Do you have your feelings? Or do your feelings have you?
photo credit: Scarleth White
Editor’s Note: This post is by Simple Marriage contributor Mary Ann Crossno.
Have you ever thought about the difference in the meanings of the words emotions and feelings? Most people, when asked to describe how these words are different, are stumped. A common answer is that emotions are stronger and more intense than feelings. Lots of people think the words are interchangeable.
How often do you hear yourself saying, “You make me feel . . .” and the end of the sentence depends on the feeling of the day, the hour, or the minute!
You make me feel like a million dollars.
You make me feel worthless.
You make me feel beautiful and sexy.
You make me so angry! So happy! So sad! So mad! So bad! So glad!
You make me feel like I don’t do anything all day long.
How old were you when you first had the thought that you would love to get off the roller coaster of high feelings and low feelings that you seem to have no control over?
Do you say “I feel” instead of “I think” when expressing a thought?
So what’s difference between your feelings and your thoughts?
Our culture is saturated with the pursuit of a feeling state of being. Our feelings are the bulls-eye target for most politicians, preachers, advertisements, actors, and songwriters. And almost every one of us made a lifelong commitment to spend the rest of our life with someone based on our feelings!
Can you choose your feelings? Or are you at the mercy of your feelings? What, if anything, do your thoughts have to do with your feelings?
I’ve got some definite ideas about all these questions. But before I tell you what I think, I want to hear from you.
Do you have your feelings . . . or do your feelings have you?
Mary Ann is a marriage and family therapist, and a writer. She returned to college at the ripe age of 52, completed her bachelor’s and master’s degrees in four years, and is Cajun thru and thru. If you're not sure what that means, come by her house whenever family is around - you'll figure it out.8 Responses to “Do you have your feelings? Or do your feelings have you?”
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I think your feelings often times needed to be guided with thought, prayer, time (to allow the most intense of emotions to subside) and outside feedback. There is a balance that needs to happen!
Also, most of the advertising today is geared at our emotions where 40 years ago it was more based on facts of the products. It’s worsened the ‘entitlement” phase of America, (you’re worth it, you deserve it, you owe it to yourself. etc.)
I’m not sure the difference between emotions and feelings. But I’ve always been taught in marriage to separate my feelings from my husband. Instead of saying, “You make me feel…” I say, “I feel…” It’s okay to feel lonely, afraid, or hurt, but you have to own those feelings as your own without blaming them on others.
This post is well-timed. DH and I had a strong.. ahem.. conversation… the other day on the difference between thoughts and feelings. To me, they are very different.. to him, they are one in the same. My thoughts are based in logic, on facts… but my feelings may be based on gut, on intuition and not always be rational. They are tied to my emotions, to my past… As for the difference between emotions and feelings, I’d say emotions are more general and feelings specific to an issue, event, person, situation.
The relationship between feelings(physical=sensation), emotions and cognition is a fascinating and sometimes hard to pinpoint one. We tend to mush them altogether, verbally and experientially. With the popularity of cognitive therapy, ie. DBT (Dialectical behavioral therapy), CBT the trend is to help people learn to differentiate and articulate thoughts apart from emotions using wise mind and other eastern based skills. I think of myself as an “intuitive” person who’s perceptions>emotion>thought process is very quick and hard to pin down. To sit down and actually think purposely about things is hard for me and alien. Whereas my H. is a slow processor, thinking things through methodically over a long period of time. Needless to say that can create some difficulties! Oooh- sounds like a good post! Thanks….
I really like what Jennifer said. I would add that I think that thoughts (which for me are logical) can influence feelings, but it takes control. I’m horrible at it, especially when I’m upset. My logic tells me that my tears are unnecessary, but I still can’t seem to curb the feeling.
I grew up with a somewhat authoritarian dad and he *did not* like emotions. I really think he felt at a loss with what to do with two daughters. As much as that may have made for some hurtful memories, he did teach me that emotions follow your will, eventually. Though they may come up unexpectedly and seem overwhelming, ultimately you choose where you end up.
Example: love is a choice of will; affection, attraction, etc are feelings. When you make that choice of will “I am going to serve this person” and act on it, many times the warm-fuzzy feelings follow.
Granted, as with almost everything, there are exceptions (clinical depression, SAD, etc.). But in general, eventually you can decide whether or not to give in to a feeling (pouting, self pity) or direct them toward a better place.
I know that there are many things I can choose. For instance,I can choose to be insulted, offended, embarrassed, hurt, please, satisfied, happy, optimistic etc. I believe I get into to trouble when the stimulus is hitting a hot button then while I know I still have choice, it seems I cannot gain control enough to exercise that choice. Make sense?
Feeling, is a verb “a feeling” and an “emotion” is a noun. Feelings arent tied to emotions whereas emotions are tied to feelings. For example you can feel cold/hot, tingling etc. Feeling describes the state of a physical object or being. You can be cold emotionally but that doesnt take into account your physical state, for its only your state of mind