Marital Flow Part 2: Summit, Experience Deeper Connection in Marriage.

Photo courtesy A.J.

Now that you have had some time to practice being present, centering yourself, living in the moment, and being in the marital flow; it’s time to venture into sex. If you have not read part 1, do so before proceeding from base camp and beginning your quest up Everest.

You will need to incorporate what was discussed in part 1 before venturing further.

Alright, the lights are dimmed, candles are lit, soft music is playing in the background, let’s begin.
Center yourself. Breathe deeply. Focus on being aware of the moment. Meditate. Pray. Then turn towards your partner. Before you begin the sexual encounter, sit with each other knee to knee for 3 to 30 minutes. Start with a length of time you both can tolerate. Then increase the time during the next encounter.

During this time, no words are spoken. Focus on each other. On your breathing, on theirs. Keep your eyes and your mind open. Seek to be in tune with your partner. To see each other behind the eyes.
The point of this time is not to understand your partner or guess what they are thinking or experiencing, instead it is to become more aware of your own experience. They will fill you in on their experience later.

Gazing into your partner’s eyes for any length of time will most likely stir in you many things. What rises to the surface of your awareness? What needs to be addressed? (One side note: if you try this with your partner, it is possible that sex will not occur due to the emotions and thoughts that are stirred from the experience.)

After the agreed upon time has passed, let things naturally proceed. As the sexual experience continues, seek to be aware of your surroundings. Be present with your lover. Be aware of the connection between you.

Physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually.

Throughout the encounter, as thoughts become conscious or feelings are experienced, share them with your partner. Talk to each other. This isn’t dirty talk, or small talk. Let them into your experience. Share more of you than your body.

For added connection, seek to keep your eyes open during sex. Look for the deeper connection with your partner; then follow the connection. This requires a risk. Due to the fear of losing the desire, we may tend to focus too much on our performance or on our own pleasure and we will lose sight of our partner and the connection we could have.

Whenever the sexual encounter is complete, don’t get up and leave too quickly. Sit with each other; lie beside each other, hold each other. Stay awake. Stay present. Look into each other’s eyes as you did before the experience began. Spend 3 to 30 minutes in silence together. Soak in the experience. Your surroundings. Your feelings and thoughts about yourself and your partner. Then talk with your lover. Share your experience. Listen to theirs.

We are interconnected with those around us. We share energy with others. Focusing on your presence and theirs will open the door to greater connection. But this deeper connection can only come through a greater sense of self. A better holding onto yourself in the midst of intimacy. And in the midst of life. To know thyself more allows you to know others more deeply.

ABOUT THE WRITER

Corey is the editor of Simple Marriage as well as a licensed marriage & family therapist. While he has a Ph.D. in Family Therapy, he only occasionally likes to be called doctor. If you enjoyed this post, please subscribe so you don't miss any future posts.