100 Thing Challenge: An Interview With Dave Bruno

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About a year ago I came across an intriguing book title due to be published later in the year: The 100 Thing Challenge: How I Got Rid of Almost Everything, Remade My Life, and Regained My Soul by Dave Bruno.

I mentioned this book in our previous discussion about enoughness.

Upon picking up this book and reading the first couple of chapters … I was hooked.

This isn’t necessarily a “how to” do this type of thing book, although that information is in there. Instead, this is Dave’s journey as he attempted to break free of American style consumerism for a year.

Dave is a gifted writer who uses humor well. He also has many points that strike deep below the surface of your life – points that will make you think about your own journey in life and marriage.

I highly recommend this book, and thoroughly enjoyed talking with Dave.

Editor’s note: The video freezes for the first couple of seconds, just so you know – but the audio is fine. Read more »

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The Idea of Enoughness

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Post written by Corey Allan.

I’ve been uncomfortable.

There’s been an unsettling feeling in my gut.

It was in my life for a while and I couldn’t put my finger on what was causing it.

Now, it wasn’t an overwhelming feeling of discontent or a sense that something bad was about to happen or even the insane amount of food I consumed throughout the Holidays (although that created discomfort all its own).

It was simply a nagging feeling that something was just off.

Something wasn’t aligning right.

Then the answer finally came to me a couple of days after Christmas when I took my kids out to spend some of their Christmas money from grandma.

I made the mistake of taking them to the toy abyss that is Toys R Us. While their eyes lit up at all the choices before them and their pockets heated up from the money burning to get out – what stood out to me was all the other people doing the same thing as I.

A bit of back story:

I’m a fan of simplicity and minimalism. I read Joshua Becker, Everett Bogue, Adam Baker, Leo Babauta, and Tammy Strobel. And my wife and I have worked to keep our home, our marriage, and our family simple.

While I was home with my family, my father and I got into a discussion about the latest books we’ve either read or are reading. One of the greatest joys of my relationship with my dad is sharing books and thoughts from books we like with each other.

As our discussion progressed, my dad brought up this idea of “enoughness.” He even mentioned that several professors had met and kicked around the idea of creating a class on this idea.

Upon returning home I began reading The 100 Thing Challenge by Dave Bruno (look for an upcoming interview with Dave in a future post).

Back to our story:

Standing in the isles of mountains of toys, the nagging feeling became clear.

I was surrounded by a never ending environment aimed at consuming. A world that teaches scarcity. The trouble with scarcity is that you operate under the principle that resources are limited and that we can never truly have enough. It’s like we’d better work as hard as we can to ensure that we don’t lose out to someone else.

Unfortunately, this is the default mode of operation for many people.

The challenge is to be self-aware and rise above it.

In order to become self-aware, it helps to know exactly what enoughness looks like for you. How much do you really need to a) meet your basic needs, and b) do the things you enjoy?

Have you ever struggled with enoughness?

On the flip side, have you experienced the satisfaction of enough?

The pure, simple pleasure of having all you need and the sweet sense of contentment?

When you learn how to be content, you increase your capacity to enjoy.

To the naked, untrained eye, it appears that more consumption would increase contentment but this is not the case at all. The real answer is enoughness; adequate provisions to live in modest comfort.

All we need is … enough.

Living with this idea of enoughness means you are consuming to meet your basic needs without limiting your capacity to enjoy.

Your capacity for enjoyment can grow at all times.

One of the best ways to increase your capacity for enjoyment is through the act of creating. When you make something, write something, build something, or imagine a new idea, you add value to the world.

And as you create more, you perfect your craftsmanship, further increasing your capacity to enjoy!

Start stupid small.

Both you, and I, and the world, are better off with enoughness.

So, what can you create to add value to the world today?

(photo source)

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Start stupid small in 2011

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I used to want to be a professional ball player, didn’t really care which sport, just wanted to play for a living. I still do.

But as I got older, I began to want other things more attainable than professional athlete status.

I wanted to travel to Scotland with my father, for example. (Done.) I wanted to get a Ph.D. before my father completed his. (Done – and you still owe me a $100, dad.) I wanted to climb the 14ers in Colorado. (2 down, 52 more to go. Hey, it’s a start, especially considering I live 10 hours away from the closest peak.)

All of these were and are big goals for me.

How did I get them to happen?

And how do I get other, bigger things to happen in the future?

Since you likely really don’t care about my goals and prefer your own, how do you get your big goals to happen?

I’m not talking about little goals, like I’m-going-to-get-my-kitchen-drawers-cleaned goals.

I’m talking the really good stuff.

The scary-good stuff.

Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler. ~ Albert Einstein

Start Stupid-Small

Repeat after me: “The way to scary-good is through stupid-small.”

It sounds silly, but it’s true.

Being silly also helps you from being afraid of it.

Stupid-small is the way to go.

When my wife and I were at our lowest point together, we applied this idea without even knowing it.

We both knew we wanted something better, but it seemed so far off. So we started small. We cleared some things off our calendars, we went to counseling, we talked and spent time together.

We didn’t achieve a better marriage overnight, but we began the journey – and that’s the point.

We did it – so can you.

We are also planning for what will unfold in 2011 – step one was to start stupid small.

Starting stupid-small is only the beginning. Here’s what you do next …

Focus on the pencil

In the 60s during the height of the space race between the US and Russia, a problem emerged that threatened to crush all the American dreams and put a stop to all the plans. In space, the normal means of writing would not work. And since space travel apparently is contingent on the ability to write while traveling, there would be no way to get off the ground with – the ball-point pen.

The story continues that after years of research an American company finally developed the zero gravity pen, thus solving the immediate problem and making space travel once again a realistic goal.

Meanwhile, the Russians faced the same problem, their solution?

The pencil.

Sometimes, technology and the world we live in tries to hurry us along when we’d be better off walking.

While this story is actually untrue – this urban myth is simply designed to make you understand this:

Simple is better.

Often, a pencil is all you need to get by.

Usually, the problem you are facing doesn’t need a complex solution.

Relationships are the same … so is marriage.

By keeping things simple, you increase the likelihood of better.

Let me say that again – by keeping things simple, you increase the likelihood of better.

As you launch into 2011, remember these two main ideas:

  1. Start stupid-small
  2. Keep it simple

If you apply these two thoughts to everything in your marriage and life from this point forward, things will be better.

Right now, I’m working on lining up an agent so when that professional franchise phones needing a shooting guard, wide receiver,  left winger, or a left handed closer – I’ll be ready to begin the negotiations.

A designer knows he has achieved perfection not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away. ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery

What’s your scary-good goal this year?

What’s your first stupid-small step?

And how do you plan on keeping it simple?

Stupid small idea thanks to Taylor of Men With Pens
(photo source)

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Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

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Every year during the Holidays I take some time to reflect on what has transpired throughout the year. The past three years, Simple Marriage has been a huge part of my life – which means you’ve been a huge part of my life.

I’m humbled that you continue to come here for tips, thoughts, and discussions to help you experience more in this thing called marriage.

I have received more from you than I could possibly give in return.

Thank you.

I’m honored that you continue to listen to us and that you regard Simple Marriage as a trusted resource in your life and marriage.

I’m glad you are here and hope you’ll continue to come around next year.

I pray that your holidays are filled with peace, warmth, love, and joy.

After the holidays are over, we’ll ramp everything up again.

So, from me to you: Thank you for being part of Simple Marriage.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

See you again in January.

(photo source)

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Buck Naked Marriage: My new book on the essentials of marriage

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Today I’m happy to launch my second eBook, Buck Naked Marriage: Strip away the unnecessary and focus on the bare essentials.

It’s about keeping your focus on the important, even while handling the immediate.

And it’s is broken into two parts.

Part one covers the findings of a research study I conducted last year. I asked 1,028 people what they believe are the essential elements for a marriage or committed relationship to thrive. Each chapter addresses one element; the top ten, in rank order according to the research (from 1 to 10).

Part two addresses five common issues married couples face in the course of marriage. Each of these issues often shift the focus away from the larger view of marriage, so they are covered in a way that help you focus on the essentials and not get bogged down with the unnecessary.

Read more here.

Read the table of contents.

Heard enough?

Buy Now

Questions & Answers

Q: Can I get this book on Kindle, iBooks, or other ebook format?
A: We’re working on this and plan on making this happen as soon as we can.

Q: What about a print version?
A: Not at this point.

Q: Can I see the table of contents?
A: Of course! It’s here.

Q: I just bought the book but don’t know what to do next. How do I get it?
A: You should receive an email (the one you used to pay for the book) that contains a download link. You only get 2 attempts to download the file, so don’t click on it until you’re at the computer you want to download the book to.

Q: But I never received an email with a download link … what now?
A: No worries … just email me at corey at simplemarriage dot net, let me know you bought a book but didn’t receive the link, and I’ll send it to you.

(photo source)

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The importance of laughter in marriage

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The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. ~ Voltaire

We cannot really love anybody with whom we never laugh. ~ Agnes Repplier

Have you and your spouse ever found something to be funny and you reach a point where you feed off each other? Most often this happens when you’re watching a somber play, or in the middle of church, or even during dinner at a quiet restaurant. But your giggles feed the other’s and off you go.

Laughter is contagious. It’s also beneficial to life and marriage.

Benefits of Laughter

  • Reduction of stress and tension
  • Stimulation of the immune system
  • An increase of natural painkillers in the blood
  • A decrease in systemic inflammation
  • Reduction of blood pressure
  • Lifts your spirits
  • Brings couples closer together
  • Can help keep a relationship fresh.

There are other medical benefits than the ones listed above. Read more »

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Busy? Try Gratitude Training.

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There’s a concept in the meditation world called “present state awareness” – experiencing and savoring the present.

When asked about this, the Buddhist monk and zen teacher Thich Nhat Hahn shared this parable:

“Let’s say that you want to eat a peach for dessert one evening, but you decide to only allow yourself this luxury after washing the dishes. If, while washing the dishes, all you think of is eating the peach, what will you be thinking of when you eat the peach?

The clogged inbox, that difficult conversation you’ve been putting off, tomorrow’s to-do list?

The peach is eaten but not enjoyed, and so on we continue through life, victims of a progressively lopsided culture that values achievement over appreciation.”

But let’s get specific.

If we define “achievement” as obtaining things we desire (whether raises, relationships, cars, pets, or otherwise) that have the potential to give us pleasure, then let’s define “appreciation” as our ability to get pleasure out of those things.

To focus on the former to the exclusion of the latter is like valuing cooking over eating.

How then, do we develop the skill of appreciation?

Read more »

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What a great dog can teach you

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Otis & I hiking in New Mexico

Editor’s Note: This is a much more personal post than usual.

Ten years ago I went to the airport and picked up Otis, a yellow Labrador we bought from a breeder in another state. I stood in the baggage claim area and was greeted by his cute face looking at me through the crate as they wheeled him off the plane and into our lives.

As with all labs, Otis was a chewer, as well as a sock and underwear thief. In fact, he enjoyed many of my family’s items normally reserved for wearing or using in some form other than dog toy. Socks, baby bibs (one we had to have surgically removed), hotwheel cars, underwear, and towels are just a few of the things he would eat. In the past two years he began to feast on our garden. Turns out, he loved cantaloupe. Ate every one that grew this summer.

It was also not uncommon for us to find a sock in the backyard from one of my kids, myself, or even from our neighbors or friends who were kind enough to watch him while we traveled for a weekend.

One morning last winter, my daughter informed me that Otis was throwing up in the backyard. I went out to find two of my tube socks. I then proceeded to go throughout the backyard and pick up all the other, smaller socks that he had eaten – and passed.

Grand total I found … Read more »

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