Comments on: For Women Only: Knowing What Matters Most to Your Husband

By: Jeffrey Levine

Jeffrey Levine — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 23:59:22 +0000

Thank you for doing a great job of showing how a husband’s and wife’s priorities are different, yet very similar in some ways. What I’ve found in my work is that the real challenge happens when moms and dads try to communicate about their needs. Many of us don’t have the tools we need to share our needs without triggering the defenses of our spouses. So I use a basic formula: Effective Communication = Authenticity plus Timing minus Blame (EC=A+T-B). When we talk honestly about ourselves, at the right time, without blaming the other person, there’s a much better chance we will be heard. Thank you again for a spot-on post. – Jeffrey

By: Suzanne

Suzanne — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 16:48:55 +0000

Thanks Laurie.

By: Nelia

Nelia — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 15:23:13 +0000

Sincerity. That’s always the catch.

Hank and I both could do better appreciating the little victories. I’ve had my challenges not taking the little victories for granted (and praising them sincerely) and Hank is challenged in thinking that the little victories are worth praise.

Thanks for the insight. I’ll test out the “praise for taking out the trash” this evening.

By: Nelia

Nelia — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 15:18:00 +0000

Thank you! I appreciate the link!

By: antonieta

antonieta — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 00:55:49 +0000

I am a woman, and to me, respect is also much more important than love. I don’t think it is a male thing, it is an individual thing. You just have to get to know the person you are married to, and see what applies.

By: Night Writer

Night Writer — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 18:40:19 +0000

Nelia, per your comment here and to Laurie: the book is “Love & Respect: the Love She Most Desires and the Respect He Desperately Craves” by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1591451876/sr=8-1/qid=1141083083/ref=pd_bbs_1/102-0166827-8698565?%5Fencoding=UTF8

By: cory huff

cory huff — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 17:51:21 +0000

Jennifer, this is a fantastic summary of what men need in relationships. The respect thing is just absolutely right on. Nelia, one of the things that my wife does is praise the little victories. When I fix a broken fixture, or take out the trash, or close a big deal at work, my wife recognizes it’s important to me and she praises that. It’s pretty simple, but I absolutely THRIVE on that praise.

The only caveat is this: the praise has to be absolutely sincere.

By: Nelia

Nelia — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 13:56:45 +0000

Author?

By: Alicia

Alicia — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 13:16:20 +0000

Key #3 does go both ways. Most people make the mistaken assumption that it is the men who always want sex and this is not the case. I meet more and more women where the opposite is true; they want sex more often and their husbands do not and it makes them feel unwanted and emotionally disconnected just as it would a man. It’s not only male thing. It’s an individual thing. In my marriage, I can fully relate to Key #3 as this is how I operate (if I don’t get sex, I don’t feel loved). This doesn’t seem to be as important to my husband. I think it’s all based on the person, rather than just based on gender.

By: Laurie

Laurie — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 01:54:38 +0000

I really had no idea how much a man’s soul is tied to respect until lately. I read the book, “Love and Respect” and learned a great deal about how guys think when it comes to the idea of respect. Men and women are so different aren’t they? I find I am more amazed at it and appreciate the differences.