While standing in line at the grocery store, look at any of the tabloids and you’re bound to see who’s hooked up with who, who’s having who’s baby, and many other secrets to life and marriage. What’s interesting to me is that in amongst all these Hollywood marriages, relationships and flings there are people who are seeking to find joy and contentment in life. Is that odd to anyone else or just me? Here they are, seeming to have it all, yet very few of them succeed in marriage.
I’ve yet to come across any statistics on this but I’d venture a guess that the divorce rate among celebrities is much higher than the national average. Which makes successful Hollywood marriages as likely as Will Ferrell winning an Oscar for best actor.
To be fair, there are some couples who make it. In an interview with Will Smith he was asked how his marriage has stayed together for 11 years, which is the Hollywood equivalent of 50. His response was something like,
…because we don’t give ourselves the option of NOT being together. We know at some point someone’s going to say something really offensive or stupid, but we know we are staying together, we don’t give ourselves the option of not being together, so we HAVE to work it out.
This is the simple answer to a lasting marriage. Two people who choose to stay married. Simple eh? Although doesn’t necessarily mean easy.
It all boils down to how you view things. If you expect to get out of marriage at the first sign of trouble, then obviously the marriage won’t last. If, however, you view marriage as a lasting commitment, there will be an increased drive to work through problems.
The onus rests on your shoulders to make the most out of life and marriage. While I’ll grant you that in marriage, there is another party that must choose the marriage as well, you are still responsible for you. If you expect things to be tough today, most likely they will be. If you expect your marriage to be rocky, it will.
I’m not advocating that you don’t examine reality honestly, but more often than not, what we expect out of things becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. By changing your focus or outlook on things, other aspects of life will begin to change as well.
Problems in life and marriage are inevitable, struggling is optional. Improving your ability to improvise, adapt and overcome will allow you to take charge of your life and harness more energy. Rather than spending a lot of time trying to change the wind in your life, adjust your sails.
Commitment is the key. After being married for 24 years, I can say that being committed was the number one reason why. There were times, I didn’t know if we’d make it but so far we’re doing pretty good.
As far as celebrity marriages go, I think you have a couple of people battling it out for the role of god. It is difficult for one house to hold two gods. Will Smith seems to be a pretty decent guy. But Corey, I can’t believe you don’t appreciate the artistic talent of Will Farrell! I’m appalled!
:O)
That’s one reason Will Smith gives for him being with Jada for so long. He said something to the effect of ‘when divorce is not an option, you do whatever it takes’.
I always remember that.
Will Smith’s comment is the same one my wife and I use. We know we could have called it quits SEVERAL times over the years, but its not even an option and we are SOOOOO glad that was the case. Especially now that we have a little boy.
Also, Will Ferrell should have won an Oscar for Stranger Than Fiction. Watched it again last night and he was spectacular in that move. A blog post on ReturnToManliness is coming soon on Will’s performance.
Just making the commitment to make it work does not necessarily make a good marriage. I have been committed for 20 years, determined to make it work no matter what it took. I’ve tried to twist and turn every which way to please my partner, but something always didn’t go right. I’ve finally figured out it was not a healthy marriage, way way too co-dependent. So now I’m writing a blog about making myself strong and independent enough to be able to live in a healthy relationship.
If I continued with the attitude that “divorce is not an option,” I would soon be dead.
I know how you feel. For the longest time I felt that I had no choice but to stay. With that I felt very trapped. If I stayed I wanted to choose to stay. It took a lot of work to finally feel I was staying out of choice and not imprisonment.
What ever happened to the notion of finding someone to spend the rest of your life with. Society has created the hear and now generation. If they don’t like what they are doing then move on…. Wrong…. It all starts out from the beginning and knowing that marriage is finding a best friend to grow old with. Our bodies change but whats inside remains the same. If people would fall in love with the anothers soul and being, you will find less divorce & more happines….. for the record… married 21 yrs and going strong