Marriage Help, When Your Spouse Isn’t Interested
There are many times I get an email from someone interested in marriage counseling. Usually these emails come shortly after a fight with their spouse. They will disclose the issues they are currently having in marriage as well as their desire to work on making the marriage better. The main reason many people in this type of situation fail to come to counseling is due to their spouse being uninterested in the counseling process.
They may have tried counseling before and not seen any results. Or they may have no interest in counseling since it’s only for “crazy” people. At least that’s what they think.
You want to work on the marriage, but your spouse isn’t interested in the route you’d prefer. So what do you do if you find yourself in this situation?
You can go to counseling on your own!
You make the choice to address the issues in your life. Decide to improve yourself. Your marriage will reap the benefits of your improvements.
While this may not ultimately save your marriage, since both members of the marriage have a say in how and when this happens, it will help you better choose what you want in life and marriage. My advice in this situation, while you are going through the counseling process (and even if you’re not in counseling, this is still worth considering), work on this question:
Do you want a spouse to complete your life, or do you want to have a spouse join you in your complete life.
Just because your spouse appears uninterested in working on the marriage does not mean you can’t work on yourself and your marriage. If you have some things you’d like to improve in life, go for it. For some assistance in getting this process started, check out this handy guide (part 1, part 2).
Corey is the editor of Simple Marriage as well as a licensed marriage & family therapist. While he has a Ph.D. in Family Therapy, he only occasionally likes to be called doctor. If you enjoyed this post, please subscribe so you don't miss any future posts.2 Responses to “Marriage Help, When Your Spouse Isn’t Interested”
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After spending some time in counseling with the hub (and making some progress but getting a little stuck) I went on my own. It was going on my own that brought me to a place to make some healthy changes in myself that ended up making my marriage much better.
How often do you find that you only see one member of the couple? Does that ever lead to the other member eventually joining in?
@Laurie- There are many times when only one member of the couple comes. And there are times when this leads to their partner joining in. The point is that if someone is unhappy about something in life, they need to take charge of the process of change. Don’t wait for someone else to start the process.