Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, clothes, or habitation.

Cleanliness carries with it a great pride as it develops one’s attention to detail, work ethic, and self confidence. Moreover, cleanliness facilitates the orderly development of one’s life. While the levels of cleanliness have shifted throughout history, striving for a clean life remains a virtue due to what it provides to your life.

Cleanliness makes your feel good. Regardless of whether the feeling is inherent, or created by social conditioning, keeping your body, clothes, and home clean feels undeniably great. A hot shower, your favorite clean shirt, and a well organized house make you feel ready to take on the world.

Cleanliness keeps your mind clear and your life organized. If your house is a total disaster, your thinking is going to feel similarly disorganized. There is something to be said for the concept of Feng Shui. There is an natural connection between the order of your environment and the state of your mind. Clutter will weigh you down and stress you out. A clean, well-organized environment will lift your spirits.

Cleanliness gives you a good image. How you present yourself in life is paramount. If you, your clothes, or your house looks like a disheveled mess, people are inevitably going to judge part of your character and personality on such evidence. Perhaps that is unfair, but it is how the world works. When you present a neat and clean appearance to others, they will respect and think highly of you.

Cleanliness leads to beauty. That which is neat, well-proportioned, and symmetrical creates beauty and appeals to the eye. As we transform our lives to be orderly and clean, we increase the amount of beauty in our lives.

To me, there’s nothing more beautiful and full of energy than a decluttered life and home – as I equate cleanliness with declutter.

Have nothing in your homes that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful. ~ William Morris

This same quote can be applied to life. Do nothing in life that doesn’t provide something useful or beautiful to it.

Start with your home. Clean. Declutter. Organize. This will create a home base to launch your day with more energy and a comfortable environment to return to in the evening. Then apply cleanliness to your desk, office, or work space. Then your calendar. If you apply this virtue to every area of your life, you’ll soon begin to feel lighter, more energetic, and more purposeful.

Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.

Coupled with cleanliness often is tranquility, as an ordered and clean life will be more calm and peaceful. Maybe not everything in life will be peaceful, but your inner life can be.

So how do you create a life of tranquility?

It begins with one word … Breathe.

Breathing can transform your life.

If you feel stressed out and overwhelmed, breathe. It will calm you and release the tensions.

If you are worried about something coming up, or caught up in something that already happened, breathe. It will bring you back to the present.

If you are discouraged and have forgotten your purpose in life, breathe. It will remind you about how precious life is, and that each breath in this life is a gift you need to appreciate. Make the most of this gift.

If you have too many tasks to do, or are scattered during your workday, breathe. It will help bring you into focus, to concentrate on the most important task you need to be focusing on right now.

If you are spending time with someone you love, breathe. It will allow you to be present with that person, rather than thinking about work or other things you need to do.

If you are exercising, breathe. It will help you enjoy the exercise, and therefore stick with it for longer.

If you are moving too fast, breathe. It will remind you to slow down, and enjoy life more.

So breathe.

And enjoy each moment of this life.

They’re too fleeting and few to waste.

(photo source)

The Virtuous Marriage: Cleanliness And Tranquility is a post from: Simple Marriage
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Avoid extremes. Forebear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.

Pleasure. It’s one of the things most every human seeks. We love what it feels like and go to great links trying to experience it.

But could too much pleasure be bad for us?

Yes.

The constant pursuit of things that excite and stimulate us can actually produce a problem known as anhedonia – an inability to experience pleasure or happiness. Our pursuit of extreme and overstimulating thrills can hijack our pleasure system and rob us of our ability to experience pleasure in the simple things.

We can literally be thrilled to death.

Our society, especially the commercialization and consumerism side, preach that the cure for boredom, depression, and unhappiness is the latest gadget or more of something else. More stimulation, more sex, more money, more music, more food. The interesting thing is, the more stimulation we receive, the less joy and fulfillment we get out of it.

The key to experiencing greater fulfillment and pleasure is actually moderation.

Moderation doesn’t seem to get a lot of play these days. Everything is presented in extremes. There’s extreme sports, extreme deodorant, extreme energy drinks, even an Extreme Teen Bible. We seek extremes because we erroneously believe that the more intense an experience is, the more pleasurable it will be.

How Moderation Can Increase Our Pleasure

When we feel unhappy and bored there are two ways to revive our feelings of enjoyment and pleasure. One is to seek new things and more stimulation. You can start going out more, having sex more, and buying more new things and experiences. But the pleasure you get from ratcheting up the intensity of these experiences will eventually end in a plateau. The alternative is to cultivate the virtue of moderation by seeking greater enjoyment and pleasure in things you are already doing now.

Here’s seven steps that will help:

1. Seek the right form of pleasure. There’s a difference between healthy pleasure and unhealthy pleasure. Most often, the difference is obvious. As a general rule, if there’s any bit of doubt whether the pleasure is healthy or not, it’s likely not.
2. Recapture the joy of little things. Most often in life, the simple things provide the greatest pleasure. Time spent with family. Home cooking. Fresh bread. Playing outside.
3. Control your adrenaline. Force yourself to slow down throughout the day. Unplug from the world at least once a week, if not for periods of time daily, by shutting off cell phones, turning off the Internet and TV. Breathe. Relax. Spend time with others.
4. Use humor to enhance your happiness. Laughter truly is the best medicine. Take every opportunity to laugh, especially at yourself.
5. Develop appreciation and gratitude. Find time each and every day to be appreciative and gracious to those around you.
6. Master relaxation and meditation. Close your eyes, breathe deeply. It provides a tremendous perspective to the things going on in life.
7. Make space for things that matter. Perhaps the greatest tip – never let the immediate replace the important.

(photo source)
Source
Archibald Hart, Thrilled to Death

The Virtuous Marriage: Moderation is a post from: Simple Marriage
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Wrong none, by doing injuries or omitting the benefits that are your duty.

Every single one of us lives within a system. A marriage, family, extended family, neighborhood, city, state, country, you get the idea. Each and every system will incorporate a set of rights and obligations that will help govern those within the system. It’s human nature. Justice comes in to guide people in their interactions and boundaries within their systems.

What is justice?

For millennia philosophers have debated this question. Justice, like beauty or goodness, is an ethereal and hard to define concept. Catholic theologian and philosopher St. Thomas Aquinas put it quite succinctly when he defined justice as the constant and perpetual will to render to everyone his due. I think it’s the same idea of justice that Franklin had. Those who uphold the laws, rules, and standards are rewarded. Those who do not are punished. Injustice occurs when a man denies an individual or group either the punishment or reward due them.

How to develop the virtue of justice

Develop knowledge. To be a just human you must develop knowledge of the rights and responsibilities that govern your family, community, and nation. Much of this knowledge is developed simply by interacting with others and begins at a very early age. We learn that if you break something or injury someone, you should seek to restore that which you damaged by paying for what you broke or apologizing to who you hurt. We learn that when you make a promise, you keep it, and if you can’t keep it, you must make restitution for the negative results of your failure to keep your word.

Justice denied anywhere diminishes justice everywhere. ~ Dr. Martin Luther King

While such knowledge comes to us intuitively, there are often issues of justice that may be out of our realm of experience or happen on a larger scale. Such issues often fail to garner the attention they deserve because they take effort to delve into. Apathy is perhaps the greatest impediment to justice. There are many unjust things happening in your community, state, nation, and world that fail to produce righteous indignation because men and women do not care to educate themselves about what is happening.

True men and women seek not only for justice in the events that intimately affect them, but for the fair treatment of all, even strangers. They confront injustice whenever and wherever it appears. To do this, you must have a firm grasp of culture and ideas, keep abreast of current events, and take time to travel outside of your usual sphere of life. You can develop the knowledge necessary to exercise justice with wisdom by doing the following things:

Reading good and noble books. Make it a goal to read as many of the classic works of literature that you can during your lifetime. All great books struggle with complex issues that require characters to exercise justice. By reading great literature, you can develop the knowledge that you need to exercise justice.

Nothing is to be preferred before justice. ~ Socrates

Reading/watching reputable news sources. Whether online or in print form, every person should read at least one newspaper a day. Read sources with both a liberal and conservative slant in order to get a balanced viewpoint. Watching “The Daily Show” is not without merit, but supplement it by reading a news source that delves deeply into the issues. Having too little time is no excuse. Simply turn on NPR during your daily commute to get tuned in to what is happening around the country and the world. By keeping abreast of current events, you will begin to see the amount of injustice in the world, develop the ability to make judgments on how to solve these injustices, and be inspired to take action.

Travel and leave you comfort zone. While travel is not a legitimate excuse for putting off a commitment, it is undoubtedly a great way to educate yourself. When the opportunity arises, visit a foreign country and seek out places and people not found in the travel guides. Leaving your comfort zone does not have to mean leaving the country; for many people, a different part of town can be just as foreign. Make an attempt to see places even in your own city that you usually never venture. You’d be surprised at the amount of injustice that happens in your own town.

Areas in our personal life where we can exercise justice

For too many people, justice never goes beyond words and into deeds. People in my generation tend to gripe and moan about the problems in society, politics, and the world, but fail to take any action to rectify those injustices beyond slapping a witty bumper sticker on the back of their car. To be fair, these people are understandably disillusioned with the power systems of the day, and the growing sense that there is nothing we can do to change them. But the deeper into apathy they sink, the truer that will become. Apathy is like a contagious disease that spreads from person to person as each individual gives up the passion to fight the good fight. The truth is that each man and woman has the responsibility to fight for justice in any capacity he/she can. Here are some ways to do that:

Justice in our communications. Last time, we talked about the virtue of sincerity. When we are insincere with others, we deny that person the right to truth. This is an injustice. When we gossip about another person, we blacken the name of that person without allowing them a chance to defend themselves. This is also injustice.

All virtue is summed up in dealing justly. ~Aristotle

Justice in the workplace. A just employer will pay their employees what they deserve.  Just employers don’t cut corners, and don’t try to take advantage of employees or customers. In turn, just employees don’t cheat their employer by goofing off when they are being paid to work. They don’t call in sick when they are really simply playing hooky or have something else they’d rather do.

Justice in the public arena. Nowhere is the aforementioned disillusionment more pronounced than in the area of politics. With the polarized political parties today, people have grown completely cynical. The problem is not just the politicians; however, it is the apathy of voters who voice no outcry as the ship of our democracy slowly sinks.

But it’s not sunk yet. American still has a good political ideal, and when more men and women will get involved in the process it will get better. This can only happen if people start taking an active role in politics. Read up on the issues. Ignore the fluff that big media creates in their cotton candy machine of news. Get involved in campaigns. Donate to your candidate of choice, go door to door spreading their message, put a sign in your yard, form activist groups, distribute leaflets at school, ect. Nothing will ever change unless men and women start caring.

It is in justice that the ordering of society is centered. ~Aristotle

Justice in your community. Even if many people have trouble believing they can change politics, no one can deny that change is possible when undertaken on a one to one basis. Many people in your community didn’t receive a fair start in life. We can serve the cause of justice by helping them rise to a level playing field. Find a way to volunteer and perform service for others. Become a Big Brother or Big Sister and mentor a young person who has gotten a short stick in life and help them see how they can make a man or woman of themselves.

Another way you can exercise justice in your community is to stand up for individuals who you think are being abused physically, mentally, or emotionally by others. ABC News set up a situation in which a man verbally assaulted a woman in a park in order to see how many people would step in to stop it. Surprisingly, not many people did. The ones who did intervene were mostly women. What’s wrong with us? I know in America we take pride in our rugged individualism and we try to avoid getting involved in other people’s lives, but if you see an act of abuse going on, don’t stand idly by. Do something!

Justice in the world. Once you start paying attention to current events, you will be struck by the amount of injustice in the world. Lots of attention is given to causes such natural disasters or world poverty. These are noble and worthy causes, but throwing huge concerts to “raise awareness” about global poverty or just throwing money at poor countries is a good start but won’t solve the problem. There’s an awful lot of smug back patting that goes on at such events. The awareness wears off after a few weeks and corrupt governments in poor countries waste the money that we give them. If you’d like to fight injustice in the world, join the Peace Corps or work for UNICEF. If all you can do is donate money, make sure to donate it to a reputable non-governmental agency that will use most of your dough to help people, not pay for administrative costs. Another great way to help alleviate poverty is by funding micro-loans to enable people in developing countries to start small businesses.

If you are feeling really ambitious, start tithing. Tithing is often associated with giving to a religious organization, but it doesn’t have to be. If you don’t belong to a church, if you’re not religious, or don’t even believe in God, you can still tithe. Find a cause you’re passionate about and donate a percentage of your income to it. It can be anything! The environment, a political organization, or a charity. Donating your money to a cause or an organization is a reflection of your values. It’s your chance to put your money where your mouth is.

(photo source)
Taken and adapted from Art of Manliness

The Virtuous Marriage: Justice is a post from: Simple Marriage
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Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly.

What comes to mind when you hear the word sincerity? Someone who is earnest and truthful. Authentic. The dictionary defines it as : “freedom from deceit, hypocrisy, or duplicity; honesty in intention or in communicating; earnestness.”

At the core of sincerity is honesty in conduct and communication. Honesty and integrity are markers of great men and women.

There are a few plagues on our society today. Habits and tendencies people have adopted that don’t build people up or treat others with care – gossip, sarcasm, and lying. These three can be especially damaging within marriage and families.

Gossip

Gossip is everywhere. In fact, some magazines and television shows wouldn’t exist without it. In the world of the Internet and blogs, gossip is particularly rampant. The fact checks have been replaced by the opinion, thoughts and ideas of anyone interested in writing something down.

This places the onus on each of us to be diligent about where we find our information AND what we do with it.

Especially when the information we are given is private or personal in nature.

If a friend shares something personal with you, or something private, treat it as such. When you are privy to something about someone else, guard it as you would a prized possession.

My profession as a marriage and family therapist is built upon this idea, and it’s something I take extremely seriously. But this also extends beyond my clients. I seek to be a man to whom any private thought or concern can be shared knowing that it will never be divulged to others.

When it comes to marriage, we are faced with ample opportunities to share private information, sometimes for a laugh with others, but almost always at the expense of our spouse. Part of the elegance of marriage is the secretness of the things shared between you and your spouse.

When you are faced with the chance to share a piece of information about your spouse or someone else, here’s a few questions to ask yourself:

• Is it true?
• Is it kind?
• Is it necessary?

If you can answer yes to all three, then go ahead. If not? Keep your mouth shut.

One more thing, gossip does not have to be false to be gossip. Gossip can be true, yet still no one’s business.

But what if others press you to reveal something secret that you know?

I recommend the following as an excellent retort: Draw the information seeker close to you and whisper, “Can you keep a secret?” They will then answer, “Certainly!” At this point put your hand on their shoulder and say, “Well, so can I.” End of conversation.

Sarcasm

I’ll admit – I’m a sarcastic person. A well-placed zinger can sometimes produce comedic gold. But it’s a tool that’s often hurtful, especially in marriage. I’m all for the “inside jokes” and playful banter between spouses, but sarcasm can create a rift between you if you’re not careful.

Sarcasm is often the refuge of the weak and is employed by people who are afraid to say what is really on their minds. According to Psychology Today:

Though they may not be aware of it, sarcasm is their means of indirectly expressing aggression toward others and insecurity about themselves. Wrapping their thoughts in a joke shields them from the vulnerability that comes with directly putting one’s opinions out there. Sarcastic people protect themselves by only letting the world see a superficial part of who they are. They’re very into impression management. ~ Steven Stosny, a Washington, D.C. – based therapist and anger specialist.

Sarcasm can hurt people’s feelings. It’s often a fine line between good natured ribbing and a really stinging comment. While you know you are only joking, others may not.

Sarcasm is also easy. Sarcasm can be used as a cop-out rather than a well-reasoned opinion. It is far easier to throw out a sarcastic remark than to make a thoughtful counterargument. It’s best to cut out the sarcasm in marriage and leave it only for the times when you both are engaging in the inside jokes and banter.

Lying

When it comes to lying, most people would say they do okay because they don’t blatantly make up false information. But it is the more delicate lying that is harder to master. Our looks, tone, the parts of a story we leave in and the parts we leave out, may still be being dishonest. I have heard someone say this many times, “No I didn’t lie. I just didn’t tell them everything that happened.” Sorry, it’s still a lie.

Lying is easy, especially when telling the truth will bring upon us negative consequences. And lying is becoming more prevalent in society. According to a 2002 confidential survey of 12,000 high school students, 74% admitted cheating on an examination at least once in the past year.

If our kids see nothing wrong with lying, we must up our example of complete honesty. The small lies make it easier for the big ones so it is paramount that we be examples of truth in our words and actions.

But what about the “white lies” to preserve people’s feelings?

This is the age old question. What do you say when your wife asks you if a pair of pants make her look fat? How about if your husband gets a horrendous haircut and wants to know if you like it? Or worse yet, your partner wants to know if the sex was good for you, and it wasn’t?

Telling these lies present sticky judgment calls. The right answer varies from situation to situation. In general err on the side of honesty. Be honest to a fault. Sometimes it may get you in trouble, but generally it will win the respect of those involved.

The problem with telling white lies is that while they may flatter a person in the short term, they hurt the person in the long term. Take the example of the bad haircut. If everyone tells a man that it looks great, he will keep on getting the same horrendous haircut. Now for when your wife asks you “do these pants make me look fat.” Here’s a great response – “I don’t know, I’d have to see you without the pants on.” When said with a playful smile, who knows what may happen!

(photo source)
Adapted from Art of Manliness

The Virtuous Marriage: Sincerity is a post from: Simple Marriage
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Lose no time. Be always employed in something useful. Cut off all unnecessary actions.

I enjoy being lazy as much as the next guy, perhaps even more than him, but the lazy life is not a life well lived. Time is a finite item in our life, and Ben Franklin had as one of his virtues the intent to make the most of it.

The following is taken from Brett McKay of the Art of Manliness, a case for industriousness.

Develops self-respect. Putting in an honest days work lets you look at yourself in the mirror without feeling ashamed. Think back to the last time you wasted an entire day playing video games. Sure, it was fun while you were kicking butt at Halo, but when you finally turned off the machine at 4 AM, how did you feel? If you’re like me, you probably felt like a useless bum. You realize that you spent an entire day doing something that didn’t contribute to making you or the world around you better. You have certain gifts and talents that should be shared with others. But when you waste the gift of time, you show that you are content to dwell in selfish mediocrity. Fulfill your true potential and make every hour of your existence count.

Do not live useless and die contemptible. ~ John Witherspoon

Fights Depression. Idleness may not be the devil’s playground, but it is quite possibly depression’s romper room. Have you ever known a man who was unemployed for a long period of time? Chances are he sank into a depressed funk. Men are wired to want to feel useful, to make and provide things for others. Deprived of work, men often feel lost because it robs of them of a sense of identity and purpose. Work provides a reason to get up each day and a sense of accomplishment.

The last time I went camping, I took a hike along a beautiful stream. I noticed that the parts of the stream where the water moved the fastest ran pure and clean. The parts of the stream where the current slowed and stalled were stagnant and cloudy. It is the same with life; to keep ourselves happy and motivated, we must always keep moving. Otherwise we will languish and become depressed.

More time for family and civic engagement. I have a friend at law school who has three kids. He’s always working and makes use of every minute he’s at school. I asked him once how he does it and he told me, “Every minute I waste here at school is one minute less that I’ll have time to spend with my kids when I get home.” By getting his work done at school, my friend is able to focus himself completely on his family when he gets home.

In addition to having more time for family, by being industrious you’ll have time to devote to your community. Developing the virtue of industriousness not only frees more time for civic involvement, but it also helps develop the work ethic needed to contribute to the public welfare. Community projects don’t get done by a bunch of lazy bums. It requires people who are proactive and on the move.

How to be Industrious

Plan. Before you go to bed, sit down and plan the next day. One reason people flounder around and waste time during the day is because they don’t know what they should be doing. You can avoid this by scheduling your day out. Find a system that works for you. Some people like to schedule every minute of the day, while others just like to have a list of tasks that need to be completed. Some people like online or digital planners, while others like paper based planning systems. Personally, I use a paper based planner that I designed myself using Excel. I like to plan exactly what I’ll be doing at each hour of the day. It helps keep me focused and on task.

It’s amazing how much you can get done if you’re always doing. ~ Thomas Jefferson

Eliminate distractions. While I don’t agree with Tim Ferris’s call to outsource every unpleasant chore in your life, I do like his suggestions on eliminating needless distractions. One suggestion of his that I like in particular is batching your email. Instead of incessantly checking your email hundreds of times throughout the day, pick two times during the day to check and respond to email.

If surfing the web is a major time sucker for you, turn off your Wi-Fi or disconnect your Ethernet cable while you’re working. If you have Firefox, you can block certain websites for a set period of time with Leech Block.

Have a worthy goal. You will always naturally spend your time focused on what your goals are at the time. Think about it. Why do some men spend hours a day playing video games? Their goal is to either beat the game or beat other players. They play nonstop until they accomplish their goal.

Imagine if these men had more lofty goals. Instead of wasting their time trying rack up more kills on a video game, they could be out improving their fitness through exercise or learning a new skill that will help advance their career.

Set worthy goals for yourself. A worthy goal is one that will make you or the world around you better. After you have written your goals down, carry them with you at all times. I have a section on my daily planning pages where I write down my goals each day. You don’t need a planner to do this. Just write your goals down on a 3×5 index card.

Every time you make a decision on how you’re going to spend your time, stop and ask yourself, “Will this action bring me closer to my goal?” If not, don’t do it. This will take some work and discipline in the beginning, but after a while it will become natural. Instead of wasting your precious time in frivolous pursuits, you’ll be focused on the things that will make you more productive and industrious.

Implement the 48/12 rule. Being industrious is good, but if you’re a human being, you’re going to need breaks to avoid a mental breakdown. One way to ensure that you get the breaks your mind and body needs is to implement the 48/12 rule in your life. Under the 48/12 rule, you work nonstop for 48 minutes. All your focus is on the task at hand for those 48 minutes. When the 48 minutes is up, take a break for 12. Surf the web or get up and go for quick stroll outside. As soon as the 12 minutes are up, get back to work. You’ll be surprised how much you can get done in a day by implementing this rule.

Find ways to be industrious, even in leisure. When you have time away from the work that earns you a living, make use of your leisure time by pursuing activities that will make you a better man. True recreation is an activity that leaves you energized and ready to take on the coming week. Instead of spending time sacked out in front of the TV watching the VH1 “I Love the 90s” marathon, find activities during your leisure time that will rejuvenate you.

The idea is to stay busy, but at much more relaxed pace. Remember that the longer you sit around and do nothing, the harder it is to get yourself motivated when you actually have to work. Avoid the rut by staying busy with relaxing, yet constructive recreational activities.

The Virtuous Marriage: Industry is a post from: Simple Marriage
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Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e. waste nothing.

Even in today’s tough economic times, frugality is not viewed in a positive light. The excess and surplus of the 90′s and early 2000′s has led to people growing used to a certain lifestyle – and feeling entitled to remain living at that level.

As the economy has turned however, many families are in a struggle – if not a full blown crisis.

The trouble with an entitlement mindset is that people will often continue to do what they’ve always done, even if it means living on credit and borrowed money. This leads to a rising mound of debt and a feeling of helplessness.

The Founding Fathers feared that too much luxury made a nation weak. And if you look at history, this fear is justified – just look at the Roman and Greek empires.

Frugality and simplicity have lost some respect in our society. While the idea of living below your means sounds great, there’s still a lot of people struggling to live the simple, frugal life.

So why is frugality an important virtue? Glad you asked.

Frugality keeps you from living under the control of someone else. Personal debt is slavery. And living in debt often leads to more debt and stress.

Think what you do when you run in debt; you give to another power over your liberty. ~ Benjamin Franklin

Frugality and simplicity also keep you from living under the control of things. Think about how much stuff you own. How much of the stuff you own requires your time and energy to keep going? The worship and collection of stuff has even led to a whole new phenomenon. You can now pay for someone else to hold your stuff for you and in return you get your own card or code so you can visit your stuff whenever you want.

The self storage industry has grown into a $5.5 billion industry. This makes me wonder if perhaps we have too much stuff?

I think most everyone who reads this will agree that they want to live a more simple and frugal life, but they will also likely say they are unsure how to accomplish this goal.

There are many paths to frugality and simplicity. We must each find our own path, obviously, but we can still learn from others. That’s the beauty of the blogosphere today, you can find someone else who’s on a similar path as you and learn from their journey as well as work together on yours.

The best suggestion I have for living a frugal life is to think about where you want to go, and then figure out a path to get there.

Don’t make it harder than is has to be.

Then take the first step. Once you’ve done that, you can worry about the next step. You will probably take a different path than the one you first envisioned, and in fact you may get to a different destination than you first imagined. Just take it one step at a time, and see where you get.

If you want a few blogosphere resources check out Man vs. Debt, Get Rich Slowly, The Simple Dollar, or Enemy of Debt, just to name a few.

To head down the path to a more frugal life, here’s a few suggestions that may help.

• Take it slowly. There is no need to rush to a simpler life. Take deep breaths, and take things one step at a time. Baby steps. Enjoy the process.
• Do a major rehaul. Sometimes it can be revitalizing to do a rehaul of your entire life. Wipe the slate clean and start from scratch. Now, that might mean moving to a new house and only bringing the possessions that mean the most to you. Or it might mean getting a new job that you love and setting your own schedule around the things you love doing. Or it might mean doing a major cleansing of your house, getting rid of most of your junk. It could mean just dropping all commitments except the things you love most.
• Remember what’s important. Why are you trying to accomplish? Is it to make room for the things you love? Then be sure to identify those things, and keep those things in mind during this process. Is it simply to reduce your stress and live a more peaceful life? Then remember that on your path to frugality.
• Adopt changes gradually. If you adopt one small change at a time you can make major changes over the long-term without the changes seeming very big at all. Make one small change, and soon that becomes the norm for you. Then make another, and that becomes the norm. Each step seems small, but they can add up to really big progress over time.
• Try different types of frugality. You don’t have to pick one way. You can try simplicity, then minimalism, then cabin-in-the-woods simplicity, then chuck all your responsibilities and hang out on a beach all day (my favorite by the way). See what works for you.
• Join a community. There are online communities and maybe even groups within your neighborhood that are going for a common goal. Ask around and see who else may be heading down a similar path. Changes in life are easiest when done in community with others.
• Take assessment. I’m a big fan of stepping back and taking a look at my life in general, reflecting on what I want my life to be like, on what kind of progress I’ve made, or what needs to be done. It’s good to do this at the beginning of your path, and every now and then along the way.

The simplest things are often the truest. ~ Richard Bach

What’s worked for you and your family?

Photo courtesy alicepopkorn

The Virtuous Marriage: Frugality is a post from: Simple Marriage
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Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve.

Resolution, it’s a word that is often thrown around at the beginning of the year, but it’s not referred to much after that. Resolution is the firm determination to accomplish what you set out to do. Benjamin Franklin had this as his fourth virtue because when he obtained the virtue of resolution it would help him accomplish his remaining virtues.

This is a virtue that seems to have faded a bit in today’s society, at least on the surface. I would say overall we live in a well intentioned world more than a resolved world. Today’s climate seems to be shaped more by public opinion and reaction to events around us than deep conviction and a resolved belief.

I know I have suffered from the well intentioned life. I meant to call my friend to see how the medical tests turned out, but I got too busy. I intended to spend time with my colleague and talk about our work and their struggles in the profession. I wanted to take my kids to the park and play the other day but I got caught up doing something else and time got away from me.

I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in this.

So how do we live a more resolved life, and have a more resolved marriage?

First you must realize that developing the will and determination that guides your life can only be accomplished by you. You must dig deep and tap into that inner source of fortitude and strength.

I would say this could become a new mantra – I am resolving to become more resolved.

Here’s a few ideas that may help along the way:

1. Think through how you will respond to a challenge before you face it. In most everything there is a right way and a wrong way to handle it, we don’t live in as gray a world as you may think. Think through the ethical decision you’re likely to face in your life. Don’t wait until your faced with the decision and you’re left with spur of the moment thinking. This could be on the conversations you’ll have with members of the opposite sex. Or what you’re going to do with you down time during the week. Plan ahead and it will pay off.
2. Anticipate your times of low resolution. Face it, you will have times where you fall a bit short. Where your will-power is lacking. Plan ahead and prepare for these moments. Like the wisdom in not going grocery shopping when you’re hungry. Or not sitting down to work on taxes after a long, rough day at work.
3. Be confident. Confidence is a learned behavior – so it falls under the same guidelines as other behaviors, meaning you can fake it till you make it. In other words, act confident even when you don’t feel confident. Pretty soon, you’ll begin to feel confident.
4. Write down your most important tasks each day. There’s benefit to writing out your goals and to dos each day. I love the feeling I get when I cross something off the list. On top of writing out your list, be sure to include your three most important tasks. These are the things that you want to be sure you do. Also, be sure to do this in the morning, this will help you purpose your day and keep you on track towards your goals and dreams.
5. Be willing to improvise, adapt and overcome. Thoughts do turn into actions. Learning to use this phrase from the Marines, made famous by Clint Eastwood in Heartbreak Ridge, can help when you run up against unexpected obstacles. And there is no place better for unexpected obstacles than marriage and family!
6. Celebrate your accomplishments, no matter how small. When you achieve a step towards your goal, or cross something off your list, not matter how small the achievement celebrate. Enjoy a cup of coffee. Breathe in deeply and smile. Bask in your achievement. It’s perfectly fine to reward yourself – after all, no one can take care of you better than you.

Photo courtesy puliarf

The Virtuous Marriage: Resolution is a post from: Simple Marriage
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Let all your things have their places. Let each part of your business have its time.

Let’s face it, we live in a fairly scattered world. Businesses and politicians change course and direction like the wind. Everywhere you look, people are often reacting to something around them: a child trowing a tantrum, a boss expecting the impossible, traffic, noise.

When you live in a reactionary world, there’s definite benefit to having order in parts of your life.

To me, order is synonymous with simple.

Ben placed order on his list of virtues because he wanted to ensure he had time to spend on his studies and projects. He understood that if you want to get important things done in life you must make sure the little things don’t get in the way.

Stated another way – don’t allow the immediate to get in the way of the important.

To apply this virtue to life today, there are countless way to explore. To me, the best place to start this is at home – specifically, simplifying and ordering your home.

Benefits of an Ordered Home

There are many benefits of a ordered home but here are the top three.

1. Less stressful. Clutter is a form of visual distraction, and everything in our vision pulls at our attention at least a little. The less clutter, the less visual stress we have. A simple home is calming.
2. More appealing. Think about photos of homes that are cluttered, and photos of simple homes. The ones with almost nothing in them except some beautiful furniture, some nice artwork, and a very few pretty decorations are the ones that appeal to most of us. You can make your home more appealing by making it more simple.
3. Easier to clean. It’s hard to clean a whole bunch of objects, or to sweep or vacuum around a bunch of furniture. The more stuff you have, the more you have to keep clean, and the more complicated it is to clean around the stuff. Think about how easy it is to clean an empty room compared to one with 50 objects in it.
4. An easy way to improve your marriage. This may not seem logical at first but try it. I’ll be willing to bet that once you have decluttered you home and your bedroom, you’ll feel better about your marriage. This may even provide a bit of spice to the relationship!

How to Create an Ordered Home

There are actually no set steps to making a simple home, except to change your philosophy and shoot for your ideals. But here are some tips:

1. One room at a time. Unless you’re just moving into a place, it’s hard to simplify an entire house at once. Focus on one room, and let that be your center of calm. Use it to inspire you to simplify the next room, and the next. Then do the same outside!
2. Start with furniture. The biggest things in any room are the furniture, so you should always begin simplifying a room by looking at the furniture. The fewer pieces of furniture, the better (within reason, of course). Think of which furniture can be eliminated without sacrificing comfort and livability. Go for a few pieces of plain, simple furniture with solid, subdued colors.
3. Only the essentials. Whether looking at your furniture or anything else in the room, ask yourself if the item is truly essential. If you can live without it, get it out. Try to strip the room down to its essentials – you can always add a few choice items beyond the essentials later.
4. Clear floors. Except for the furniture, your floors should be completely clear. Nothing should clutter the floor, nothing should be stacked, nothing should be stored on the floor. Once you’ve gotten your furniture down to the bare essentials, clear everything else on the floor – either donate it, trash it, or find a place for it out of sight.
5. Clear surfaces. Same thing with all flat surfaces. Don’t have anything on them, except one or two simple decorations (See Tip 9 below). Donate, trash or find an out-of-sight storage spot for everything else. It will make everything much, much more simple-looking.
6. Clear walls. Some people hang all kinds of stuff on their walls. No can do in a simple home. Clear your walls except for one or two simple pieces of nice artwork (see Tip 8 below).
7. Store stuff out of sight. This has been mentioned in the above tips, but you should store everything you need out of sight, in drawers and cabinets. Bookshelves can be used to store books or DVDs or CDs, but shouldn’t have much else except a few simple decorations (not whole collections of things).
8. Declutter. If you are clearing flat surfaces and the floor, and storing stuff in cabinets and drawers, you’ll probably want to declutter your storage areas too. You can do this in a later stage if you want. Leo at ZenHabits has some tips here: How to Declutter.
9. Simple artwork. To keep a room from being boring, you can put a simple painting, drawing or photo, framed with a subdued, solid color, on each wall if you want. You may even leave some walls bare if possible.
10. Simple decorations. As mentioned in the above tips, one or two simple decorations can serve as accents for a simple room. A vase of flowers or a small potted plant are two classic examples. If the rest of your room has subdued colors, your accents could use a bright color (such as red, or yellow) to draw the eye and give a plain room a splash of energy.
11. Plain window treatments. Bare windows, or simple, solid colored curtains, or simple, wooden blinds are good. Too much ornate stuff around the windows is clutter.
12. Plain patterns. Solid colors are best for floor coverings (if you have any), furniture, etc. Complex patterns, such as flowers or checkers, are visual clutter.
13. Subdued colors. As mentioned in Tip 9 above, you can have a splash of bright color in the room, but most of the room should be more subtle colors – white is classic simple, but really any solid colors that don’t stress the eyes is good (earth colors come to mind, such as blues, browns, tans, greens).
14. Edit and eliminate. When you’ve simplified a room, you can probably do more. Give it a couple of days, then look at everything with a fresh eye. What can be eliminated? Stored out of sight? What’s not essential? You can come back to each room every few months, and sometimes you’ll discover things you can simplify even more.
15. Place for everything. It’s important that you find a place for everything, and remember where those places are. Where does you blender go? Give it a spot, and stick with it. Aim for logical spots that are close to where the thing is used, to make things more efficient, but the key is to designate a spot.
16. Sit back, relax, and enjoy. Once you’ve simplified a room, take a moment to look around and enjoy it. It’s so peaceful and satisfying. This is the reward for your hard work. Ahhhh. So nice!

But what do you do when you have kids constantly messing things up?

While it’s true that trying to clean the house with little ones around is like trying to brush your teeth while eating Oreos, here’s some tips to help (some of this is a repeat from above, only directed towards your children and their stuff).

1. Identify the important. The first step in decluttering is identifying which toys and other possessions are truly important to the kids. What do they play with, what do they love? Then get rid of as much of the rest as possible, keeping only those they use and love.
2. Massively purge. In the beginning, if you have a lot of kid clutter, you’ll want to go through a massive purge. The way to do this is to block off a day to go through their rooms. Do one area at a time: a drawer, a section of the closet, a shelf. Take everything out of that area, put it in a pile. From that pile, take only the really important stuff (See Tip 1). Get rid of the rest. Donate it to charity if it’s still good. Get some boxes and put all the stuff to donate in there, and when they’re full, load them up in your car to donate on your next trip. Then put back the important stuff, and tackle the next area. If you do this quickly, you can do a room in a couple of hours.
3. Leave space. When you put the important stuff back, don’t try to fill up each drawer, shelf or closet area. Allow there to be some space around the objects. It’s much nicer looking, and it leaves room for a couple of extra items later if necessary.
4. Contain. The key for us has been to contain the kid clutter. We only let them keep their stuff in their rooms. The living room, kitchen and dining room are for household stuff only. We do have a play area for the two toddlers, and their stuff gets spread throughout the house, but still, we try to contain the kid stuff to certain areas only. This leaves our living area very simple and minimal.
5. Bins. These are the best type of containers for kids stuff, in general. Bins or baskets. The key is to make it easy for the kids (or you) to toss their stuff into the bins, making cleanup simple. Label each bin, if possible, with the type of stuff that goes there (blocks, stuffed animals, Legos, instruments of destruction). If your child can’t read, use picture labels.
6. Cubbies. We have a small plastic 3-drawer organizer (we call them “cubbies”) for each child. They don’t take up much room in the closets, and it allows them to have a place to put their little odds and ends that would otherwise be all over the place.
7. A home for everything. We haven’t actually completely succeeded at this, but we try to teach the kids that everything they own has a “home”. This means that if they’re going to put away a toy, they should know where its home is, and put it there. If they don’t know where the home is, they need to find a home for it, and put it there from now on. Actually, this is a useful concept for adults, too, and it’s one that I’ve mastered and found very useful. Our kids understand this idea (at least, the four older ones do), but sometimes they forget. Still, it helps keep things organized.
8. Organize like with like. Try to keep similar things organized together. So, one bin for stuffed animals, another for sports stuff. This makes it easier to remember. Same thing with clothes: underwear and socks together, shirts, shorts, pants, etc. All video game stuff in one place.
9. One place for school papers. Similarly, you should have one place to keep all incoming school papers. We have an inbox for all incoming papers in our house, but we also keep a folder to store school papers, so we never have to search for them. Also, when we get a school calendar or a notification of some school event, we enter it in our Google Calendar, so we never forget when stuff is.
10. Teach them to clean. Our 1-year-old daughter, Noelle, doesn’t know how to clean up after herself. But all of the other 5 kids do, including our 3-year-old. So, instead of us continually stressing out about the messes, we just ask them to clean up now and then. Sure, things will get messy again soon. But at least the kids are doing the work cleaning up, not us.
11. Allow them to mess. Kids are not perfect. They will inevitably make a mess. You have to allow them to do this. Then, when they’re done, ask them to clean it up. No harm, no foul.
12. Purge at Christmas, birthdays. On these two occasions, new stuff comes into their lives en masse. If you just add this new stuff to their old stuff, you will have a huge mess. Instead, we ask them to put all their gifts in one place. Then, a day or two after Christmas or their birthday, we go through their closets and bins and ask them what they want to get rid of so they can make room for the new stuff.
13. Do regular decluttering. Every month or two, you’ll need to declutter their stuff. See Tip 1. Do it at least quarterly. You could put a reminder in your calendar, or just look at their rooms every now and then, and if it looks way too cluttered, schedule some time to do some purging.
14. Less is more. Teach the kids that they don’t need to have huge piles of stuff to be happy. They can’t possibly play with everything anyway – there aren’t enough hours in the day. With less stuff, they can find things more easily, they can see what there is to play with, and they can own better quality stuff (see next tip).
15. Go for quality. Instead of getting them a huge pile of cheap junk, go for quality toys or possessions that will last long. Wood is better than plastic, for example. The classic toys are often the best. It’s best to spend your money on a couple of great things than a whole bunch of cheap things that will break and be relegated to the junk pile in no time.
16. Learn to accept. You’ll never have a minimal life with kids. You have to accept that. It can be difficult for a minimalist like me, but you can learn that being a harpie parent isn’t as fun as being one that just enjoys their child’s company.
17. Buy less. Drastically reduce the amount of stuff you buy for your kids. It’s difficult to resist them when they really want something at a store, I know, but you aren’t doing them any favors by caving in. Don’t deprive them completely, but also don’t spoil them with stuff. On Christmas, for example, just get them a few great things rather than a whole bunch of stuff.
18. Clean as you go. I’ve learned to clean up messes as I go (or ask the kids to clean up their mess), so that the house is never a wreck.
19. Clean before bed. I also do a quick clean-up right before I go to bed, getting any little things the little ones forgot to put away. It makes my mornings much more pleasant.
20. 30-minute cleanups. On Saturdays, do a “30-minute cleanup”. This means that every child (over 5 years old probably) has a chore, and the whole family (including parents) pitch in to clean up the house. Set a timer, and see if you can do it all in 30 minutes. That’s much easier for our family to accomplish, as we have six people (including two adults and a teenager) pitching in to finish quickly. This gives us a clean house and the rest of the day to have fun.
21. Prep time. This isn’t so much to do with clutter as with general simplifying your life with kids. It helps to have prep time each evening and morning to prepare the kids’ lunches, clothes, or whatever is needed for whatever we’re doing that day. This means we get the soccer gear and drinks and snacks ready on soccer days, or whatever gear is necessary for the activities of the day. It saves a rush when you are trying to get out the door, and saves you from forgetting stuff later.

Sources ZenHabits

The Virtuous Marriage: Order is a post from: Simple Marriage
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Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself. Avoid trifling conversation.

There is definitely a time and place for the right words, just as there is for silence.

It takes quite a bit of wisdom and control to know what to say and more importantly, when to say it. Often times, when faced with a situation that makes us uncomfortable, the mouth opens and the words mindlessly fly.

Learning how to simply be quite and listen to another person is what Ben was encouraging with this virtue – then knowing when to offer the right words.

It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt. ~ Mark Twain

Times have changed since Ben was around, but this is no reason for proper etiquette to disappear. What follows are a couple of areas where you can apply the virtue of silence and likely make your world a better place.

Daily Interactions

With the pace of today’s schedules, many people go throughout the day experiencing a chronic level of stress. Coupled with this is the daily annoyances and mishaps that occur as you go through your normal day.

These frustrations are often taken out on others, who have little to no influence on the stress in your life. For example, you’ve had a rough day, the check out clerk makes a minor oversight and rings up one of your items twice, and you unload your entire day’s frustration on them.

1. Don’t take out your frustrations on those not involved or at fault for your problems.

The old saying is: you’ve had a bad day and you come home and kick the dog. The same thing occurs when you take out your anger on those not at fault for your problems. Yelling at the help line operator when your computer crashed. Erupting at the person at the airline ticket counter because your plane is late. Save your indignation for those directly involved in your problems, especially when that person is you.

2. Don’t talk on your cell phone while interacting with someone else.

Some people will talk on the phone all the time, everywhere. While standing in line to check out, while checking out and paying for their items, while in the middle of a conversation with others. As a general rule, while interacting with someone face to face, don’t be so rude as to carry on another conversation on the phone as if the flesh and blood person isn’t there.

3. Slow down and listen.

Do not speak unless you can improve the silence.

Frankly, there are many times when it’s better to say nothing. One of the best ways to demonstrate respect for another human being is to honor them by listening to what they have to say. Slow down and connect with those around you. Make your meals last longer by eating slower and having a conversation with others. Take time to watch the sunset. Just sit with your spouse, no need to say a word.

Cell Phones

1. Avoid answering your phone during mealtimes with family.

There are times when this may not be entirely possible, but many times, you can call the person later. When you’re enjoying a meal with your spouse, or family, talk with them. If you must briefly talk on the phone, go to another room. The point is, when you’re with people important to you, be with them, not off in another world.

2. Don’t answer your phone while talking to anyone in person.

This has already been stated but needs to be said again. Whenever you’re talking to an actual human being, talk with the actual human being. Let you phone calls go to voice mail. Show respect to the person you’re talking to by staying engaged with them.

If you must answer the phone, and this is more rare than you think as there truly are fewer emergencies than you think, politely disengage from the person and answer the phone elsewhere.

3. Keep your phone on silent or vibrate when quiet is expected.

There’s nothing more disruptive to a quiet atmosphere than the latest ring tone of your phone. When you are in an environment that expects a certain atmosphere, movies, church services, weddings, funerals, libraries, museums, etc. be sure you phone’s ringer is off.

There are many things that disrupt the silence in our world. By being aware of your role in these disruptions and working to lessen them, those around you and within your family will reap the benefits.

Photo courtesy Mercedes.. Life as I picture it

The Virtuous Marriage: Silence is a post from: Simple Marriage
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We should thank God for beer and burgundy by not drinking too much of them. ~ G. K. Chesterton

Benjamin Franklin chose to work on the virtue of Temperance first as he begin his journey towards moral perfection. Why? Temperance is the practice of moderation. Ben believed that

…it tends to procure that coolness and clearness of head, which is so necessary where constant vigilance was to be kept up, and guard maintained against the unremitting attraction of ancient habits, and the force of perpetual temptations.

In other words, when you can attain self-discipline in the areas of food and drink, the other virtues will be easier. After all, hunger and thirst are two of the most basic primal urges. Learning to be disciplined with the most basic inner urges will make tackling the external urges all the better.

A clear mind and a healthy body are prerequisites to the pursuit of the virtuous life. And a more healthy and virtuous life will create a more virtuous marriage.

Eating

Have you noticed that when you’re hungry and you sit down to eat, the first few bites taste the best? Have you thought to wonder why this is? It’s likely because the first few bites are the only ones really tasted and savored.

Today in our fast paced society, food is more often shoveled in rather than slowly eaten and savored. With the preponderance of fast food drive thrus this only increases the speed. The problem with gobbling your food quickly is the food is not really enjoyed and the feeling of being full is often overlooked.

There are countless diet and healthy eating books and programs on the market today. The key thing you really need to know in order to maintain a healthy waistline – eat when hungry, stop when full.

Don’t eat in front of the TV. Avoid eating in the car. Sit down for a proper meal. Slowing down to enjoy your food is also a great way to improve your relationships.

Eat with those you love. Have regular meals with your spouse. With friends. With your kids. Talk and tell stories between bites. Put your fork down between each bite. Slowly chew your food.

Make meal times an experience together rather than something to be rushed through on the way to something else.

Drinking

Many people have had the experience of enjoying one too many when it comes to “the distilled spirits.” Yet somewhere along the way, drinking has become a past-time in our society, a marker of manliness or a good time. Yet there are truly few things less virtuous than getting tanked and passing out.

The problem with using alcohol in the pursuit of a good time is you wind up numbing yourself through the experience. There is something to be said about being fully present in every moment.

While a good drink can add to an experience with friends, too many can just as easily ruin it. Learning how to enjoy yourself responsibly, avoiding becoming intoxicated, will improve your life and relationships. It’s very unlikely that in marriage both spouses will have a problem with drinking. Often there is one spouse that desires the other to drink less than they do. Is this an attempt to control the other, or is this concern out of genuine love and care? It’s usually the later.

Liquor isn’t necessary for confidence or for fun. It doesn’t improve your sex life in the long run. In fact, drinking can become a crutch. Learning how to create a good time through your personality and playfulness will produce deeper and more lasting results in your life and marriage.

Now I’m not saying alcohol has no place in life. I often have a glass of beer or wine with dinner. But I’ve never understood the allure of the drunken stupor. If there’s something you’re wanting to escape from in a bottle of alcohol, the problem is your escape is temporary. Face the difficulty. Lean into the conflict.

The confidence you’ll gain by addressing life and relationship problems will spill over into all areas of your life. Man up. Woman up. You’ll be glad you did in the long run.

Photo courtesy jenny downing (r&r)

The Virtuous Marriage: Temperance is a post from: Simple Marriage
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