How To Improve Marriage And Slow Down Life At The Same Time
Everywhere you look, things are moving at a fast pace. Hurry up is a common phrase. When I want something, I want it right now. “What? You mean I have to wait 45 seconds for the book I just bought to download? Where’d I put the number for my Internet provider, I need a faster connection!”
The speed of life takes its toll on marriage and family as well. If your day is spent racing around from one thing to the next, it’s too easy to continue this pace when you arrive home each day.
If you feel like life is too fast, if there is no more room on the schedule for another thing to do, if the chaos of the world around you has caused you to create a life determined by others rather than yourself, and if you are desperately seeking a way to slow things down in order to breathe – then here’s a few suggestions to try.
- Take a walk. Make it a point each day to walk with your spouse and your kids. Spring is here in Texas so the weather gets better each day. Go outside and sit and observe the world around you. Walk and talk with your spouse.
- Walk or ride a bike to places you need to go. Some stores may be too far to walk, but not all. I love the times when my wife and kids and I walk or ride up to the grocery store or a restaurant for dinner. Sure it takes longer to get there, that’s the point. Enjoy the journey there together.
- Make it a point to eat outside often. There’s something about being in nature that allows you to slow down. Go to the park for a picnic, eat out in the backyard, or on the patio. Get outside.
- Find a moment alone each morning. Before you jump into the day, take some time to simply sit quietly. The longer the better. Enjoy a cup of coffee or tea. Breathe in and out, relax, meditate, pray. What better way to start each day?
- Don’t check email first thing in the morning. I struggle with this one the most. It’s such a routine to fire up the laptop first thing in the morning and check to see what’s going on with the blog, emails, etc. This allows too many other things to invade my life too soon in the day. Try waiting until 9 or 10 each morning to check email. That way the first part of the day can be spent on whatever is most important.
- Turn off all phones. At some point each evening, turn off your phones, or at the very least don’t answer them for a while and spend that time with your spouse and family. Play games, read together, talk.
- Color with crayons. This one is great if you have little ones around. There’s something magical about the feeling of coloring with crayons. Let yourself go and color. Don’t simply help your child with their coloring, color for yourself.
- Go on a media fast. We’ve been on a news fast for almost a year. Absolutely love it! Most everything reported today is negative, so why get caught up in it each evening? Don’t worry, with Google and Yahoo, you’ll still know the major things happening in the world.
I’m sure there’s more, add your ideas in the comments.
Corey is the editor of Simple Marriage as well as a licensed marriage & family therapist. While he has a Ph.D. in Family Therapy, he only occasionally likes to be called doctor. If you enjoyed this post, please subscribe so you don't miss any future posts.35 Responses to “How To Improve Marriage And Slow Down Life At The Same Time”
Comments
Read below or add a comment...
Trackbacks
-
[...] How To Improve Marriage And Slow Down Life At The Same Time – Simple Marriage “Everywhere you look, things are moving at a fast pace. Hurry up is a common phrase. When I want something, I want it right now. ‘What? You mean I have to wait 45 seconds for the book I just bought to download? Where’d I put the number for my Internet provider, I need a faster connection!’ [...]
-
[...] Last month I posted some ideas to help improve marriage and slow down life at the same time. [...]
-
[...] How To Improve Marriage And Slow Down Life At The Same Time [...]
-
[...] need some more ideas for how to take care of your most important relationship, then take a look at How to Improve Marriage and Slow Down Life at the Same Time. Of course, it isn’t just your marriage that needs good stewardship, but I’ll [...]
-
[...] How To Improve Marriage And Slow Down Life At The Same Time [...]
-
[...] Simple Marriage A sample blog post: How To Improve Marriage And Slow Down Life At The Same Time (Terrific [...]
Great post Corey. We all went on a walk tonight and it was pretty nice – it’s always good to get out of the house and spend a little time talking. My wife is more into Facebook than I am and I’m trying to implement a “Facebook free evening” so her and I can watch a movie or just spend time together.
Life gets complicated when you get old and some things don’t get resolved with more time together. Sounds to me like good advice for a younger generation. Good luck.
These are great encouragements. Thanks. We do the walks and the coloring part. But, we do seem to head to the computer too soon in the mornings.
One that does help for us is not having a television. We do occasionally watch videos on our computer, but that’s it. It’s amazing what not having the background noise of a tv will do for pushing good conversation.
I blogged about our early mornings together (and a spiritual lesson I’ve learned from that time) today at: http://burningbushes.org/
We like to sit in our porch swing that is under the trees in the back yard. Sometimes if the hub is working in the back yard, I’ll take him a drink and he’ll sit with me a while and talk.
My favorite is going camping together. It is a spiritual experience especially when it involves a canoe! Cool things and wonderful memories can happen on a camp out!
Your ideas are great Corey. Thanks for sharing! I’m off to get some crayons!
Hi Corey,
Thanks for the excellent suggestions. Items 1 and 2 are especially appealing to me. We take walks now, but not daily. I would love to work up to this.
Sometimes it really is just the little things that can make a big difference.
Thanks Corey!
Hi Corey,
I really like this post. 1, 3, 7, and 8 are golden! We walk every evening in the summer as a family and eat outside on the deck as often as we can.
This past Sunday was the first day this year that it was above freezing, so we took the opportunity to get out for a walk. Normally I do this for exercise and walk pretty quickly, but this time our 19 month old set the pace. It was nice to go for a walk to just go for a walk. It’s amazing how much more you “see” when you just slow down and take it all in.
A couple of things we have done that have helped us get the life we want: we’ve done away with TV and we’ve really reduced commitments to only those that we enjoy, value and can do as a family. These two alone have “created” a lot more time that we can spend together.
@Sherri- My wife and I took our kids on a walk/ride last night, they set the pace as they rode their tricycles. It was great. I agree with the TV idea but this time of year I just enjoy it too much, March Madness starts Thursday! My wife brought up the TV idea when she read this post as well.
It’s important that we take the time to tune out all of the distractions and focus on our spouses. Nice post.
I’d just like to add that spending quality time with family or spouse should be suggested as an invitation rather than a demand, especially if the spouse is required to give up a favorite activity (such as, someone mentioned Facebook and another mentioned March Madness). Another aspect of this is to make sure the time is spent in a positive way. It’s not going to have the desired result if you use the opportunity to grouse about things in general or — heaven help you — something the spouse does that you don’t approve of. We all need to make an effort to find friendly common ground that we can share with loved ones day to day. A smile over the top of the morning paper is worth more than a 40 minute walk that’s spent grumbling.
We usually walk every evening and it’s one of my favorite times of the day! Along with the time spent sitting outside to eat or have coffee & read the paper…
When the weather is right (frequently here in the south) we eat outside as often as possible, starting with coffee/tea & the paper in the morning, then lunch & dinner. It’s 12:35 on Saturday now, and we’re still out here, just reading the paper & checking our email after breakfast.
Our downfalls are the phone, email & the news. Both working at home we check email & take phone calls at all hours, particularly my partner. We also watch too much news and it’s disturbing. Something to work on…
Great ideas!
I’ll be using #5!! Thanks!
Well that was a nice reading post to finish my day off, thanks Corey
for me, being married for 8 years and together for 15, I know how important it is to get free time for your family, also getting free time with the guys to kick back do the things i want to do, in turn given her, her time to get girly with her friends & time away from the kids is essential.
Space, Commitment, Compromise & love is my keys
to having a great & happy life…
We have been eating outside lately and it’s great! We also never answer the phone during dinner. That means at least for one period during the day we are not interrupted by the outside world. Thanks for your tips!
Would love to know if you have any tips for helping your partner when he’s struggling, keeping yourself boosted when your spouse is less available than you’d like. What keeps you positive, energized, …what keeps your marriage strong when one of you isn’t at their strongest? What encourages you to be your best when your spouse is at their worst?
This list must be filtered, since they are all positive. I’m a cynic and think that a lot of the items in the list are rhetoric. Still, I think it’s a blessing you made the list. Thanks!
Such a great post! Loved it! Thanks a lot. Want to implement 1, 3 & 7.
@~M- When your partner is struggling or down it’s really hard to be unaffected. What has helped me is exploring if I am part of the cause or issue. If so, then I can work to grow in those areas if I choose. If I’m not, then I ask how I can be a support or listen all the while knowing I can’t prop up my spouse for a long time, for short periods – sure, but long term propping up will damage the marriage. I must work on me. It’s all I can do and it’s the best thing I can do for the marriage. So to stay energized and positive, I do the things I enjoy (play basketball, hanging with friends, good cups of coffee, etc.).
Thanks for your response, Corey! Makes sense and it really sounds, actually, like common sense…and that makes me feel a bit less crazy!
Doing household chores makes a very enjoyable activity with the family ..
how about bringing your spouse when you are hanging out with your friends . When my spouse was having depression he was at his down and I can’t think of anything else and even tried to surrender .Corey was right ,that’s what I did and it helped me a lot be more positive and understand my partner in life.
My husband and I make “dates”; we clear our schedules (and our heads) and talk about whatever is going on with us. It seems so simple once we actually started doing it, but before we made this time for one another it was easy to get wrapped up in our own goings-on. I am a multi-tasker, so I’ll often be checking email, working, or blogging when having discussions with him. Making this time to give one another undivided attention has really helped us unplug and de-stress.
It helps just by taking time out and making an effort to be kind, thoughtful, appreciative, respectful, supportive, and affirming towards your spouse. When was the last time you take time off to be supportive or appreciative to you spouse? Be honest now!!!
Hello Corey, this is a Great post thank you very much!
This might be hard if you have small kids, but trying to plan a Saturday or Sunday afternoon for just you two for a romp in bed. Sex too often is a rushed affair or done when tired at night just before bed. When done in the middle of the day with a leisurely 3 or 4 hours ahead when nothing is pressing, it rocks, AND the intimacy factor goes way up because you don’t have so many other things on your mind! A couple of cocktails on the deck after to prolong the sharing, well it works for us!
These things you point out are so true. My wife and I always try and devote time to the little things, because you know, life can get real hectic at times. You can get really wrapped up in things and forget about the most important thing. Even just sitting down to a home cooked meal AT THE DINNER TABLE is a must. I mean, it’s that time together to talk and reflect and remind each other how you feel.
In my experience, one of the best things you can do to slow down is to practice conscious breathing- slow, deep, belly breaths. You are going to breathe all day anyway, so why not make the best of it?
My husband and I have been turning off the TV and reading aloud to each other for a couple of hours every evening. Less noise, no flashy screen. We read a chapter of some improving book, then we treat ourselves to some trashy genre fiction. I’d forgotten how much I love reading aloud. I do all the voices.
I truly appreciate your thoughts very much. It is wonderful to have a male perspective on the world of ‘fast’. Speaking of ‘fast’ ~how did your year-long media ‘fast’ go? It’s been about a year since you wrote this post. I’d love to know!
Hi Corey, these are wonderful tips! I love all of them. In addition to your suggestions, I think a couple can improve its marriage by making a list of things that one likes about his / her partner. This might be challenging especially if one is in the middle of relationship crisis, however, if one comes up with things to appreciate, it would stimulate the memories of past expressions of love.