Marriage Made Easy Before it Begins

There they are, they just walked into the room and your heart skipped a beat. Everything around you faded into the background and the only thing that existed was them. You muster up the courage to introduce yourself and the fairy tale relationship is born. All that’s left is moonlit walks on the beach, rose petals sprinkled around the bedroom and making passionate love each morning as the gentle breeze blows through the windows and the birds sing pleasantly outside.

This is exactly how your marriage has unfolded isn’t it?

What? It’s not?

There are countless resources throughout the Internet on dating, attraction, and relationships. In fact, Yahoo usually has one article a week on “How to know if they’ll cheat, spend all your money, be a loser and wreck your life all in the same week.”

It can appear that lasting relationships are difficult to find and make happen.

This is likely because marriage is difficult!

In fact, marriage may be the most difficult thing in your life. But it also may be the best thing in your life – it’s likely both.

I’ll let you in on a secret – I believe it’s designed that way!

Allow me to explain. I believe marriage (or committed relationship, but for this post I’ll use the term marriage) is designed to grow us up into better humans. Marriage is not about being happy, it’s about growing.

With this in mind, here’s a few simple points to consider that will make your marriage better before it starts, or improve if it’s already begun.

1. Chemistry - There must be some sort of connection between the two people. Similar interests, goals, dreams, etc. While this is not a necessity, it does provide a foundation for many things in marriage, such as travel, vacations, hobbies and outside commitments both separately and together. Take heart and know that if you didn’t have chemistry, the relationship will be short lived – so those of you who think you now have nothing in common with your spouse after many years of marriage, look again because it’s probably there.
2. Comedy – Humor is an outstanding reparative aspect for marriage, as well as a great connector. Having the ability to laugh with your partner, whether this laughter is at something external or about yourself and your relationship, laughter really is good medicine.
3. Communication – Here’s another little secret for marriage, communication occurs all the time. In fact, you can not not communicate (I realize English majors may cringe at the double negative, but the point is important). Everything you say and don’t say communicates something. Everything you do or don’t do says something as well. Communication problems in marriage don’t occur because you can’t communicate, they happen because you don’t like the message! In order to master this area of marriage shift your focus to learning how to handle the message. Shameless plug warning: For help in handling the message check out Simple Marriage where you’ll find many posts on the subject.
4. Commitment – A key ingredient to any marriage is commitment. Without it, it falls apart. Incidentally, want to know the secret to a lasting marriage? Two people who choose to stay married. That’s it. Make the choice to stick out through the rough spots. I once heard a guy say “My marriage isn’t worth fighting for.” The response I heard from his friend in return “That’s because you haven’t fought for it. Something’s only worth fighting for after you’ve fought for it.” Truer words are rarely spoken.
5. Cycles of relationships – There are natural rhythms in every relationship. The simple fact is we as people ebb and flow – and we seldom do this in synchrony with those close to us, yet we seem to believe we should. Did you realize that the most synchronous human relationship, between mother and infant, is only in synchrony 1/3 of the time? Cut both of you some slack when things just seem “off” between you. Take the time to work on your contribution to the relationship rather than worrying about your partner’s contribution.
6. Celestial connections – For myself this point speaks about God, but it applies to other spiritual aspects as well. I think most people believe there is a spiritual nature around us – an interconnectedness. Ignoring this idea in relationships can lead to missing out on a lot more in marriage. This connection often leads to serving one another and generally being kind to those around you.

When you increase your awareness of the “C’s” in marriage, you increase the potential of the relationship – both for you and your spouse.

Photo courtesy nick kulas

ABOUT THE WRITER

Corey is the editor of Simple Marriage as well as a licensed marriage & family therapist. While he has a Ph.D. in Family Therapy, he only occasionally likes to be called doctor. If you enjoyed this post, please subscribe so you don't miss any future posts.