Our Children are Zen Masters
I am not a Buddhist nor do I meditate on a regular basis. What little I have come to understand about Zen as a practice relates to the cultivation of our capacity to be here, now; our ability to be present to our experience without judgment.
Almost two decades after nursing (literally and figuratively) my boys through the first year of their lives, I realize the enormity of the gift they gave me. My children were my Zen masters.
Every piercing cry said, “Here. Now”
Every time I held my baby my fingers tingled with the sensation of his soft body.
I was aware of the slant of the sun as it came through the window and could feel the subtly shifting temperatures in the room.
In my sleep deprived haze my mind was barely capable of being “busy”.
It is hard to estimate the hours I spent simply watching my babies’ angelic faces as they slept.
Middle-of-the-night feedings were occasions for hearing every small sound and seeing shades of darkness.
The passage of time felt different.
My baby was never “wrong”.
My task was to meet him where he was and to puzzle out what he was aware of that I needed to learn to become aware of too.
There was only ever one thing in front of me to do.
The days of our children’s’ infancy fly by. And while for me they are in the distant past, I find it takes but a few minutes of quiet to re-experience the quality of that time. It is an everlasting gift. They taught me that I am capable of this kind of focus and attention on what is before me. Their presence in my life today continues to remind me of the gift I can give back to them if I can be here now with them.
(photo source)
Pearl is married to her college sweetheart and together they have 2 teen-aged boys. Her boys can't believe she can actually make a living out of coaching couples and leadership teams. When she asked them, they thought she was well suited to be the laundry lady at camp. They now do their own laundry. Read her full bio here.8 Responses to “Our Children are Zen Masters”
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oh my goodness… this post was perfect timing for me…. i am nursing my 4 month old, and just today i was thinking about how i am getting tired of it and i was wanting to start weaning her… tired of being tied to feeding her all the time, tired of having to pump when i can’t be here to nurse her… reading your post reminded me of how precious that time is with her. and how i should savor those moments when i am forced to slow down and do nothing but take in all that baby sweetness as she eats. thank you thank you thank you for reminding me that i will miss this when it’s gone! all the other stuff i feel like i “should” be doing when i’m feeding her can wait. i am going to appreciate our late night feeding(s) tonight, and in the months to come… even if i do have to pump from time to time!
Dear Valerie,
oh sweetie- the exhaustion is real and I totally remember the feelings you describe. Letting go of the ‘shoulds’ is hard. Whenever you decide to stop, is okay too. Be compassionate with yourself!
I agree with Valerie. Perfect timing. I have a 14 month old that is going through some difficult times cutting some molars. There have been some crazy nights the last few weeks and I have found my patience level lowering. This post reminds me to stay calm and focused and to be the positive energy she needs. I’m also still nursing and want to wean her but she resists – this is reminding me the end will come soon enough and to enjoy our special bonding time now.
Karla
karla–
wow! 14 months… you go, momma! my goal is just to make it to 6 months and i’m struggling! really it’s the pumping while i’m at work that i’m annoyed with…
Pearl,
What a wonderful way to remember those precious days and too-long nights of feeding my son. The absolute closeness that I felt as we bonded was priceless and something I wish all new mothers could experience.
You are right on target that it doesn’t last very long and everything else, such as laundry, cleaning, ironing, etc.. will keep indefinitely.
I love your reference to the little Zen masters and the picture of the young boy “in the groove.” I do meditate from time to time and it can come close to that feeling of intense satisfaction that you describe.
When I give family story writing workshops, I ask students to consider the “firsts” in their lives. Remembering the first time they bonded with their child is a very powerful memory that (almost always) brings a smile to their faces. Thanks for the reminder.
Beth
http://www.bethlamie.com
Thanks Beth,
Firsts are very powerful. It is interesting because I often ask clients to remember back to a moment (Or moments) in their lives when they felt totally present and in the moment. In exploring these memories we almost always come to core values and key relationships.
I read a few different blogs about life and living on a regular basis … but I just came across here from Zen Habits – and I’ve just read this post, and it is the only one ever that has made me cry. (In a good way!)
My children are 5 and 6 and I go to work whilst they’re at school and we’re constantly rushing around, and I’m trying to get all the housework and the chores done whilst they’re irritating me etc. etc. But reading this, I thought OMG, what am I doing?! It just took me back to a time when my first child was born, and how I felt caring for him and the time we had together and I was so, so happy. How has my perspective changed so much, so that I’ve got to this now, where I never seem to have any time for them and there’s always something else to do?
I am going to go and pick my children up from school this afternoon and remember why I had them in the first place, and just enjoy being with them.
I can’t say thank you enough for this wake-up call. Thank you, thank you!!
Georgia- turnabout is fair play. You are the first commenter to make me cry! We all need these wake up calls because life can get away from us. Thanks for stopping by here and commenting. I am sure your voice echoes many others,