November 11, 2008
EDITOR’S NOTE: This post has a great deal of psychobabble included. I apologize up front.
You walk in the door and are greeted with… “honey, we need to talk about a few things.” If you’re human, your insides immediately tighten and your defenses may prepare for battle. It’s a common occurrence. Your spouse tells you what’s going on in their head and you react.
The status quo is being threatened and while you may have grown tired of the relationship routine as well, your reaction is anything but open to their perspective.
Why is it that when an important person in our life (i.e. spouse) shares something and we disagree, it’s more likely to turn into World War 3 than a honest discussion? Perhaps this is due to some belief that marriage is two people becoming one symbiotic entity. The Bible even alludes to this point…“and the two shall become one.”
While this belief is true, the lens to view marriage needs to be adjusted. Continue reading…
Popularity: 25% [?]
November 5, 2008
Recently I had the privileged of guest posting on Zen Habits.
The Cliff’s notes version of the article - if you increase the honesty level between spouses in marriage, you’ll increase the level of passion and closeness.
When you increase the honesty however, there will be some growing pains for both for you and your spouse. One reader named Laura caught onto this idea with some good questions in her comment.
So good in fact, that in an attempt to answer I am going to run a series of posts. Continue reading…
Popularity: 14% [?]
October 28, 2008
The animal kingdom is a well-developed social system. Within each species, this system establishes orderly relationships among its members. Also known as a pecking order, this system allows the animals to function efficiently and as a unit when necessary.
When it comes to humans, the same principles apply. This may not be breaking news to you, but marriage is not immune.
Throughout the centuries, men have often lost their way within this system. This is not another attack at the fact that men are sometimes navigationally challenged. It’s a recognition that masculinity is being lost in our society. Men have stopped taking the lead in families and marriage.
Now before you blast me with feminatzi newsletters and slogans, allow me to explain.
Groups of people thrive when a leader is present. While this is contingent on the leader and their ability, having a leader is better than not. Our societies, and more importantly, our marriages, need men to step up and lead. Continue reading…
Popularity: 14% [?]
October 20, 2008
Throughout the past few weeks, we’ve been on a journey through marriage biggification. The idea is this… get the most out of marriage, maybe even more than you thought possible.
Many people may think that life and marriage are what you settle on. You’ve heard the phrase “life is what happens while you’re making other plans.” This is probably true for most people. But the Simple Marriage Project is not designed for most people. I don’t want to settle on life. I don’t want to settle for an okay marriage. I want a marriage fully alive. A life fully alive.
To live this way requires more of you, and your spouse. It starts by getting buck naked. Then spending some time discovering what makes you excited about life and marriage. There are even a few tools you can use in this process, and many of you already have (these tools are found in the previous post).
Now it’s time to continue the process. And this is done through baselining. Continue reading…
Popularity: 21% [?]
October 15, 2008
When you get right down to it, many people simply don’t have the guts to take the risks involved in true marriage design. In designing the life or marriage you want, there are risks. Sometimes large risks.
But these risks may appear larger than they actually are.
This can all be summed up in the phrase “fear of the unknown.” Designing a life or a marriage involves some unknown. But it may not be what you think. It may not be quitting your job to travel the world. Or figuring out a way to work a few hours a week in order to live anywhere.
Life and marriage design also happens when one parent decides to stay home with their children, when a middle-income family moves out of the city to a small rural town in the mid-west so they can retire earlier, when a family downsizes their home in order to live below their means, or when a person finds their call working a “regular” job in order to provide for their family and fund the activities they really enjoy. It happens every time an entrepreneur starts a business. It’s starting a consulting company so you can work 20 hours per week and make 35k per year instead of 50 hours a week for 80k (and using the free time to sleep in and exercise).
Marriage design doesn’t necessarily mean you dream up and create some exotic lifestyle that would be the envy of all those around you. It means you design and then begin living the life you choose! Continue reading…
Popularity: 22% [?]
October 8, 2008
Napoleon Dynamite: Well, nobody’s going to go out with ME!
Pedro: Have you asked anybody yet?
Napoleon Dynamite: No, but who would? I don’t even have any good skills.
Pedro: What do you mean?
Napoleon Dynamite: You know, like nunchuk skills, bow-hunting skills, computer hacking skills. Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills.
Pedro: Aren’t you pretty good at drawing, like animals and warriors and stuff?
Napoleon Dynamite: Yes… probably the best that I know of.
Pedro: Just draw a picture of the girl you want to take out… and give it to her for like a gift or something.
Napoleon Dynamite: That’s a pretty good idea.
Somewhere along the way, Napoleon Dynamite bought into the idea that to gain friendship, love, and acceptance required the right set of skills. This is often the world’s idea, but it’s untrue.
Especially when it comes to marriage.
Marriage begins with the recognition of the other person. Something draws you to them. Looks. Personality. Stability. Kindness. But this is only the surface. Continue reading…
Popularity: 26% [?]
October 2, 2008
My guess is one of the major hurdles to designing the life and marriage you want is your spouse. At least that’s what I continually hear from people I run into. The second thing would have to be kids. “I just have too many responsibilities and mouths to feed!”
By the way, I’m going to try out my ranting voice in this post. We’ll see out it goes. This whole thing may turn out to be a total disaster, oh well.
But first, a shameless plea for your assistance.
If you support the idea of this blog and have gotten anything from Simple Marriages thus far, I am asking that you help me out by filling out this questionnaire(closed). If you are willing to contribute and complete this survey then the blessings of overflowing passion, amazing adventures and fantastic sex will rain down upon your marriage for all eternity! No kidding!
Now on to other things.
Rant Time
If you buy into the notion that marriage is limiting to your freedom, so be it. I don’t. Continue reading…
Popularity: 15% [?]
October 1, 2008
When you asked your spouse to marry you, or when you said yes to the question, did you fully comprehend what you were saying at the time?
You were planning out the rest of your life at the moment and inviting another person to join you in the journey. But did you realize who they’d be bringing along with them on this journey to wedded bliss and harmony?
Handling in-laws can be tricky for most every couple. Let’s face it, you are an outsider to a family system that has very established rules and dynamics. But to be fair, your spouse has the same battle with your family.
Not everyone has the blessing of good in-laws. Many spouses still may feel like they must compete against their in-laws for the time and attention of their spouse. This is especially true during the first few years of marriage.
In my case, I’ve been blessed with great in-laws. But this didn’t just happen by chance. They had to learn this skill, as did I.
I am grateful to my brother in-law and sister in-laws for the breaking in of my in-laws. You see, my wife is the youngest of 5 in her family. So her parents were already pretty experienced in the in-law world by the time I entered the picture.
But I did marry their baby, so even with all their experience, it took some adjusting for all of us to grow to where we are today.
Like it or not, the in-laws are part of your life. So having a good relationship with them is vital. Continue reading…
Popularity: 15% [?]
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My name is Corey Allan. It's nice to meet you. I began blogging during the summer of 2007 with the belief that it's possible to get more out of marriage and life. Blogging seemed like a great way to share ideas and find others who want more as well. With your help, our little project can change the world. 