that year, but I still wanted to get them into the ground. I dragged my 10-year-old son outside and we picked a spot on the south side of the house for planting.

Unfortunately, the ground had turned rock-hard as the temperature plummeted. No way could we break through the frozen crust with our shovels, so we finally brought out a pickaxe!

After working up a sweat taking turns with the big axe, we eventually had a shallow hole about the size of a dinner platter. My plan had been to plant a row all along the back of the house, but that was obviously not going to happen. As the wind picked up and it started to sleet, I made an Executive decision: we carefully positioned all the bulbs into the hole and covered them with frozen chunks of dirt as best we could.

Winter that year turned out to be one for the record books, with unusual cold and snow. When Spring poked its head out at last, we were amazed to see that the new tulips had not only survived, they had thrived! We had the most beautiful flower display imaginable. In fact, it looked like we had planned it that way all along.

If I had to pick just one favorite spring flower, I wouldn’t have to think about it for long. For me, the sunny little dandelions are the true harbinger of Spring. When I see that these resolute little wonders have returned to brighten up our world, I am thrilled. Now, if I could only convince my hubby that he doesn’t need to attack them like Attila the Hun!

• BIRDS – Our Fine Feathered Friends

We have a couple of Maple trees in our yard and were lucky enough to watch a yellow-bellied sapsucker again this year. (Yes, that really is its name. And you probably thought that was just an insulting phrase used in old Westerns on TV, right?)

Photo by Beth LaMie

The Sapsucker migrates North each year and spends up to a week in our part of the country. The picture above shows a replica of the bird and the horizontal holes they drill in the trunk of our favorite bird-watching tree. It was a real treat to sit outside and watch them get the sap running, then lap it up along with insects. We were surprised to see that squirrels also appreciated the fresh sap.

We also get a nice grouping of other birds, such as woodpeckers, cardinals, blue jays, finches and, of course, robins. Sometimes they visit our birdfeeders in harmony, while at other times they squabble and fight until the aggressor has chased the smaller birds away. Squirrels join the mix and delight us by hanging upside-down from the suet feeder, then pull themselves up to grab more tidbits from the wire cage. After all that work, they must develop some awesome abs. LOL

• TREES – Our Friends in the Forest

We had a few days of unseasonably warm weather, followed by much cooler days. The result was that many of the trees stated to show their buds but they didn’t mature fully for quite some time. As a result, we had a much more gradual display of Mother Nature that seemed to occur in slow motion. From one day to the next, we could actually see the slow but sure leafing out of the trees.

One of the benefits of such an unusual awakening is that we could more fully appreciate just a few varieties of trees at a time, instead of everything blossoming in a rush. One day might have a beautiful Magnolia tree in full bloom, while another was the purple plum and finally the apple trees. The steady progression of come into bud and bloom was especially enjoyable when it could be savored over many days.

So here’s the challenge:

What have you seen or experienced this Spring? Have you taken time to smell the roses, or at least dally with the dandelions? If not, it’s still not too late. Take a few minutes each day to renew your energy and your Joie de Vivre – that’s the Joy of Living and something that every one of us can enjoy.

Viva La Spring!

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The counselor looked at us and smiled. “Do you know how many kids come into my office on the verge of a nervous breakdown? So many of them are pressured and stressed and barely coping with the demands of a high school schedule. Your son walks down the halls smiling. He has friends. He is comfortable in his own skin. This is going to serve him well in life. He has time to discover his passion. It may not happen in high school. “

That night I told our son how proud of him we were that he was adjusting to the rigors of high school with such ease. “Your ability to roll with the punches and manage the stress is such an important quality that I sometimes overlook. Maybe dad and I even have a thing or two to learn from you about this.”

My son who towers over me, stood up even straighter and he smiled such a pure, joyous smile that it nearly broke my heart to think that I have been withholding this acknowledgment. He thanked me and walked into his room. In all likelihood he was surfing the internet or talking to friends. He was not Googling some topic near and dear to his heart.  And for the moment I was okay with that.

The take-away?

• Sometimes we are so focused on who we want our children to become (or who they are not)  that we forget to notice who they are!
• As parents we sometimes fall into the trap of believing that our children need to be finished products by the time they leave our care. We must respect their pace of development and never lose sight of the value we provide in witnessing their unfolding with complete love and acceptance.
• We can all stand to get a little better at acknowledgement. In particular when it is heartfelt as well as short and to the point.

How can you champion your children today for who they are? Let’s share our stories here.

(photo source)

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