Most everyone who lives in an industrialized nation has felt the impact of the Internet. There is seldom a day where I am not online at some point, in fact it’s rare that I go several waking hours without hopping online for some reason. Even my 4 year old enjoys some of the games and activities the Internet provides.
The Internet is transforming the experience of growing up in America. It is also transforming the job of being a parent in America. The Internet brings the world – the good, the bad, and the ugly – to the American family’s doorstep. It brings the ruins of ancient Athens to that doorstep, but it also brings the red light district of Bangkok. ~ The Third Way Culture Project
The Internet is the means through which we know each other. It’s also how I connect with my family and past college and childhood friends. But as many of you know, the Internet also brings with it access to other things in our world, namely pornography and sexually explicit material.
If there is one issue I receive regular emails about it’s pornography and its impact on a marriage. Specifically, I’ve received lots of emails asking what to do when one spouse discovers the others use of pornography.
So what’s the impact pornography has upon marriage and family life?
Thus far, the research on Internet pornography (which is a distinct genre due to it’s accessibility, affordability, and anonymity – called the “Triple A Engine”) is not yet reflected in the literature as there are no studies that look specifically at marital and family process and Internet pornography. Any conclusion from research can only be inferred – although the inference is not too much of a leap in my opinion. There are however, many studies involving general pornography and the impact on marriage and family life.
To put this discussion into perspective, let’s review the characteristics of strong, stable, and satisfying marriages. While it is understood that there is not one way to have a stable and satisfying marriage, there are some common factors worth highlighting. Research states these characteristics as: investment in the well-being of the beloved; respect; admiration; sexual desire; intimacy; commitment; exclusivity; and understanding.
Pornography began being researched in 1984 and 1988 by Dolf Zillman and Jennings Bryant, and their research continues to be referenced. They discovered that the effects of repeated exposure to standard, non-violent, commonly available pornography includes: increased callousness toward women; distorted perceptions about sexuality; devaluation of the importance of monogamy; decreased satisfaction with partner’s sexual performance, affection, and appearance; doubts about the value of marriage; and decreased desire to have children. Later research studies further confirm their findings.
It’s important to note that some couples and even clinicians claim pornography consumed in a mutual, consensual, and open manner, can be an enriching aspect of marital intimacy. Although the material consumed is more likely to involve erotic content as opposed to hard-core pornography. Moreover, pornography consumed in a mutual way is inherently different than solitary pornography viewing because it is used as a bridge to become more closer and present with one’s partner, as opposed to a wall that cuts one’s partner off, draws sexual energy away from the marriage, and heightens distance between partners.
Zillman and Bryant’s 1988 study explored the relationship between pornography and personal happiness. The study involved the participants (both male and female) being exposed to either pornographic or innocuous, non-pornographic content in hourly sessions over six consecutive weeks. During the seventh week, participants were asked to rate their personal happiness regarding various domains of their life and relationships.
Results of the study showed that exposure to pornography negatively impacted self-assessment of sexual experience while some other aspects of life remained constant – namely professional satisfaction. Participants reported less satisfaction with their intimate partner, specifically with their partner’s affection, physical appearance, sexual curiosity, and sexual performance.
Additionally, participants exposed to the pornographic material assigned an increased importance to sexual relations without emotional involvement. Furthermore, and the most telling aspect of the research, all these effects were uniform across male and female participants. Meaning this is not only a male issue.
Pornography leads to an objectification rather than a meaningful interaction with another person. One woman from a study stated:
I am no longer a sexual person or partner to him, but a sexual object. He is not really with me, not really making love to me… He seems to be thinking about something else – likely those porn women… He is just using me as a warm body. ~ Bergner & Bridges
The use of pornography directly correlates to a decrease in sexual intimacy. Research also finds that its usage is viewed as a form of infidelity that reduces the exclusivity of the relationship. Online sexual activity is perceived by both men and women as an act of betrayal that is as authentic and real as offline acts, namely emotional infidelity.
So what does all this mean?
Pornography has a negative impact on you as a person – and on your relationships. It hurts the ones you love and it likely creates a wall between you, driving you apart rather than closer together.
*Manning, J. C. (2006) The impact of Internet pornography on marriage and the family: A review of the research. Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity. 13, 131-165.
Corey is the editor of Simple Marriage as well as a licensed marriage & family therapist. While he has a Ph.D. in Family Therapy, he only occasionally likes to be called doctor. If you enjoyed this post, please subscribe so you don't miss any future posts.
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Not surprising research.
I am interested in your saying, “Moreover, pornography consumed in a mutual way is inherently different than solitary pornography viewing because it is used as a bridge to become more closer and present with one’s partner.”
I would think that porn viewed together would still burn images in your brain that during intimate times with your spouse would come to mind and get in the way. I would think it would lead to fantasizing about people other than your spouse during sex. How do you view this? Is this healthy, fair to your partner, morally right? How does viewing porn together act as a bridge?
The quote you wrote about Laurie should be kept in context. Often mutual porn viewing is more erotic than hard-core, although I am sure there are exceptions to this with the variety of couples and marriages out there today.
As for moral, healthy, fair, etc. – that is going to be up to each person and couple. Some will use religion or spirituality as a guide for moral, healthy, and fair; others will use something else.
I rely on my spiritual relationship with God, so for my life (which is all I’m responsible for) this helps determine if my wife and I would use porn in our relationship.
So where is the line between “erotic” and “hard core”? Not having seen much porn, I really don’t know. What is the difference between “erotic” and “romantic”? Is it all a slippery slope? Would it be like a drug where the same intensity wouldn’t do it for you later?
I once heard Rob Bell say that torture was also harmful to the inflicter of the torture as well as the one being tortured. Do you think that is the case here? Is it harmful to the one in front of the camera and to indulge in viewing porn would be like cooperating in something that has harmed another?
Watching porn together can very much be a bridge. For one the other spouse is often suprised to find that they too enjoy watching it. It builds excitment and leads to better sex for both parties. It also builds upon the relationship since one spouse doesn’t feel ashamed that they like porn anymore. They can feel free to be themselves and take part in something they enjoy WITH their partner.
Is is healthy? Why not? Are we talking about a porn habit that has them missing their job and watching porn 12 hours a day here? I doubt it.
It is fair? Well, why would it be fair to make your partner give up something they enjoy to appease your insecurities?
Is it moral? Yuck… I hate the inference that anyone who enjoys or watches porn is immoral. I would rather be in a happy porn watching marriage then an unhappy divorced marriage cause I tried to stuff my ideas about morality down my partner’s throat.
Thanks Tiffany for your thoughts. I also would like Corey’s thoughts on this as well. As far as fair I was speaking more to having fantasies going on in your brain that didn’t include your partner. Is that fair to have secret sex or images dancing in your brain, that didn’t include your partner. It doesn’t have to do with insecurities as much as respect.
On the moral issue, yuck or no yuck, the question still stands. If having sex outside of marriage is immoral, wouldn’t looking at porn be as well? What about a third option to your two sinerios…How about a healthy, respectful marriage where porn isn’t needed because the two have the freedom to explore, express, and excite each other without the outside influence of porn? To me, that would take more intimacy, creativity and less insecurities than your other choices. Looking at porn is the easy, uncreative way to excitment. I even wonder if it is a way to avoid looking at issues as to why you want to bring that into your sex life.
I have some friends who have tried viewing pornographic images together as a couple and it has enhanced their sexual experiences. I think it may be different for every couple. However, I personally feel that that viewing porn is immoral. Sexual experiences should be kept within the bounds of marriage. Period.
Corey, thanks for the reminders of this insidious addiction. I know it can be as damaging as alcoholism and remains one of the secret plagues attacking the family unit and individuals.
How about the fact that porn is an industry that uses women up and spits them out? Does anyone ever think about the effects on the people performing for you? How about the fact that porn does far more harm than good for ALL of the people involved?
Actually porn industry has many former porn ‘actresses’ that are now running their own companies and/or ‘directing’ movies. There are levels in a porn industry just like you have exclusive upscale restaurants and greasy fast food joints and everything inbetween.
People performing for you do it on their own accord and are paid to do it (quite well) – i urge you to watch the ‘9 to 5: Days in porn’ documentary which explains a lot and clears up many prejudices about porn – http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1278293/
On what evidence do you ground the notion that porn does more harm than good for all people involved? Don’t you know that porn was the driving force for development of home video and internet!
HIV, AIDS, Increased numbers of STD’s, future infertility, those are just a few of the things I consider ‘harmful’ that affect people in the porn industry, leaving out the drugs, the fact that these people are not having sex with their ‘wife’ or ‘husband’ – that they are just trying to become famous by selling their body. If you don’t find that harmful, I really am glad I don’t know you.
Noelle, since when is other people’s sex lives and chances for STDs or infertility any of our business? They are adults and we don’t need to save them from themselves. YOU have a choice in who you marry, who you have sex with, and whether or not you view porn… but yet other people shouldn’t have those same choices because you think it is harmful??? No one has to accept your version of morality…. remember that.
I disagree with the idea that no one has to accept someone else’s version of morality. It seems to me (and I may be wrong) that all the sexual harassment laws stem from forcing people to accept the morality of others.If not, then anyone should be able to say and do anything they want in the work place and schools. To limit them is forcing the morality of others onto the person who wants to flirt or harass.
We are forced to accept the morality of the majority of people all the time. I believe that stealing is a moral issue. As a society we made it against the law. If I walked over to your purse and started taking things out of it, I bet you would expect me to stop because you feel it is wrong for me to take you belongings. Every society establishes a standard for right and wrong according to the culture. Right now our society is battling out the morality of same sex marriage. For most, it is a moral issue. Whether or not same sex marriage is legalized or protected, will be a way that someone’s morality is forced onto society. You may ask, how does it affect others? Doesn’t matter with this post. I don’t want to start that conversation but am only using it as an example where morality is being forced onto others.
This conversation is interesting….Let’s make sure to discuss it in a respectful way to each other.
My point is that you are not only paying for this immorality to continue, you are SUPPORTING the STD’s AIDS, drug use by using porn, even if it is ‘to enhance your marriage.’ Since when did we become so myopic and selfish that we don’t care what happens to someone at the other end of the exchange? We care about carbon credits, we want to save the Earth and will pick up paper instead of plastic, but the girl who is selling her body so we can get horny, who cares what happens to her??
do you know how your beef or poultry meat is produced? it has harmful effects on people working there and the environment not to mention rise in animal diseases migrating to human beings (cow madness, bird flu, swine flu) directly connected to the industrial food production (at least according to some researchs, again a debatable issue)
sex workers are strictly medically controlled and have regular checkups and tests (at least twice a year) which, i guess is more than ‘regular’ people have. it seems to me you are equating porn with prostitution.
what makes you think those people are not having sex with their spouse? hearsay i presume…
cannot you all come to terms with the notion that it is an industry that feeds many people and has sideffects just like any other industry. yes they’re using their bodies but it is their choice.
do you know that people in Asia that produce your canned tuna live and work in horrible conditions? do you have any moral qualms about them? they’re selling their bodies and souls so you can have cheap food
how many people did the tobacco industry kill with passive (secondary) smoking?
how many people did the arms industry kill?
we can go in circles with these arguments but the jist of it is that your morality standards greatly differ from mine.
i find porn is a natural expression of human tendency to have intercourse for fun (not strictly for procreation like every other species on earth) and you have examples of pornographic images since ancient times.
I think “most” couples use porn to create fantasies about each other, not the actual people in the movies. This would be why ameteur porn is so big… those people are just average, everyday folks like you are married too. My husband likes porn and he is very particular about what he likes… the woman has to look like me. Why do you think that is? Cause he wants them or me? I know which one it is and find it all very flattering. It is totally possible to have a healthy, respectful marriage that includes porn. Porn to me is like a sex toy… it just adds to the experience.
O.k. you say: “My husband likes porn and he is very particular about what he likes… the woman has to look like me”…Are you 100% sure… A lot of men have a “secret garden” and it’s not because he lets you in, that he’s completely opened about its content…I was once as naive as to believe my man was “the most transparent an honest of them all”, up until the day I discovered the ugly truth, and that what had started as a playful way to spice up our sexual life had turned into something I was really not prepared for! I don’t know how old you are, but for many of us women, between childbearing and aging, life is cruel on our bodies and the man in our life don’t find it as attractive and sexy as it used to be, so they start seaking elsewhere what they do not have at home anymore…If for a small pourcentage of couples, porn remains a way to “better sex within the couple”, unfortunately it is not the case for many more! So ask yourself these questions: How will I feel if I ever discover that my man does not only look at women that look like me? or : What will I do if he is having ciber sex or an affair with someone else? Believe me, I do not wish any arm to your relationship, but the fact is that porn is like any other type of addiction…it always starts very innocently, but it’s insidious…you know when, how and where it stars, but you never know the end result!
To the comment about the porn industry using up women and spitting them out: You would be hard pressed to find any industry where that does not happen. Women are sill paid less and treated more poorly than their male counterparts, we still make 70(ish) cents to the dollar. And, honestly a good case could be made that ANY industry uses their employees (male and female) for their personal gain and then terminates the relationship. A bit of research on Jenna Jameson and you will see that it is possible (albeit rare) to dominate, control, and make the porn industry work for you instead of the other way around. As for the porn industry encouraging “immoral” acts like drugs, multiple marriages, deviant behavior…anyone checked out Hollywood lately? And, seriously, talk about using up women and spitting them out!
I am not a porn watcher outside of the occasional but I do give a huge amount of credit to any industry that can capitalize on such a visceral human urge. But, like anything, drugs, alcohol, porn, shopping, spending too much, eating, etc. etc. ANYTHING that causes some negative impact on your relationships and personal functionality should be evaluated. Excess to the point of addiction is hardly a porn-only phenomenon.
Cory, thanks for tackling a hard issue. Do you have any suggestions for a partner (mostly wife) in a marriage where both partners agree that they don’t want porn in the relationship? How can a wife encourage and support without enabling? How can they communicate their feelings without it becoming a guilt trip?
I do have some thoughts V. and I will write them up in a follow up post.
It seems absurd to think that bringing others into your intimate relationship via porn will ever increase oneness in marriage. The studies consistently show lower levels of intimacy and emotional connection, higher levels of marital satisfaction and many other negative effects. Don’t fall for “the bait” of pornography! It’s just a slippery road to diminishing returns and greater dissatisfaction.
Corey-
Thank you for this article. I think you presented it very well.
I enjoy looking at the Victoria Secret catalogs with my husband, knowing that he is picturing ME instead of the models. Anything ‘more’ than that is too much for me.
My husband used to have an issue with pornography but finally decided he was not going to put himself into that position anymore. (He always pictured me instead of the other women in this instance as well.) We have had a lot of talks about it and it’s great to know that he has given it up because of his love for me.
As for couples looking at porn together — that is entirely up to them, and is their own business. What each couple feels comfortable doing with their partner is between them, no one else.
Dealing with a partner addicted to porn is a difficult situation to be in, and ultimately communication is the key. You both need to be on the same level of understanding to get through it. One needs to be willing to admit they have a problem, while the other needs to understand what they are going through and be willing to stick with them and support them through it all.
Lets decrease the morality aspect on this, since morality isn’t a standard set in stone and depends on your culture/religioius views. Porn viewing couples do enjoy sex more and are prepared to explore and innovate. If your spouse hates/despises/has issues with you watching porn then you did it secretly and you have different issues in marriage
As for the images, it is proven that people fantasize (daydream) about all sorts of things (including sex) and it cannot be unhealthy. You can also dream about having sex with other people, when its a subconscious thing which should surface to the conscious level where you can process and manage it properly.
My spouse knew about all my sexual habits and desires before we were married since all the love and trust in the world cannot replace a disfunctional sexual relationship. The thing is to be adult and open about these issues since they are important, albeit we were taught to taboo those subjects. I have to admit internet helped to break those misconceptions about sex.
In conclusion, porn is like alcohol – if you use it sparingly and in good company it has healthy benefits but in large quantities it is detrimental to your health and life.
thank you for this article. i find it ridiculously surprising how many people view pornography as benign. with our first child i had a rough pregnancy and didn’t enjoy sex as much. once our daughter was born and i really couldn’t have sex my husband turned to porn, instead of me. it was the most devastating situation i’ve ever had to experience. he may as well have cheated on me because that’s what it felt like.
i don’t judge couples who use pornography to enhance their sex life but for us it’d be like playing with fire.
as a little aside, i also viewed porn before i was married and even participated in what you could call “mobile pornography”. looking back it was one of the lowest times of my life. there was an addiction that exacerbated my unhappiness.
Laura, let’s not take it completely out of context. We are talking about porn… not sexual harassment at work, stealing, or gay marriage. The first two are moral issues but they effect society at large. If I am sexually harrassed or stolen from I am a victim of a crime, not in my mind, a victim or bad morals. I don’t care about the morality of any person as long as it does not victimize me or anyone else. What Noelle was elluding too is the same issue facing gays who want to get married… one person’s religious or moral stand being used to make EVERYONE accept moral standards that they should not have to accept. You are comparing one’s choice to engage in porn or marry someone of the same sex to a “crime”. That is a truly bizarre leap IMO.
While everyone has a right to declare porn or gay marriage as immoral those are choices that do not effect complete strangers and thus the complete strangers should have no say in their practice. That is judging other people lifestyles and feeling you should actually have some say in their personal decisions. You don’t have to accept these things as moral choices just accept that they are not YOUR choices to make.
Tiffany- Thanks for all your thoughts and your willingness to share your stance on this matter.
As for morality being an issue, we are subjected to morality all the time. The laws and the customs of a society are based largely upon the morals of the people involved (regardless of whether you think they are right or wrong). Granted, what goes on in one’s bedroom is up the the people involved, but only up to certain standards and acts.
It takes a collection of people to set up a society, and this society will be based largely upon the morals of the people involved. I do agree that my morals should not be forced upon everyone, they are my morals and they work for me. Each person can follow the morals they choose as well as the morals (laws) the society at large adopts.
For our discussions, each person is allowed to use or not use porn in their life or relationship. It’s up to them. I hoped to bring to light what the research shows on the topic and some of the possible pitfalls associated with porn.
Again, thanks for your willingness to speak up.
Corey, is there research on the effects of porn when viewed as a couple? Even though both parties may agree to participate, it may still have negative affects on the individuals or the couple as a unit. What say you on this?
I’ll have to dig around a bit as I don’t know of any research along this line currently.
actually you perceive stealing and sexual harassment as a crime because laws are passed to declare it a crime.
in the middle eastern countries sexual harassment isn’t a criminal act while stealing is punished even with death (but mostly only by severing limbs) because their moral scale is different than yours.
nothing is a crime until a law is made to declare it a crime. and whether it is moral or not is determined by religion, culture, time, etc… it was immoral to show your ankles in public in victorian times, if i said to a woman she is promiscuous for showing her legs, shoulders and belly i would be scorned. so expect porn to become a socially acceptable and perfectly moral issue 50-100 years from now
do you know that in India porn is illegal and is a crime?
Noelle,
I assume that person is an adult capable of making her own choices and I mind my own business. It is not my life’s mission to make people behave the way I want them too nor will it ever be.
But you support and condone those choices with your own. You aren’t ‘minding your own business’ when you are paying for someone elses business or work. Don’t make the mistake of thinking the things you do only affect you, that is as much of a myth as the things that OTHER people do don’t affect you. Unfortunately, or fortunately (since I do think this is part of God’s design) you do not live in a bubble. Try to think how what you are doing affects the people you are SUPPORTING, the people around you, society as a whole. It is a mistake, a very big mistake, to think that the small things you do don’t affect other people. The small things you do affect MILLIONS of people. What you do, what you buy, affects not only those around you, but the people who make it, ship it, the society, the city, the country. Look at your tax bill, look at your insurance payments, look at your grocery bill. The decisions other people have made affect and influence everything you do – and the decisions you make affect them too. Do you really, (I mean the general ‘you’ and not ‘you’ personally) and can you honestly say, that porn is one of your ‘better’ decisions and all the people involved will be better off with your support (even if it’s just verbal)?
Noelle,
I am fully aware of how our choices impact other people. Are you prefect? Have you wlays been so? Do you ever buy clothes in Wal-Mart or Target? They may have come from a sweat shop that uses child labor. Do you buy coffee? Those coffee beans may very well have been picked by children forced to work and the wages paid to them so you could have cheap coffee may not be enough to keep a rat alive. Yes, we all have choices but rarely can we always make the perfect choice that will effect no one but us. We do the best we can. I for one will put more effort into making choices that better the planet, small family businesss, and children at large to name a few. Not very high on my list is protecting grown adults from their own choices. People who make porn DO have choices and I am sure many of them would resent my attempts to save them from themselves. They have bills to pay and families to support to. And for the record you do not have to buy porn to watch porn. Lots of of it on the internet and from ameteur sites that charge nothing so who is getting hurt in that scenario? No one… but I bet you still take issue cause you just don’t like it. I can honestly say that I have no regrets about my “porn” choices… none whatsoever. It doesn’t play a very large role in my life… wathcing it or thinking about it. I think people who don’t like porn think about it more than I do, LOL.
Society protects people from their own choices all the time. Seat belt laws, illegal drug use laws, etc.
As far as who is hurt by free amateur porn on the internet? It hurts kids who stumble on it. It hurts the families of those whose images are on the screen. Don’t know about anyone else, but if, as a youth, someone showed me a screen shot of my parents on an internet porn site, I would be harmed.
My question to Tiffany- Why do you like porn? It’s usually crude and harsh. From the little I have seen, it doesn’t portray the sexual experience in the manner it was intended to be.
While I have contributed to this conversation, I can honestly say I don’t think about porn. It is not a part of my life or my thoughts. It was the subject of the post and people were just chiming in.
I don’t agree with seat belt laws for adults or illegal drug laws either actually. As an adult I think should be able to wear no seat belt or smoke some weed if that is my choice but I digress…
I hate answering a question with a question but who gets to decide what the sexual experience is supposed to be? Don’t we decide that for ourselves. What you call crude and harsh I may call exciting. Perhaps you want flowers, candles, and sweet lovemaking and maybe I want bondage and dirty talk. I am not saying that is the case but for arguments sake is there anything wrong with two people deciding for themselves what they want sex to be? The beauty of the sexual experience is what the two people doing it, make of it. You and I don’t see porn the same way and I am guessing we don’t see sex the same way either.
Oh, so hard to keep quiet here. Laurie, “from the little you have seen” how do you know it is crude and harsh? If you A.Don’t like it and B. have not seen much of it I would hardly consider you someone to voice an opinion one way or another. If, in fact you have actually seen your fair share, well then, I could see you making a generic statement about how porn IS. And, asking Tiffany why she likes something hardly justifies tastes one way or another. Most people like parts of things, not the whole generic lot.
I think the porn issue really comes down to how much control you should have over other peoples actions. And while, yes, every decision you make impacts another given that we do not live in a void, I have to second the statement that saving adults from their own, intelligent, personal decisions is a really futile place to start controlling.
As stated, how about protecting those that can’t make an informed choice – like children who are constantly used up and thrown away? Not only Walmart, Sams, Target, Coffee beans, but most fabrics that go into your clothes are produced by countries without child labor laws. What about your batteries, those Nike sneakers you have to have, Chocolate, diamonds… the list goes on. Seems to me that if you are trying to truly protect people you would start with those to do not, can not have a voice for themselves.
I teach a class on business ethics and do you know when 90% of porn is viewed? Between the hours of 9am and 5pm. Over 75% of people in the workforce have viewed porn at work. So for those of you that think that your husbands/wives are not looking, I would think again. And, in my job consulting for technology I can personally back up those statistics – I see it every day.
It seems to me that the argument should not be about what grown adults should and should not be doing in their own time but how can we set up an industry that is safe for those that DO work in it. No one wants to be harassed on the job, no mater where you work, even in the porn industry. Too many people are trying to force their morality on others when they could really be making a difference by helping, supporting, and purchasing products from those that ARE keeping their employees safe, paid, and in control. And guess what? There really are those kind of people, honest, hard working, and intelligent in the porn industry. So if you truly want to protect people, research the company, clothing like, or product before you buy – then when you actually have some real information you can start spouting about what is and what is not moral.
Tiffany- you may not agree with seat belt laws and the like, but as a society those who make the laws feel the need to protect people from themselves. It is what our society does.
Who decided what the sexual experience is supposed to be? God. This may be the problem. For those of us who live a certain faith, it is the morals of that faith that calibrate our behavior. Since our nation (despite what people want to believe) was founded on Biblical morals and values, they have been the standard for which we as a society have lived for a while. A person who has no faith, has no standard for their behavior and what is right and wrong their morals seems to ebb and flow like the tides of the times. For them, it’s about what “feels” right.
Elizabeth- I can’t tell you how much porn I have seen. It has popped up on my computer without my inviting it in on several occasions. I’m a school teacher and one day while the kids were researching sites for a project, a porn site shot through the fire wall. It was both crude and harsh. It has come through many a filter. While my sample size is smaller than yours, I have seen enough to say it was all both crude and harsh. This is a public forum. There was no amount of experience given in the post to qualify an opinion.
Tiffany’s question was who does it hurt. This post is not about the abuse of children in sweat shops and the like. I answered her question about who does porn hurt.
I do believe your statistics on the time that most porn is viewed is correct. I would refer back to the research that Corey stated in his post. The porn viewed during that time slot is obviously not viewed as recreation for couples.
This post is about porn. To justify that I should not speak on the behave of children concerning porn because there are other abuses of children in the world is silly.
Elizabeth, discussing this is fine. I am interested in what others believe and why. It helps me grow in may ways. I know you will never agree with me and I won’t ever agree with you on this subject. Your opinion, however, would be better heard if delivered without the tone it is written in. “Spouting’? LOL!
“Who decided what the sexual experience is supposed to be? God.” Well, my response to that is… prove it. Religion, God, ect is a faith based “theory”.
“With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things.” – Steven Weinberg
I don’t like the generalization that people who choose not to live by Biblical principles have “no standard for their behavior and what is right and wrong their morals seems to ebb and flow like the tides of the times. For them, it’s about what “feels” right.”
I have no faith and no Bible to live by but yet I have been with only one man in my whole life. That man is my husband and has been for 11 years. We don’t cheat on each other, we don’t use drugs, we raise 3 kids to be loving, empathetic creatures, we have steady jobs, we pay our taxes, we do community work, and we are good people who who do not harm other people. You do not need God to be good people and make intelligent choices. People can have good marriages without God. I have 11 years of marriage without God as testimony. But the fact that we might watch porn now and again means we have no morals and no concept of right and wrong? I feel sorry you believe that.
You are correct, this is a discussion about porn and not child labor. But in the same vein, it is a discussion about porn and NOT god. If we were to talk about how religion plays a role in morality I suggest you view the incredible death, destruction, and mayhem that is our global history. What has been done in the name of “god” is hardly a good standard for moral aptitude.
With that said, I again ask, why not support those companies you believe fall into your description of morality by purchasing products from those that ARE keeping their employees safe, paid, and in control? It seems as if everyone supports a company that follows the gold standard of “Do unto others” we might not be so worried about what other people do in the privacy of their own homes. But in order to really know how a company (or industry for that matter) is treating their employees, we should spend a bit of time researching instead of basing our opinions on a few firewall slips.
Tiffany, God, Christianity is not based on theory. I’m not going to go into that here but you can research it if you like. God created sex so that two can become one. It is the foreshadowing of his relationship with his church. The Bible gives a lot of freedom for expressing this oneness in sex. Inviting others into the relationship whether in person or in pictures, is not what sex is designed to be in order to give us it’s most fulfilling experience. My values are based on the Word of God. You really proved my point in that you have nothing that you base your morals on other than what feels good to you. Fortunately, what feels right for you seems to be a good thing for you as well. That’s not the case with everyone.
Elizabeth- I only mention God because I was asked about who decided what the standard for sex should be.
It seems that Corey has added a new post on this subject. Let’s take a read!
so what standard for sex did the Hindu gods decide, or Alah or Xenu for that matter
Argus- you wouldn’t like my answer so I’ll pass. Thanks
Pornography (the men’s bibliography) seems to list a few researches (somewhat) related to internet porn. If I had the time, I guess I’d take a closer look at Manning, J. as well as Stack, S., I. Wasserman, and R. Kern.
A lot has been said about porns morality but what it really comes down to is an honest look at how it effects your relationship with your partner. I’m kind of torn about whether porn is inherently immoral… the point that it is largely degrading to women is valid… the point that women like Jamison have used this to HER advantage and been very successful is also true and valid.
My husband and I have watched porn together…. we had some hotter sex, yes, but it also felt a little more empty to me… something was missing. The intimacy wasn’t there. It felt a bit like some of the one night stands I had in my single days. It scratched an itch but felt superficial.
My other problem is that I figured out that lots of young men seem to get their sex training from watching porn. Unfortuneatly, a lot of what the movies show turning a woman inside out with ectasy doesn’t actually work as well in real life. I base this observation on a couple relationships and discussions with girl friends. We all have had to break husbands or boyfriends of at least one or two “tricks” they picked up from porn.
Thanks for digging up the research. It is so important that couples understand the false intimacy of porn. So important! Men really need to find accountability in this area, whether or not their struggle is habitual. You might like this video story of a couple that found healing in this regard:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WcpotyZ_oSM
You also might like this guest post on my blog from Mark Gaither. Really interesting take on how women see pornography:
http://www.covenanteyes.com/blog/2009/07/27/is-porn-the-same-as-adultery/
I haven’t done research on porn but I have watched and this is my beef with pornography. For one thing, their is so much pornography nowadays it is a complete overload of the senses. Everybody likes sex but it is insanely unneccesary for the amount of porn that exists to exist at all. Secondly, the accesibility of pornography is so prevalent in modern society that yes it does mould young men’s ideas about fidelity, the physical value of women, and it also affects there sexual tastes. For instance one might have no interest in hitting women during sex but if they didn’t know any better and watched porn where this was being done they might adopt it into their sex lives. Thirdly and this is probably the most important, the pornography is a huge vehicle for racism, misogyny, and it also serves to disqualify the roles of women in society. You’ll notice that any authoritative or emotionally valuable role women hold in society has been attacked. There is pornography with grandmothers performing oral sex, pregnant women, women in the professional world, mothers, young women, heavy women, and women of specific racial background. To suggest that the pornography industry exists for the benefit of anyone but the profiteers that offer it would be absurd. Is human sexuality natural and healthy yes: there’s nothing wrong with enjoying it. However watching people get treated like crap for money is not healthy and alot of pornography is just that, and it is intentionally made that way.