I was fortunate to receive an advanced copy and read it over the weekend.

It’s a great read as it covers several aspects that are involved in living a simple life, namely our relationship with things, others and ourselves.

Here’s an excerpt from Joshua about the book:

This book goes well beyond the external fixes to our complicated lives and focuses on the heart issues required for a simplified life. It is based on the premise that a truly simplified lifestyle begins in a person’s soul. And it will help the reader find an inside-out simplicity by focusing on the key life-changing principles necessary in their most important relationships.

Some of the topics and principles covered in the book will help you:

• Discover why healthy relationships are essential to a simplified life.
• Live intentionally embracing contentment, gratitude, and humility.
• Promote generosity, kindness, service, and forgiveness as a way of life.
• Find greater simplicity in your marriage by focusing on the essential building blocks.
• Be intentional in your dealings with your children and family.

You can pick up a copy today by clicking here –> Inside-Out Simplicity

Disclaimer, I am an affiliate for Joshua’s eBooks, meaning if you pick up a copy from this link, I receive a portion of the sale.

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Editor’s note: This article is adapted from Leo of Zen Habits.

There’s something powerfully simple, and deeply profound in the Dalai Lama’s quote: “My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.”

This single word can become the central tenet of your life, if you let it: “kindness”.

Kindness can guide every interaction you have with others, can guide your life’s work, can give meaning to your life, can even guide your eating, parenting, marriage, and more.

All else will melt away, if you let go of it, and leave only kindness.

Doing to others IS doing to yourself

The Golden Rule goes like this, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” But another idea of this rule – how you treat others is how your treat yourself.

Consider: when you react to others with anger or meanness, you are putting yourself in an angry mindset, a bad mood. You’ll likely feel pretty bad for at least an hour, if not all day.

When you are uncaring or indifferent to others, you also create an empty, blank feeling in yourself, a void that cannot be filled with gadgets, social networking, shopping, food, or possessions.

When instead you are kind, you build a good feeling within yourself, you make yourself happy. In effect, you are being kind to yourself.

Other outward-facing actions have a similar inward effect: if you want to learn, teach. If you need inspiration, inspire others. If you’re sad, cheer someone up.

mindfulness + kindfulness

It is near impossible, in my experience, to transition towards kindness without being mindful. Thoughtlessness leads to unkindnesses.

You must be mindful of every interaction with another human being. Approach each person mindfully, with your full attention, smiling, seeking to understand them, trying to interact with gentleness, warmth, compassion.

When someone comes to talk to you, when your kid tugs on your pant leg for attention, when your spouse starts speaking, turn to them without distraction, putting everything else away, and give your full attention. Listen. Be 100% present.

Here’s something beautiful: by treating others with kindness, you will create a happy feeling within yourself, effectively creating a positive feedback loop for your mindfulness. This will encourage you to be more mindful throughout your day, which will help you to treat others with yet more kindness, and so on.

Mindfulness and kindfulness feed on each other in a wonderful cycle.

(photo source)

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What follows is an updated list, and almost all of these are in my feed reader.

These sites are worth your time and will help you in your life and relationships. Also, this list is not a marriage focused list. Instead I’ve chosen these sites based on their life improvement focus.

1. Zen Habits. Written by Leo Babauta, who’s created one of the largest blogs out there. He covers a range of self-improvement topics from creating new habits to getting in shape to relationships. (There is also now Zen Family Habits which as the name signifies, is all about family).
2. Simple Mom. One of the catch phrases for Simple Mom is “Zen Habits with an apron.” Tsh Oxenreider offers very practical tips and advice for managing life as a mom – I am still a columnist on Simple Mom. Tsh also has several “sister” sites worth reading as well (Simple Kids, Simple Bites, Simple Homeschool, and Simple Organic).
3. The Simple Dollar. Written by Trent Hamm, who focuses on financial talk for ordinary people. Full of great tips and advice discovered from personal experiences.
4. The Discomfort Zone. If you’re interested in a quirky look at things in the life improvement world, Tim Brownson’s your guy. His posts are full of great information and his take on life will help you in almost every situation.
5. Man vs. Debt. Written by Adam Baker, he and his wife and small child, sold all their stuff to pay off debt and travel around the world. Did you catch that, they paid off debt and traveled around the world. Baker’s created a great community online where you can follow their journey as well as share your own.
6. Donald Miller. Best selling author (and one of my favorites) regularly posts about life, spirituality, and his take on things. If you like any of his books, you’ll love his blog.
7. The Fluent Self. Havi Brooks writes and has several products aimed at helping you get destuckified. She writes for people who are bright, thoughtful and creative – and possibly kind of kooky.
8. Dumb Little Man. This is a site with a collection of tips, stories and advice, written by a lot of different authors. If you’re looking for a range of tips and topics, Dumb Little Man is a great place to start.
9. The Art of Nonconformity. Chris Guillebeau has a goal of visiting every country in the world within 3 years. Thus far he’s made it to over 130 and created quite a following along the way. He writes regularly about living a non-conforming lifestyle. His writing is insightful, challenging, and real. Plus he has some great products that will help you live the lifestyle you want as well – you can check them out here. (Full disclosure- I’m an affiliate of his products)
10. The Confident Mom. Susan Heid, a columnist here at Simple Marriage, wants to help busy moms find clarity, control and confidence in order to re-energize your role as a mom, home and family manager and potential as a woman.
11. Mom Grind. Vereed DeLeeuw looks to help moms deal with the daily grind of motherhood. But she quickly realized that giving advice bores her - she’d rather ask questions than answer them.
12. Art of Manliness. A blog dedicated to uncovering the lost art of being a man. AoM is authored by husband and wife team, Brett and Kate McKay, featuring posts helping men be better fathers, husbands, and men.
13. Enemy of Debt. Brad Chaffee writes to help people take control of their finances and to motivate and inspire financial discipline by focusing on behavior and truth.
14. My Super Charged Life. Jeff Nickles writes to help people find success and meaning in their life.
15. Organizing Your Way. Mandi Ehman considers herself an organizing junkie, and as far as I’m concerned, everyone needs to know at least one organizing junkie.
16. The Bold Life. Tess invites you to think bold, feel bold, and act bold… and live your dream.
17. Writer Dad. Sean Platt is a gifted writer who takes you with him on his journey through life as a husband and dad. Currently he is swamped with writing gigs so Writer Dad is not updated regularly, but when he does write, it’s worth the read.
18. Peace and Projects. Melissa is also a columnist here on Simple Marriage, but her main site offers great insight on life, love and getting things done.
19. Simple Marriage. It’s not just because this is where I write, it’s the only resource I’ve come across specifically designed to assist you in experiencing more in marriage and life. Marriage is about growing up.

I’m sure there are other gems out there in the blogosphere, so if I’ve missed one, please add it in the comments.

While the above list didn’t include marriage and relationship focused sites (aside from Simple Marriage), there are several really good sites worth noting.

1. Engaged Marriage. Dustin is also a columnist here at Simple Marriage, but his main site seeks to provide information and motivation for people that want something more from life and agree that their most important relationships shouldn’t be mired in mediocrity.
2. Project Happily Ever After. Alisa Bowman is a writer who chronicles her journey through marriage. She shares real, raw, and honest information. If you’ve been married any length of time then you’ll like her posts – I know I do.
3. The Marry Blogger. Stu Gray spent several years reading everything he could about what would make a stupendous marriage. His blog shares what he’s found thus far.
4. Project M. Written by Kathleen Quiring, she started this project in hopes of telling the truth about marriage as well as dispelling some of its myths.
5. One Extraordinary Marriage. If you like podcasts on marriage and life then you’ll like Tony and Alisa. Some of their postings are written but most are via audio podcast. Tony and Alisa hope to help every married couple discover more intimacy in their marriage, and share how their journey has impacted them.
6. Anonymous 8. This is a group of 35-55 year old women who talk about everything.  From the secrets of the bedroom to little-talked-about female issues. This is a safe place to find advice, answers to embarrassing questions, and ideas on how to spice up your intimate life.
7. Life Gems 4 Marriage. Lori Lowe wants to strengthen marriages and families by sharing stories of others as well as her own.
8. Happily Married After. David and Thea Patrick write on the fact that marriage is not always “sunshine and puppy dogs.” They hope to prove to the world that you can be married, faithful and HAPPY.
9. Confessions of a Loving Wife. Shannon O writes about love, marriage and the adventures of  domestic life.

Once again, there are probably other marriage and relationship sites worth mentioning, if I’ve missed one then please add it in the comments.

Enjoy!

(photo source)

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For the past several months, my wife and I were making preparations to place our house on the market. We weren’t looking to move to an enormous house, but since we have two kids now, we were looking to gain another bedroom and a bit more storage space. After several weeks of preparation and organization, a couple of things became clear.

1. We have a lot of junk in our house. No wonder we are tight on storage space, we have too much stuff. As part of the organizing, we got rid of 2 pickup truck loads of stuff, and we still have too much of it left. Half the garage is now housing most of this until we do more purging.

2. The houses that would be a “move up” in space and amenities were more than we wanted to spend. For the past several years my wife and I have been working to live below our means. To move would stretch us a little beyond where we want to be, not that we can’t afford it, but why try to afford it? Part of living within a simple marriage is to live simply.

After deciding not to go through with the process, a tremendous weight was lifted off both our shoulders. We have now begun making plans on getting out of debt and traveling more with the kids. In other words, living life more alive and less tied to things and stuff.

This process has made us realize how easily you can be trapped into living according to a perceived expectation of society. How did society evolve to the point that when you have x number of kids living in an x number of bedroom house, you must get a bigger house in order for everyone to have their own room and an office and a playroom and on and on it goes. Didn’t our parents grow up with 2 or more kids in the same room? Plus, I heard that they walked to school through snow uphill both ways.

It seems we have begun to feel entitled to a certain lifestyle. A certain amount of luxuries. But at what cost?

Since my wife and I have decided not to move there has been a new level of passion and love in the house. We are less worried about the finances. Spending more time with the kids. Planning future trips and excursions. Getting away on the weekend for fun.

This past Saturday we went bike riding with the kids in tow, literally (they were in a bike trailer behind my bike). We had mud up to our knees, ruined our shoes, and had a blast the whole time.

I think there is a correlation between living within or below your means and passion in marriage. There is less stress. Less worry. Room for more adventure.

Try it. Spend some time organizing the house. De-clutter. Then spend the time planning an adventure together. Spend time with friends. Serve others. In other words, live and enjoy life. And if you still have time to spare, you can come to my house and help me clear out my garage of all my stuff.

Photo courtesy Bento Business

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If you’re like I used to be, your email inbox is cluttered and full of emails you either will never need again, or important communications that are buried deep down in your inbox. So far down that you’ll have to scroll waaaaaayyyyy down the page to find the message from your Aunt Jenny that contains the directions to the family reunion this summer.

One of my main goals is to keep life as simple as possible.

What’s this have to do with marriage you say? When the world you live in is less cluttered and more ordered, you free up more time for wooing and romancing your spouse.

In other words, a clean and empty inbox will lead to more frequent and fantastic sex in your marriage.

So let’s simplify email and then hit the sheets with our spouse, shall we?

What follows is a compilation of information from a couple of different sources on the subject (which are all referenced at the end of this post).

To begin, the overall goal of creating a simple inbox is to:

1. Check and send email from one place.
2. Easily archive, filter, and retrieve email.
3. Flag actionable mail but keep it out of the inbox.
4. Access email from my mobile without loss of functionality.
5. Do all this for free.
6. Enjoy the look and feel of a clean and empty inbox.

To accomplish this task, we’ll be combining three things – a smart usage of Gmail, Gmail’s labels and filters (or folders if you refuse to move over to Gmail), and some basic rules to follow.

Task one

1. Get a Gmail account: You can sign up here. For Inbox simplification, you need to be using Gmail in your browser only and not with a desktop mail client. Trust me. This will all make sense soon. If you don’t want to use Gmail and you thoroughly enjoy checking 5 different email accounts, so be it. Skip down to the next section below this list of steps.
2. Point all your email accounts at Gmail: If you skip this step, the system won’t work for you. We’re going to get Gmail to check all of your email accounts: work, play, affair with your spouse notes; it’s all going to come to Gmail. A key idea behind this is to start checking and sending mail in one place instead of five. There are two options for getting mail into Gmail:
   1. Forward mail from your other accounts to your new gmail.com address. This is the best option for most because you’ll receive mail a lot faster. Go ahead and set your other email accounts to forward to Gmail right now. If you don’t see a setting for this, use option 2 below.
   2. Alternatively, Gmail’s free Mail Fetcher service will periodically retrieve mail from each account you specify. Carefully follow the instructions to set up Mail Fetcher here. Do this for all of your email accounts.
3. Set up sending from all your accounts: Now that you have all your mail coming to Gmail, we’re going to set things up so you can send email from multiple addresses and not just your Gmail one. To do this, simply follow the ‘custom from’ setup instructions. Repeat for all of your accounts.
4. Install Google Notifier: This makes the Gmail experience complete. Get Google Notifier here. It will act as your mail alert service and give you a handy shortcut for composing new mail.
5. Banish your old mail application: Remove it from from your Mac’s dock or PC’s shortcut bar. If you use webmail from some other provider, stop using it. It’s really important that you go to only one source (Gmail) from now on to send and receive mail. Just try it; you can always go back to your old ways if you decide it’s not for you after a few weeks.
6. Have a clean up: That’s it! You’re set up. If you’ve told Gmail to check your other accounts like I’ve insisted, or if you’re an existing Gmail user, you’ll probably have an inbox full of email right now. Once you’ve read this article, the first thing to do is have a good clean up to get your inbox empty. If that means spending four hours clearing 1,043 emails, then just do it. Find that time somewhere so you’ll be able to continue winning the battle against your inbox for good.

Task two

Within Gmail, or other mail service if you skipped task one, you need to create labels so you have places to put all your future emails when they hit your inbox. This allows you to sort through your messages and either discard them, file them with the appropriate label/folder, then move on about your day knowing you can easily retrieve the information in the future.

For example, one of your labels should be “marriage” or “relationships”. That way you’ll have a place to store the free marriage classes we offer, as well as future great posts from Simple Marriage. Then create labels for all other areas of your life.

Task three

Follow these three rules at all times from here on out.

1. Star and archive all messages that need action.
2. Archive, file or delete everything else as soon as you’ve read it.
3. Take action on your starred items twice daily. I recommend 11am and 3pm.

If you follow these rules, you’ll get the chance to experience the refreshing feeling an empty inbox provides. If you find your inbox backing up with email, you’re doing something wrong. Once you’ve scanned an email, you should do something with it. Don’t leave it in your inbox to sort out later.

I told you I’d give credit where credit is due for this post: here goes. Nick Cernis, Dave Navarro, and Merlin Mann.

(photo source)

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While to many this event may be far too close to one of life’s bigger milestones (turing 40), to me, my 30s have been the best years of my life.

As I look back on this time of life, several things jump out.

1. I had no idea what I was doing in my 20s. I was young and dumb and thought I knew what life was really all about. Turns out I was an idiot. So much so that I almost lost my marriage during this decade.
2. Kids really do teach you more than you teach them. You hear it all the time, kids will change your life. It’s true. From the tender moments of an infant sleeping on your chest to the times when you hear them in their room unleashing their anger in your direction – they uncover the parts in yourself that you didn’t know you had. Who knew that I could get so worked up over the reactions from someone 1/6 my size?
3. Marriage really does get better. Pam and I will be celebrating 17 years this month and I can honestly say that the past 10 years have been our best years together. This is due largely to our own growth as people, as well as wisdom we’ve learned from past experiences.

So why am I writing all this on my birthday?

No, this isn’t to get presents sent my way (unless you want to get me an apple pie – although a pie sent through the mail probably wouldn’t be any good). I wanted to write up a few brief points about what I’ve learned along the way thus far.

1. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Seriously. Most of the things that get us down or trip us up in marriage and life are small things.
2. Expect disappointments. In fact, the definition I use for expectation is planned disappointments. You’re going to hear “no” in life. Count on it – but continue on your path.And in spite of all the hurdles and obstacles you encounter:
3. Approach life as it is the most wonderful, precious gift you could ever be given. The world was created by God to be enjoyed and reveled in. Or as Donald Miller puts it, God has placed a box of crayons down in front of you (a box of crayons called life), so by all means draw. We get one shot at this life – draw a masterpiece!

(photo source)

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The relationship you have with yourself has a tremendous impact on your life.

Your self esteem, personal outlook, drive, and even mental health is largely shaped by this relationship.

Why is this the most important relationship you’ll ever have?

Your external world tends to be a reflection of your internal world. So this relationship will ultimately determine how people see you. If you see yourself as below average, unsuccessful, or a failure, then you’ll exuded these qualities in your energy, and people in your life will see you exactly the same way, plus you’ll tend to attract circumstances and events to support this self image.

The same is also a true for a positive self image. Without a healthy self image, your personal development efforts will not be nearly as successful.

The parallel to our external relationships is equally important. More important than how you relate others is how you relate to yourself.

4 Ways to Improve Your Relationship with Yourself

A negative self image can result from a number of different things in life. What caused the failure is not as important as focusing on how you respond to it. Think of this way. Where you came from isn’t nearly as important as where you are going. Or, what happened is not as important as how you responded to the incident. There are several different ways to begin repairing a negative relationship with yourself.

1. Self Talk

Self talk, or mental affirmations are perhaps the most commonly used tool to make changes in life. It’s been said that if you lie to yourself enough, eventually you will start to believe that lie. The reverse is also true. The beauty of the human brain is that it will go where it is told to go. Try this: rather than reacting to the fear surrounding an anxious event in life, repeatedly tell yourself that you can handle whatever may happen during the event. Your self talk can dramatically increase your mood, resolve, drive, and even ability to perform in life’s situations.

2. Visualization

This technique is used by a wide range of people, from athletes to professional speakers, to enhance their performance. One of the beautiful things about our brain is that is can not distinguish between experiences that are vividly imagined, and those that actually happened. Have you ever had a dream and a few days later you couldn’t figure out whether or not it was something that actually happened? This is exactly what is happening in the visualization process. Taking conscious control of the mental pictures you are making in your head gives you power over the results that occur in your life. The key to using visualization successfully is repetition (just like self talk). By visualizing a new, empowering self on a daily basis, your mind will eventually accept it as reality, and the external world you see will follow.

3. Mind Movies

Given the rapid pace at which new technology has developed, people are finding many innovative ways to take combine visualization and affirmations. Mind movies are an excellent technique for doing that. The concept of a mind movie is very simple. First you develop a list of affirmations for all the things that you want in your life. Then, find pictures to match all of the affirmations you have written down. Combine the pictures and affirmations with some upbeat music and you have a mind movie. What’s great about this technique is it eases the burden of trying to picture something in your head since you have a picture right in front of you and the affirmation to go with it.

4. Meditation and prayer

Slowing the mind and the body down to the natural rhythms of life will boost your mood and self image. It’s almost impossible to be in a state of calm and peace without a solid self image. One of the best ways to obtain this state of being is through mediation and/or prayer. Connecting to a higher source and recognizing the interconnectedness of the world provides a great perspective for life. It helps to know you are connected to the things around you, as well as know you are a part of God’s creation.

(photo source)
Adapted from Dumb Little Man

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Next, gather a couple of friends, some other couples or sit one evening with your spouse, read this post, pass out index cards and have people write down five “what if” questions. Now here’s the trick…people are going to write down stuff they can’t control, like what if I hadn’t lost my job or what if my wife hadn’t left. Those are great questions to process, but they aren’t helpful for our experiment. The questions you are looking for are “what if I popped the question” or “what if I found my father” or “what if I held a fundraiser” or “what if I broke up with my bad boyfriend.” Those are the questions we are looking for.

Once everybody has written on their index cards, have each person in the group share one or two aloud. Then issue the challenge.

The challenge is to follow through on at least one item on your list. And you must follow through by the next time you meet, because you are each going to report on what happened.

What will unfold, good or bad, will not be boredom, I assure you. Things are going to get crazy. People are going to start talking, because their lives are suddenly going to get interesting.

Here’s the moral of the story, if you will. God gives life to you to live, and you can either tell meaningful stories or boring stories. We can’t wait around anymore for God to make something happen in our lives, meanwhile we shop at Bed Bath and Beyond. The truth is, God gives you wisdom and direction and morality and His presence and support, and then asks you to live, to conquer, to risk and experience the whole of life.

People grow when they are in motion.

So what do you think? Are you up for it?

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Spring is sprung
The grass is riz
I wonder where
The flowers is! ~ Anon.

When I was a kid, Spring was my least favorite season. I loved Fall, followed in order of preference by Summer, Winter and finally Spring. In the Midwest, Spring was usually wet, rainy and muddy, which meant outdoor adventures were too often thwarted.

But a strange thing has happened. Now that I’ve gotten older, Spring has become my season of choice. Unfortunately, it seems to last for such a very short time in Illinois, followed suddenly by hot, humid weather. In fact, there is a saying that goes “Spring is the loveliest day of the year here.” Ha! I could almost be happy with spring-like weather most of the year, except for the fact that I do enjoy the change of seasons.

Photo by Amber Domke

Our winter seemed especially harsh and drawn out this year, so when it finally started to warm up, we reveled in the changes. Here are just three of the Spring Things we’ve been enjoying.

• FLOWERS – A Rose by Any Other Name . . .

I love to see the Spring flowers, such as daffodils, crocuses and tulips, but I never seem to get around to planting them in the Fall like I should. Maybe the problem is deciding which ones to buy and when/where to plant them.

One year when we lived in Wisconsin, Mom gave me a large package of tulip bulbs for my birthday in November. Now you’d think that would be the perfect time to plant, right? Well, it turned bitterly cold early that year, but I still wanted to get them into the ground. I dragged my 10-year-old son outside and we picked a spot on the south side of the house for planting.

Unfortunately, the ground had turned rock-hard as the temperature plummeted. No way could we break through the frozen crust with our shovels, so we finally brought out a pickaxe!

After working up a sweat taking turns with the big axe, we eventually had a shallow hole about the size of a dinner platter. My plan had been to plant a row all along the back of the house, but that was obviously not going to happen. As the wind picked up and it started to sleet, I made an Executive decision: we carefully positioned all the bulbs into the hole and covered them with frozen chunks of dirt as best we could.

Winter that year turned out to be one for the record books, with unusual cold and snow. When Spring poked its head out at last, we were amazed to see that the new tulips had not only survived, they had thrived! We had the most beautiful flower display imaginable. In fact, it looked like we had planned it that way all along.

If I had to pick just one favorite spring flower, I wouldn’t have to think about it for long. For me, the sunny little dandelions are the true harbinger of Spring. When I see that these resolute little wonders have returned to brighten up our world, I am thrilled. Now, if I could only convince my hubby that he doesn’t need to attack them like Attila the Hun!

• BIRDS – Our Fine Feathered Friends

We have a couple of Maple trees in our yard and were lucky enough to watch a yellow-bellied sapsucker again this year. (Yes, that really is its name. And you probably thought that was just an insulting phrase used in old Westerns on TV, right?)

Photo by Beth LaMie

The Sapsucker migrates North each year and spends up to a week in our part of the country. The picture above shows a replica of the bird and the horizontal holes they drill in the trunk of our favorite bird-watching tree. It was a real treat to sit outside and watch them get the sap running, then lap it up along with insects. We were surprised to see that squirrels also appreciated the fresh sap.

We also get a nice grouping of other birds, such as woodpeckers, cardinals, blue jays, finches and, of course, robins. Sometimes they visit our birdfeeders in harmony, while at other times they squabble and fight until the aggressor has chased the smaller birds away. Squirrels join the mix and delight us by hanging upside-down from the suet feeder, then pull themselves up to grab more tidbits from the wire cage. After all that work, they must develop some awesome abs. LOL

• TREES – Our Friends in the Forest

We had a few days of unseasonably warm weather, followed by much cooler days. The result was that many of the trees stated to show their buds but they didn’t mature fully for quite some time. As a result, we had a much more gradual display of Mother Nature that seemed to occur in slow motion. From one day to the next, we could actually see the slow but sure leafing out of the trees.

One of the benefits of such an unusual awakening is that we could more fully appreciate just a few varieties of trees at a time, instead of everything blossoming in a rush. One day might have a beautiful Magnolia tree in full bloom, while another was the purple plum and finally the apple trees. The steady progression of come into bud and bloom was especially enjoyable when it could be savored over many days.

So here’s the challenge:

What have you seen or experienced this Spring? Have you taken time to smell the roses, or at least dally with the dandelions? If not, it’s still not too late. Take a few minutes each day to renew your energy and your Joie de Vivre – that’s the Joy of Living and something that every one of us can enjoy.

Viva La Spring!

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I’m a fan of Donald Miller, author of A Million Miles in a Thousand Years and Blue Like Jazz. I also have a goal of buying him a cup of coffee sometime, but I digress.

His belief is that life is a story – and the reason most people have fairly boring lives is because they’re living boring stories.

Don recently posed the What If Challenge – and what follows is the first of his two posts that make up this challenge (I’ll post the second one later).

When novelists sit down to write a narrative, there is a question they ask themselves in order to create exciting and meaningful stories, and that same question can also create a more exciting and meaningful life. That question is: What if?

J.R.R. Tolkien once asked the question What if there existed a place called Middle Earth, and What if Middle Earth were under threat? Every good story begins with some form of this question, and so does every life.

Whenever a novel starts to drag, the writer simply has to ask this question, and suddenly life gets exciting again. What if there were a car accident, what if my protagonist won the lottery, what if my protagonist came home and his wife had left with all the furniture? A series of these questions will dislodge whatever fascinating thing is going to happen next in the story.

Now to be sure, you don’t have the power to win the lottery and I don’t recommend getting in a car wreck, but within limits, the question What if? can radically change our story and our lives.

Several years ago, Donald Miller asked the question What if the 360,000 churches in America could each have a mentoring program and out of that question came one of the most exciting adventures in my life, The Mentoring Project. Bill Hybles once asked What if there were a church in this field? Rick Warren asked What if we could bring peace to the continent of Africa? Out of these questions came stories that have positively affected millions.

What if you asked yourself a series of these questions? What if you got out a yellow pad and wrote down a few story turns that you could engage? What if you ran a marathon? What if you renewed your marriage vows? What if you quit your job? What if you brought home a puppy today? What if you and your family adopted a child?

If your story has gotten boring, perhaps it’s time to ask yourself the what if question.

Try this, in the comment box, just brainstorm five what if questions as fast as you can. Try to to take the suggestion seriously, but do it fast. What will begin to happen is you’ll  begin to dream, you’ll stop thinking of life as stagnant, and you’ll be reminded that life, for the most part, is what you make of it.

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