Comments on: How to Have an Affair… With Your Spouse. http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-to-have-an-affair-with-your-spouse.html Keep it simple. Make it better. Wed, 08 Feb 2012 21:40:29 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Privacy Sponsor http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-to-have-an-affair-with-your-spouse.html#comment-14783 Privacy Sponsor Mon, 21 Nov 2011 01:26:22 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-to-have-an-affair-with-your-spouse.html#comment-14783 Awesome way to turn an affair on its head! Good work. I usually help people hide their affair. This adds a whole new dimension when you have an affair with each other as if it was a different person. Thanks! Awesome way to turn an affair on its head! Good work. I usually help people hide their affair. This adds a whole new dimension when you have an affair with each other as if it was a different person. Thanks!

]]> By: Iron Couple http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-to-have-an-affair-with-your-spouse.html#comment-14078 Iron Couple Tue, 02 Aug 2011 22:20:13 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-to-have-an-affair-with-your-spouse.html#comment-14078 Along the lines of this thread, I recently drafted my own DIY sex therapy process which I am considering sharing with my spouse-like long term partner below. Use freely at your own discretion. Feedback on this process within the context of this thread is appreciated. The Safer Sex Buddy Experiment (DRAFT v2011.8.2.1553) INTRO The Safer Sex Buddy Experiment is a creative recreational sex game. The purpose of the game is to provide a creative framework for safely exploring recreational sex for you and, if you decide to include them, trusted others. You can play this game at any level which is healthy and pleasurable to everyone involved. PLAYING Since The Safer Sex Buddy Experiment is a creative recreational sex game, it’s important for all the players to keep revisiting these essential questions as the game evolves: 1. What level of safety do I need to allow myself to play The Safer Sex Buddy Experiment? 2. What is the most kind, truthful, effective and fun way to negotiate the boundaries of playing The Safer Sex Buddy Experiment with myself and potentially others? 3. What’s does “Safer Sex Buddy” mean to me? 4. What are my personal criteria to qualify myself as someone’s “Safer Sex Buddy”? 5. What are my personal criteria to qualify others as my “Safer Sex Buddy”? 6. What limits my full participation in playing The Safer Sex Buddy Experiment? 7. How can I contribute to creating a supportive atmosphere which enhances the likelihood that playing The Safer Sex Buddy Experiment will be a healthy and pleasurable experience for anyone involved? 8. When I have one, how might I fully play this game exclusively with my emotionally committed long term partner? 9. What have I learned about myself and others? 10. What new questions does all of this bring up for me? The game starts here. Whenever you are willingly considering answers to any of these essential questions, you are already playing the solo version of game. So, if you are willingly sharing open, honest consensual discussion of these questions and their answers with another, does it mean that you are playing the multi-player version of The Safer Sex Buddy Experiment? Only if everyone involved agrees that this is so at a particular time and place. In other words, no one can play The Safer Sex Buddy Experiment all the time and with everybody. A more modest way to start is just taking some time to seriously consider the essential questions privately just for you. If this simplest level of play seems healthy and pleasurable to you, you might experiment discussing The Safer Sex Buddy Experiment essential questions with one or more other potentially trustworthy players. This is one possible avenue of evolving your highly personal solo version of the game into a consensual shared multiplayer version. However, this requires potential others to willingly and openly agree that they are currently playing along with you. Along the lines of this thread, I recently drafted my own DIY sex therapy process which I am considering sharing with my spouse-like long term partner below. Use freely at your own discretion. Feedback on this process within the context of this thread is appreciated.

The Safer Sex Buddy Experiment (DRAFT v2011.8.2.1553)

INTRO
The Safer Sex Buddy Experiment is a creative recreational sex game. The purpose of the game is to provide a creative framework for safely exploring recreational sex for you and, if you decide to include them, trusted others. You can play this game at any level which is healthy and pleasurable to everyone involved.

PLAYING
Since The Safer Sex Buddy Experiment is a creative recreational sex game, it’s important for all the players to keep revisiting these essential questions as the game evolves:

1. What level of safety do I need to allow myself to play The Safer Sex Buddy Experiment?
2. What is the most kind, truthful, effective and fun way to negotiate the boundaries of playing The Safer Sex Buddy Experiment with myself and potentially others?
3. What’s does “Safer Sex Buddy” mean to me?
4. What are my personal criteria to qualify myself as someone’s “Safer Sex Buddy”?
5. What are my personal criteria to qualify others as my “Safer Sex Buddy”?
6. What limits my full participation in playing The Safer Sex Buddy Experiment?
7. How can I contribute to creating a supportive atmosphere which enhances the likelihood that playing The Safer Sex Buddy Experiment will be a healthy and pleasurable experience for anyone involved?
8. When I have one, how might I fully play this game exclusively with my emotionally committed long term partner?
9. What have I learned about myself and others?
10. What new questions does all of this bring up for me?

The game starts here. Whenever you are willingly considering answers to any of these essential questions, you are already playing the solo version of game. So, if you are willingly sharing open, honest consensual discussion of these questions and their answers with another, does it mean that you are playing the multi-player version of The Safer Sex Buddy Experiment? Only if everyone involved agrees that this is so at a particular time and place. In other words, no one can play The Safer Sex Buddy Experiment all the time and with everybody. A more modest way to start is just taking some time to seriously consider the essential questions privately just for you. If this simplest level of play seems healthy and pleasurable to you, you might experiment discussing The Safer Sex Buddy Experiment essential questions with one or more other potentially trustworthy players. This is one possible avenue of evolving your highly personal solo version of the game into a consensual shared multiplayer version. However, this requires potential others to willingly and openly agree that they are currently playing along with you.

]]> By: Betrayed http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-to-have-an-affair-with-your-spouse.html#comment-9760 Betrayed Wed, 24 Nov 2010 23:51:59 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-to-have-an-affair-with-your-spouse.html#comment-9760 Corey, I am glad there are men out there who are encouraging people to have affairs with their spouses. I have been hurt by infidelity, but am blessed with a husband who deeply regrets his actions and made an appointment for us to be in intensive counseling. I am grateful that he wants to save our marriage and be restored together for life. As I have searched online info about spicing up romance, I am saddened to see how many sites there are that encourage extra-marital affairs. SO sad and destructive. Thank you for this particular page. Corey, I am glad there are men out there who are encouraging people to have affairs with their spouses. I have been hurt by infidelity, but am blessed with a husband who deeply regrets his actions and made an appointment for us to be in intensive counseling. I am grateful that he wants to save our marriage and be restored together for life. As I have searched online info about spicing up romance, I am saddened to see how many sites there are that encourage extra-marital affairs. SO sad and destructive. Thank you for this particular page.

]]> By: 7 Links for Married Couples http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-to-have-an-affair-with-your-spouse.html#comment-8108 7 Links for Married Couples Fri, 16 Jul 2010 22:25:53 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-to-have-an-affair-with-your-spouse.html#comment-8108 [...] ONE post that I wish I had written is crazy difficult.  I think I will go with Corey Allan’s How to Have an Affair…With Your Spouse! Corey is a great writer, and always has great perspectives on how to improve our [...] [...] ONE post that I wish I had written is crazy difficult.  I think I will go with Corey Allan’s How to Have an Affair…With Your Spouse! Corey is a great writer, and always has great perspectives on how to improve our [...]

]]> By: erotica http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-to-have-an-affair-with-your-spouse.html#comment-7729 erotica Tue, 01 Jun 2010 17:32:40 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-to-have-an-affair-with-your-spouse.html#comment-7729 Wow, I really love your idea Jason...that's using your imagination. I and my marriage could really use a nice boost like that. I'm tired of not feeling like he loves me deep down, since he totally stopped treating me like a woman he admires and appreciates...and well just a woman! Aside from trying the obvious, such as talking and confiding, opening up and pretty much begging now, in order to re-open his eyes. I love him fiercely, but I am running out of fight! Praying for my miracle to come back to me...so I may be his miracle again! Wow, I really love your idea Jason…that’s using your imagination. I and my marriage could really use a nice boost like that. I’m tired of not feeling like he loves me deep down, since he totally stopped treating me like a woman he admires and appreciates…and well just a woman! Aside from trying the obvious, such as talking and confiding, opening up and pretty much begging now, in order to re-open his eyes. I love him fiercely, but I am running out of fight! Praying for my miracle to come back to me…so I may be his miracle again!

]]> By: How To Simplify Your Inbox http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-to-have-an-affair-with-your-spouse.html#comment-7671 How To Simplify Your Inbox Wed, 26 May 2010 23:10:06 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-to-have-an-affair-with-your-spouse.html#comment-7671 [...] won’t work for you. We’re going to get Gmail to check all of your email accounts: work, play, affair with your spouse notes; it’s all going to come to Gmail. A key idea behind this is to start checking and sending mail in [...] [...] won’t work for you. We’re going to get Gmail to check all of your email accounts: work, play, affair with your spouse notes; it’s all going to come to Gmail. A key idea behind this is to start checking and sending mail in [...]

]]> By: Jason http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-to-have-an-affair-with-your-spouse.html#comment-7637 Jason Tue, 25 May 2010 16:46:21 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-to-have-an-affair-with-your-spouse.html#comment-7637 OK so I like this idea but have a question. My wife and I have been married for 13 years and she has carried some regrets about being married for most of this time. We have 3 kids and I think the world of her. But she has put a mental wall up in our marriage she has convienced herself that she got married too early and for the wrong reasons and because she did this she is not allowed to love me. Recently she has started drinking on occasions and has been getting noticed by a lot of men. She works out constantly and recently just found out that she was working on having an affair with her trainer at the gym. The met up one night and kissed and she said to a friend that she has never felt such passion. She blocks my passion because again she has decided no matter how great of an guy I am that she is not allowed to fall in love with me. We are in counseling and she has called things off with the trainer for now while we work on things but does say the desire is still there and very strong. This trainer is nothing like what she finds attractive and she has said that numerous times but the thrill of having a fling is strong and he is available. I think the passion that she felt had a lot to do with the adreniline of doing something "wrong" and dangerous. I have been contimplating this a lot and the thought occured to me what if I had an affair with my wife. But here is the catch she would resist if I told her before hand. But if I was to start sending her gifts from a different name and romancing her slowly then maybe get a pre paid cell phone and start texting her suggestive stuff and eventually get her to go to a club where I secretly buy her some drinks and slip her a hotel key to a disclosed location. And then when she arrives have her put on a blind fold and then come out and romanticly make love to her and show her the passion I can give her. The question is would you recomend this and if so how would I tie it back into our marriage? OK so I like this idea but have a question. My wife and I have been married for 13 years and she has carried some regrets about being married for most of this time. We have 3 kids and I think the world of her. But she has put a mental wall up in our marriage she has convienced herself that she got married too early and for the wrong reasons and because she did this she is not allowed to love me. Recently she has started drinking on occasions and has been getting noticed by a lot of men. She works out constantly and recently just found out that she was working on having an affair with her trainer at the gym. The met up one night and kissed and she said to a friend that she has never felt such passion. She blocks my passion because again she has decided no matter how great of an guy I am that she is not allowed to fall in love with me. We are in counseling and she has called things off with the trainer for now while we work on things but does say the desire is still there and very strong. This trainer is nothing like what she finds attractive and she has said that numerous times but the thrill of having a fling is strong and he is available. I think the passion that she felt had a lot to do with the adreniline of doing something “wrong” and dangerous. I have been contimplating this a lot and the thought occured to me what if I had an affair with my wife. But here is the catch she would resist if I told her before hand. But if I was to start sending her gifts from a different name and romancing her slowly then maybe get a pre paid cell phone and start texting her suggestive stuff and eventually get her to go to a club where I secretly buy her some drinks and slip her a hotel key to a disclosed location. And then when she arrives have her put on a blind fold and then come out and romanticly make love to her and show her the passion I can give her. The question is would you recomend this and if so how would I tie it back into our marriage?

]]> By: Meat http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-to-have-an-affair-with-your-spouse.html#comment-6698 Meat Wed, 24 Feb 2010 21:37:19 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-to-have-an-affair-with-your-spouse.html#comment-6698 This is a really cool idea. I, unlike the traditional atmic family model, do not subscribe to the institution of marriage. I feel that there are far too many variables in romantic relationships to actually ever feel at ease with my commitment to another, and I have equal skepcticism towards another person's commitments to me. I'm 27 and I've had three 2-2.5yr relationships. Everytime I approach the two year mark both parties in my relationships seem to have lost interest in the wooing and romance. The sex becomes routine, as does almost every other aspect. i do respect married couples who still have the initial romantic fires burning after a few years, but most couples don't display such traits. The institution seems a bit naive to me when you never know who you're going to meet in the future. I think open relationships are still the way to go. Besides, I've seen first-hand the divorce of my original parents, then another for their second marriages and on the thrid try (with different spouses each time of course) my parents finally settled in with people they stayed together with. So call me realistic because the track record of marriage is still on the fail side of the spectrum if you ask me. *Sidenote* Can anyone list a few good reasons for a male to marry in contemporary american society? Seems to me that I already take care of my own cooking/cleaning/grooming/laundry/finances/shopping/repairs/ So outside of the sex, what can the wedding do for me? I don't fear lonliness, or solitude, but I do enjoy being massaged regularly, haha. I just don't see any solid justification for the permanance of a spouse when there's no telling who is going to grab my attention next or my supposed spouse's attention for that matter. Maybe if I decide to assimilate into Amish culture it'd be a benefit to have a wife, otherwise I'll keep my bedroom and bathroom arranged just how I like it, thank you very much. This is a really cool idea. I, unlike the traditional atmic family model, do not subscribe to the institution of marriage. I feel that there are far too many variables in romantic relationships to actually ever feel at ease with my commitment to another, and I have equal skepcticism towards another person’s commitments to me. I’m 27 and I’ve had three 2-2.5yr relationships. Everytime I approach the two year mark both parties in my relationships seem to have lost interest in the wooing and romance. The sex becomes routine, as does almost every other aspect. i do respect married couples who still have the initial romantic fires burning after a few years, but most couples don’t display such traits. The institution seems a bit naive to me when you never know who you’re going to meet in the future. I think open relationships are still the way to go. Besides, I’ve seen first-hand the divorce of my original parents, then another for their second marriages and on the thrid try (with different spouses each time of course) my parents finally settled in with people they stayed together with. So call me realistic because the track record of marriage is still on the fail side of the spectrum if you ask me.

*Sidenote* Can anyone list a few good reasons for a male to marry in contemporary american society? Seems to me that I already take care of my own cooking/cleaning/grooming/laundry/finances/shopping/repairs/ So outside of the sex, what can the wedding do for me? I don’t fear lonliness, or solitude, but I do enjoy being massaged regularly, haha. I just don’t see any solid justification for the permanance of a spouse when there’s no telling who is going to grab my attention next or my supposed spouse’s attention for that matter. Maybe if I decide to assimilate into Amish culture it’d be a benefit to have a wife, otherwise I’ll keep my bedroom and bathroom arranged just how I like it, thank you very much.

]]> By: Allan http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-to-have-an-affair-with-your-spouse.html#comment-3812 Allan Fri, 03 Jul 2009 04:57:03 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-to-have-an-affair-with-your-spouse.html#comment-3812 @ Eric I have to disagree somewhat there: One thing that kills a relationship is believing you are 'good enough' , since your mate already loves you. I can imagine finding out I really liked my wife with blonde hair (she having worn a wig for our 'affair' date) or she finding that I really like her in shorts and sandals (she usually wearing skirts at home). I can see it injecting a bit of the unknown into a relationship that might be on the verge of stale. We often forget, as we become more and more familiar, to compliment honestly (or over-honestly, in fact) I recall reading an article a few years back, by a partner in a couple who mentioned that when they were newlyweds, the wife would shower twice a day and he would shave twice. Things moved downhill quickly, until one day they realized they were sitting on the couch eating popcorn and picking their noses. They both had this realization at the same time. This led to the thought of going back to their 'dating' behaviors, such as dressing up just to watch TV together, and keeping nose-picking private. (My wife, while a wonderful woman, tends to be loudly flatulent at times, which can be rather...surprising when I'm trying to make eyes at her, for example) @ Eric
I have to disagree somewhat there: One thing that kills a relationship is believing you are ‘good enough’ , since your mate already loves you. I can imagine finding out I really liked my wife with blonde hair (she having worn a wig for our ‘affair’ date) or she finding that I really like her in shorts and sandals (she usually wearing skirts at home). I can see it injecting a bit of the unknown into a relationship that might be on the verge of stale. We often forget, as we become more and more familiar, to compliment honestly (or over-honestly, in fact)

I recall reading an article a few years back, by a partner in a couple who mentioned that when they were newlyweds, the wife would shower twice a day and he would shave twice. Things moved downhill quickly, until one day they realized they were sitting on the couch eating popcorn and picking their noses. They both had this realization at the same time. This led to the thought of going back to their ‘dating’ behaviors, such as dressing up just to watch TV together, and keeping nose-picking private. (My wife, while a wonderful woman, tends to be loudly flatulent at times, which can be rather…surprising when I’m trying to make eyes at her, for example)

]]> By: mikki roo http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-to-have-an-affair-with-your-spouse.html#comment-2466 mikki roo Sat, 17 Jan 2009 19:47:53 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-to-have-an-affair-with-your-spouse.html#comment-2466 We actually did this a couple years ago... it was fun, and exciting! We'd drop the boys off somewhere and sneak home for some hanky panky. The fact is, that marriage can become monotonous if you don't ever spice it up. That did tons for our marriage and I think it would be great to try it again! We actually did this a couple years ago… it was fun, and exciting! We’d drop the boys off somewhere and sneak home for some hanky panky. The fact is, that marriage can become monotonous if you don’t ever spice it up. That did tons for our marriage and I think it would be great to try it again!

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