Comments on: How To Want Sex When You Don’t Feel Sexy http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-to-want-sex-when-you-dont-feel-sexy.html Keep it simple. Make it better. Wed, 08 Feb 2012 21:40:29 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: George http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-to-want-sex-when-you-dont-feel-sexy.html#comment-15631 George Tue, 31 Jan 2012 17:53:39 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=4281#comment-15631 I disagree with you to some extent. I try to send small notes whenever I pack a lunch for my wife. I don't always pack her lunch but when I do, I try to add something on a post-it note. Be it "Have a nice day!", "Thinking about you.", or a simple "I love you XO XO XO." It doesn't take too much time nor a whole lot of creativity but it does show her I care and love her. Just my .02 worth. I disagree with you to some extent. I try to send small notes whenever I pack a lunch for my wife. I don’t always pack her lunch but when I do, I try to add something on a post-it note. Be it “Have a nice day!”, “Thinking about you.”, or a simple “I love you XO XO XO.” It doesn’t take too much time nor a whole lot of creativity but it does show her I care and love her.
Just my .02 worth.

]]> By: TryingToWorkItOut http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-to-want-sex-when-you-dont-feel-sexy.html#comment-13123 TryingToWorkItOut Tue, 12 Apr 2011 17:03:02 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=4281#comment-13123 Sorry to hear that about your wife and friend, I discovered, after 7 years of marriage, just a few days ago that my wife has been seeing someone for 8 months - that just tore me apart. The dishonesty crushed me, I have so many conflicting emotions charging through me that I am not really in any fit state to comment on this subject, however one thing that is certain is that we were having very little sex in our marriage and I am hardly surprised to find that she sought satisfaction elsewhere. I must admit, I was tempted to do the same, but through loyalty resisted the temptation and was hoping to try and make things better - I stress hoping, rather than actually doing anything about it - and in that situation hope is next to hopeless! Since I discovered the affair we have talked and we both want to fix our marriage - she seems genuinely sorry and dedicated to the cause and I know I am - but, here is the thing - I have read so many posts online about people who are in sexless or near sexless marriages and I have read many articles about "how to fix your sex life" but what I cant find is writings from people who are having a great sex life after many years of marriage. I and many other people want to know your secret! You said that you had a great sex life during your marriage - what did you do to maintain it? How did it work? Maybe you didnt think about it at the time but if you could go back and analyse the way you interacted and share some of that wisdom with the rest of us that would be wonderful. Thanks Sorry to hear that about your wife and friend, I discovered, after 7 years of marriage, just a few days ago that my wife has been seeing someone for 8 months – that just tore me apart. The dishonesty crushed me, I have so many conflicting emotions charging through me that I am not really in any fit state to comment on this subject, however one thing that is certain is that we were having very little sex in our marriage and I am hardly surprised to find that she sought satisfaction elsewhere.

I must admit, I was tempted to do the same, but through loyalty resisted the temptation and was hoping to try and make things better – I stress hoping, rather than actually doing anything about it – and in that situation hope is next to hopeless!

Since I discovered the affair we have talked and we both want to fix our marriage – she seems genuinely sorry and dedicated to the cause and I know I am – but, here is the thing – I have read so many posts online about people who are in sexless or near sexless marriages and I have read many articles about “how to fix your sex life” but what I cant find is writings from people who are having a great sex life after many years of marriage.

I and many other people want to know your secret! You said that you had a great sex life during your marriage – what did you do to maintain it? How did it work? Maybe you didnt think about it at the time but if you could go back and analyse the way you interacted and share some of that wisdom with the rest of us that would be wonderful.

Thanks

]]> By: afaf http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-to-want-sex-when-you-dont-feel-sexy.html#comment-11393 afaf Sun, 30 Jan 2011 00:51:38 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=4281#comment-11393 women do all the little notes, and cookies stuff...which is very female-like, and men do enjoy receiving those things. ladies, most men just don't do that stuff. they can buy you flowers occasionally, or massage your neck or something like that --- but not in the same way you express love. basically, men getting up everyday, going to work, keeping his eyes and heart committed to you - his daily non-verbal hum-drum actions - express his love. pay yourself first, have sex often, he'll be happier and hopefully treat you nicer. women do all the little notes, and cookies stuff…which is very female-like, and men do enjoy receiving those things. ladies, most men just don’t do that stuff. they can buy you flowers occasionally, or massage your neck or something like that — but not in the same way you express love. basically, men getting up everyday, going to work, keeping his eyes and heart committed to you – his daily non-verbal hum-drum actions – express his love. pay yourself first, have sex often, he’ll be happier and hopefully treat you nicer.

]]> By: Shell http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-to-want-sex-when-you-dont-feel-sexy.html#comment-9536 Shell Sat, 13 Nov 2010 03:20:19 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=4281#comment-9536 I think the post is great, but I have a couple of questions. I have told my husband how overwhelmed I am with daily life and I feel like I am always doing something for someone else: college instructor, kids, boss. I have told him that I want time for just the two of us; movie, dinner, or just a walk in the park. I write him little notes, send him random texts throughout the day and get him cards from time to time or just pick him up a package of cookies from the store that I know he likes. However, nothing is reciprocated, even after we've talked about it, and I end up feeling very resentful. We only have sex maybe once every two weeks and I feel like it's this horrible cycle. If we had sex more, would he do those things? But if he did those things, I feel like it would make me feel like MY needs and wants are important, too and I would definitely feel more "in the mood!" Maybe we should try marriage counseling? I think the post is great, but I have a couple of questions. I have told my husband how overwhelmed I am with daily life and I feel like I am always doing something for someone else: college instructor, kids, boss. I have told him that I want time for just the two of us; movie, dinner, or just a walk in the park. I write him little notes, send him random texts throughout the day and get him cards from time to time or just pick him up a package of cookies from the store that I know he likes. However, nothing is reciprocated, even after we’ve talked about it, and I end up feeling very resentful. We only have sex maybe once every two weeks and I feel like it’s this horrible cycle. If we had sex more, would he do those things? But if he did those things, I feel like it would make me feel like MY needs and wants are important, too and I would definitely feel more “in the mood!” Maybe we should try marriage counseling?

]]> By: Gina Parris http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-to-want-sex-when-you-dont-feel-sexy.html#comment-9515 Gina Parris Thu, 11 Nov 2010 20:52:06 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=4281#comment-9515 Aw that truly sucks, my friend. A bitter pill indeed, and I don't blame you for feeling disgusted. I for one, have no snappy answer but I do feel your pain and believe that if you can bring yourself to trust again, that your future can be brighter than your past. People ask if its better to never love at all than to love and lose. I still believe that you are better off for knowing love in the first place - even with what feels like a pile of ashes. It won't always end like this. Aw that truly sucks, my friend. A bitter pill indeed, and I don’t blame you for feeling disgusted. I for one, have no snappy answer but I do feel your pain and believe that if you can bring yourself to trust again, that your future can be brighter than your past. People ask if its better to never love at all than to love and lose. I still believe that you are better off for knowing love in the first place – even with what feels like a pile of ashes. It won’t always end like this.

]]> By: Orange http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-to-want-sex-when-you-dont-feel-sexy.html#comment-9445 Orange Wed, 03 Nov 2010 17:10:12 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=4281#comment-9445 Ok I appreciate the commentary but the bitter reality of it all is that no amount of sex of pleasure will 'fix' a marriage. My marriage was thriving when it came to sex and always had been, we were best friends and were closer than any two people can be but that still didn't stop her from seeking out someone else in her life, which eventually ended my marriage. That left me feeling bitter towards this whole subject. She and my best friend found that they just couldn't resist their animal instincts and had a year long affair before she left me and he left his wife. Sexy lingerie, candles, poems, movies, wine, dinner, massages...all nice ideas but just always know that you can be replaced.. Ok I appreciate the commentary but the bitter reality of it all is that no amount of sex of pleasure will ‘fix’ a marriage. My marriage was thriving when it came to sex and always had been, we were best friends and were closer than any two people can be but that still didn’t stop her from seeking out someone else in her life, which eventually ended my marriage. That left me feeling bitter towards this whole subject. She and my best friend found that they just couldn’t resist their animal instincts and had a year long affair before she left me and he left his wife.

Sexy lingerie, candles, poems, movies, wine, dinner, massages…all nice ideas but just always know that you can be replaced..

]]> By: Happy Birthday to Me, Happy Something to You http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-to-want-sex-when-you-dont-feel-sexy.html#comment-9139 Happy Birthday to Me, Happy Something to You Tue, 05 Oct 2010 13:54:24 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=4281#comment-9139 [...] One of my favorites on Simple Marriage (where I am a monthly contributer): How to Want Sex When You Don’t Feel Sexy. [...] [...] One of my favorites on Simple Marriage (where I am a monthly contributer): How to Want Sex When You Don’t Feel Sexy. [...]

]]> By: Secrets to Staying Married in a Blended Family | Simple Marriage http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-to-want-sex-when-you-dont-feel-sexy.html#comment-8745 Secrets to Staying Married in a Blended Family | Simple Marriage Mon, 30 Aug 2010 16:10:34 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=4281#comment-8745 [...] sex a priority. Being best friends is great, but this is more than friendship. How you make sex a priority is up to you – your relationship has it’s own intricacies. I can only promise you that [...] [...] sex a priority. Being best friends is great, but this is more than friendship. How you make sex a priority is up to you – your relationship has it’s own intricacies. I can only promise you that [...]

]]> By: rinku http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-to-want-sex-when-you-dont-feel-sexy.html#comment-8215 rinku Wed, 21 Jul 2010 16:58:26 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=4281#comment-8215 but i dont have any girl? but i dont have any girl?

]]> By: rinku http://www.simplemarriage.net/how-to-want-sex-when-you-dont-feel-sexy.html#comment-8214 rinku Wed, 21 Jul 2010 16:57:16 +0000 http://www.simplemarriage.net/?p=4281#comment-8214 I want sex? but i dont have any girl? I want sex? but i dont have any girl?

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