Man Up: The Art of Marital Conversation

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Photo courtesy Herman Hernandez

The problem with communication … is the illusion that it has been accomplished.
~George Bernard Shaw

The day at work has been horrific. Emails never stopped. The voicemail light kept flashing. The boss needed the information yesterday. And to top it all off, you had a fight with your wife as you left this morning.

You feel the tension coming from the house when you get out of your car in the driveway. The kids are in their rooms doing homework and your wife approaches you and says the words most men dread: “we need to talk.”

It seems at this moment, most men have the fight or flight response. I can berate her about the timing of things, continue to insist that I’m right and she’s wrong. Or I can shrug it off and disappear with the TV, the Internet, alcohol, or the work I conveniently brought home.

What is it about talking that is so difficult for men? Granted, this does not apply to all men, but most have some trouble with deep conversation. Especially when it comes to conversing with our spouse. Read more »

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The Man Up Series at Simple Marriage Project

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Throughout the centuries, men (not humankind, but the male of the species) have often lost their way. This is not another attack at the fact that men are sometime navigationally challenged. It is a recognition that masculinity is being lost in our society.

Machoism is still present, but it is a far cry from true masculinity. Instead it is pseudo-masculine. Far too many men have opted to go the other extreme. Become “nice guys.” I know you’ve seen them. Maybe you’re one of them.

The “nice guy” is the poser. It’s the fake self that is put forward in order to fit in with those around you. There are a lot of “one up” stories with posers. I know you’ve heard them. A group of guys are talking about an adventure they shared while whitewater rafting. The poser, desperate to join the conversation, tells of the time he saved the lives of 2 other people while canoeing in class 4 rapids. The problem is he really only assisted 2 people whose canoe capsized in a creek that was four feet deep.

The poser isn’t necessarily a liar. He exaggerates. He doesn’t live from his heart. He isn’t confident in who he is at the core.

Our society, and more importantly, our marriages, need men to “man up.” Read more »

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