I used to have trouble telling people no.
I would get approached by someone selling something (or answer a sales call at home), listen respectfully to their spiel, then go into a long, drawn out explanation about why I couldn’t take part in what they’re offering. The pressure to say no was even harder when it came to people in my family, and close friends.
Over the past couple of years, however, I have discovered that the art of saying “no” is often enough in itself.
Often, no explanation is needed unless requested.
Saying “no” is easy when it is a telephone solicitor or via email. But as the degree of contact and the importance of the person rises, saying “no” becomes more difficult because the reaction carries more weight.
One thing is true – if you hope to have more authority and power over your own life (and in turn your marriage), you must learn how to say no.
Everything and everyone can’t possible fit into your schedule. It’s time to face the fact that some things and people are energy drainers. You dread the conversations with them when you meet in the hall at work. You see their name on the caller ID and your insides tighten, yet you still answer the phone (even though your voicemail works fine).
What would life be like if you were able to say “no” more often?
What if you really lived by the Scripture: Let your yes be yes and your no be no?
Try this.
The next time you’re approached with something you really don’t want to do, speak up and tell them no. And do so without a long drawn out explanation. If they ask for one, give them a sentence or two, no more.
Let your “no” be a complete sentence.
What you’ll find is that your no will make your yes more powerful.
And, your no will keep you on track in your journey of life.
Always remember: the journey is all. The destination is beside the point. ~ Leo Babauta
(photo source)
Nice.
Once I mastered just saying “no”, I did notice that my no was more powerful. The “no” with the long explanation attached to it often got twisted into a maybe, and often into a “yes” by the end of the conversation.
I don’t find it that difficult to say no. But I add a bit to the end to make myself feel better about saying no. The little jewel I add goes like this,”No, but good luck!”
Works on solicitors, co-workers, I have yet to try it on my husband….haha.
Sounds like good advice!! Why do we always feel so guilty about saying no? I think we need to turn off the guilt and see many things as what you say they are: drains on our time and energy.
I also have a hard time saying “no.”
I came up with a formula that I found works well = Compliment. No. Compliment.
For example, “Thank you so much for inviting me to be on the planning committee. I will not be able to serve this year. I appreciate that you thought I would be a good committee member.”
I definitely have this problem. This would definitely give me more time to sped with my family.
I’m new here but I wanted to mention something I think is important to remember when you are trying to make your life easier with “no,” and that is also accepting a “no” when you hear one. It seems like a no-brainer, but it is easy to get offended when someone flat out turns you down for something. Just remember that they are likely also trying to keep their life from being overrun. Don’t be rude and act snubbed, kindly thank them for considering your offer and move on.
One big reason people have a hard time saying “no” is the reaction they get when they do. We have conditioned our society to always say “yes” because that is the way to get a positive response from someone. If you give them a positive response to “no,” it doesn’t seem so scary.
Jennie,
A very good point! I’ve found that it’s important to decide where you want to make a difference. No one can influence all spheres of the world, we need to decide where our input and attention will have a positive benefit.
Tks for the inspiration. I made a minimal desktop wallpaper for your post.