You and I both know it was only when I start to work on me, that things started to improve in my life and then in my marriage. What it took to grow to this point in my life was really difficult and scary. It took a great guide to help me (thank you Corey for that). Now, oh gosh, life is just so much better. I love it and my guy and the present and the future. The journey isn’t so frightening but more of an adventure. It’s incredible and I am at a loss to express the way I feel.

You are so right Corey, it is about growth. Who wants to stay a bud when a rose is so beautiful and smells so sweet!

I love what you say about marriage not being about making us happy. We can be happy whether we’re married or not … marriage has nothing to do with it. For me, marriage is an internally created agreement and nothing to with receiving something from the outside. It is what I make of it .. and for me the growth partly comes from being in a marriage with another human being who also wants to make something out of it. It’s a creative, co-operative work in progress.

However, when I first read his thoughts, ideas, twitters etc on he and Erin’s time with being poly, I told my husband, “I give them a year and they are divorced”. Why? Because I have a history of being in the poly crowd and have seen this time and time again. Apparently happy, productive, intimate couples often use it as a means of escape, but are blind to this until much, sometimes MUCH later. The key to recognizing it is by how loud they are about it. The louder, the more likely they are setting up a strong cognitive dissonance to reality.

Steve has some great ideas, and he’s helped me in a lot of ways, but this move was lost on me. He’s turned progressively more self righteous (RAW FOOD OR DIE! POLYAMORY VS MONOGAMY!) over the last year and I’ve largely lost interest. I get yelled at through media all day about what I “should” be doing. I’d rather do my OWN Will thank you. I haven’t totally lost faith in him though, he’s smart and motivated in the right direction, I think he’ll come out stronger for it.

As for me, by becoming monogamous (9 years ago now) and having clear boundaries regarding sexual behavior and intimacy, our marriage has grown to incredible heights. Your blog has been a part of that growth, thank you for your time, effort and thoughtfulness on the topic!

Great post, Corey.