Comments for The Simple Marriage Project http://www.simplemarriage.net Experiments in relationship design. Thu, 28 Aug 2008 17:18:08 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6.1 Comment on Something Manival This Way Comes by Laurie http://www.simplemarriage.net/something-manival-this-way-comes.html#comment-1410 Laurie Thu, 28 Aug 2008 16:15:48 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=368#comment-1410 I hear the distant sound of beating chests and hair growing where is wasn't meant to be and falling out where it was! :O) I hear the distant sound of beating chests and hair growing where is wasn’t meant to be and falling out where it was! :O)

]]> Comment on Ask The Readers: Favorite Books On Life And Marriage by Heidi Hass Gable http://www.simplemarriage.net/ask-the-readers-favorite-books-on-life-and-marriage.html#comment-1408 Heidi Hass Gable Thu, 28 Aug 2008 15:35:03 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=328#comment-1408 Great idea for sharing - I look forward to checking out the books! Here are some of the books that have had a big impact on my thinking (and therefore on my marriage as well!) A Year By The Sea by Joan Anderson - her own story of reaching midlife, finding herself unhappy with her marriage, lost without the all-consuming job of looking after kids and wondering what happened to the person she used to be (the joy, the passion). It's a story of RE-discovering marriage. Anything by Terrence Real: How Do I Get Through To You - talks about the personal and societal beliefs that get in our way in relationships. I Don't Want To Talk About It - actually about the legacy of male depression, but I got some real insights that help me understand some of our patterns. The New Rules of Marriage - very empowering and give really practical ways of turning adversarial into collaborative, being clear about your needs, finding ways to help each other be your individual bests, etc... Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn - although a parenting book, this one has helped me understand my own reactions and patterns so that I can stop judging myself - and therefore I've been able to be more present in my marriage and stop judging him too... Great idea for sharing - I look forward to checking out the books!

Here are some of the books that have had a big impact on my thinking (and therefore on my marriage as well!)

A Year By The Sea by Joan Anderson - her own story of reaching midlife, finding herself unhappy with her marriage, lost without the all-consuming job of looking after kids and wondering what happened to the person she used to be (the joy, the passion). It’s a story of RE-discovering marriage.

Anything by Terrence Real:
How Do I Get Through To You - talks about the personal and societal beliefs that get in our way in relationships.
I Don’t Want To Talk About It - actually about the legacy of male depression, but I got some real insights that help me understand some of our patterns.
The New Rules of Marriage - very empowering and give really practical ways of turning adversarial into collaborative, being clear about your needs, finding ways to help each other be your individual bests, etc…

Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn - although a parenting book, this one has helped me understand my own reactions and patterns so that I can stop judging myself - and therefore I’ve been able to be more present in my marriage and stop judging him too…

]]> Comment on Presenting The 7th Edition Of The Manival! by Something Manival This Way Comes | The Simple Marriage Project http://www.simplemarriage.net/presenting-the-7th-manival.html#comment-1402 Something Manival This Way Comes | The Simple Marriage Project Thu, 28 Aug 2008 00:06:37 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=114#comment-1402 [...] is a collection of blog posts written for men, by men or about men. Simple Marriages hosted the 7th Manival back in June and this time around it looks to be just a testosterone [...] [...] is a collection of blog posts written for men, by men or about men. Simple Marriages hosted the 7th Manival back in June and this time around it looks to be just a testosterone [...]

]]> Comment on The 5 Steps To A Simple Marriage- Part 5: Living In Community by hayden tompkins http://www.simplemarriage.net/the-5-steps-to-a-simple-marriage-part-5-living-in-community.html#comment-1401 hayden tompkins Wed, 27 Aug 2008 17:05:25 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=371#comment-1401 Can I just tell you that I so love my online community? I met some truly truly amazing people. Can I just tell you that I so love my online community? I met some truly truly amazing people.

]]> Comment on 6 Ways For Men To Simplify Their Marriage by jose http://www.simplemarriage.net/6-ways-for-men-to-simplify-their-marriage.html#comment-1400 jose Wed, 27 Aug 2008 14:32:23 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=121#comment-1400 Ok, I think you misunderstood me. I would like to say to Jane and Brandon that I really like long relationships. I feel happy for Brandon, and I would love to have a long relationship, just like his. But that`s not the point. I think that a lot of people experiences love in a very radical way: either I end up with a person for my whole life, or otherwise I am a bitter and sad person until I die. There is nothing in the middle. And this conception is, for the majoritiy of the people, very frustrating. It gives you a wrong idea of yourself, a looser/winner stupid idea. It is not real. Reality is far more sophisticated, far more complex. And complexity it is a good thing. We are no stupids. We are suposed to think FOR OURSELVES. I'm sure that if Brandon or Jane break up with their partner (I hope they don't), they will see themselves as loosers. Instead of thinking about the great and fabulous 17 years of love (which is a beatiful thought), Brandon will only stare at the grey future ahead. I will never have this experience. I have been 10 years living with someone, and it has been perfect. And now, I'm sure new experiences will come. I'm happy for this, I'm happy for both the past and the future. Just like Brandon. If you keep believing in this "trascendental" kind of love, most of you are probably going to be very unhappy. Of course is only my opinion. It is far more better to accept the nice unpredictability of all things. I had this professor in my college, a very very christian man, who told us this: "don't think your life is predectible, because you will be betraying God, who is a non-predectible being. jose Ok, I think you misunderstood me. I would like to say to Jane and Brandon that I really like long relationships. I feel happy for Brandon, and I would love to have a long relationship, just like his. But that`s not the point. I think that a lot of people experiences love in a very radical way: either I end up with a person for my whole life, or otherwise I am a bitter and sad person until I die. There is nothing in the middle. And this conception is, for the majoritiy of the people, very frustrating. It gives you a wrong idea of yourself, a looser/winner stupid idea. It is not real. Reality is far more sophisticated, far more complex. And complexity it is a good thing. We are no stupids. We are suposed to think FOR OURSELVES.

I’m sure that if Brandon or Jane break up with their partner (I hope they don’t), they will see themselves as loosers. Instead of thinking about the great and fabulous 17 years of love (which is a beatiful thought), Brandon will only stare at the grey future ahead. I will never have this experience. I have been 10 years living with someone, and it has been perfect. And now, I’m sure new experiences will come. I’m happy for this, I’m happy for both the past and the future. Just like Brandon.

If you keep believing in this “trascendental” kind of love, most of you are probably going to be very unhappy. Of course is only my opinion. It is far more better to accept the nice unpredictability of all things. I had this professor in my college, a very very christian man, who told us this: “don’t think your life is predectible, because you will be betraying God, who is a non-predectible being.

jose

]]> Comment on The 5 Steps To A Simple Marriage- Part 5: Living In Community by Mark http://www.simplemarriage.net/the-5-steps-to-a-simple-marriage-part-5-living-in-community.html#comment-1399 Mark Wed, 27 Aug 2008 10:38:32 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=371#comment-1399 I agree with your advice on sitting in the front of your house. I grew up in a suburb outside a major city. Most of my neighbors were immigrants or first generation Americans from Italy, Poland, and Germany. One of my fond memories are of summer nights when neighbors sat on their front stoops watering their grass and JUST SITTING. Eventually, they would chat between yards and as people walked by. It was a cross generational meeting and forged a quiet and caring neighborhood of people that were there when you needed them. I agree with your advice on sitting in the front of your house. I grew up in a suburb outside a major city. Most of my neighbors were immigrants or first generation Americans from Italy, Poland, and Germany. One of my fond memories are of summer nights when neighbors sat on their front stoops watering their grass and JUST SITTING. Eventually, they would chat between yards and as people walked by. It was a cross generational meeting and forged a quiet and caring neighborhood of people that were there when you needed them.

]]> Comment on Ask The Readers: Favorite Books On Life And Marriage by Laura http://www.simplemarriage.net/ask-the-readers-favorite-books-on-life-and-marriage.html#comment-1393 Laura Wed, 27 Aug 2008 09:06:12 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=328#comment-1393 1. The Bible 2. Key to Yourself by Venice Bloodworth 3. The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren 4. Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendricks 5. Created To Be His Helpmeet by Debi Pearl (certain parts I loved, some I hated, but the good parts were very helpful) 6. A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle (agreed & disagreed with some parts, but what I agreed with and learned made it worth the read) 1. The Bible

2. Key to Yourself by Venice Bloodworth

3. The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren

4. Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendricks

5. Created To Be His Helpmeet by Debi Pearl (certain parts I loved, some I hated, but the good parts were very helpful)

6. A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle (agreed & disagreed with some parts, but what I agreed with and learned made it worth the read)

]]> Comment on The 5 Steps To A Simple Marriage- Part 5: Living In Community by Corey http://www.simplemarriage.net/the-5-steps-to-a-simple-marriage-part-5-living-in-community.html#comment-1392 Corey Wed, 27 Aug 2008 02:45:57 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=371#comment-1392 @ Tina- Do you both need to get away from society as a couple or separately? If it's together as a couple, then there's your community. @ Tina- Do you both need to get away from society as a couple or separately? If it’s together as a couple, then there’s your community.

]]> Comment on The 5 Steps To A Simple Marriage- Part 5: Living In Community by Laurie http://www.simplemarriage.net/the-5-steps-to-a-simple-marriage-part-5-living-in-community.html#comment-1391 Laurie Wed, 27 Aug 2008 02:38:27 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=371#comment-1391 Springing off of Tina's comments the conflict comes when one spouse has a great need for community and the other one has zero need for it and actually is repelled by the idea. How do you resolve that one and one person feel like he/she not alone all the time within a community or the other person being forced to do something he/she doesn't want to do? Springing off of Tina’s comments the conflict comes when one spouse has a great need for community and the other one has zero need for it and actually is repelled by the idea. How do you resolve that one and one person feel like he/she not alone all the time within a community or the other person being forced to do something he/she doesn’t want to do?

]]> Comment on The 5 Steps To A Simple Marriage- Part 5: Living In Community by Tina http://www.simplemarriage.net/the-5-steps-to-a-simple-marriage-part-5-living-in-community.html#comment-1389 Tina Wed, 27 Aug 2008 01:54:53 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=371#comment-1389 Excellent advice for extroverts! As two introverts we really are hermits and wonderfully happy! After long days at the office we both need to get away from society to recharge. Excellent advice for extroverts! As two introverts we really are hermits and wonderfully happy! After long days at the office we both need to get away from society to recharge.

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