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Photo courtesy flappingwings

I leave Sunday night for a 9 day trip to Scotland with my father. The travel around Scotland will be planned as we go along by my father and I. At this point, the priority of things I want to see consist of 1) family roots and places my father went to school while there as a child, 2) Scottish history, specifically some William Wallace stuff as well as the highlands, and 3) anything else we decide to go see.

I fly into London, where I’ll have about 24 hours to see the sights before hopping on the train to Scotland where I will hook up with my dad. So this week’s question (nothing like waiting until the last minute):

What are some things I should be sure to see while in London?

Bear in mind, this is my first time to Europe so I will want to see some of the mainstays. St. Paul’s Cathedral, Parliament, etc. What else should I try to take in along the way? Continue reading…

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Photo courtesy Gare and Kitty

Tell me if you’ve ever done this. You’re at a function of some type with several other people. The air conditioner in the place obviously works very well. Instead of speaking up and stating that you are cold and wish someone would turn up the AC, you phrase it in a question. “Are you cold? You look like you’re cold.” What’s the risk in speaking up and stating what you’re experiencing? “Hey, I’m cold. Anyone got an extra Parka?”

Maybe you’ve been in this situation. You’re going about your daily tasks with your family or significant other and they say something in passing to you. While whatever they said was innocuous, your interpretation was anything but. You storm out of the room or react with a verbal unleashing that would give any baseball coach a run for his money.

If none of the preceding examples have happened, how about this. You are so deeply involved in your routine of life and work that when you come home after a long day, you simply co-exist with your spouse. You don’t even talk anymore. You’ve drifted apart and are living lives together under the same roof, but miles apart.

The common belief for the cause of these examples? You are having trouble communicating. Continue reading…

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Over the course of the next several weeks I’ll be posting in more detail each of the steps involved in creating a Simple Marriage. While this series is not going to be the end-all guaranteed way to simplify your marriage, I do hope it will help you and your spouse in creating a laser-like focus for your relationship.

For an overview of the 5 steps feel free to check this post. Now on to step one: Grow Deeper Spiritually.

No matter how you slice it, we live in a world that is more than just what we see in front of us. There is an interconnectedness among living things. And whether you personally subscribe to a belief that there is a God who created this mess as I do or if you are into a more new age philosophy, deepening your understanding of the spiritual will only aid in growing your marriage. Continue reading…

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I can do everything through Him who gives me strength. ~ Philippians 4:13

In the thirteenth century a man named William Wallace became the instrument of freedom from England’s tyranny over Scotland. A very wicked king ruled England. A tragedy in the life of William Wallace launched him into living for this cause. Initially his cause was revenge, but soon his cause turned to something bigger than himself - freedom for a nation. When he challenged the commoners to fight for this freedom, they responded that the enemy was too great and that they might die on the battlefield. They also refused to fight for the nobles, the knights and leaders who had a vested interest in gaining more land for themselves versus a pure cause of freedom. Wallace’s response: “Yes, we might die. We will all die sooner or later. But we will die for a cause worth dying for. So that our children and their children might live in freedom.” This story was popularized in the movie Brave Heart (Sherman Oaks, California: Paramount Pictures, 1995).

Today we find many Christian believers living a status quo relationship with God that is more characterized as “business as usual” than a life demonstrating God’s power. Our focus is often more concerned with improving our standard of living than improving the Kingdom of God through our circle of influence. God has called each of us to live for a cause greater than ourselves - a life that is dependent on His grace and power to achieve things we never thought possible through our lives. This is His plan for your life.

The apostle Paul prayed that He might experience the power of the resurrection in his life. This power is available to you and me to live for a cause greater than ourselves. Continue reading…

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Many times marriage, or any relationship for that matter, can be extremely complicated. Just when everything seems to be going so well, everything seems to go so wrong. Is it me? Is it them? Does marriage really have to be so difficult?

My wife and I have been married for almost 15 years now, and while not every year has been great, or even good at times, for the past several years things have been better than ever. Now I don’t tell you this to brag about how good my marriage is. I am telling you this as an encouragement to everyone desiring to have a marriage fully alive. It is possible.

Here’s how my wife and I have discovered more in our marriage. Continue reading…

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Photo courtesy A.J.

Now that you have had some time to practice being present, centering yourself, living in the moment, and being in the marital flow; it’s time to venture into sex. If you have not read part 1, do so before proceeding from base camp and beginning your quest up Everest.

You will need to incorporate what was discussed in part 1 before venturing further.

Alright, the lights are dimmed, candles are lit, soft music is playing in the background, let’s begin. Continue reading…

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“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”
“That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,” said the Cat.
“I don’t much care where …” said Alice.
“Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,” said the Cat.
~ Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

We’ve all been there, working on a project or doing something with an electronic gizmo and the thing freezes up. You try everything you can think of. Control, alt., delete. No dice. So what do you do? Reboot. When all else fails, reboot. Even the help desk from the manufacturer often recommends this course of action. So what about relationship rebooting?

This is often thought of as divorce, which is not at all what I am talking about. Instead I am encouraging a system reset. A new perspective on things in the relationship.

Too often we fall back on the question, “What do you want?” This question is often too vague. It leaves too much room for guesswork. We need to take a step back and look at the bigger picture.

When people are asked what they want most in life, or for their kid’s life, the most common answer: happiness. It seems that’s what most everyone is striving for, yet it is such an ambiguous answer. Bear with me for a moment. Many people would also put love on the list of things to strive for in life. So what’s the opposite of love? Hate? No. It’s apathy.  In much the same way, the opposite of happiness is not sadness. It’s boredom.

So the question you should be asking isn’t “What do you want?” or “What are your goals?” but “What would excite me?” This will likely stir something deep within you and your spouse. We’ve been given the opportunity on this earth to enjoy many things. To experience life and all it has to offer. And most of the time, the only thing holding us back from this type of life, ourselves.

Take some time this holiday season and reboot, unplug everything. As you restart, ask yourself this question, “What would excite me?” Then ask your spouse “What would excite us?”   

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR NEWSLETTER OR WEBSITE? No problem, as long as you include the following: For more resources and information visit www.marriagefullyalive.com.

The very first call to the helpdesk.

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My guess is that you hear this question several times each day as you go about your normal activities. I would also venture that the “busy” answer is used more often than not. Since when did being busy become so appealing? Something to strive for in order to appear better in other people’s eyes. Or at least to avoid appearing lazy or on the way to skid row. While the answer of “busy” is most likely true, answer me this. Busy doing what? How do you fill your day?  Or an even more popular sentiment, how do you manage your time? To quote Timothy Ferriss in his work The 4-Hour Work Week;

Just a few words on time management: Forget all about it. In the strictest sense, you shouldn’t be trying to do more each day, trying to fill every second with a work fidget of some type. …Being busy is often used as a guise for avoiding the few critically important but uncomfortable actions.

It is extremely easy to create busyness. It starts with rarely using the word no and it is perpetuated by working without an over-riding life goal or purpose in mind.

Have you stopped and asked yourself: what’s this all for? The idea of working for 40 to 50 years in order to save up enough money to enjoy retirement and live a life of leisure - when that is the time in life when you are physically the least able to enjoy what you have worked for. Instead, what if you had a list of 10 to 20 things you wanted to do in life, starting right now, and incorporated these into your monthly and yearly personal and family goals.

For the past 3 years I have been carrying around in my wallet a list of 25 things I want to do or accomplish before I die. Things like climbing the 14ers in Colorado, publish a best seller, travel to Scotland with my father (which I will check off the list this summer). Whenever I am sitting around waiting for an appointment or for my food at a restaurant, I will refer to this list to see which one I can check off next. While this list is not my ultimate life purpose or goal, it does help me to remember to enjoy the things in this life. I encourage you to create a list of your own. As you do so, remember that anything goes. No dream is too big.

Now that you have little reminders of the things you want to incorporate into your life, let’s turn our attention to some steps that will help you make the most of the time you have. Learn how to work smarter, not harder. Be more effective with your time. Then learn to be more efficient in completing the tasks each day. Whenever you are working on an important, high life-priority task, don’t answer the phone. Since when did a ringing phone become such a sacred object that we must respond to? Voicemail and answering machines are great things to help you stay on purpose. Email is the same way. You are working on something on the computer, the inbox chimes so you interrupt your time only to discover that you have the opportunity to assist some foreign guy in the transferring of a large sum of money from Uzbekistan, of which you will get to keep a large portion.

Ever wondered how we lived without cell phones, email, instant messages, etc. The answer: just fine. As you make your time more valuable to yourself, others will to. By living more on task and purpose, you will begin to align your life, your dreams and your goals. Slow down and remember this: Most things don’t really matter anyway, especially in light of a life dream or purpose. “Being busy is a form of laziness - lazy thinking and indiscriminate action” (Ferriss).

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR NEWSLETTER OR WEBSITE? No problem, as long as you include the following: For more resources and information visit www.marriagefullyalive.com.

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