Comments on: How Pornography Impacts Marriage and Family Life http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-pornography-impacts-marriage-and-family-life.html Keep it simple. Make it better. Thu, 09 Feb 2012 03:15:47 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Ginah http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-pornography-impacts-marriage-and-family-life.html#comment-15674 Ginah Tue, 07 Feb 2012 21:01:29 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=2282#comment-15674 This comment is for Tiffany: Please do not be deceived to believe that porn enhances the intimacy between you and your spouse. It is impossible for lust and fantasy to enhance the beautiful bond that marriage gives. Pornography replaces real intimacy. If you and your husband watch porn then believe me your marriage is bound to experience a form of emotional devastation. You have to protect your bedroom especially from images of other men and women who do not belong there. I will say this, if this is something you are comfortable with then more power to you. This comment is for Tiffany: Please do not be deceived to believe that porn enhances the intimacy between you and your spouse. It is impossible for lust and fantasy to enhance the beautiful bond that marriage gives. Pornography replaces real intimacy. If you and your husband watch porn then believe me your marriage is bound to experience a form of emotional devastation. You have to protect your bedroom especially from images of other men and women who do not belong there. I will say this, if this is something you are comfortable with then more power to you.

]]> By: DeeDee http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-pornography-impacts-marriage-and-family-life.html#comment-15553 DeeDee Wed, 18 Jan 2012 23:15:09 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=2282#comment-15553 I feel the same way...I thought my husband and I had a great relationship...until his sexual drive started floundering....then I caught him masturbating while I was in the next room sleeping....oh how I wished it would have been me he was having sex with other than an electronic box I feel the same way…I thought my husband and I had a great relationship…until his sexual drive started floundering….then I caught him masturbating while I was in the next room sleeping….oh how I wished it would have been me he was having sex with other than an electronic box

]]> By: DeeDee http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-pornography-impacts-marriage-and-family-life.html#comment-15552 DeeDee Wed, 18 Jan 2012 23:10:18 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=2282#comment-15552 Tiffany - I agree with your statements, however, you will see a change in your relationship..and you will be devastated. Again, I too played along....it led to the demise of our sexual and intimate relationship....I wished I never had agreed to it. And the porn does start to get vulgar.... Tiffany – I agree with your statements, however, you will see a change in your relationship..and you will be devastated. Again, I too played along….it led to the demise of our sexual and intimate relationship….I wished I never had agreed to it. And the porn does start to get vulgar….

]]> By: Tiffany http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-pornography-impacts-marriage-and-family-life.html#comment-15551 Tiffany Wed, 18 Jan 2012 23:06:35 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=2282#comment-15551 DeeDee I have been married for going on 14 years (this year) so I am not THAT young. This post is actually getting old and yet with all the newer "porn is BAD" comments my marriage is still rockin! It's pretty funny. DeeDee I have been married for going on 14 years (this year) so I am not THAT young. This post is actually getting old and yet with all the newer “porn is BAD” comments my marriage is still rockin! It’s pretty funny.

]]> By: DeeDee http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-pornography-impacts-marriage-and-family-life.html#comment-15550 DeeDee Wed, 18 Jan 2012 23:04:14 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=2282#comment-15550 agree - I too felt cheated on..... agree – I too felt cheated on…..

]]> By: DeeDee http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-pornography-impacts-marriage-and-family-life.html#comment-15549 DeeDee Wed, 18 Jan 2012 23:02:59 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=2282#comment-15549 Sylvia - I agree with your reply to Tiffany..she is young and will one day see what becomes of her intimacy with her husband. I too, went along and played into the porn with my husband...until he preferred the women over myself. I am still a very attractive, sexually exciting women... we had a very creative and satisfying relationship until he began using porn 5-6 days per week Sylvia – I agree with your reply to Tiffany..she is young and will one day see what becomes of her intimacy with her husband. I too, went along and played into the porn with my husband…until he preferred the women over myself. I am still a very attractive, sexually exciting women… we had a very creative and satisfying relationship until he began using porn 5-6 days per week

]]> By: DeeDee http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-pornography-impacts-marriage-and-family-life.html#comment-15548 DeeDee Wed, 18 Jan 2012 22:57:06 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=2282#comment-15548 Ann - How can you be sure he has given it up? Are you that naive that you actually believe he is thinking of you when he is viewing porn? Ann – How can you be sure he has given it up? Are you that naive that you actually believe he is thinking of you when he is viewing porn?

]]> By: Casha R http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-pornography-impacts-marriage-and-family-life.html#comment-15242 Casha R Tue, 13 Dec 2011 21:51:07 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=2282#comment-15242 I'm glad you decided the study done by Zillman and Bryant but even more telling is the article titled "Pornography’s Impact on Sexual Satisfaction" (Journal of Applied Social Psychology; 1988) which found that husband's reported loving their spouses less after long periods of looking at --and desiring-- women depicted in pornography. More recently, an article in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy (2003) titled "Romantic Partners' Use of Pornography: Its Significance for Women" found that porn usage undermines marital relations and distresses wives. Just my two cents. I’m glad you decided the study done by Zillman and Bryant but even more telling is the article titled “Pornography’s Impact on Sexual Satisfaction” (Journal of Applied Social Psychology; 1988) which found that husband’s reported loving their spouses less after long periods of looking at –and desiring– women depicted in pornography.

More recently, an article in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy (2003) titled “Romantic Partners’ Use of Pornography: Its Significance for Women” found that porn usage undermines marital relations and distresses wives.

Just my two cents.

]]> By: Mary http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-pornography-impacts-marriage-and-family-life.html#comment-14738 Mary Mon, 14 Nov 2011 04:33:43 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=2282#comment-14738 My husband was watching porn more than normal for me. He watched it at all hours. I caught him over 10 times in the other room laying down masterbating with the computer and it was at 2am or 4am or even when i left to work and came back if i forgot something. It started to upset me i am 32 yrs old and he is 43 and i am a beautiful young women thats what he tells me. So i finally had it and said something. He had no idea how it was hurting me and how upset it was making me. I told him he was an addict and how weak minded he was. We still were having sex everynight but i felt his porn addiction had to do with his affair about a year ago. So if he wants our marriage to work we can watch together but not alone! My husband was watching porn more than normal for me. He watched it at all hours. I caught him over 10 times in the other room laying down masterbating with the computer and it was at 2am or 4am or even when i left to work and came back if i forgot something. It started to upset me i am 32 yrs old and he is 43 and i am a beautiful young women thats what he tells me.
So i finally had it and said something. He had no idea how it was hurting me and how upset it was making me. I told him he was an addict and how weak minded he was. We still were having sex everynight but i felt his porn addiction had to do with his affair about a year ago. So if he wants our marriage to work we can watch together but not alone!

]]> By: Millie http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-pornography-impacts-marriage-and-family-life.html#comment-14575 Millie Tue, 18 Oct 2011 17:49:27 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=2282#comment-14575 I really think future studies will show that erotica is the 'gateway' drug to porn, and it's the primary way that the porn user will introduce porn into the relationship. Massage tapes were how my new spouse tried to introduce me to porn. I'm a very natural person and sensed that my body was responding to the stimuli, but I'm also wise enough to know it was simple animal response, and I said no way. The whole concept of watching this stuff, then going off together to the bedroom made my spirit sick. I withheld my 'moral' judgments, because "it's something everybody does sometimes". I don't know why this is, why if our values have any link to religion we think we have to keep them to ourselves. I wouldn't watch the porn, but I got to watch the joy and fun of our physical intimacy evaporate. We are confronting it now, and I hope we can heal. It's true: moral, healthy, fair would be legally defined as whatever both partners agree on that works for them. But poison is poison. Drinking Kool-Aid with rat poison in it will kill you whether you know it's poison or not, or choose to believe it's poison in the first place. It's poison even if it's just a little and you're calling it spice. Porn changes the way the brain 'pings' to sexuality, and it's not sustainable at a 'soft' level. It also cannot co-exist with a real and healthy intimate relationship, which is what I have found out the hard way. One will die. Continuous exposure leads to desensitization and escalation as your article says, and forces a person to look at their sex partner as a thing. If I could go back, I would have forced a choice right there at the start of my marriage. I really think future studies will show that erotica is the ‘gateway’ drug to porn, and it’s the primary way that the porn user will introduce porn into the relationship. Massage tapes were how my new spouse tried to introduce me to porn. I’m a very natural person and sensed that my body was responding to the stimuli, but I’m also wise enough to know it was simple animal response, and I said no way. The whole concept of watching this stuff, then going off together to the bedroom made my spirit sick. I withheld my ‘moral’ judgments, because “it’s something everybody does sometimes”. I don’t know why this is, why if our values have any link to religion we think we have to keep them to ourselves. I wouldn’t watch the porn, but I got to watch the joy and fun of our physical intimacy evaporate. We are confronting it now, and I hope we can heal.
It’s true: moral, healthy, fair would be legally defined as whatever both partners agree on that works for them. But poison is poison. Drinking Kool-Aid with rat poison in it will kill you whether you know it’s poison or not, or choose to believe it’s poison in the first place. It’s poison even if it’s just a little and you’re calling it spice. Porn changes the way the brain ‘pings’ to sexuality, and it’s not sustainable at a ‘soft’ level. It also cannot co-exist with a real and healthy intimate relationship, which is what I have found out the hard way. One will die. Continuous exposure leads to desensitization and escalation as your article says, and forces a person to look at their sex partner as a thing. If I could go back, I would have forced a choice right there at the start of my marriage.

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