Here’s what some of the previous class members have said:
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Part of the attraction of the course was that it seemed low risk (not too expensive, a relatively anonymous format) and could be done at my own pace, in my own time, it did not require both of us to go to something, etc. However, on reflection the course is really (or at least should be) quite intensive: you need to properly engage with the material, which is thought provoking, and not easy (which is not a negative) and there is a lot to get through. With my current work schedule and circumstances, I simply did not make the time to do this effectively. To then follow up with discussions on the forum was just not going to happen – I had not even got my head round the reading material.
My expectation was that the course would be relatively casual and one could kind of come in and out (the online format was one of the reasons for my thinking this, not a specific comment or description from you). This was clearly not the case, and as much as I tried or wanted to I was simply not able to commit the time to engage. In fact I suspect that the online, study at home format requires more personal input and reflection than a face to face format.
Despite that, all the lessons are great and have been such a help. Some of them are so dead on with hitting the nail on the head. Getting right to the heart of the matter. ~ V
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The lessons have been eye openers for me on several occasions. The course has changed my perspective on conflict and its dynamics, and I have changed my behavior as a result. ~ M.Z.
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For me, the final lesson pretty much summed up all that was/is going wrong with myself, my marriage and my life. Wow. I suddenly see very clearly where I’m taking the wrong turns. My whole life – my ideas for writing and business, my marriage, my sex life – had pretty much turned into “masturbation” – watching, doing things only in my mind, for myself, not “showing” anything to the world, avoiding rejection and risk.
“Penetrating the world” is a very powerful image for me and my way forward. Thanks. ~M.A.
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I want to thank you for the effort you have put into developing and offering this course. Although I did not participate in the forums as much as I really should have, I want you to know that the readings were insightful and very useful.
I also wanted to tell you that in the early weeks of this course I was feeling very uncomfortable. Many of the readings were making me think about aspects of my life that I really did not want to. By the mid point of the course I had been forced to confront these aspects, which were an addiction to pornography and a series of bad financial decisions and debts, all of which I had hidden from my wife for the better part of the last five years.
I used to think I was a decent person. After this course I have come to the conclusion that I am a mostly decent person, but I have some personal shortcomings that prevent me from truly being the decent person I should be, and that my wife and our kids deserve. In late-November I had finally reached the conclusion that I simply could not continue to hide these things from my wife and I could no longer afford, on an emotional level, to continue to keep these matters to myself.
So, I came clean. The following weeks were frosty, after all I have hurt her badly, but I have sought credit counseling and we now have a plan to deal with the financial problems. I also have counseling appointments booked to start dealing with the pornography addiction.
Really the financial debts are not large, less than $4,000, and even the pornography, though a major issue, is not insurmountable. The big obstacle I now have to face is regaining my wife’s trust after so many years of half-truths, hidden agendas and betrayal.
But, we are still together, I am being more open, and we are starting to talk about serious and emotional matters again. We both know that we can work together to survive this and become stronger because of it.
Ultimately, I am trying to say that if it was not the readings of this course forcing me to confront my problems, I would probably still be ignoring my issues and hiding them from my wife.
Thank you, I think you have helped me take the first step to being a better person. ~ R.K.
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This class has been like a pressure relief valve – so far – in our marriage – taking a step back, understanding the blame game, etc. takes some of the anger away. Counseling was not working for us at all – getting that third person out of the mix didn’t hurt either. ~ V.V.
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I have not been an active participant in the forums but I have been keeping up with the readings, doing the assignments, and talking them through with my wife who is also taking the class. When we started, we were in a very bad place. My wife had been having an affair for almost a year, lying quite a bit, and I was in denial. She suggested this class, and I was skeptical, especially since our experience with live counseling ended with her taking the affair to the next level.
Many of the first few lessons seemed like they had been written about me/us, and not for a general audience. We had made so many of the textbook mistakes over the years.
But your class made us see these things, gave me the courage/forum to be much more open and honest about my feelings, wants, and needs, and after a truly cathartic conversation with my wife in September, we are in a far better place now.
And more importantly, we both know that we won’t always be in a great place, that it’s okay, and we now have the tools (individually and as a couple) to deal with that fact. Thank you. ~ S.O.
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I’ve found the class lessons to be personally insightful for me. I’m not sure if I am unique in undertaking this class without the participation or interest of my spouse, but I definitely have achieved personal growth regardless of his effort. I can really work on my marriage whole-heartedly without him. I’ve also learned that I can be a good mom and a good wife regardless of how my husband chooses to participate in the relationship. And for that, every dime of my time with you, and in this class, was well spent. ~ J.U.
