Marital Flow Part 2: Summit, Experience Deeper Connection in Marriage.

Photo courtesy A.J.
Now that you have had some time to practice being present, centering yourself, living in the moment, and being in the marital flow; it’s time to venture into sex. If you have not read part 1, do so before proceeding from base camp and beginning your quest up Everest.
You will need to incorporate what was discussed in part 1 before venturing further.
Alright, the lights are dimmed, candles are lit, soft music is playing in the background, let’s begin.
Center yourself. Breathe deeply. Focus on being aware of the moment. Meditate. Pray. Then turn towards your partner. Before you begin the sexual encounter, sit with each other knee to knee for 3 to 30 minutes. Start with a length of time you both can tolerate. Then increase the time during the next encounter.
During this time, no words are spoken. Focus on each other. On your breathing, on theirs. Keep your eyes and your mind open. Seek to be in tune with your partner. To see each other behind the eyes.
The point of this time is not to understand your partner or guess what they are thinking or experiencing, instead it is to become more aware of your own experience. They will fill you in on their experience later.
Gazing into your partner’s eyes for any length of time will most likely stir in you many things. What rises to the surface of your awareness? What needs to be addressed? (One side note: if you try this with your partner, it is possible that sex will not occur due to the emotions and thoughts that are stirred from the experience.)
After the agreed upon time has passed, let things naturally proceed. As the sexual experience continues, seek to be aware of your surroundings. Be present with your lover. Be aware of the connection between you.
Physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually.
Throughout the encounter, as thoughts become conscious or feelings are experienced, share them with your partner. Talk to each other. This isn’t dirty talk, or small talk. Let them into your experience. Share more of you than your body.
For added connection, seek to keep your eyes open during sex. Look for the deeper connection with your partner; then follow the connection. This requires a risk. Due to the fear of losing the desire, we may tend to focus too much on our performance or on our own pleasure and we will lose sight of our partner and the connection we could have.
Whenever the sexual encounter is complete, don’t get up and leave too quickly. Sit with each other; lie beside each other, hold each other. Stay awake. Stay present. Look into each other’s eyes as you did before the experience began. Spend 3 to 30 minutes in silence together. Soak in the experience. Your surroundings. Your feelings and thoughts about yourself and your partner. Then talk with your lover. Share your experience. Listen to theirs.
We are interconnected with those around us. We share energy with others. Focusing on your presence and theirs will open the door to greater connection. But this deeper connection can only come through a greater sense of self. A better holding onto yourself in the midst of intimacy. And in the midst of life. To know thyself more allows you to know others more deeply.
4 Responses to “Marital Flow Part 2: Summit, Experience Deeper Connection in Marriage.”
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[...] native. Be adventurous, take a risk, eat native food, role play with your spouse. Be willing to be a little uncomfortable at times in order to grow closer to your spouse. You [...]
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[...] Try eyes open sex. Sex is the one time we can be closest to another person physically while staying miles apart mentally and emotionally. If you typically keeps your eyes closed while kissing, during foreplay, and during sex, open them up. Engage your lover throughout the encounter. Look them in the eye. Let them see you. For more on this idea go here and here. [...]
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[...] Whatever you do, do it slowly and deliberately. Take your time and learn to enjoy more of the moments as they occur. Slow down. Make your actions deliberate, not rushed and random. With practice, everything in your marriage can be done slowly and deliberately. Everything. [...]
I am in such a good place right now. Better than ever with my guy. Last night my Valentine’s gift to him was a gift of service so to speak. I did what you suggested but wasn’t able to take the sitting and just being there looking at him as long and as deep as I wanted. But with what we did do, it led to a wonderful experience. I was amazed that during the experience, I found myself praying and being thankful for the distance we have come. I felt a spiritual experience happening. This time I cried because I felt connected, not the contrary. This morning I was thinking about people who have impacted my life for the best other than my family. Corey, you tied for first place along with my best friend who encouraged my relationship with God. Last night after we were ready to settle down and sleep, my guy said, “I can’t believe we are getting along so well.” I felt I was lying in a field of wild strawberries! Thanks for planting the seeds.