Comments on: How to Have an Affair… With Your Spouse. http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-to-have-an-affair-with-your-spouse.html A better marriage by keeping it simple. Sun, 21 Mar 2010 00:26:26 -0600 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Meat http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-to-have-an-affair-with-your-spouse.html#comment-6698 Meat Wed, 24 Feb 2010 21:37:19 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-to-have-an-affair-with-your-spouse.html#comment-6698 This is a really cool idea. I, unlike the traditional atmic family model, do not subscribe to the institution of marriage. I feel that there are far too many variables in romantic relationships to actually ever feel at ease with my commitment to another, and I have equal skepcticism towards another person's commitments to me. I'm 27 and I've had three 2-2.5yr relationships. Everytime I approach the two year mark both parties in my relationships seem to have lost interest in the wooing and romance. The sex becomes routine, as does almost every other aspect. i do respect married couples who still have the initial romantic fires burning after a few years, but most couples don't display such traits. The institution seems a bit naive to me when you never know who you're going to meet in the future. I think open relationships are still the way to go. Besides, I've seen first-hand the divorce of my original parents, then another for their second marriages and on the thrid try (with different spouses each time of course) my parents finally settled in with people they stayed together with. So call me realistic because the track record of marriage is still on the fail side of the spectrum if you ask me. *Sidenote* Can anyone list a few good reasons for a male to marry in contemporary american society? Seems to me that I already take care of my own cooking/cleaning/grooming/laundry/finances/shopping/repairs/ So outside of the sex, what can the wedding do for me? I don't fear lonliness, or solitude, but I do enjoy being massaged regularly, haha. I just don't see any solid justification for the permanance of a spouse when there's no telling who is going to grab my attention next or my supposed spouse's attention for that matter. Maybe if I decide to assimilate into Amish culture it'd be a benefit to have a wife, otherwise I'll keep my bedroom and bathroom arranged just how I like it, thank you very much. This is a really cool idea. I, unlike the traditional atmic family model, do not subscribe to the institution of marriage. I feel that there are far too many variables in romantic relationships to actually ever feel at ease with my commitment to another, and I have equal skepcticism towards another person’s commitments to me. I’m 27 and I’ve had three 2-2.5yr relationships. Everytime I approach the two year mark both parties in my relationships seem to have lost interest in the wooing and romance. The sex becomes routine, as does almost every other aspect. i do respect married couples who still have the initial romantic fires burning after a few years, but most couples don’t display such traits. The institution seems a bit naive to me when you never know who you’re going to meet in the future. I think open relationships are still the way to go. Besides, I’ve seen first-hand the divorce of my original parents, then another for their second marriages and on the thrid try (with different spouses each time of course) my parents finally settled in with people they stayed together with. So call me realistic because the track record of marriage is still on the fail side of the spectrum if you ask me.

*Sidenote* Can anyone list a few good reasons for a male to marry in contemporary american society? Seems to me that I already take care of my own cooking/cleaning/grooming/laundry/finances/shopping/repairs/ So outside of the sex, what can the wedding do for me? I don’t fear lonliness, or solitude, but I do enjoy being massaged regularly, haha. I just don’t see any solid justification for the permanance of a spouse when there’s no telling who is going to grab my attention next or my supposed spouse’s attention for that matter. Maybe if I decide to assimilate into Amish culture it’d be a benefit to have a wife, otherwise I’ll keep my bedroom and bathroom arranged just how I like it, thank you very much.

]]> By: Allan http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-to-have-an-affair-with-your-spouse.html#comment-3812 Allan Fri, 03 Jul 2009 04:57:03 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-to-have-an-affair-with-your-spouse.html#comment-3812 @ Eric I have to disagree somewhat there: One thing that kills a relationship is believing you are 'good enough' , since your mate already loves you. I can imagine finding out I really liked my wife with blonde hair (she having worn a wig for our 'affair' date) or she finding that I really like her in shorts and sandals (she usually wearing skirts at home). I can see it injecting a bit of the unknown into a relationship that might be on the verge of stale. We often forget, as we become more and more familiar, to compliment honestly (or over-honestly, in fact) I recall reading an article a few years back, by a partner in a couple who mentioned that when they were newlyweds, the wife would shower twice a day and he would shave twice. Things moved downhill quickly, until one day they realized they were sitting on the couch eating popcorn and picking their noses. They both had this realization at the same time. This led to the thought of going back to their 'dating' behaviors, such as dressing up just to watch TV together, and keeping nose-picking private. (My wife, while a wonderful woman, tends to be loudly flatulent at times, which can be rather...surprising when I'm trying to make eyes at her, for example) @ Eric
I have to disagree somewhat there: One thing that kills a relationship is believing you are ‘good enough’ , since your mate already loves you. I can imagine finding out I really liked my wife with blonde hair (she having worn a wig for our ‘affair’ date) or she finding that I really like her in shorts and sandals (she usually wearing skirts at home). I can see it injecting a bit of the unknown into a relationship that might be on the verge of stale. We often forget, as we become more and more familiar, to compliment honestly (or over-honestly, in fact)

I recall reading an article a few years back, by a partner in a couple who mentioned that when they were newlyweds, the wife would shower twice a day and he would shave twice. Things moved downhill quickly, until one day they realized they were sitting on the couch eating popcorn and picking their noses. They both had this realization at the same time. This led to the thought of going back to their ‘dating’ behaviors, such as dressing up just to watch TV together, and keeping nose-picking private. (My wife, while a wonderful woman, tends to be loudly flatulent at times, which can be rather…surprising when I’m trying to make eyes at her, for example)

]]> By: mikki roo http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-to-have-an-affair-with-your-spouse.html#comment-2466 mikki roo Sat, 17 Jan 2009 19:47:53 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-to-have-an-affair-with-your-spouse.html#comment-2466 We actually did this a couple years ago... it was fun, and exciting! We'd drop the boys off somewhere and sneak home for some hanky panky. The fact is, that marriage can become monotonous if you don't ever spice it up. That did tons for our marriage and I think it would be great to try it again! We actually did this a couple years ago… it was fun, and exciting! We’d drop the boys off somewhere and sneak home for some hanky panky. The fact is, that marriage can become monotonous if you don’t ever spice it up. That did tons for our marriage and I think it would be great to try it again!

]]> By: Eric http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-to-have-an-affair-with-your-spouse.html#comment-2377 Eric Fri, 09 Jan 2009 03:15:42 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-to-have-an-affair-with-your-spouse.html#comment-2377 To put an opposing opinion out there. This sounds like a poor idea to me. I think so many problems stem from everyone trying to live in fantasy as they try to imagine something better. It is like living in the past by remembering wrongs or worrying about the future. Life is to be lived here in reality, not anywhere else. I would rather pursue how to make here and now exiting and adventurous instead of playing with the "fun" parts of destructive behavior. Plus, it seems to me that you are taking emotions that stem from role playing that it is someone else (even knowing it is your spouse) which slips into the same realm as emotional affairs. Thanks for the blog - I like it. To put an opposing opinion out there. This sounds like a poor idea to me. I think so many problems stem from everyone trying to live in fantasy as they try to imagine something better. It is like living in the past by remembering wrongs or worrying about the future. Life is to be lived here in reality, not anywhere else. I would rather pursue how to make here and now exiting and adventurous instead of playing with the “fun” parts of destructive behavior. Plus, it seems to me that you are taking emotions that stem from role playing that it is someone else (even knowing it is your spouse) which slips into the same realm as emotional affairs. Thanks for the blog – I like it.

]]> By: Sue http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-to-have-an-affair-with-your-spouse.html#comment-2364 Sue Thu, 08 Jan 2009 16:33:56 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-to-have-an-affair-with-your-spouse.html#comment-2364 This I beleive is a great idea - and one that my husband and I have participated in. I must share our recent 'funny' experience though - we were emailing each other back and forth and my 'name' of my email was 'Angela' which was the name of a girl he had known when he was younger - i was 'teasing' him - and he I - we talked about how we would hook up - We didnt' speak of it at home at all. He was playing along nicely and one day asked for a picture - (knowing it was me of course) - all of a sudden he receives an 'facebook' request from a friend 'Angela' - the "long lost" friend. At that moment - he was in shock - he thought for an instant that in fact he was actually communicating with the long lost friend and not me - beleive me - the emails were not appropriate for him to be sendign to her :) - Any how we had a good laugh over the coincidence....once he figured it out (the look on his face asking me if i was 'really' emailing him spoke volumes for me) anyhow thought I'd share a funny experience! This I beleive is a great idea – and one that my husband and I have participated in. I must share our recent ‘funny’ experience though – we were emailing each other back and forth and my ‘name’ of my email was ‘Angela’ which was the name of a girl he had known when he was younger – i was ‘teasing’ him – and he I – we talked about how we would hook up – We didnt’ speak of it at home at all. He was playing along nicely and one day asked for a picture – (knowing it was me of course) – all of a sudden he receives an ‘facebook’ request from a friend ‘Angela’ – the “long lost” friend. At that moment – he was in shock – he thought for an instant that in fact he was actually communicating with the long lost friend and not me – beleive me – the emails were not appropriate for him to be sendign to her :) – Any how we had a good laugh over the coincidence….once he figured it out (the look on his face asking me if i was ‘really’ emailing him spoke volumes for me)

anyhow thought I’d share a funny experience!

]]> By: Help me love – useful links | HelpMe.com http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-to-have-an-affair-with-your-spouse.html#comment-1752 Help me love – useful links | HelpMe.com Tue, 28 Oct 2008 15:05:11 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-to-have-an-affair-with-your-spouse.html#comment-1752 [...] How to have an affair with your spouse. (from “The Simple Marriage Project”) [...] [...] How to have an affair with your spouse. (from “The Simple Marriage Project”) [...]

]]> By: Stormy Girl http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-to-have-an-affair-with-your-spouse.html#comment-1560 Stormy Girl Fri, 19 Sep 2008 12:47:34 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-to-have-an-affair-with-your-spouse.html#comment-1560 What a wonderful Idea! I hope I can drop this hint to my honey :) What a wonderful Idea! I hope I can drop this hint to my honey :)

]]> By: dancingcrane http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-to-have-an-affair-with-your-spouse.html#comment-1255 dancingcrane Thu, 07 Aug 2008 02:31:10 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-to-have-an-affair-with-your-spouse.html#comment-1255 Hi! What a beautiful site! I'm a visitor from zen habits, now happy rss subscriber. This particular post tickled my fancy because of a favorite book of mine, _Manalive_ by GK Chesterton. This quirky and funny book involves, as a sideplot, the kidnapping of a new resident, a young lady, which becomes the talk of the town. Just how and why and by whom (and how often!) she is kidnapped, is the joy of it. Given the subject of this post, of course, you already know the answer... My husband and I have been married 28 years, have 5 kids, 22yrs to 8 yrs. Yet, even when times are tough and finances are tight, we try always to be good to each other, however imperfectly. We go out weekly on dates, even if it's just dollar burgers and cruising our local bookstore for an hour - and people sometimes ask if we are newlyweds! We will definitely keep this site on a must-watch list! Hi! What a beautiful site! I’m a visitor from zen habits, now happy rss subscriber. This particular post tickled my fancy because of a favorite book of mine, _Manalive_ by GK Chesterton. This quirky and funny book involves, as a sideplot, the kidnapping of a new resident, a young lady, which becomes the talk of the town. Just how and why and by whom (and how often!) she is kidnapped, is the joy of it. Given the subject of this post, of course, you already know the answer…

My husband and I have been married 28 years, have 5 kids, 22yrs to 8 yrs. Yet, even when times are tough and finances are tight, we try always to be good to each other, however imperfectly. We go out weekly on dates, even if it’s just dollar burgers and cruising our local bookstore for an hour – and people sometimes ask if we are newlyweds! We will definitely keep this site on a must-watch list!

]]> By: 4 Ways to Be Manly « Persistent Illusion http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-to-have-an-affair-with-your-spouse.html#comment-476 4 Ways to Be Manly « Persistent Illusion Mon, 02 Jun 2008 15:29:23 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-to-have-an-affair-with-your-spouse.html#comment-476 [...] Speaking of highshool, Corey at The Simple Marriage project is all about having an affair…with your spouse!  The choicest morsel was this piece of advice: Never meet your lover for “affair sex” at [...] [...] Speaking of highshool, Corey at The Simple Marriage project is all about having an affair…with your spouse!  The choicest morsel was this piece of advice: Never meet your lover for “affair sex” at [...]

]]> By: Corey http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-to-have-an-affair-with-your-spouse.html#comment-475 Corey Mon, 02 Jun 2008 14:10:14 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-to-have-an-affair-with-your-spouse.html#comment-475 @ akakarma- Unfortunately, whenever there has been infidelity in a marriage, many things within the marriage become difficult to restore and create. Adventure and passion seem to be some of the last areas developed after such an occurrence. One thing an idea like this post could do is help you gauge where you both are in the healing process. As the healing grows, more of the marriage is reopened and possible. Even more of you own life and imagination is opened more as you grow through life and marriage. Blessings on you both as you continue in life together. @ liss- If you think of affair in the context of some other person or thing outside of the marriage, it is never acceptable in my opinion. What goes on within a marriage, with two willing participants however, sky's the limit. As long as both people can be honest and are willing. Marriage can be and is one of the greatest institutions in our society. We were created in relationship and it is in relationship that life has more joy and adventure. Thanks for your comments. I look forward to more. Blessings. @ akakarma- Unfortunately, whenever there has been infidelity in a marriage, many things within the marriage become difficult to restore and create. Adventure and passion seem to be some of the last areas developed after such an occurrence. One thing an idea like this post could do is help you gauge where you both are in the healing process. As the healing grows, more of the marriage is reopened and possible. Even more of you own life and imagination is opened more as you grow through life and marriage. Blessings on you both as you continue in life together.

@ liss- If you think of affair in the context of some other person or thing outside of the marriage, it is never acceptable in my opinion. What goes on within a marriage, with two willing participants however, sky’s the limit. As long as both people can be honest and are willing. Marriage can be and is one of the greatest institutions in our society. We were created in relationship and it is in relationship that life has more joy and adventure. Thanks for your comments. I look forward to more. Blessings.

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