Free Marriage Coaching, an Idea and a Rant
Two weeks ago I presented Simple Marriage readers with the opportunity to be one of 2 couples selected for 3 free marriage coaching sessions. The response – 63 couples threw their name in the hat for consideration. I then followed up with a request for the couples to send me a brief email listing three things they would like to work on were they to be one of the 2 couples selected. This time 36 couples responded.
I spent the weekend going over the emails and sorting through the lists. Due to the number of responses I have not yet determined who the 2 couples will be but I will do so in the next day or so. By the way- if you are one of the two couples you’ll be notified via email.
Due to the great response, I’d like to throw out an idea to you for your consideration. There are many couples who replied and stated that communication was one of the three things they’d like to work on. I’m not going to offer free marriage coaching to everyone who is interested, after all, I’d like to be able to feed my kids.
But what if I offered a free 90-minute teleclass for all those interested in learning a few ways to look at and simplify marital communication? Just a thought – tell me what you think in the comments below.
Now that the announcements are complete, pardon me while clear my ranting throat …
I feel I must get this off my chest and it has to do with the idea of working on your marriage before there’s a problem or crisis.
To date, I’ve offered free marriage and life coaching twice to a total of 6 couples/people.
A little background. Simple Marriage began as a site aimed at helping married people experience more in their marriage and life. It’s not a therapy site, it’s not even a coaching site. It’s an amp your marriage by simplifying things in order to get more out of life site (BTW, I checked to see if this web address was available at the time, it was, but it seemed too long).
Since my training is as a marriage and family therapist, I’m happy to offer tips and point people in the direction of counseling when life or marriage are in crisis. I’m also happy to be a resource that helps you find a good therapist – incidentally, now if you have a webcam, you can work with me if you’d like. More on this here.
Anyway, I full believe that marriage is something that can add tremendous value, passion, and adventure, not to mention fantastic sex, to life. I also know that a vast majority of marriages fall into the monotonously married category. There’s really nothing wrong, but then again, there’s really nothing great. Life has become a series of routines. Routine work, calendars, interactions, conversations, sex, and on it goes.
It doesn’t have to be this way. You can create a marriage fully alive. I’ve seen it happen. In fact, I’m living it currently. Sure there’s still conflict and struggle. But the good far outweighs the bad.
Now back to the free coaching stuff. I’ve offered this to 6 couples/people thus far and what boggles my mind, 2 people have followed through and actually gone through the coaching process! 2!
I completely get that people will reach out for assistance when things are blowing up around them. When there’s a crisis and you risk losing everything, sure you’re going to seek out anything that can help you survive. But what about before that? What about the idea of experiencing more?
There’s the disconnect.
We get one shot at this life. Why not get everything we can out of it? What if every relationship you had in your life was fully alive? What if you were fully alive? It’d be pretty cool, right?
Well it can happen.
What do you think?
Photo courtesy “abnelphoto.com&qu ot;
Corey is the editor of Simple Marriage as well as a licensed marriage & family therapist. While he has a Ph.D. in Family Therapy, he only occasionally likes to be called doctor. If you enjoyed this post, please subscribe so you don't miss any future posts.18 Responses to “Free Marriage Coaching, an Idea and a Rant”
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You’ve really nailed this, Corey.
Definitely interested in a communications teleclass, thanks for sharing your advice and expertise.
My wife and I are all about taking opportunities to better our marriage. We sign up for every marriage class and seminar we can. Even though we are now at the point where there is a lot of repetition, the reminders usually help us to work on things. I too am dumbfounded when people are not willing to work on their marriages. I offered to lead a marriage class a church and I was told that most of the marriages were in good shape (observation told me that they were just surviving and not thriving). Why would anyone pass up an opportunity for awesome when they are living with boring?
thanks for this post. i have gotten alot out of your recent posts and totally agree with you about putting the effort in now before things blow up. we have only been married for two years and are very much in love but I know from watching others around us that we cannot take this for granted. i would be interested in a communication class teleclass.
I didn’t sign up for the free sessions, but a teleclass sounds cool. What is a teleclass?!
I can understand your frustration at the apparent disconnect between being offered help and actually taking it. People seem to do that with other important things too; someone at church had surgery and I offered to set up a whole week of dinners to be brought to her family and she didn’t take me up on it. Giving service only works when the recipient actually wants it.
Very Interested
I agree with you totally, Corey. Any advice for someone whose partner seems uninterested in working on things before it gets crazy?
Many people don’t think that coaching is for them for some reason. We all seem to think that coaches are the angry guys on the sidelines of ball games but in fact there are many coaches behind a successful ball team. I guess most people are just not interested in making the most of life and are willing to sit back and wait for a blow out before they learn how to change a tire.
Hi, we would be interested in a free 90 minute teleclass. It would give us a great idea of what your sessions would be like and it would be convenient for us with a 1 year old. Thank you very much for your offer.
We absolutely agree with tackling issues before they are issues. I never want to be one of those couples that wakes up one day and the only option is to go our separate ways. What a waste!! We’re in this for the long haul and want to make it the best it can be!!
We’d be interested in the 90min teleclass.
I love when I open my inbox and there is a new post! This one is a good one for sure and one I wholeheartedly agree with. It is funny, I was one who originally responded to your free coaching offer and then when you needed us to respond with further specific ideas I decided that there were others that probably could use the FREE help more, as there really wasn’t a huge “crisis” going on in our marriage. Yes, there is always the communication breakdown that occurs here and there, but really nothing that was desperate. Since we have been married only 2 years and this is a second marriage for us, we certainly have a different appreciation and perspective to what we would like to see this time around – and BTW the only time around now till death do us part!
You make such a key point for couples to work on their marriage in the same way that they might put effort to something else. If you’re not willing to put in the time and effort that is what you will end up with – not much of anything.
We would love to participate in the teleclass – a great idea!
So we have a one-in-36 chance….. I’m optimistic
I think the teleseminar is a great idea! It might be a good place to start for the husbands (or wives, I suppose) who feel like doing “real” counseling/coaching is a personal attack on them.
As for creating a “fully-alive” marriage before it’s completely dead…. In my marriage experience, I’ve found that my husband usually views things with an “If it’s not broken, why fix it?” approach. I guess he doesn’t see that there’s an area to be improved upon until I am about to have a mental meltdown. I hope that your philosophies and suggestions prove to him that just because we’re not “broken” doesn’t mean we can’t be better!
It would be like Toyota never improving on or upgrading the Corolla and expecting it to continue being the best selling car of all time!!!!!
Who are the best athletes out there? Maybe the Olympic athletes? When watching these athletes compete at the Olympics, no matter what country they are from, I always see them with a coach. Why? Aren’t they the best there is? Yes they are the best but even the best can make improvements. Even the best can’t see how every part of their performance effects the whole. Even an expert needs the perspective a coach gives them.
The same is true with marriage. No matter how great your marriage is, a coach will show you things in your relationship that may be holding you back from being all it can be, from being fully alive. A coach can take you to a level that you may not even know existed. A coach offers you Godiva chocolate when all you knew was Hershey’s.
The teleclass is an awesome idea Corey. It will give couple a taste of what coaching is all about. I hope tons of couples will make that step toward Godiva and participate in the call. I know, I plan on being there if at all possible. Might I suggest that you record the class in the event that some would like to participate but may have a time conflict?
The road to living fully alive is made one step at a time. But you DO have to take the first step. Maybe for your readers, this will be the first step!
People tend to discount “free” stuff, which is unfortunate. If they haven’t paid money for it, they don’t see any inherent value in it!
The old adage “a stitch in time saves nine” is so true for relationships of any sort. It costs much less in the long run to take care of the little things before they turn into big things. My wife and I run up against people constantly who think that if we are in coaching sessions of some sort then we must REALLY be in trouble. Conversely, we also see many couples who really are stuck in a rut but maintain that “this is just how things are after so many years of marriage”. There seems to be a real stigma in this society about seeking help, despite the fact that the self-help industry is a $12-billion a year business. I’m getting frustrated just writing this, I can imagine how Corey feels as a provider of these services!
I think the teleclass idea is a great one, and perhaps a little less intimidating for most people than a face-to-face session. I’d be up for it.
Corey, I would definitely be interested in a teleclass. Many thanks.
I am very interested! I think it’s a great idea.
would love to participate in a free 90-minute teleclass!! please do it!
I just wanted to respond to your strong words about being proactive to take your marriage to the next level. You are preaching to the choir here. I can only say:
AMEN!