If Your Marriage Were A Movie, Would You Want To Go See It?
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Morning after morning, we get up to the same routine, the same job, the same chores, only to go to bed and repeat it all the next day – the next week – the next month. What would it be like to live in the epic relationships we see in movies?
I used to think there were times that my life was playing out on the big screen. My life was a movie and there were people on the other side of the screen watching it unfold.
At times, I didn’t want them watching.
Many times however, if people really were watching, they’d ask for their money back.
What if this was true for your marriage?
The idea of life as a story fascinates me. There are other things going on around us. We are not the center of the universe. We are interconnected with everything.
If life, or marriage, are a story – what kind of story are you living?
It turns out there are certain rules or principles that must be present in order for a story to be good.
- There has to be a protagonist that you care about. That’s you. How well are you caring for yourself in your story?
- There has to be some sort of conflict. If you’re married, this one is probably already present. Even if you’re not, life is still full of conflict. It’s unavoidable.
- The story must have a climactic ending. This is not your death, it’s the milestones you achieve in life. The realization of dreams. The conquering of fears. There are many climactic endings throughout life and marriage.
Think about the story most of us live – pretty boring. It’s no wonder that we wake up several years into our marriage and feel lost. Perhaps marriage and life grow routine and boring at times because we are living in a boring story.
You know what – you can write a new story.
Start today.
Write the story you desire. The epic marriage story you long for. If you’d like some assistance, pick up a copy of A Simple Marriage.
Have a discussion with your spouse about your story.
Talk about who you’ve been, where you’ve come from, and who you can become.
The point is… begin writing your story. Together or separately it doesn’t much matter at this point. Just start writing. The pen is yours…
Corey is the editor of Simple Marriage as well as a licensed marriage & family therapist. While he has a Ph.D. in Family Therapy, he only occasionally likes to be called doctor. If you enjoyed this post, please subscribe so you don't miss any future posts.12 Responses to “If Your Marriage Were A Movie, Would You Want To Go See It?”
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[...] Dr. Cory Allan from Simple Marriage asks “if your marriage was a movie, would you want to go see it?” [...]
“If Your Marriage Were A Movie, Would You Want To Go See It?” Yes! I think ours is a beautiful story of unexpected love that’s been growing, evolving and changing over the years.
Our courtship was certainly full of drama and story arcs to be resolved! Though I don’t think I want my marriage to be packed full of suspense and drama, we could definitely do with a little more action.
My husband & I just celebrated our 7th anniversary on Monday and, reading this perspective, I wonder if fate has dealt us a surprising favor in the drama, trials, and tribulations we’ve endured (multiple moves, a house fire, the death of my mother, his mother’s cancer). We’ve come to appreciate routine and even a tidge bit of boredom (!!) as a result, while also learning how very precious our time together is. If our marriage were a movie, there would be a lot of outside conflict to overcome, but that’s something we do together.
Thanks for this wake up call (or really just re-iterating what I hate to admit). It’s far too easy to slip into routine and push aside the hopes and dreams you share with your spouse. Luckily, I’m still young. I would hate to wake up 20 years from now and wonder why our story never really got beyond the first chapter.
Great This reminds me of something that I was discussing with my wife recently… have you ever noticed that you never see a TV show where the family comes home from work and just sits down and chills out in front of the TV?
They don’t have TV shows like that, because it’s a boring life to watch. But if the TV show were made of our lives, that is what it would be like some days. But we’ve tried to make it so that we live our lives ourselves, rather than creating our own boring life by watching somebody else live their exciting life on TV.
My marriage and life have been like a movie, at times, a horror movie. The hub and I have gone through some very difficult times, with us, with kids, with family. But, with lots of perseverance and finding the right help (YOU COREY) we were able to get to a wonderful place. The climax to our story would be renewing our wedding vows for our 25th anniversary on the lake by the campfire with you leading the service. Thanks for all your help.
Now to grab my pen and write the next chapter! What adventure will I have? Hummmm, it might just involve a canoe!
I would TOTALLY want to see my life as a movie, but only if the director promised not to cast Ray Ramano to play me.
@Writer Dad- LOL! Now I know who you remind me of! I couldn’t put my finger on it before but now…..he he he, you really do remind me of ol’ Ray. But you’re not an idiot Sean!
Wow. Great, thought-provoking post. It really made me stop, and go “huh!” ; )
Our movie would begin as a great romantic tale, and then {honestly} get a little “slow.” Not slow in a bad way, and I definitely don’t want to throw in unnecessary conflict to rev things up, but I get what you’re saying.
Add a little excitement…okay, okay… ; )
Why does everyone equate ordinary with boring? I don’t want my life to be like a movie–movies have too much drama, too much conflict. We don’t want to see the small transcendent moments that can make for a satisfying life because they are small moments: playing with our children, watching my dog leap for joy while catching a frisbee, all of us running out onto the porch and greeting my husband as he comes home for the day. No one wants to see that in a movie and yet, those are the best and most satisfying parts of my life.
Drama and conflict are not supportive of a good marriage or good family life to me. Attention to the small, non-dramatic moments–that is what makes our lives beautiful.
For the last year, I’ve been writing my story whhich was not a happy one. The process of writing created the change that was necessary. Focused on understanding the past, the future lies like a wonderful blank canvas and I think I’ll switch from writing to painting. It all becomes a wonderful surprise.